The new drink driving

SMOKING!!!

Yes, it seems that smoking, whilst it has long been unpopular with do-gooders and the nanny state has, since it was banned completely in public places in the U.K.
become the latest trend with those that love to hate and smokers have become more than ever the butt of much more dislike and hatred. I am a smoker, I wish I wasn't but I am and I am sick to death (no pun intended) of being treated as though I have
no idea of the dangers to myself or others.


I am aware, probably more aware than the damned pious group of people who keep ramming it down my neck, I live with it, I know how my body feels! And maybe they assume that if despite that I keep on doing it then I must be stupid and in that they may have a point but when they have lived my life and when they are perfect they can judge me....please not before!

I am utterly in agreement that I shouldn't inflict my 'habit' or it's effects on others and I don't, I don't like that there is nowhere I can go in this country and relax with a smoke but I do accept that it is for the good of all and I do adhere to it, in fact I have adhered to it for years before the nanny state imposed it on me!

And now the final straw, another stick to beat we smokers with, another bandwagon to be jumped on with glee by the faultless masses The new Highway Code was published yesterday and in it smoking is now considered a possible reason for the police to have to stop me and issue me with a fine! So, even my own car is no longer a place I can smoke in peace and yes, I can see it as a distraction, particularly if I were to drop the offending item whilst driving but as I have only done that twice in almost 30 years of driving it seems a very small risk.

So two questions: Are those who fiddle with C.D's etc. also risking a ticket and are the police not already so overrun with work that they have time to deal with this too? It seems to me that to enforce this also our constabulary personnel are going to have to sprout multiple pairs of hands or be treated to much swollen ranks!

Finally a few possible ideas for those concerned with distractions whilst driving:

1. Chris Evans on the Radio... (Period, no if nor buts!)
2. Mothers attempting to change nappies/feed/ entertain their child whilst the vehicle is in motion.
3. Amusing Bumper stickers... (Laughing means your not concentrating!)
4. Cyclists using mobile phones? What's that all about then?
5. Kids waving in a friendly fashion out the rear window... (Stop aggravating me and pick on your parents, its their fault!)
6. Women drivers that have their seat set at the point furthest forward and their chin resting on the top of the steering wheel... (Why??? didn't you try sitting in the car before you bought it?)
7. Attractive women/men (according to your preference)......Obviously! No Day Dreaming while driving please!
8. Unattractive middle aged women/men driving flash rag tops... (They build your excitement up as you approach, then just disappoint...)
9. Highways Agency drivers who like to think they're real cops...
10. People that suddenly reduce their speed by 10mph less than the limit when approaching a speed camera... (WHY!!!!!!!)

Sorry, I don't really wish to be facetious but jeez.....leave us smokers a little peace and go hassle someone who can fight back. I know I'm weak, I smoke, I can't thus far give up but I am not an Al-Quaeda bomber, I am not running around a school with an AK47 and I am not an utterly bad person. Hell fire, if I were addicted to heroin I'd be on the receiving end of a little understanding so go check out the medical and physiological details of addiction to nicotine then get back to us heinous smokers.

Angry, p*ssed off....who me? Sorry guys but I'm gonna keep smoking in my car, the need for nicotine, particularly on a long journey, would be way more of a distraction to me than the act of smoking and just for once I'm going to dig my heels in so beat me if you wish, give me a ticket....I'm sure I'll go straight to hell!

*Cough*

Arm-less!

I can type! Yipeeee! At last!

Heaven knows what I did to myself last week but from Monday I have functioned (well kinda) with one arm, the other was all but useless and my shoulder was about as painful as anything I have experienced thus far in my life....no, correction, the most painful thing I have ever experienced! :o(

My right shoulder just wouldn't do it's stuff and no amount of painkillers rendered it tolerable even if I kept it completely immobile. After two nights with no sleep I headed for the quacks where a more powerful remedy was prescribed along with 'plenty of hot baths' .....apparently no one told her we currently still have no bathroom whilst a new one is in the process of being installed.

