Fall-ing in Martinez

It's August and I have come to a fork in the road. As I came home for the summer, I have found that leaving to head back to Salt Lake at this time couldn't be worse. The past two days in the hospital have been the most critical condition Tessa has yet seen, but she is currently fighting through, and we are praying and waiting.

The plan was to head back this Tuesday, but because of the condition my niece is in, there is no place I'd rather be than with my sister, especially since I have the opportunity to do so - my enrollment as a student for the U of U will stay active, my rent will most likely be taken over by Cat, and I currently do not have to be back to a job in Salt Lake (Bellah's dad is now watching her daily). So I find...what is at hand here with my family is weighing much more heavily on me, and I consider it an "opportunity" to be able to stay this long.

I DO have a plan of attack as far as pursuing a career while I am home during this time, especially since classes at the U are on hold. While watching Audrey every day will boil down to about 2-3 days/week, my other time will be occupied with studies towards becoming certified as a natural health professional. Obtaining this certification will help approve me for purchasing a SCIO/biofeedback machine (which will be in the springtime at earliest). An awesome door of opportunity has opened from my current practioner here who gives me treatment. She has offered to take me under her wing to do some training in her office as well, with clients that come in. And finally, as these are all steps along the way, I will go through extensive training with the software program and health education classes to get my liscense as a biofeedback technician/specialist. From here I would start building clientel most likely for Lyme Disease sufferers/various health ailments/disease.

So...as I moved home to help alieviate a heavy load, I see some unexpected opportunities unfolding for a career path. And what has really kicked me in the butt with becoming more and more interested in this treatment as a career has been because of Tessa's disease. One of the reasons I want to have a machine of my own is to not only treat myself and others, but to be an educator and advocate so that eventually get this technology is received by the public of the hospitals. Because this is my ultimate goal, I plan to head back to the University of Utah and finish my degree in Speech Communications either in the spring or summer.

It does feel so great to have a plan with passions that are mixed together. I am so grateful that the Lord slowed down all my education plans a few years ago to bring me to the place I finally am now. This feels totally right and I am excited to start this new season.

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the one who is leading." - Oswald Chambers

Well, summer has officially begun, and I decided to spend it in the bay area. It was a quick decision to move home for a couple months but I was sure this was what I was supposed to do, and where the Spirit was leading. I was released from any committments I had, including job and classes, and even the most significant LDS relationship in UT (my friend Julianne). She was moving to Indiana.

So right after my final I hopped on a plane to be with my family for a while. I did not know what to expect other than being with them during such a crisis, and I am so thankful that I have this opportunity and can be here.

The reason which brought me home is my niece Tessa, who was born in January. She has been in the ICU ever since, and we have seen many ups and downs with her. Twice the doctors have prepared us for her not to make it. But the Lord has heard our prayers and had mercy on us and sustained her life. His power is being made known through her.

As for me, my every day consists of watching Audrey, and during the nights visiting Tessa or hanging out with Rachelle and Ian. Coming in July will be two of my best friends' weddings, which I am a part of, so I will be busy with that.

My plan is to head back to Utah the last weekend in July, as my roommates and I will be moving into a new place beginning of August. So...this is just a little update in my life.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess. 5:16-18

I welcome you glady, sweet spring.

"April showers, usher in this spring. Will you come, with your gentle mists and torrent downpours? Will you come, oh winds of spring, blowing in breeze, afresh, alive, anew? Dear sunshine, will you peek out from the winter's clouds, and bring forth your light? I welcome you, sweet season. Fall down from heaven, raindrops of mercy, of grace. Heal this land."

Experiencing my second round of a spring season in Salt Lake City has been an amazing opportunity. It is this time of year that the snow is melting off the mountains, the city air is crispier and cleaner, green bulbs are forming on backyard branches, pinks and whites are starting to line downtown streets, and falling asleep to an open window of gentle rainfall is cherished. I’m finding freedom in spring’s symbolism.

