Thinking about why I would get such a result, is utterly a disappointment to me. The only need that I need now, was to get out of the house and do something. But do what? I spent a long time thinking. The beach came to my mind, going shopping came to my mind, hiding somewhere at the playground. These places are usually where I will be when I'm upset. However, it seemed that there was no place for me to hide and cry my hearts out. Until I thought of reading my book," captivating".

So I went out to nex to sit in the Starbucks, enjoying a cup of cranberry mocha while I lost myself in the book. Just a few pages have led me to ponder a few thoughts. 

I came across a sentence, that was somehow phrased like this: "The desires that we possessed are what He desired more".
So the next thing that comes to my mind, so what failed us? If God desires me to win this victory, then shouldn't I be getting the results that I want? Shouldn't I be on the victory end, feeling like a conqueror?

I was thinking about that for a long time, seeking the answer to my question. I thought of asking my sister about it, and she answered my question.

Sometimes, we all met with a breaking point, and we must know that it was never meant by God for us to fail. He is not a creator of failure. Yet sometimes, He will not stop all these failures because He already knew we had the strength to overcome it. Sometimes, we need to look back on what we believed in, especially in the areas that we are good in are the areas that we would easily rely on our flesh more. 

God wanted us to stand on a victory ground more than anyone. If we desired that, He desired above it. At some point, we may be blinded by our own success and forgot that our success are from Him. He gave us the gift. That is why we tend to think that we are able to overcome it on our own, and not trusting Him nor letting Him to walk with us. I guessed that was what had happened to me then. Forgetting the fact that I have a gift given by Him in my music, and causing me to naturally think that I can surely do it and not fall without knowing that I have already lost the faith that I should place in Him as well. 

This breaking point that I came was surely what I experienced the most broken of all. When I felt I lost something that I took pride in, something that I was most proud of, something that was the closest to my heart. This is the time, a wake up call to me that God is saying "Come back to me Aziel. Come back to the comforter. Come seek Me because I desired for your success more than anyone else. I am all that you need now and only I can help you". 

Happy? Disappointed? Upset? Angry?

Happy that I pass the grade?
But no... not with the marks I get. I know clearly myself this was not my usual standards.

I've failed my instructor's expectations, worst, my own expectations.
Yeah man do fail right?
What should I do?

Take the grade again just to get my own expectations?  What does that proves then? Move on with it?
Whatever it is, second chance does not always comes and it doesn't always feels right...

Lord, 

I really missed the good old days...

All the tears shed during practices and rehearsals, the sense of accomplishment and joy when I am standing on the stage for just that few minutes to put up a performance for the audience.

Not that I love the platform, but rather, it is a way for me to really express all the thoughts that I never dare to do so. All my fears, my love, my joy, my sadness, all is expressed through my passion for music and dance. It is a place for me to hide, where nobody can find you, where nobody will ever hurt you. It is a place for me to freely do what I want.

When that season had past, it is  disheartening. I have never want to give up. But with work and other personal commitments, it seems almost impossible not to make some sacrifices. I gave up my staying in my orchestra group, I gave up my dance. Even though it still hurts me now and I desire to go back to pursue what I want, it feels different now. There is so much fears. What if you just cant make it?

Right now, I am just focusing on my guzheng grading exam. I really pray that this will be  a platform that God will help me along with it. I really want to go back to my secret place, a commitment that I know I will never ever let it leave my side again. I must really learn to conquer all these fears within me. Lord, help me...

Finally!!! Done with MOST of my workload. It's such an tiring and long week. :( 


 Just went to the titanic Museum with dear today. It was so awesome! Although he does not seemed as interested in the is exhibition. Haha. It's really cool to see those artifacts, but well, no photography is allowed. So there's no pictures for you guys. I really love how they set up the room too. It shows you the three different rooms of the three classes, and it was so different! Well, it's really worth the money and time to go have a look!

Daddy God,

I'm experiencing lots of doubts. Doubts in work, doubts with my relationship, doubts with my goals and wants for my career.

Been having a feeling for quite some time, that I will not stay as an early educator for long. But what else can I do if I don't? I major in Early Childhood Studies, and that's my profession. Deep in my heart, I still want to pursue my music Lord. Please make a way out. I doubt in my own future. But yes, I'm reminding myself, and I have to, that I have a God who has already provided a way out. You set my career for me to enjoy the season. You promises Great Future and provision Lord.

