After A Storm Comes A Rainbow

The past two years we have weathered a Storm with heartbreak from the passing of our daughter Jocelyn and many other trials during these past two years. Through the storm we have grown as husband and wife, as individuals, and as a family. It has not been easy and we are now starting to see some light at the end with some of the other trials we have been facing....

But the one thing that has been hard for me is that after Jocelyn passed I knew that we would have another child and when it did not happen in the time I wanted it to. I began to feel as though I was grieving two children. The one I carried for 9 months and got to hold for a beautiful 24 hours and a child that did not exist yet. Over time I had excepted not being pregnant again and was grateful even that we were able to have that first year after Jocelyn's passing to grieve and let her be our sweet little baby.

Then as time continued to pass people kept asking when we would have another or if we were, along with "It will happen in Gods time". All these statement became hard and reminders that I had not been able to conceive or made me feel as though you can just replace one child with another. Well that is not so, Jocelyn can never be replaced I did not carry her for 9Months for nothing. So, I started to just tell people we were done so I could be left alone in my pain and try to process what it was that the Lord wanted. I know that everything happens for a reason and is in Gods hands.

Mid to Late 2011 I had a visit my doctor and being someone who has never had to try or put an effort into getting pregnant had changed. We started clomid a fertility drug. We went three months on it with no luck and my emotions getting the best of me. By the end of the third round I did not want to do any more. So we stopped trying so we could enjoy the end of the year and Christmas with our boys. But.....

So the saying goes after the storms comes a rainbow. Today I was able to see the tiniest of beats of a rainbow. I pray that we will get to the end of this sweet rainbow safely and healthy Sept 8th, 2012. For those of you who still don't get it yes we are finally expecting our rainbow baby after two years. Although we are just in the beginning we are feel blessed at this point and want to try and enjoy each day we are given with this little one. We are prepared for a long and emotional ride but looking forward to it. We ask that you all please keep us in your prayers that all goes well. We are blessed and grateful for our family and friends who love and support us through this new adventure. Thank you

Jocelyn's 2nd Angel Birthday Service Project- UPDATE!!!

Wow!!! I am not sure there are words that can express the love and gratitude that I have for everyone that helped put in cash donations, supply donations, and time to help with the service project to honor my daughter's memory in a service that is needed and will help other families who feel the heart break of losing a child in infancy. So from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!!! I don't think I have ever felt so much love and met so many selfless women. You are all truly amazing!!!

We had a fabulous turn out at both open house times. Everyone worked hard and enjoyed food and good company.  I loved seeing and visiting with everyone even though I bounced around making sure everyone had boxes at their tables. Here are some pictures from the service project.( only regret not getting any from the afternoon time and more during the evening when more people were around. :(...)

The table in the kitchen all prepared and ready to make boy boxes

Table in the living room is all prepared for making girl boxes

The painting table. At this table we learned what kind of paints work best to cover the boxes nice and evenly.

The yummy snacks for everyone to enjoy.

A great start for the first part of the day!!!

My Friend Steph helping two of my boys put together a couple of boxes.

More boxes being made these fabulous ladies. Thanks!!!

Look at those two beautiful ladies!! Painting away!!!

Jen and myself  enjoying the yummy snacks!!!

 And at the end of the evening we were all burnt out even though a few of us stayed and visited long past 12 midnight. I then did a count of boxes before bed which I now wish I would have wait till morning I missed a few and a few more boxes were dropped off this morning to add to our completed boxes........

We Have 71 Completed Boxes!!!! And 9 Boxes half done!!! WOW!!!! That is far more then my intended goal!!!

WOW!!! Don't they look awesome!!!

Thank You again for all this hard fabulous work!!!

I know my daughter was here to help see this project come together as a success. These precious boxes that have been made with love will be donated to hospitals in the area and to Share Parents of the UT for the precious hand and feet molds of babies gone to soon. It has meant so much to us to have Jocelyn's little hands and feet and to know they are cradled in a sweet box that holds a lot of love. Thank you again and again for helping me in this project.