There is a song that I have recently been replaying over and over, which has set the tone for this particular season; it holds a personal, favorite lyric that says “from the broken earth, flowers come up, pushing through the dirt.” Appropriate? Definitely. The season is also a personal reflection of the physical, emotional, and spiritual healing that Jesus has brought me through, over the years and now recent times. Being “wholly his,” allows him to make beautiful the heart, watering the seeds within to “push through the dirt.” Theretofore, I love spring, in all that it is entailing!

This April marks one year and eight months of residency in Utah. I would like to share a very current epiphany that took place, as I was in conversation with my roommate just earlier this evening, about the adventures thus far in this Utah expedition. I’ve drawn a conclusion that I have gotten to know Salt Lake City pretty well at this point. The whole first year that I lived here my goal was to stay in the background and get to know the culture best I could. The first year included various jobs such as the Wellness Center, Spoon Me, Whole Foods, Lenitech Snow and Skate, Nannying Bellah and Kalen, and Bryant Intermediate. The Lord moved me in and through each of those jobs all in his timing, with the beginnings and endings of each. As I reflect on the ins and outs of the relationships with the co-workers of each job, I can now see how the Lord was getting me very well-acquainted with almost each “type” of person or “group” in Salt Lake City…there are only a few categories! I praise Him for his wisdom, and giving me what I needed here to bring a deeper social understanding of Utah. Little did I know what His plan was.

Moving on to further updates, it is overwhelming to actually say that I am a student again. As I am concluding my second semester at the University of Utah, it is safe to say that the past year of school has been amazing to be a part of. Through being a student at the “U,” it has opened doors to attend classes at the LDS Institute of Religion, which is right on campus. The first semester I took a class on the Old Testament with my friend Hilary, who is also a believer. Her and I were a little team by the Spirit in there. It was through my experience at Institute that I experienced my first “real” spiritual adversity. I’m so thankful for the protection I have in Jesus’ name.
As I am a student, words cannot express the joy that fills my heart as I walk around on campus with able knees, a sound mind, and body that is mostly pain-free. Praise God. There are no words. First semester I enrolled in classes towards Journalism. As I went through all the mass media courses, I realized, that as I do love to write, and as a career of a journalist is exciting indeed, it did not seem to be the perfect fit for me. With all that would be required of a true, sold-out journalist, I could not see a “set” position like such in my future. I still have some doubts about leaving that dream, but have chosen instead to set my sights on a bachelor of arts in speech communication. I’ve really enjoyed this semester’s courses, and believe that this major will leave a broader door of opportunity for career. It also fits better with the true dream that I hold, or that the Lord gave me, which is being able to advocate for the treatment which has healed my body from Lyme Disease (the treatment has not been passed by the FDA for the past 70 years). Significant and exciting developments and resources for this dream to take place have been nothing short of direct answer to prayer. So you could say that the groundwork has already begun with that project. More on that, later!

I have about three weeks of semester left, and am enrolled for a crunched summer session lasting from May until the end of June. The month of July will be dedicated to the Bay Area, which I am highly anticipating. There is so much that I am looking forward to, such as holding my baby niece Tessa Grace, spending time with precious Audrey and lovable Eli, as well as my family and relatives. It will be a month of “root” relationships. I will be staying with my cousin Kate and her husband Cory, in their extra room. It will be so refreshing to visit Hope Center and re-connect with the body there. And lastly, both of my best friends (Emily and Katie, roommates from APU) are getting married in the Bay Area! I am in both of the weddings and am already busy planning parties for them (their weddings are 12 days apart). Yahoo, cannot wait! The month will conclude with Mom’s birthday, and a close, dear friend from Utah, Nicole coming to visit northern California for the first time. She is planning to drive back with me. This is the tentative plan. I will have time to breathe, Lord-willing.


