Saturday, August 16, 2008
Prior to the previous post, somehow i'm still feeling kinda depressed. i don't know what's bugging me and stuff. i've a tendency to lost my temper at the wrong time. i'm not sure if i'm just tired or what, but everything i do doesn't give me any sense of satisfaction. i'm seeing myself falling, to somewhere, i don't know where. the more i move forward, the more i feel like i'm going in the wrong direction.
Can time simply stop? just for a moment for me to think back of the direction that i've taken thus far. all of a sudden, it felt totally random. is it my instinct that have gone too strong for myself? or is it just me simply thinking too much? damn those instincts.
i realised people are getting selfish each day. be it towards themselve or other people. i mean if i say that i'm busy, why can't they just believe it? is there a need to go to such an extend saying it's just an excuse for myself? i never find ways to avoid unless i'm really really tired. i barely had 4 hours of sleep the night before, then started doing work like an idiot. while everyone had booked out, i'm still in camp doing shits. mind people i have ops on sunday, but did i even complain. my friends asked to meet up in the evening, i was freaking tired but yet i still meet up with them. i don't know what more people want.
"One day if i choose a path to give up, it's not that i want to but i was left with no choice...."
Truth is, i'm sick of being in camp. when i looked at friends, it seems temporary. i don't know. prove me wrong please....
written with love @
8/16/2008 11:17:00 AM
Wrong Direction
i'm not okay. seriously not okay. don't know what's wrong. all of a sudden i felt i've been moving the wrong direction. and i don't know where i'm moving. life seems to come to a standstill. it feels like i'm already dead. dead for feelings and for anything else.i don't need help. i just hope i'll be fine after awhile (hopefully). i'm just afraid i'll break down in no time. i'm beginning to hate the world, hate everyone, hate myself.i may look fine on the outside but.. i'm not okay..
written with love @
8/08/2008 04:46:00 PM
Thursday, August 07, 2008
written with love @
8/07/2008 05:57:00 PM
Way Tooo Long...
i guess it's been quite sometime or probably longer that i've been updating this blog. somehow i guess i've no mood or maybe just plain lazy to blog. or maybe i just couldn't be bothered. alot have been happening lately. not any sad events but small little quarrels here and there. at times i just don't get it. some people may say that i'm crazy if i prefer to stay in. some people i know just dread staying in. i guess ever since i was enlisted, i've put my mind at a standstill. that's to say, positive mindset. i know it sucks to be serving the nation. but i don't care. two years will pass and then i'll pick the pieces where i left off. again, some people will say that two years is damn long. but don't they realise that when ur life is a routine, it will pass faster? i bet my life in camp is like a routine. every single day is the same. i don't even care or want to think what day is it. before i know it, it's friday and it's time to book out.politics and quarrels do happen all the time. whether it's some unreasonable stuff or is it just some misunderstanding, i think it does happen all the time. i do remember someone i know who told me that even if i don't like the job, i shouldn't hate it either. most of the time, i just don't get what that sentence means. but i guess now i start to realise. i think i get what it means. i admit that i'm super workaholic. even if i don't like the job, i think by putting my best, it's the credit at the end of the day that counts. i don't know what to type anymore. somehow lost for words.
written with love @
8/01/2008 10:09:00 PM