Ever since you're back, I really feel distant. Or rather to say, even during the period you're overseas. I hate to say this, but I really feeling insecure now. Lord, I commit it into your hands Lord...

Hi guys! It's been a while. It has been quite a months since I blog, so long that I really lost track. THink the last blog was dated last year? Hahaa..

Anyway, well I'm sick again! Yeah again!!!! My immune system has not been very well ever since the last church camp I went 2 years ago where it caused my asthma to act up really bad. Ever since then, I've been feeling sick quite often, especially respiratory problems.

Just last month I just got an asthma attack, thank God it's not serious. But now I lost my voice again. :( Well, God I just trust You that it is already healed! Nobody can take my voice away because it is Your creation Lord.

On a side note, dear is coming back already :) A month plus seems fast for few couples out there. I know, people will compare it to couples who experience long distance relationship for few years. But yeah, I guess I'm not ready up to that which leaves me quite bothered. I myself did have plans to go overseas for exchange trip. So I should prepare myself for that right?! :( Not just me, but us...

Well God, only You knows the plans You have for us. :)

Oh yeah! Just started baking again!!!

Sometimes I really want to be mean.. But I cant bring myself too...
I just hate the interactions between us now. Is too fake. I feel like I'm being used, I feel like im just someone whom you call when you need...

Daddy I just upset. How can someone turn so ugly within a short period of time.
Sometimes we blame one another for it. But do we really look into each other's heart? Why must people hurt one another when they are hurt? Wouldn't that hurts even more?

Are really emotionally close, where I can show my vulnerable side to you?
I guess sometimes, I'm not ready yet. I really feel like sharing with you this terrible nightmare, sometimes its just so uncontrollable that it will affects my sleep, and made me cry for no reason.

Daddy, sometimes I really wish I could forgot everything about that nightmare. But somehow it just came back. :( I know no one can understand except You. I know sharing helps to bring some comfort to it, but I know it can never help me get out of it until I totally placed it in Your hands Lord...

I hope I'm just thinking too much..

I feel a change, but I'm not sure what is that. I know it affecting me, because it means so much to me. Yet sometimes, I have no courage to ask from you.

I want to spend more quality times, instead of your verbal assurance.

After submission for OB-HRM, it's time to give myself a little break! :D

Hee, Went to meet him after school for awhile before going home. Feel so awesome! :D

Really love spending the time with you, just slacking around. You've made my day.

I know even though the times when I'm tired, or when I'm stress up, you're here for me, just like today, :)

Thanks for accepting me, for who I am. :)

I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had bbq session today with my precious secondary school friends. I really love them to the max! They all so cute and funny!
This bbq seems so special and unique. We had our laughs and craziness. Rj even brought his girlfriend along, and he(my dear) came along as well <3.I so glad he's willing to come. Thanks darling, :D

Even though I didn't see some of them for quite long, we still manage to talk. That just made me realized, true friends can never ever be distanced despite not meeting for a period of time. We all understand, and compromise with one another. :D

I realized everyone has grown a lot, the little guys I know had become more matured and sensible. I'm so proud of them.

I hope we had more of this gathering, even when we all have our own committments. I still hope our friendship will last throughout. :)

明天就是古筝考级了。　好紧张！虽然我知道不关结果是如何，我还是会珍惜这个机会的。　
要祝我好运哦！

我很开心，因为明天你会陪我一起过去。我知道你会很累，但是还是谢谢！

我爱你！

I just miss the time I spent with you... Whether is it quality time, or just seeing you :)

My grading exams is so near!!

It's always fun to spend time with your love ones isn't it?!
Totally had such a awesome day today. Spent my whole day out with my loved ones, and truely thank God for it. :)

We had a nice dinner, and plus nice supper at nearly prata shop? Haha. Although my stomach couldn't really take it anymore.. But well, I love the time spent!

But coming to think about it, I realised I been working and playing around? Didn't really get to spend time with my family, especially my popo. So sorry popo. I find more time for you. :(

I hope she will stop looking towards her negative circumstances. My heart goes towards her, yet sometimes I felt helpless. Although I know she will be taken care of but still, I still praying that she see the light soon and stop holding on to her bitterness. I hope she'll learn to let go.. :)

Sometimes, it's just hard to let someone understand your intention.