As far as relationships and connections here in Salt Lake, it is as though they are taking off and I cannot keep up. The past two months have been incredible to witness the work of the Spirit in specific relationships, such as my LDS friend Julianne. I will dedicate a whole blog to what has transpired with her. This relationship has ministered to me by experiencing the enduring, never-ending, and pursuing love of Jesus. He does not give up on us, and it has been overwhelming to witness. And his timing is perfect, because I think the lessons that I am learning are just what I have been needing for my own personal healing. What a dynamic God that I serve. There is another relationship at work that I’ve cherished since last semester: Natalie! The common ground with her began when we decided to be “study buddies.” While she was giving me her phone number I recognized the area code from the Bay. As we got to know one another, it turns out that she grew up LDS, and her dad was even a bishop. I was intrigued, as in the first conversation she just blurted out that she was at a place in life where she said she was open to learning other religions, as she knew Mormonism was whack. Um, green light Jesus? I think so. She ended up coming to church with me one Sunday and as she perused the bulletin she leaned over and asked, “Have you read through the whole Bible? I was wondering if we could read through it, get together once a week, and discuss it?” In my head I’m thinking, “Aren’t I supposed to be asking you this?” Oh the work of Jesus truly ministers to me! Her and I have gotten together but have yet to read through the Scriptures. Again, a story for another entry!

Other relationships have included Laura and Bethany, my two roommates. Again, God has totally and completely provided not only roommates, but women my age who love Jesus and have a deep relationship with Him. How encouraging to live in this house. We call our house, “The House of Refuge,” our place to come before the Lord together as sisters with one another, and daughters of the King that we serve. It is in this house that we can spiritually, emotionally, and physically rest from the invisible wars that are so active here in Utah. We really do trust that our house is a place of refuge and safety, and that angels guard over our home as “part” of our team. We get to openly pray together in our house, for our lives and for God’s spirit to break through and spread in this land of darkness, depression, and despair. Several groups of sister missionaries have come through and visited, and Monday nights at "The Refuge" have become an “organic” gathering of young Christian women to fellowship. I love witnessing how the Spirit moves.

Today's blog will conclude with a quote that has left me challenged, inspired, and convicted. I hope it does that same thing for you: “You can get into heaven my friend, without a lot of prayer. You can have a one-minute quiet time every day, and God will still love you, but you won’t hear a “Well done, good and faithful servant” on one-minute conversations with God. And you certainly can’t make it on that kind of prayer life in the hard places where Jesus is not known or worshipped.” – Floyd McClung

This has been my verse for the week. May it encourage you as well: “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” – Paul (letter to Ephesians)

And lastly, if you want to check out the lyrics of the song that I was referring to above, go for it! Here is the link. Mind you, the video is not the highest quality, but it serves the purpose. Enjoy! (copy and paste the link below).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLxC_tYhFxs

Featured and recommended reading of the month: Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard

Fall in Salt Lake City

Hello family and friends,

I've made it through one year here! August 28th was my Utah anniversary. I've been so thankful for the blessings of the Lord when I reflect on the past twelve months...

PROVISION. 1) The welcoming hearts and hands of Marcia and Ken Hornok to let me live with them. 2) The connections with my job at the Wellness Center, my first job last August. 3) Girls to live with...Cat Ryono and Robyn Thomas, who not only needed roomates as well, but moved here to Utah to minister to the Mormons. 4) The timing of the nanny position for Bellah being OFFERED to me last December, the very same day that the Wellness Center closed business. The previous week of being offered that position her parents were praying specifically for my availability to watch her. So it was seven days after they started praying that I told Bellah's mom about the Wellness Center closing down...she saw it as an answer to prayer and I saw it as provision! 5) The opportunities of ministry at Whole Foods Market....the many ex-LDS individuals there (the counter-culture of Utah), and God teaching me how to love in situations way out of my comfort zone...homosexuals! Thank you God, for your goodness to me. Thank you for seeing my needs Jesus, and for meeting them fully.

