所谓年纪变大
心智成熟
就是这么一回事
当时你念念不忘的， 现在过眼云烟
当时你纠缠不放的， 现在輕如鸿毛
当时你至死不渝的， 现在不置可否

于是你开始放松
不再有所坚持
你慢慢学习
看其他人与事的好
当时很在意的一些细节
此刻变的宽容

你也明白有个人对你在乎
不是因为你的完美
而是他愿意容纳你的不完美
而你也因为感恩他的宽待
懂得珍惜懂得包容

所以这就是人生吧
汲汲营营学习
漫漫长路上
与自己有缘相遇的人
一起上这门功课

当时怎么过
现在就怎么过
那隐约留着的记忆
越是模糊越是讓你忘记
原来当时还可曾颤动过

最好的时光
就是用力享受被

温柔爱着
这么美的机遇

舍不得蹉跎。

So silly
And never learnt
Despite all these years
I hope you have known enough

戴上耳机

听你传给我的鱼仔

是很棒的编曲

这样在耳边发现的精喜

好像告诉自己

嗯 我迟到了一步

是当时没发现么

现在的后知后觉

是什么呢
还在漩涡里沉溺
醒醒吧
即便重新选择
也不会改变任何事情

在大脑无限回转的情歌
沉溺轮回沉溺轮回
在跑步时候间歇
我想 就下定决心 把
这个记忆拭去
以前也是好好的
嗯 就这样吧

不是已经经历过的吗

如此不堪

他的冷冷的回应

应该是最好的回答

即便日复一日的靠近

是两个不着边际的世界

不会交汇的 轨迹

在彼此回忆的短暂停留

只是也是会模糊的

好像呼吸

急促短暂的

轻轻的风一般消逝

你应该懂得

那么一个人

那样的一颗心

不会是你雕刻揉捏的画面

所以可以让他消失 啊

说再见吧 

你学习过的

现在可以用在这儿

狠下去的

也不需要哭

把那个影子揉掉

就说再来一次吧

再来一次等一等

下一个会出现的人

欲言又止

欲言又止

作词：陈冠蒨
作曲：陈冠蒨

想你的时候搭上最后一班的列车
用最后一班的夜深
深邃地这午夜时分
专心的想念

慢慢了解在心里空缺的位子
就是你投射的影子
换了谁　谁也不是

泪可以忍不住模糊的层次
无言是伤痛的开始
冷漠的变　成为你喜欢的样子
让思念燃烧整个城市

想你的时候搭上最后一班的列车
用最后一班的夜深
深邃地这午夜时分
专心的想念

慢慢了解那心里空缺的位子
你不断投射的影子
换了谁　谁都不是

泪可以忍不住模糊的层次
无言是伤痛的开始
冷漠的变　成为你喜欢的样子
让思念燃烧整个城市

岁月的美留给初相识的日子
曾经为爱那么坚持
该说的话
就在最多情的时候

却欲言又止
我知道无言是伤痛的开始
思念燃烧在多情的时候
岁月的美留在相识的片刻
该说的话仍停留在眼中

为什么
把心交了出去
已经得不到回应
还要被惩罚呢

即使那么短短日子
也曾经以真心对待人
所以 没有得到交心
也不要再痛苦着

是海鸟和飞鱼啊
两个反向移动的轨迹
渐行渐远的沉默

是什么误会呢
我是离岛拜金女郎
喜好都不能好好告诉你的
自大自主自以为是
会哭的
会默默死去的对话

所以还是给我一张
印上世界图案的塔罗牌
我想
放弃一个你
但也许可以拥抱一刻
这个世界给我的安宁

酸一下 也就会过去的

甜甜的橘子
留在阿尔卑斯山那里

我是太笨拙吗

所以橘子回来后
变成橙
酸酸的

就那么一下
也会过去的

嘘~

那麽貼切啊~

临睡前 想一下这人。
嗯 是应该要放弃的人啊。
但是偶尔想想 还觉得有那么
甜甜的一点滋味 。

我是认真了。
总算是开始恢复意识， 回去过去熟悉的状态。
恢复阅读
恢复听音乐
恢复在图书馆里在文字里的梦游
翻阅书页里
悉悉疏疏的声音
也恢复在城市里的躅躅行走
在这岛屿里
这样的自由移动
想想以前也那样子
只是什么改变自己呢
这样的重新发现自己的生活
辗转掺杂微微的惊喜。

所以。
嗯。
放弃吧。
不太难得。
以前也一样。
对的人
第一眼就明白了
不对的人
就怎么也对不了眼

嗯。
感恩有他。
让你明白了。
还可以等等 那个
阑珊处的
另外一个人。

 哎
是的
我开始
偷偷
想
你
了

开启这段公路旅行 即便心里多忐忑还是去了。

10天以后回来了但心留在那里呢。

好像那里那里说不出来的地方。 就在 7年前躲在某个封尘的角落。

就在这呀--- 快来找我。心轻轻说。

咦?