I do try to avoid when i cant. I know there's the risk of causing misunderstanding, but what else can I do to make you understand?

Sometimes I questions myself, is the situation complicated or my thoughts complicated the situation.

As time goes, people change in different ways. I guess sometimes we see how others changed but seldom noticed we ourselves changes as well...

So is the situation complicated? I don know. But I guess, I have to let go and let God.

"Corrections brings on anointing..."

There are times that I've been corrected, either by parents, siblings, teachers, church leaders, or even friends. Who have not?
"You should not have do this", "Wrong. This is totally wrong". "How can you do this". "Can you don talk this way" etc. Have we not been corrected before?

Thinking about it, we always feel condemn at times when we were being corrected. Some people may correct you out of their own beneficial, but most people correct you out of love too. Think about it, if you are not loved by that person, would he or she bother to correct you?

How many of us are able to face corrections boldly? How many of us can really response appropriately towards corrections? Not many of us can.

We often felt condemn, angry and upset at the moment we were corrected. Personally, I feel that way too. I guess for someone holding a leader position, and someone being prideful, are not one that can accept correction easily.
For the fact is, the usual response from leaders would be, "I am a leader here. How can I be wrong", even worst, "How can I be wrong when I am over-seeing this project so well"? Hard to accept yeah, but have you ever thought, people correct you brings on anointing as well.

It is only when you are corrected, then you can perform better. True as the saying goes, but how many of us can response appropriately? How many of us can learn to submit to the people holding a higher position, or even someone like your friends?
If we do not learn to accept correction, how do we see things from a higher level?

Submission is a point where I think all of us really have to learn. Responding appropriately and limit your actions is the best way to show submission.

Everyone makes mistakes in their life. But mistakes serves as a platform for us to learn and rise up to a higher level. People who correct these mistakes by GRACE, will help to bring out the better you.

You can be angry, but you can CHOOSE NOT to, and ACCEPT it boldly under His love, that you are the righteous of Christ, and through corrections, you will rise up and be even set apart from the world. :D

Came across this verse: Ephesians 4: 1-3 (The message Bible)

I never felt such a strong desire before...

1. Living a carefree and joyful live, with the Prince of Peace guarding my heart
2. Family Salvation
3. Awesome and Amazing results for school
4. The little children reaching out to Jesus (CUTE)
5. My mummy growing prettier and younger, and worry less
6. My daddy business grow with no problems anymore!
7. My sister bless with a job
8. My brother scoring well.
9. My younger brother scoring well and managing his time
10. My grandma walking again! Healed of disease.
11. Wati and her family blessed!
12. My friends stepping out and appreciating every little things they do.
13. My friends reaching out for Jesus
14. Less discouragements, less complains.
15. I am loved, so I can love!
16. Everywhere I go, I bless the place and people!
17. I get my diploma in Guzheng!

Amen! It shall all come true at the right place, right time!

Sometimes, I realized I expected too much, however, I could not help to cope with the feelings. Although feelings are just things that can toyed with your perceptions, but they are so real too.

But fact is, the more you expect, the more you end up in disappointment. True enough. But people always expect too much unknowingly. thinking that you should know it. Assuming can really spoiled relationships between people.

I really sorry when I did that too. But surely people should learn to be more observent to the things around them instead of living in their own world.

Question yourself: are you ready for it? There were just too much doubts. Letting go or not, is just a fine line drawn in between.

JESUS, NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT:. WHATS UP MAN. MY THUMDRIVE BROKE DOWN, AND I HAD TO REDO MY ASSIGNMENTS. NOW MY LAPTOP TOO. AND THE SAME THING HAPPEN OVER AND OVER AGAIN. WHY! SERIOUSLY, WHAT A WEEK. WITH PEOPLE GIVING ME CRAP FOR ASSIGNMENT AND EXPECT ME TO POLISH UP THEIR TRASH FOR THEM.   PEOPLE TAKING IT FOR GRANTED THAT I AM ALWAYS THE ONE DOING COMPILATION AND GIVE EXCUSES WHEN THEY ARE TOLD TO DO SO. STUPID REASON OF  ’I HAVE NOT COMPLETE MY INDIVIDUAL ASSIGNMENTS YET’ WHAT THE HELL SERIOUSLY. WE ARE DOING THE SAME ASSIGNMENTS HELLO! SOMEMORE WE HAD TO FIT YOUR SCHEDULE MEI. YOU THINK YOU QUEEN? WHATEVER. ALL THESE WEEKS ARE REALLY DEPRESSING ANDD PISS. HONESTLY J JESUS, CAN U RESOTRE MYY FILES. I DON CARE ABOUT MY LAPTOP BUT I AM MORE CONCERN WITH MY FILES. I HATE TO REDO EVERYTHING IN RUSH HOURS. I WANT  REST LORD. CANT U JUST BRAINWASH MY FRIENDS .? GET THEM TO TAKE INITIATIVE SERIOUSLY.  IT IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TOO.