Time off work was not an option, my employer was having none of it and was forthcoming with even less sympathy so for three days I drove one handed, very slowly and without a seat belt (I couldn't reach it), any movement of any part of my body rendered my shoulder horribly hurting, and I hoped for the best, my theory being that having never driven belt-less or arm-less before, surely even at this, my less than lucky stage of life, I wouldn't get nicked or have an accident. For once the God's smiled on me!

Finally on Thursday morning in the wee small hours I moved my shoulder a tiny bit in error, an horrendous crack was heard, excruciating pain shot through it and it seemed to slot back into place.......and it was mended! Ok, it's still painful but every day it's getting less so and at least I can function now. Just a few more days at this rate and hopefully things will be back to normal.

I always considered I was pretty good at coping with physical pain but either I have been luck enough previously never to have been faced with it....or I was wrong and I'm no good at it at all! ;o)

How to tell if your feet smell!

Oouwwchhhh!!!

Don't ask, I don't know but ouch, ouch, ouchety, ouch...oouuwwchhhh!

Something's happened to my shoulder/neck/back, I can barely move let alone type, best I save the real post for another day.

This is not funny.....

Homeless!

Yesterday, as Fletch and I were sitting in the town centre enjoying the sunshine and a cappuccino after an afternoon in the countryside on two wheels a man approached us, maybe 30 or so years old, and asked if we would mind hanging onto his dogs lead for a few minutes whilst he went into the bakery.

I didn't need asking twice, given an option I would 'babysit' the whole of the UK's pets, so there I sat lead in hand having a little doggy chat. The dogs owner was shall we say perhaps a little learning disabled, it was hard to tell quite what his problem might be but he was a friendly guy and wehen he returned to take charge of 'Molly' I struck up a conversation with him whilst he enjoyed his sandwhich and the dog enjoyed a cornish pasty.

Molly it transpired was not his, she bleonged to his friend who sadly was in hospital, aged only 42 facing his last few weeks of life as the result of an over indulgent alcohol habit. It seemed that Molly was soon to become an orphan and this young man was about to become an adoptive parent, despite his own problems....and they were many.

For whatever reason this guy was about to lose his privately rented home, I didn't discover the why's and wherefore's of the situation but he was a quiet gentle chap and I couldn't imagine him being any trouble, he was however not working so perhaps he had been unable to keep up with his rent, who knows. The upshot of this it turned out was that the local authority couldn't house him and so he was in the process of 'practicing' being homeless! In the certain knowledge that he has only two weeks with a roof over his head he had bought himself a single skin tent for £6.99 from a bargain basement store and is living in a field on the edge of town!!!

I know there are people in the world in such dire situations that a single skin tent would perhaps be a luxury but this is not the third world, this is England, what the f*ck is going on here when a guy with limited rescources both financially and mentally is reduced to living in a tent.....and a very poor one at that! Winter is coming for God's sake, he will freeze but no one it would appear could give a damn. He had tried all the routes I suggested, this was a nice guy and whatever had gone before in his life he needed hlep and couldn't get it! Amazingly he seemed to accept his plight without anger or bitterness, to such an extent that he had undertaking his practice sessions in his tent in readiness for the 'big move'.....at least, he said, Molly would help keep him warm at night!

He may not be angry but I am and it kinda makes you count your lucky stars doesn't it, because what struck me starky is that without the support of those around me I could be in the same situation....I can't buy or rent as a bankrupt and the local authority won't house me either. Living with my parents might be difficult at times and I might hate not having a home of my own but at least I'm not living in a freaking tent!

This guy didn't deserve this....no one deserves it in a country where half the population seem to be able to run a car that costs almost the price of a house, an exaggeration I know but hell.....

In the UK in the 21st century this is an outrageous situation and one that whilst I understand the variables is completely unnacceptable.....and very scary.