四年了 。

当时怎么过呢。

仿佛翻过一片轻舟那样不留涟漪。人生若可那么轻便， 所有的沉重也仅为过眼云烟。

公路旅行结束以后， 好像什么重重敲醒内心沉睡的精灵。

嗯。 还在吗? 亲爱的。

说好了要好好过的第二人生， 你是否一鼓劲儿拼命的努力着。还是无力的浪费着--- 反正也不管怎样 也可以去到终点。

精灵也不搭话。


快来一点激情 呵呵 你得好好抓紧这个瞬间就溜走的时间啊!

I am lovin' it!

Great!
I think things are getting better now!
and it will always be better!
:)
jia you jia mei! :))

i pray and pray and pray

i hate it when depression sinks in.

every full moon or so.

or perhaps every day.

every day when i sink into deep sadness and cry.

first it is in bed, at night when every one else is sleeping.

then it is in the shower, when the tears gush down with the water.

i hate it when i am in such horrible mess.

feeling weak and aimless.

life in monochrome.

i really need help, don't i?

i thought i was already okay. i thought i was already okay months back.

no need for help.

no money for doctor. sy says. when i told her i had a $1500 telephone bill.

the greatest help is from self.

but can't i just get some help from anyone else?

but he says ' look for a doctor. look for a monk. i can't help you.'

that is what he says when i was in a desperate state.

that is not his fault.

even when people were saying that he looked way too cold and silent.

that is not his fault either.

even when he ignores me at times and i know that it is for my own good.

it is a way to let me understand that i can't rely on him anymore.

oh can't i just get some help?

guilt. how it engulfs you.

is it my past karma that i earn this life?

that i have no daddy to cry to.

a family which is not complete.

and can't be a sweet darling to my mom just because i do not know how to act like one.

and at the point of time when i know love, and have to be unloved.

perhaps it is already a good life already.

despite such dysfunctional family you have been able to get good education.

and be able to travel parts of the world.

and to know that there are people around you who cherish you.

despite one little set back that put you in a mess.

and that you have already been loved.

even once.

perhaps that doesn't matter what happen anymore.

that you have already one chance to be loved.

never did i have such a strong idea to let go this life.

it is bad karma to even think of it.

such a insensible and heartless idea.

how could you even think of that?

guilt.

another way of streaming into the mind.

can i just pass this, please?

i pray and pray and pray.

for strength.

for compassion.

for every courage to love and be loved again.

is there a mighty being that exist that can comfort me in times of weakness?

i pray and pray and pray.

help me pass this please.

let me know that in such life, there is still some hope beyond this.

你必须更加的努力

可不可以就不要那么的任性。

明明就不能勉强的事情， 不要再去想了好不好？

可不可以就专心在你可以在能力以内办到的事情？

坚强一点， 成熟一点。

事情并没有那么坏。好不好？

my two bad bricks

my two bad bricks,

lying in the sun,

crumpled, worn, and filled with moulds,

my two bad bricks.

my two bad bricks,

long left over since yesterday,

where is that builder,

where did he go?

my two bad bricks,

filled the wall with emptiness.

all faults.

my two bad bricks,

left them in the past.

the full wall still stands strong.

my own mantra

you,

the divine being of inner existence,

how could you do that to yourself?

me,

the paranoid depressed sobbing old self,

i do not know why i just broke down.

i shouldnt have done that.

and i shall not do that anymore.

ill will is an emotion that burns like a fire and does not stop.

it ravages and breaks my inner strength, that fortified castle which i try so hard to put around myself.

you said this before, honey, you should remember and recite it,

'your heart will be a large and tranquil lake, many animals will come,

there will be sunshine and rain, sometimes thunderstorm,

but you will always stay calm and sit still,

observe them as they come and go,

and always remain in silent peace.'

dont you remember?

please recite this in heart like a mantra,

put them into beads and put them around your neck,

pray for that inner divine and solace,

you will be fine and good.

you are already a good girl.

pray hard for that inner divine,

you are the shinning bright light of existence,

and you shall always be calm and peaceful,

nothing shall harm you. nothing will.