ALL MY ASSIGNMENT ARE SUBMITTED WITHOUT PROPER COMPLETION THANKS TO THE QUEEN. MISSING INFORMATION, WRONG CITATION. WHATS UP WITH YOUR BRAIN. ARGH. JESUS I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

Just a random thought for me to revisit this blog. haha.

Well, recently, been thinking alot about random stuffs. I really realise God has been so faithful towards me. I just so awefully touched by You Lord.

Sch was awesome for me today. Everything went smoothly, I choose to rest in You Lord. I realise that, I did not felt as stressful lately while I'm doing my work. Thank You Lord. I not sure is it I am the one slacking, or He is here to take care of things for me. But whatever it is, I believe everything will surely work out for my good. Thank You Jesus.

I had a lovely dinner tonight too. Praise the Lord. Thanks for the fellowship

Pastor always get us to write down or three resolutions for the new year. Honestly, I have so much on my lists! Not just 3, and I belive the Lord will slowly fulfilled all my desires for me. I always remember Pastor mentioned, “Right place, right time”. :)

Thought of sharing my three resolution for 2009:

• Family’s salvation
• To grow more spiritually in Christ, knowing more of Him my pefect lover!
• To reach out to more people

So far, the Lord had surely fulfilled the last two for me. Even the first one, I had not seen it happening now, I believe seeds had been sowed in their hearts. :)

My resolutions for year 2010:

• Family salvation (Shall not stop until the Lord fulfiled it)
• To be used by the Lord, to serve His people
• Healing for my grandma. I want her to walk again! (REJECT THE DOCTOR’S REPORT)
• Restoration of my relationship with my family (GROWING BETTER AND BETTER)
• Priortising my time in school, church and family.
• Go a higher level in dance (I really hope to continue for the rest of my life)
• Guard my heart from all things except Him.
• Be bold to step out, be a armour barrier! :D
• Restoration of friendships

Sounds alot for Him? But I choose to be bold and ask more from Him. He is my ALMIGHTY Heavenly Father, who can do all things for His beloved princess. :)

In life, we often has to make decisions.. about what we want to do, or what we supposed to do.
We get busy as we walk the journey and there are often things that we need or want to do.

Just like setting time aside for your families, friends, commitments in any areas. Sometimes, I really wonder, are all opportunities from God?
After awhile, I realise, the answer is "NO".
He give us choices to choose because He is such a loving Father. He would not force us to do things we do not want. However, God will make use of what we have now to stretch us to help us to grow. As we walked, we might fall but as we fall, we learned.

I realize I've been keeping to my commitments in dance and it makes me wonder, how do I prioritize between dance and church? No matter where we go, the level of commitments always go higher and higher. so how do we make a decision?

I've been thinking if I should give up dance after my nov performance. But dance has always been my passion. As for church, I do enjoy serving too. I've been reminded that "Time is not a factor". And no matter where we are, we always need God's grace. Maybe this is a stretching period for me to grow? But Lord, teach me how to prioritize my time. Provide me with the wisdom! :D

Love you Jesus! :D

Recently, I have been so busy with dance. Cherographing my item, training for others' items etc. My weeks of holidays are devoted to dance. I enjoyed it, but I felt alot of things has been drifting apart from me. Am I thinking too much??

What happen to us? I feel we are so apart now. Are we just too busy to keep up with one another?

I still learning to organise my time well so that I can set time apart for my family, friends and my passion. Thank you Daddy that all these are not a problem to You and so it will not be for me too. Provide me with the wisdom I need everyday to walk my journey with You. :D

Recently, I have been busy with my dance practice. One is on 30 sept for the Ngee Ann Kong Si, another one is in 17 Nov for our own mini concert.
Well, Mini concert is the one that I have to put in super lots of efforts as I have 4 items- 2 chinese dance, 1 modern comtempory dance, and 1 jazz. Wow... awesome. Praise the Lord.