HEALTH. He has sustained my health and kept me strong. I've had excellent treatments for the Lyme out here. I haven't needed treatments as often, either, though I cannot be without them. I know that when my joints do ache a little more than normal that it is just the twinge of a reminder to the suffering my body has gone through, and how far it has come. The symptoms of Lyme Disease has been the thorn in my side that has caused me to be thankful for what I have. I've been able to go on some amazing hikes in Mill Creek Canyon, Sundance, and around Salt Lake City such as Ensign Peak. When I get to the top, I have so much joy! Thank you God, for sustaining my health and for keeping me strong enough to not only stay on my feet, but to be active in life.

NEED. Over this past year, I have learned that Salt Lake City is one of the most opportune places for a Christian to live. The reason why I believe this is because conversation of faith is not uncommon, and sometimes is even expected, such as at Temple Square. It doesn't surprise me anymore when I sit somewhere public here, and overhear talk of religion. It is not uncomfortable, but rather is in context of the culture. It is awesome! Salt Lake City is a place of religious discussion because of the foundations of the LDS church settling here. The city has an amazing preset for interfaith dialogue. For the Christian, it a gold mine to live here. It seems that the Holy Spirit has been active in bringing Christ-followers specifically to Salt Lake to share truth. It has been evident! The Christians here have a bond because we are the minority. We are a small, but mighty group! I've found that living here has sharpened my knowledge of the Word.

EVANGELIZING. There are too many stories to share in a blog. My perspective when moving to Salt Lake did not have clear and specific action. It was to share with them what the Lord says in matters of truth. The people who live in this culture weigh on my heart. I was open to whoever God brought into my path, and He has increased my trust in Him as He has proven Himself through the people He has brought to me.
Story: This last July I flew to Seattle for Sarah and Josh's wedding. Seating myself on the plane, I opened up a book to read until two travelers sat next to me. Right away the young woman and her husband introduced themselves to me. She was extremely friendly and outgoing in conversation, so I closed my book. As we got to talking, we shared similarities such as both growing up in the Bay Area and struggling with similar health issues (Lyme Disease and Lupus) for a majority of our life. So let me sum that up: both from the bay, around the same age, and battling similar diagnosis. At this point I started to wonder if God might be up to something. Hmmmm. I found that her and her husband had gone to BYU and had only been married three weeks...they lived in Provo, and were flying to Seattle for their reception. She asked me why I moved to Salt Lake from the Bay Area. I told her it was because it was where God called me to live. She asked me what I was doing in Salt Lake. I told her I was talking to people that God brought into my path, but specifically moved for the LDS culture....then I winked at her. It rolled into an interfaith for the rest of the flight. I found that her entire family was evangelical, but that she joined the LDS church on her own. Interesting. We exchanged contact and she actually e-mailed me a couple weeks later. I plan to keep in touch with her. Her name is Danielle, so you could be in prayer for her.

Another more recent story: My friend Jessica and I have been meeting with three young LDS women for the past five weeks. Two of them are serving as missionaries in Salt Lake. The third girl coming along with them is not a missionary, but is coming along with them to observe our dialogue. Interestingly, this third girl coming was raised evangelical and is the only one in her family who has joined the LDS religion, just eleven months ago. Her and I have common ground: she grew up playing softball and she is a nanny. God's been breaking my heart for her. Her name is Jessica. Her mom will not join the LDS church, and my hope is that her mom has been praying for her! It is evident that I am supposed to be talking with her. Pray for Jessica to see truth, and encouragement to pull away from what she had involved herself in. One of the missionaries, sister Lilly also grew up evangelical, and is the only one in her family to have joined the LDS church. She is intelligent, as she graduated from Stanford and also studied at Oxford. The only answer I have for her being dumb enough to be a Mormon is blindness. She is very intelligent. Pray that the Spirit unveils her eyes.