This is clever.....

....and very funny. A little near the mark here and there but in a good cause! :o)

CLICK HERE

Inadvertent theft!

After work today I popped into a local supermarket to get one or two items, I gathered what I wanted and made my way to an express ( I use the phrase 'express' very loosely here) checkout to pay.

Ahead of me was a very elderly and frail looking gentleman, one of those elderly people that look like a puff of wind might blow them over. He was just leaving and as my goods were scanned through the till I packed them in the carrier bags ready laid open by the cashier. All packed, I paid and started to leave.

As I walked away I was vaguely aware of the same gentleman approaching the till again asking if he had left behind a packet of bacon, he was unable to find it in his bags and wondered if he had left it on the counter. I took little notice other than to feel a little sad for him (he looked as though he could well do with the meal), left the store and went about my business.

A couple of hours later I returned home with no though of this incident in my mind, unpacked my shopping and found, loitering at the bottom of my bag....you guessed it, a cheap packet of 'bacon bits'! The elderly man must have left the bag among the others on the checkout and I inadvertently used it without noticing it contained anything. Ok, so on a technicality I'm not sure if one can be accused of theft if one was unaware but whatever, it was in my bag and I hadn't paid for it and more to the point some poor old soul had!

I called the shop and explained what had happened hoping that maybe the customer services department had taken his address or number ( I know, fat chance!) so that I could take it to him or back to the store, but no, they couldn't even recall the incident disinterest reigned despite my giving them the till number and details of the cashier working it. They took my number and said they would call back if anything transpired......... but they won't of course.

I feel really mean, I wish I had listened properly initially and checked my bags 'just in case' rather than be in my own hurry! My only hope is that as a big chain the supermarket gave the guy another pack free of charge.....he looked as though he probably had very little cash to spare. :o(

Unclean....unclean!

There is currently in gemmaks-ville the problem of a serious water defeceit to contend with as the result of a new bathroom being installed, we currently have the plumbers in, well in actual fact even that isn't as simple as it would appear. The 'plumber' is actually my brother, who is an electrician and the plumber, his business partner, seems to be doing the electrical stuff....don't ask, I don't know!

Anyway, this malarky means we have no water, well only intermittently and we have no bath or shower at all. This is not a happy situation, come on, how is one supposed to function for five days shower-less? We do have a cloakroom however and so this evening, when the happy announcement was made that there was at last water, I thought it best I make haste and do what I could with a basin of hot water....only it wasn't hot! It was stone bloody cold, I don't 'do' cold and I have to say that standing stark naked, covered in goose bumps having what my mother refers to as a 'good old fashioned wash' was not an attractive sight or a happy experience by any stretch of the imagination.

Believe me, in this instance 'old fashioned' was not a positive and any previous ideas I had harboured regarding washing my now folorn looking hair rapidly went out of my mind.....tomorrow I think it appropriate that I sport a baseball cap instead!

Perhaps I should also carry a bell and shout unclean, unclean as I go about my business. ;o)

Just Don't Do It!

Right so we all know about Global Warming right, (CO2 build up in the Atmosphere blah blah blah)... But have you ever considered why there’s so much C02 up there... Cars? Manufacturing? Energy Production? All contributing factors I agree, but the real reason... You & Me... Think about it... We breath in Oxygen and Exhale Carbon Dioxide... (You're with me now aren’t you? No your wrong it has nothing to do with rain forests! ;o) )

But don’t worry I have a cunning plan. Lets all stop exercising! Makes sense, No? The more we exercise the more CO2 we produce… So just stop it, take your Motorbike everywhere instead (or car if you must, yuck horrible things…)

And phase 2 of the plan... Shoot all Joggers on sight... (FFS their killing our planet!).