Well, commitments always go higher and higher as you go along. I'm tired but surely I'm enjoying it. I thank God for the opportunity to dance again. Prayer comes true. :D

Daddy, Help me in organising my time. Give me the wisdom to make every big and little decision in my everyday life Lord, so that I know I can never be wrong when I walked the journey with You. Thank you Lord that You keep me under your big, warm and soft feathers. Woww.... Aw.... Hahahahha :D

Recently, I felt that everything change... Is my mind playing tricks on me?

I came to realise to a point, when there is a need to be straightforward, do not hesitant to. Even if it invites wrong conception about your intention. Especially in protecting your love ones...

Daddy God, take control of these situation! For my love ones are utimately Yours. Take care and protect them. Guide them in the rocky and bumpy journey so that they can grow to a higher level, gaining wisdom. And that of course includes my journey with You too Lord. :D

Jesus!!!
Been having a fever for the past few days since sunday. A hateful feeling... It's been a long time since I had a fever. Think is due to lack of sleep. But well, Healing is mine. Thank you Jesus for that. No weapon shall form against me. hehe. :D

Sometimes, I get realy furstrated. When things you have to do clashes with things that you love to do. And you have to make a choice out of it...

Jesus, I really love to do what I'm doing now. I want to continue for my whole life. Is so hard for me to fall in love with something. Once I fall in love, I will want it to be a forever passion.

Jesus, I want to play the instrunments You taught me for You, And I want to dance for You. You prosper in everything I do Lord. These desires are from You Lord, and I cherish them. I want to do it just for YOU.

Oh my gosh. Nothing seems to be going right. Stress up by projects, and stress up by other stuffs. What's up with all this? I went to popular today to get project stuffs, and only after a few hours after I get home, I realise I left the stuffs at popular. OH MY GOSH. JESUS. Why everything is not going right???????????

And guessed everyone is so tied up recently. But smt it just piss you off when you let emotions get control over you and you start to vent your anger on others. What's wrong man! Now I kind of understand how bad it is to let your emotions take control over you. And thanks God I always had someone there to remind me not to let my emotions take control over my doings and do not isolate myself from others. This is just to keep myself safe. Well, don think that person ever remember but yet, thanks lot HY. :)

But today I had a great chat with Janey on the way home. Such an awesome sharing session. I always enjoyed sharing with her. What she shared always speaks alot to me. Praise God for uisng her to speak to me and praise God for such an awesome sister. You're precious Janey dear. :D:D
Thanks so much for walking with me through my dark moments. I never forget the moments where you pray for me, and keep reminding and encouraging me with God's words. haha. Especially the day where we seat down at Atrium. Hahaha. You just encourage me so much and lend me the anointing oil to anoint myself before presentation. Somemore, during my retake of test, you're the one who stand with me and pray with me for good results and I did. Praise God. Thanks a millon Janey dear. :D

Well, as days goes by, you really realise that nothing beats people hurting your feelings, especially those that are close to you. Betrayal, pride, confidence, self-esteem... everything is bring down. You feel so hurt, that you don't feel like doing anything, so hurt that you get tired of living, so hurt that you feel that everything is not going right. What hurts most was, you know that person for so long, yet, you didn't realise the hurt that person had in his/her heart....

But at the end of the day, who is the one letting all these emotions comes into yourself? The answer is, it is only you. No one can condemns you except for you yourself. Yes, it is realy hard to get over the hurt that people do to you, especially the scars had been graved deep down in your heart, turing everying into hatred. But think about it, are you going to let all these scars going to stay deep in your heart? You are only hurting yourself and I really hate to see it. In fact, it hurts me too.

What can I do to help? Nothing much. The only way I can do is to let God take care of you. To lft you up to Him. What else can I do?

I can't totally understand how you feel in the past, but I do know that there are so much fears within you. A fear that people will judge you when you did not do something right in their eyes, a fear that you cannot do your best, a fear that you cannot acheive anything in life.

But will it do any good if you run away from it? I seriously hate to see you like this. It hurts me too. As much as I want to help you, but if you don open up your heart to let us help you, will we be able to?