These are just a FEW, a FEW, a FEW examples of how the Lord's been faithful to bring specific people for me to talk to. It is so clear that He wants to use me here, the way he's used both believers and non-believers to speak powerfully into my life. God, I thank you for opportunities to share truth and I ask that my eyes constantly be opened to how your spirit is nudging me! I would like to share more stories, and plan to write more this week. I look forward to coming home for the holidays!

Sincerely,
Jill

"Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago? You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me? No, there is no other Rock; I know not one." Isaiah 44:8

Summer wrap-up

Little did I know what was in store for these past few months.
It was around February that I received a phone call from Emily when upon answering she said, "Jill I'm moving to Utah this summer." Since then, her and I were looking forward to being roommates once again, as at APU.
Emily and I were literally inseperable for the whole month of July.....really, we even shared my bed (good thing its queen size)!
Words cannot express how much the Lord has blessed me through that friendship!
It was a breath of fresh air and a HUGE rejuvenation to have Emily by my side those four weeks. I needed her.
We didn't have many funds, so we really enjoyed each other's company trying to find free events or spending time at the pool with Kate, (who is a friend of mine and Emily's that she went to high school with in the Bay Area, and now lives here in Utah). Another huge blessing was when Katie came to visit! A highlight was going out to the lake. I enjoyed my dear friend and was privileged to have her by my side as well. God is so good to me!

You'll see a few photos of Catherine (one of my roommates and good friends) and I in clothes soaking wet. You may think this is contradictory to a typical summer photo....well, that's because it is! Our sweats were soaking from a thunderstorm that we had just finished walking through around the block of our house (I know, not too smart). It was a late night that her and I were up talking, and as we heard the thunder rolling over us, the look of excitement came over each of our faces, as it was shortly suggested to go outside and witness the sky. I will never forget the gloriousness and wonder of this electricity that filled the desert air above us, and the freedom that filled my heart knowing that I serve a God who is so powerful and worthy of a such respect that could cause me to tremble and fall to the ground on my face. A night this vivid in my memory will live on.

I am still continuing to watch Sarahbellah (who is almost 1 and a half) during the weekdays, and she is a blessing as well. Shelby, (her mother and a friend of mine) drops her off at my house in the mornings. How convenient is that? Such a blessing! She is an extremely laid-back baby, who hardly gives me any tantrums.

Well, that is just a small update for now. I have much more to write, but that seems to be the typical case.
I'll be back sooner than later. Love you all.

An encouraging day

"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40: 30-31

For those of you who have been praying for me, thank you. Sincerely, it is much appreciated! You are a part of God using me here. It has been foggy in the day-to-day in seeing how the Lord is using me, but He has definitely encouraged me amidst the trials I've been facing (James 1). I will share a few short stories of ways He has encouraged me!

A few months back, I was having an extremely discouraging day for various reasons. Most of the discouragement was inward, so I decided to take advantage of the nice weather and take a walk around the city (something I like to do from time to time). I ended up walking up to the temple, and sat in front of it with my ipod playing praise music. My mind was pensive, and melancholy together, as I mindfully talked to God and asked Him what impact I was even making in Utah. (How little my faith is!) (How easily I forget!) After spending a few moments at the temple, I decided to head back down through the city, continuing to listen to my ipod's worship music to attempt to get my mind in a better place. Strolling past the city library, a disheveled-looking homeless-like man stepped out of the front doors and caught my attention by giving me a friendly wave, and proceeding to tell me (from a distance) that he had something to tell me. (Might I remind you that my ipod was still playing music, but I was able to hear him tell me this from far away). My pace slowed to a hault as he drew nearer, making eye contact. I was not uncomfortable with this man, though I should have been, (being that he was a stranger), so I let him speak to me. He walked up to me, said nothing, and gently but firmly took my hand to put it out in front of my body. His eyes were clear (not on drugs), and his mentality was stable, as he finally said, "I know you are angry at the world right now; but you have a future." He reaffirmed me again saying, "You have a future." I asked him who he was, and he said it didn't matter. What he told me, at that specific timing, was what I needed to hear, though I had no idea that simple sentence was what I needed to hear. I realized that this man had spoken a promise to me, one that aligns with Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future..." This particular verse has held much weight in my life thus far, as it has been my foundation of hope through the Lyme Disease suffering. So of course when he spoke this to me in my discouragement, and lack of hope, it meant so much!