All the extra supplies and donations will be given to Share parents of UT for future boxes and supplies to help make the molds themselves.

Jocelyn's 2nd Angel Birthday Service Project

 It's so crazy to think that it's been almost two years since we welcomed and said goodbye to our sweet daughter and angel Jocelyn. She has changed our lives in so many ways and showed us things we never thought possible through this journey. She is forever in our hearts and lives.

We continue to honor her memory each year with a service project for bereaved families experiencing the loss of a baby. Last year my friend Amy headed up a tree for the festival trees that raises money for Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City during the Christmas season. In January for her 1st birthday we and others family and friends donated to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep in Jocelyn's name. We are grateful to all who were able to help in these projects.

This Year we are going to make mold boxes that hold the most precious molds of little feet and hands. We were given a box for which to hold Jocelyn's little feet and hands. It has meant so much to us to have this little memento of her. We hope that the boxes we make will be of comfort to other families the way our little box has been to us.

To make this happen and give you more details on how you can help:
On Monday January 16th, Jocelyn's Birthday I will have two open house times. 1pm to 4pm and again at 6pm to 10pm at my home ( please email or call for address and directions).
I do ask that when you come to please bring one box or two if you wish. The boxes can be found at any Hobby Lobby or any craft store. They do come all sizes and shapes. As you all know babies are born at different times and sizes. So all sizes are welcome. If you are not able to come but want to help donations are welcome. $6 will get one large and one small box. You can also donate other supplies like scrapbook paper and white craft paint to paint the boxes and any other craft items that can be used to decorate the boxes. Below are some pictures of boxes to give you an idea of what I am needing and looking for. If you any questions please e-mail me at Hfiles28@comcast.net. The goal is to have 50 boxes so that I may keep 25 for Share parents of UT the support group that has helped us so much and I now volunteer for. We do the molds at the hospitals that do not or unable to do their own molds. The other 25 will be donated to the hospitals that do their own molds.

I want to Thank You for all your love and support in this project and may you feel the blessings of serving others.

These are the boxes I am looking for. This picture was taken at Hobby lobby

These are just few boxes that were completed by other angel mommies and donated to Share. As you see there are several shapes that work well.

This is Jocelyn's box cradling her feet and hand molds.

Looking on ward toward 2012

With 2011 behind us we now begin a new year with hopes and dreams and a brighter future.....

The year has already begun with big changes in store and can't wait to share them as they reveal themselves. But in the mean time we are looking forward to this fresh start and pray that all will be well.

As for new year resolutions I do have a few but not your topical ones that everyone has..
1. I would like to have a more consistent daily routine
2. Get some long needed areas cleaned out and organized.
3. Spend more time reading and studying my scriptures to better know my savior Jesus Christ
4. Spend more time my boys playing and being together
5. Eat better not necessarily to loss weight but to be healthy and feel better.
6. Enjoy the time and live in the moment and to not take what has been given for granted.

May your year be blessed and wonderful. Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!!!

Christmas Day 2011

Began as any other Christmas morning. The boys waking up filled with excitement and eyes popping out of head that Santa had come. We were able to enjoy a nice relaxing morning followed by the most beautiful music program at church to honor and celebrate the birth of Christ. The afternoon was then spent with the rest of the family and fun goings on......

Santa sure knows how to leave a display

Santa's pretty good at filling the socks for all 4 kids.

Even ate our cookies and drank the yummy milk the boys left for him.

The Boys ready to get the morning started.

Looks like things are on a roll

Joseph was so excited for his candy in his sock! I love this picture of him and his total surprise and excitement.

Even Our new family pet Hally got a sweater for Christmas. Now she won't freeze when she goes outside.

Jarren totally focused on his new Halo Lego set.

Santa brought Jocelyn a little angel snow globe that took and put on her headstone.

What!! Santa came to my parents too!!

My dad opening the gift we got him.

Joseph and Jacob

Jarren being silly

Jacob looking unsure what Grandma got him.

John