I see so much fear in you, so much that I had never seen in anyone's eyes. I felt the hurt you go through, so hurt that it's breaking me down too. What can I do????

Letting go isn't easy, especially when it is so close to your heart and is impossible to forget. Somehow, you know you should let go, but deep down in your heart, you just desire everything will be back to normal, no matter how tiring or how long it can be.

It wise to let go of certain things at times and you know clearly the reason(s) why. It's just like another journey for you to grow with the Lord, getting a fresh new revealation from Him and let Him stretch you further. Letting go may not mean ending everything but keeping that precious thing in your heart first, and wait for the right time before taking it out again. But then again, the process is surely not a easy journey. Who knows how long will it take for you to realise when is the right time again? And will it run away from you when the time before the time is right? Many doubts and insercurity are there in your heart.

On the other hand, you want everything to go back to normal, but apprently, it seems hard. Not saying it is impossible, but considering on 2 party, is really hard to make a decision.

I pray that no matter what decision it is, God will take care of this situation and you.

One more day to HM7 CAMP! What should i bring??? Please Lord don let me forget to bring anything. Thank You Jesus. Hehehehe.
Went out today and had lots of fun. Nothing beats spending time with your love ones and having a break!

Finally my term ends. But that doesn't mean everything can flow smoothly now (But it will in Jesus's name). After camp, I will have to prepare for projects. And well, the headach thing is, we have to learn how to work with a new member, who's quite difficult to work with as the working style is very different. One is enough, but it seems like there two. :(
Thank You Lord we shall find favor with the people around us and you provide the wisdom for guidance...

I hate it when people throw their rubbish problems to other people. Why run away instead of learning to make a decision? Learning to take up responsibility isn't easy I understand. But, whats the use of pondering over it and get angry over it instead of thinking of ways to approach? I think everyone of us has to learn how to cast our worries to God.

Ultimately, which is the wiser choice? To run away, or to approach God? I was reminded by Him: "Love, why get so piss? You are in an advantage position when you walked the road of making decision. Making decision is what I have for you, a pathway to help you grow". Which is wow!
Furthermore, Vanessa give me a timing msg:
VAn: " My dearm I just want to say you are Jesus Christ finished work at the cross. I love you and have an awesome day with Jesus.

Me: "Dear, I had a bad day. I so piss and lost now. People treat us like a rubbish bin and throw their unwanted staffs to my group and expect us to pick it up and clear the mess for them. And you see people running away from it instead of cooling down and think of a way. I'm so tired of making decision. I a human too. How to do so many things at one go without time to think and ask God. I feel like crying now"

Van: " you know, when you tell me you seems to be making every decision, like a leader and is getting tired of people throwing their problems to you. I thought of you as a wise, spirit lead and woman of God that is able to give guidance to lost sheeps when you draw all strength and wisdom from Jesus, :) What do you think ailin?

So what do you thinked? At first, I don't really understand what she trying to say as I'm so lost and confused. But when I think of it again and again, is just what God remind me. And I thought about my CMs meetings during the times with Coaches about what they say about leadership qualities, learning to reach out to people. I'm totally amazed by how God works in my life without I knowing it. It seems like He set out a pathway to equiped me with the skills before letting that big things come happening to help me grow. Think about it, without obstacles, how do I see His grace and love for me? Without His wisdom, how do I get the wisdom to make decision?

Thank you Lord! You have blessed me so much. Shower me with more of Your grace and words. Let me see the love You have for me more and more that I cannot withstand it. All things You shall provide Lord.

ALL THINGS- Favor, Wisdom, Strength, EVERYTHING

my flowers from...

twin-nee darling!

and a little present from Ashely

There's more, the box with NP(a) wishes, and another heart pendant that twin-nee gives. I love it. Thanks. (But i lazy take photo) If got chance then take. heheh

The time to complete your assingment soon have come. And most importantly, 3 more days to HM7 camp! It will be my first time joining a church camp, somemore we will be staying in hotel.

What are the games we will play? How will be the bonding session like? How will my first taking of a small daily devotional group go? WHAT WILL I RECIEVE???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AILIN IS EXCITED!!!!!
But pray that she can enjoy camp TOTALLY without any worry.

Thanks Daddy God for the awesome sharing today during meeting, and thanks Pastor Lian for the awesome service. :)God really speaks to each one of us differently.