Well, this story continues....I thanked that man, (after breaking down into tears on the sidewalk right in front of him...I know, kind of embarrassing) and continued my walk back to my starting point. About 3 steps after I had left that man, another man came walking right beside me. He asked me if I was alright, and my response was immediately on gaurd, being that he was a stranger. He told me that I didn't need to cry, and that whatever it was that was bothering me, that I didn't need to be crying about it. He was sure of this. Then he asked, "Are you a Christian?" A little taken back, though very curious as to why he was asking me this (taking into mind what had just happened with the other stranger) I responded that I was, and asked him the same. Turns out this man was indeed a Christian, who had recently moved to Salt Lake. He shared with me that he had been attending the LDS church for the previous three weeks, however, out of pursuit for a woman that he was interested in. Right away, I was straightforward with this man, informing him that the Mormon church, though using the name of Christ, was in fact not Christ-following. He needed to know this, because I could tell by the way that he was talking that he was unaware of this. And, my greatest heartache here would definitely be to see an uninformed "baby Christian" looking into the LDS church as an option. We had an extensive conversation there on the sidewalk of the busy street, and as it came to a conclusion, this man told me that he strongly felt that our meeting was, in his words, "divine intervention." He proceeded to explain that he was not even supposed to be out on a walk that day, that his schedule for work was changed, but that he just had decided to go on a walk, and randomly met me. He could not get over this occurrence, and kept saying things such as, "you have informed me of a road of destruction," and over and over saying it was "divine intervention" and "what he needed to hear." Wow.

At the time, this all seemed a little surreal, this chain of events on the street, but as I had a chance to reflect later that night, I could totally see how, what seemed to me, the Lord was encouraging me. It made sense that he would use the first man to speak to me a simple promise that I have a future (to lift my head), and immediately after that, the Lord was showing me that He indeed was still using me for good here (with speaking truth to the second man.) So, in hindsight, God encouraged me and used me. Oh, how much He loves me and is taking care of me!

From this day I truly realized (which I needed to) that my faith is so little! I know that God is so patient and merciful with me amidst that. It is evident. He shows up just at the right time! I will never forget this day.

For a further update with recent events, I have been a full-time employee at Whole Foods in the bakery department since March. The crowd of co-workers there are all x-mormons, so I'm getting a good taste of the Utah counter-culture...which has...a very, very bitter taste for anything to do with religion. I sense a large amount of hurt and mistrust. It has been quite the challenge to be surrounded by this 40 hours a week, as the lifestyle of these people have been SO extremely rebellious (mostly with the homosexuality and partying). I know that Jesus is giving me grace to handle this...that is the only way. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to handle it!

My health needs prayer, as the fatigue seems to be getting to me. It's definitely the thorn in my side! I have found excellent rife treatment (for the Lyme) in park city which I am so pleased with. I've been taking a lot of hiking trips since my knees have been stable, which has been SUCH a joy to have! It is one of my favorite activites to do here. Although I am still suffering in the body, the Lord has provided means within that for sure, and it is so evident. Praise the Lord!!






"God has eternity before him. Only God has security. It is for us to follow humbly wherever God wants to lead, and blessed are those who stay faithful to the ways God inspires them to go and who do not, in order to please others, live with an uneasy conscience in the place where others believe security is to be found. Leave your kindred, cast off your false security, be converted to the Lord. That is the road without end of our faith's pilgrimage." - Oscar Romero