And by no means just restricted this to Joggers, we can use this plan to eliminate all those sanctimonious ‘keep fit’ types that really annoy us with their musilli cererals and High Energy Drinks.. (Get a life!). In fact any sport that involves more than just walking should be banned... (So the English Rugby Squad are still OK to play!)

And Lads the good news... Sex will be reduced by law to only quickies... (No more of that "Do that, do this, more of that, some of that, a lot more of that and don't stop until I say so!") ;o)

So today’s moto... Just Don't Do It!

Makes perfect Sense to me...

Take it east Boyz and Girlz... :o)

Ciao Ciao
Fletch
Confused From Cambridge
I BLOG Ther4 I Am

(Guest blog entry as requested by Gemmak!)

Odd ears?

I think I must just be fated where elecrical gadgetry is concerned, it seems that most of what I have bought over the years has chosen to disintegrate in a very short space of time and I promise you it is not mistreatment, I take good care of stuff.

Despite this I am well practiced at standing my ground with officious store managers trying to offload their responsibility elsewhere instead of taking ownership of the problem (and cost) and of replacements/repairs etc. etc. etc. This is in part because I am incenced at the crap that churns off production lines and in part because having spent years being the store personell on the other end of this situation I know the law and my rights inside out where faulty goods and the like are concerned.

So what is it this time? It's those damn bluetooth headset things, that for me cause way more distraction than just using the damn phone would.


I am currently on number four in approx. six months! All faulty save for one, the current new model that it would appear requires me to have enormous one size ears to keep it attached to my head!

I've had two just give up the ghost inside a few weeks, one that only answered calls intermittently and now this new delight, that if I dare to turn my head slightly, to for instance, observe traffic coming to a junction...ejects itself at high velocity to anyplace in my (also still broken) car where it is only retrievable with much scrabbling around on the floor!

I have tried everything but short of Sellotaping it to my head (or staple gunning it, thanks for that suggestion Fletch)I'm on a loser here....it just wont stay put, I wonder what tomorrows upcoming 'contretemps' with a store manager will bring on this issue?

Maybe I just have odd ears!

Gimme a break!

Jeez....just how many more bits are going to fall off my crap car I wonder, please, just one week without something going wrong would be good!

I've had this godforsaken thing since it was new, 6 years and almost from the day it's warranty expired it began to disintegrate, most of it logged on this blog along the way.

Thursday the exhaust fell off, this evening driving back from Cambridge a warning light on the dash started to flash furiously at me....not just any old oil light, something I could rectify, nope, this was the one the manual stipulates one must stop immediately for should it light. I've been here before, last time it cost me an arm and a leg, so I stopped! Thankfully I was near to a service station so at least I could get coffee....well that was the theory but both coffee machines were u/s so I couldn't even achieve that.

I called the rescue service who promptly attended.... almost two hours later, popped the bonnet and kindly told me he was surprised I had gotten 3 years out of 'this car' let alone 6! Thanks mister. He went on to tell me I would be better off getting a loan and buying a new one....I didn't see the point in explaining that car loans aren't readily available to recently discharged bankrupts.

Heap of crap car was duly hooked up to a pretty funky all weather laptop and a failed sensor on the catalytic converter was diagnosed, along with the recommendation that I 'limp it home' because the rescue vehicle would be at least another two hours. On the upside he told me with a smile (grrr), if I broke down again and was stranded on the hard shoulder of the M25 it would take less than half an hour to recover me......women on the hardshoulder in the dark are not considered in a safe position and get pronto service.....hey, I knew there had to be an upside somewhere.

So that's it, crap car is poorly yet again, back to the garage tomorrow....more money, more aggravation.

Arggghhh, gimme a break here!

Enduro!

I know it's taken me a week but finally I have got around to blogging last weekends antics in the Lake District.....an enduro weekend with Eloisa and Fletch courtesy of the XRV.org a forum on which Fletch currently spends much of his life and that is dedicated to those who are the utterly demented proud owners of an XRV (Africa Twin).