I love today msg, especially the part where Pastor Lian said:


So true isn't it? Aren't there lots of time where we will get lost in our directions and thought that we must do well ourself in order to achieve great results? But as we thought of this, we depending on own efforts. How much can humans go? Humans strength are so limited. Stress always comes in when we developed expectations for ourselves and eventually, what others said, might indirectly leads you to condemn yourself. Some people said stuffs with no purpose of critizing that person, or look down on him/her, but thinking back, aren't we not being sensitive when we are stressed up? Having lots of fears that the results we wanted might not be achieve?

Most of the time, we are just condeming ourselves. Even if people were to condemn you, it is the devil. But are we going to let the condemnation comes into our lives? Lives can really be stressful but it won't be when we are walking the journey with God. :)

Today Coach Lewis told us to share about our lives with one another on how the gospel of Grace helped us to grow. And looking at one another lives, without God's grace, how do you stepped out of your self-conciousness? How to step out of your comfort zone? How to quit smoking within one day? How to learn to grow stronger and stand firm on His words through what we go through in our lives? All these are found on me and my friend's lives. Isn't God cool?

Though we will walked through moments of darkness and pain, but God don promise that life will be smooth. Even He said that we shall feel drain out. But, He promised that we won't be defeated!

Finally, it's over. There was no need for me to stay on in a place that I had passion for learning, but yet so not organise. Thank You Lord that it's finally over. What a sad thing is, I lost my precious object on that day and I had to get a new one. :(

Too busy recently to catch up with alot of stuffs. Time seems to not be in my control anymore. 1 assignments due every week, having so many things to catch up on. Seriously, I only had no mood for anything other than completing my assignmnets. I emphasis NO MOOD. Although I still want to go out and play, and enjoy my busy life.

But Time is in Your hands Lord. Thank you Lord Jesus that you multiply my time and grant me the wisdom I need for assignment. Bless me with super abundantly favors too. Thank You that You shall bless my friends too with all the things they need and they shall find favor anywhere they go. Thank You Jesus. You make me smile.... :D

Everyone of us goes through different seasons of life, and in every seasons, we always have to go through different things. Making a choice doesn't seems to leave your life.

I remembered someone said, "Life is made up of many choices". But, how do we make the choices we want? Sometimes, things can get really hard for you to make a choice. Sometimes, you are just caught in the middle...

I know God is helping me through this and I need to learn how to let God in my situation. It is really very hard to do it, when the journey aheads seems to be so hard for you to take on. God says "I will be carrying you when you are down. I will never leave You alone." But God, sometimes, I just feel so hard to stand firm on Your words. I know You will always be there for me, to love me, no matter how many times I looked away from You. I really thank You for that. Each time letting me feel such a sweet presences of you on my verge of breaking down.

Daddy, Pls help me go through all this. It is really hard for me, but You will never say is hard. You always go the opposite way. Thank you Abba that You will really guide me along through this journey, helping me to make a choice.

And Daddy, I going to cast all my cares on you. I don like the "me" now. I miss the old me. I really feel like a different person and I HATE it. Help me Daddy...

God is just so amazing.

Today, as I was on my way to church, I recieved a msg from my evil twin and guessed what? She is able to go for HM7 camp! Praise the Lord. As I was thinking back, the whole process was tiring for her I guessed. The feeling of wanting to recieve, but yet there something that is holding you back was not really great. During that time, I feeling very sad for her too, but yet there is nth I can do but to keep her in my prayer that she will be able to make it for HM7. And amazingly, God did answered our prayer. :)
Another testimony by one of the brothers was that he got a book "Destiny to Reign" by our Senior Pastor Price from his friend's brother or brother's friend. I can't really remember but his story was, he saw this book on the table during the chalet and all he did was only saying that he want the book but did not really pray to God about it. Isn't God amazing? He knows what is good for you and even if you don pray in a manner like" Daddy God, I want that book, please grant me with it", God still bless you with it. Isn't that totally cool?!! :D

During the service, I couldn't really catch what the pastor is talking about. He was some guest speaker and I couldn't really understand what he is preaching because his accents is really strong. But I can remember he was preaching about casting your cares to the Lord!

1Peter 5: 6-9
6 Therefore humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,
7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversery the devil walks upon like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.