Life's Practice

One of his students asked Buddha, "Are you the messiah?" "No", answered Buddha. "Then are you a healer?" "No", Buddha replied. "Then are you a teacher?" the student persisted. "No, I am not a teacher." "Then what are you?" asked the student, exasperated. "I am awake," Buddha replied.

oh dreams

dreams, oh how they are influenced, and how they influence you.

even having dreams about him, i shall just take it lightly.

just like that very first dream that i have,

take it peacefully and kindly.

if things happen, oh let it happen,

you shall be calm and at ease, at all times.

自己的幸福

其实，没有什么命运有关的问题。缘分来了，去了，就此而已。

曾经以为可以很爱的一个人，可以一生一世的说在一起，可以拥抱以前没有过的幸福生活。以为可以开始幸福了。 哦， 其实， 时机还没到呢。

所以没有所谓的命运问题啊。身边的朋友都跌跌撞撞的自己走了过来，所以你一个人， 也可以很努力的生活下去啊。而且， 你已经做得很好了。 一直以来， 都可以自己照顾自己。

所以要有一点的耐性啊。人生那么的漫长，失去的那个人， 不过是漫漫长路遇到的一个人而已。 未来有一个人在呢，而且，你会很幸福啊。把以前的过失都变成灌溉花园的营养，所以你的花园开出来的果实会更加的香甜哦。

这件事情你成长 了不少啊。明白了自己的坏脾气可不是每个人都受得了。还要培养耐性，培养静心。培养积极的性格。要相信一切会更好哦。因为其实事情 就是在转机中噢。

所以不要灰心哦，更加多一点的耐性。慢慢等，幸福就是现在了。大口大口呼吸吧，你的每一天都很精彩呢！

拥抱人生，活在当下！

be a cloud

when you love yourself,

you will be completely empty,

and there is no core to you,

you will be a cloud in the sky,

now dark,now white, now vanishes completely,

sometimes dark and full of rain,

fertilizes the earth,

give relief to the hot days of summer,

sometimes be a beautiful white cloud,

dances gracefully in the sky,

sometimes be a cloud in the evening,

spreading the beautiful sunset,

and be a cloud that totally vanishes,

and not to be there.

Ajahn Brahm

be happy

jiamei, be strong ok?

there is a happy street somewhere,

lies in a happy town,

there will be your happy home,

with someone happy around.

;)

salvaging life simple moments ;)

cheesy green pea spaghetti

ingredients:
long chewy spaghetti
green peas
fresh mushrooms
green capsicum
thick piece of cheese
and a big warm heart

mindfulness

i m a shining bright light of existence,

happiness is the highest form of energy ;)

develop your mindfulness,

see every detail in life,

be clear and concise,

within the big perspective.

there is where enlightenment is ;)

this too shall pass

peace is within imperfection.

things do change,

just wait,

be patient.

have faith,

have faith,

this too shall pass,

and you will be okay.

of all things 2

now

dont fight with the past.

work for the future.

the moment is now.

please. help me please

a little voice squeaks,

' you have to be strong, real strong.

nothing else can hurt you more than yourself.

and those deceptions you have, you have to clear them away.

let those unhappiness pass.

then you can get peace in mind.'

i know i have to walk this through myself.

sometimes i feel really weak.

the memories worn me off days by days.

every thought of him comes with an unbearable pain.

its not anyone's fault.

but i have to hold on to this.

' pain, come to me. divulge me. and i stand here unharmed.'

dreams are vivid.

every night ever since is running in parallel worlds.

that is life in limbo.

would you want that?

but the subconsciousness are nailed in deep fuzziness.

come back. come back.

the mind wanders like wind and clouds.

slashing through my heart.

that was where the pain grows.

dies off.

then it grows more.

could i stop this?

i am the only one to answer to this.

let me walk this through. let me. please.

i pray for deep peace.

leaving the past behind. please.

unconditional love

unconditional love to myself.

even if i am weak now.

even i am tired.

even i know i still have tears when i think about him.

unconditional love to myself.

knowing that this is a phase in life.

knowing that this too shall pass.

knowing that this is an act of control.

knowing that leaving the past aside will bring freedom.

unconditional love to myself.

knowing that peace rest in my mind.

knowing that i have the compassion is within me.

unconditional love to myself.

for me being myself.

for me being lovable and fun, but not yet a perfect person.

unconditional love to myself.

and loving the people around me,

and showing myself the compassion as i give to them.

unconditional love to myself.

not to judge myself against others.

not to be unkind. nor anger.

unconditional love to myself.

i love you, just as any other being.

i love you, just as how i love the rest.

of all things