A rough translation of this would be along the lines that 60-70 mad men (and three women) got together in the Lakes for some very muddy and mad off-roading, a little tarmac fun and probably way too much interest in late night revelry....though this had to be somewhat controlled given that we all had to be legal and on the ball for the daytime riding!

We had a ball.

Fletch rode up on the Thursday morning, I, given that my wonderful employer only allows me 2 weeks leave a year and I didn't dare take another sickie was left with the options of driving up after work on Friday(ugh in my small car) or taking the train. I opted for the latter and was soon to regret it. I remembered almost immediately why I haven't used a train for literally decades! This delightful mode of transport allowed me less room that an economy flight, was hot, noisy and having only travelled 30 minutes of a 3.5 hour journey we met with unexplained 'delays', resulting in a 40 minute loss and my missing my connection! FFS!

Eventually I made it though and was duly picked up at Oxenholme station by Fletch, who had taken my gear up with him to save me lugging it all on the train. This presented a small problem, there was nowhere to get changed, so it being dusk and quiet there was only one thing for it, get into it all on the side of the road....getting undressed and into leathers in a hurry is no mean feat but I managed it with some degree of decorum.


The camp site was in Dent, a lovely little village in Sedburgh, we made it through the lanes by 11.00 pm where I was met with a field full of tents and bikes and a proper dinner!


One of our number it turned out was an excellent camping chef and had knocked up a really good meal on one ring late at night for the three of us. This was to continue, we had our own personal biking chef for the weekend! :o)

Fletch and the gang had done most of the offroad stuff on the Friday, I was sorry to have missed it but as it's not a game that is easily (if at all) played carrying a pillion the timing was good and as Fletch managed to turn Eloisa rubber side up on a couple of occasions (fair comment off road incidentally and at least not anything like as painful as on road!) at least it meant I didn't have to clean my leathers!



Saturday we split into smaller groups (see, thoughtful bikers not creating a mass hazard on small roads) and went on various ride-outs. Ours was destined for Wastwater and Hardknott Pass. Having just ridden umpteen passes in the Alps we were a little complacent about this but we were to get our comeuppance.... Hardknott was damn hard!


Ok, the risk to life and limb was not the same, there weren't 300 meter drops to fall over if we came off but the terrain and road surface added to the extreme incline on bends made it a real test! One of course that Fletch was equal too, though there were moments when we though we might lose it and end up in an ungainly heap.....as some did! ;o)


*Note to car drivers, please don't misjudge the bends and bounce your vehicle off the sides to within a foot of my thigh!

The Lakes have long held very difficult memories for me and to be honest I wasn't completely enthralled at having to be there again but I have to say that whilst it will never really be a place that 'does it' for me, it is a very beautiful area and the fun and madness we had kept the memories at bay.....mostly :o)

Amazing weekend, amazing group of people and amazing riding.

The images are not all mine and those that are came only from my phone so apologies for the quality, I was too busy trying to stay on and run the video camera to take many pictures!

I'm a bad, bad blogger....

.....in fact I'm worse, I've barely been a blogger at all this last week!

Somehow I just didn't seem to have the wherewithal to 'get to it', it's been a kind of crap week one way and another, only added too today by my car exhaust falling off unceremoniously on my way home from work. Grrrr.

But hey, it's Friday tomorrow which means the weekend and weekends are always good, so maybe next week I'll have got my act together somewhat and will manage to be a better behaved blogger!

Have a good one guys :o)

Oh....and coincidentally I found THIS was today's 'Daily Om'. Strange how that happens sometimes...or fortuitous!

Some things never change...

....and one of them is Tilly's penchant for endearing stupidity!

This is the latest offering from her new mum:


It's still very difficult for me to think of her as never coming back and I still feel very, horribly kind of jealous when I hear she wakes 'V' chewing her hair, like she did mine or that she loves her new mum to cuddle her etc. etc. etc. but it's also very good to know she's now completely settled and seemingly as happy as a pig in muck in her new home.

Maybe before to long I can handle a little visit.....and then again maybe I should leave it a bit longer! :o/

Oppsss...

....I fell off!

Apologies for my unplanned disappearance, my father decided to change I.S.P. last week and of course you know what happened don't you!

One hours anticipated 'outage' turned into four or five days of constant frustrating and expensive phone calls to India and 'help'-line operators who were absolutely no help at all.

In the meantime I have been to the Lake District having fun (more to follow) and have returned this evening to find my father finally won the battle and we at last have a connection again....a little flaky maybe but hey, beggars can't be choosy.

More later, I need to sleep right now :o)

'Virgin' on the ridiculous

Is it any bloody wonder the great British public need nagging relentlessly by politicians to use the rail network? No...it damn well isn't!

We are all familiar with the debacle that is London Underground on occasion, the delays, excuses, cost etc. etc. but I was staggered yesterday when I went to book a ticket on a main line route...it made the underground glow in a halo of light!

I need to travel to the Lake District this Friday evening so off I went to pre-book a ticket.

Firstly there was car parking to deal with. My choice was either £6.50 (I needed about an hour I guessed) for 24 hours and no hourly rate option or the 20 minute and don't return for half an hour pick up and put down area. I opted to look on the bright side and parked in the 20 minute bay.....only to get in a queue at the booking office that of three service points only had one position


manned and who was already serving an obtuse old git who seemingly had all the time in the world!!
The booking clerk advised me that I might like to move my car before the over zealous attendant had it moved for me, the old git didn't take the hint and I had to drive around the towns one way system for a half hour and then return to from whence I had come. My patience was sorely tested when I discovered the old git still hogging the sole booking clerk!

I heaved a sigh of relief when finally it was my turn and I hadn't had to move my car yet again. My relief was short lived.

I hadn't expected my ticket to be cheap but hells bells, I hadn't expected it to be £109 either. One way, standard class, no bells, no whistles, not even a guaranteed seat!!! I don't recall what Mr Branson's advertisements used to say but it certainly wasn't that! If it wasn't such a long drive at the end of a day at work I would drive it out of hellishness and on principle but I'd probably fall asleep so instead I payed up and scuttled away with ticket firmly in hand before my car was towed away into the bargain!

Did you ever wonder...

...just when you might begin to see even the smallest light at the end of the tunnel?

Sleeping in the saddle

So back to the recent around Europe biking travels and an aspect that seemed to intrigue/amuse a few of you....how do I sleep on the back of a bike?.

The answer is this: Easily, if I'm tired I sleep it's no big deal really. Bear in mind that I have been on a bike for most of my life it's almost as natural to me as walking is and after thousands and thousands of miles the movement and noise is almost soothing. Add to that I know from experience that I'm not gonna fall off in some odd fashion and if the bike is loaded there is no place to fall anyways.

All that remains is to have absolute faith in one's rider, to know he/she won't take unecessary risks or try for fun to 'put me off the back' from a standing start (no Fletch, this is not an invitation to get on the back wheel), take way the fear that bikes hold for some and hey presto, sleep :o)......and as an added bonus, should the worst happen, if one is asleep one's body is way more relaxed and as a consequence likely to sustain somewhat less severe injuries than tensed up......well that's the theory!

Really, no big deal.

Printer problems!

This was sent to me as an email with the following text:

"What would be the first thing you might think if a client called and
Told you they were having problems with their printer?

Issue: Whenever I print, the paper comes out wrinkled, crumpled and even
shredded! Sometimes the ink is wet and smeared.

Now, make the diagnosis before opening the video.

Were you right? If so, you're definitely an IT Topgun!"

Love it....very reminiscent of 'Poppy'!

Thanks to Deanna for the original mail, made me laugh like a drain. :o) (Drain??....where on earth does that saying come from?!)