Luke 10: 19
19 Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and all over the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

The pastor shared about this authority that we had from God to overcome the devil is always with us. We can by all means reject what the devil do to us, but if we don't exercise this authority, how can this authority can be of significane?
God want us to cast our cares to Him because He loves us too much to see us carrying so many burdens on ourselves. That is why He want us to stand firm in His words and reject the devil. If we don't, how can God takes care of it for us? Self-efforts will surely failed but with God, He will never failed!!

I know my journey in this life will never ever be perfect and smoothly. There are bound to be times where I can get lost and hurt by people around me. But no matter what, I still have a Father, who is willing to listen to my complains 24/7. Who can ever do that? Nobody.
Daddy, You shall guide me throughout my journey and I shall learn to cast all of my burdens upon You. I just want to be a little sheep, knowing You my Daddy God will provide me with all I need. Even when I go through the darkest moments Lord, You shall give me the wisdom to overcome it. Thank You Daddy God.

I love You!

Today was my second day of school.. Aww. It was boring. I starting to miss the fun I had during my first year 1st semster. All the lessons are really great with great lecturers.

My whole day was like rotting in school... Sian Sian and Sian-ness. Simply nothing interesting to do in school. But well, thank God I have my sisters-in-christ in school, who can spend time in school with me. That's the thing that I appreciate it. Thanks God for that.

Proverbs 17:17 (The messsage)

17 Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble

Today's the first day of school. It wasn't a really great start. I wasn't really feeling well since on the way to school till home. It was bad.. I can't really concentrate during lesson, although we didn't did much also. My mind is like drifted off to another place.

I don know why, today what's on my mind is all about performance on the 24th may. I couldn't manage to go for practice for one week plus, and I tried to find time to practice, but hai... I really want to do well for this performance, even though I don really like my practices now. It is really like hell.. Staying there having the passion for it but with no friends around for you to talk to. Well, thanks God i habe You. But Daddy, I really need the strength to carry on with this. I don like to do smt that I don like, but performing is part of my life! How do I carry on if I don have you to anoint every practices I have no matter is it at home or at sch..

Well, lesson ends early today, at around 5.45pm. I went to meet my beloved sisters for dinner, turn out that jeremy is there too. Well, we had a fun time laughing, and taking photos, etc. I guess to be able to enjoy fellowship in school is the best. Everyone in poly is just friends-Project friends. Not really all, but mostly. Who is there for you when you really need them? So, relationships from God is still the best. No matter what happens, there is always someone to remind you that God is here, and my kingdom friends are here for me. No matter how down we are. Thank you Daddy.

I love you lots!!

Sch is starting soon!! Hmm.. how am I feeling currently??? Nervous? Excited?? Actually, I just just tired at the thought of that, but deep down, I want to go back to my student life again rather than working life. haha. It was really great! Working is really tiring and I feel so drain....

Well, this sem shall be blessed with super abundantly favors as what God had promised us for this year! This year shall be a year full of favors and salvation! Thank you Lord Jesus that I will have alot of free favors with friends and lecturers! :D

The Lord shall bless all my friends too with their new year! Amen

I'm bored!!! Was randomly looking up at some photos I took in the past and realise how blessed am I to have someone who I can just randomly called up last minute just to go out, and have a hear to heart chat. Hehehe. Show you my sister ok? She my twin lei. But we don look alike!!

This is my wicked twin! :D

Everyone will sure feel lost sometimes, feeling so stressed up by all the responsibilities that you have to carry out. And everything feels so bad that you get nth out of it when you have been giving and giving and giving... and everything just seems that you have to do so many things in a rush, that it is deprieving you of things that you want to do... I just feel so tired, and drain out.. to the extent that I got so piss and I don feel like doing anything anymore. What's the point????

I know the reasons for doing this and that. I know. But I not God, I don know how to get out of certain situations to do what I supposed to do. And I don like the feeling of doing just for the sake of doing it just because you want it. I want it my pace. How inlogical it is when you say you want the best and rushing it at the same time. yeah, to God is possible, but I feel so stress up. Can you understand??

"What can I do?" That's all you asked.. But what I see is you want your way. Telling me to do all these stuffs, then you doing another thing.

Yes, I know the reasons for doing it. And I really enjoy doing it for God. But putting all these stress on me really makes me feels so drain out. Who can I talk to? Who is there for me? Who is going to help me? No one except God.

But yet, everything seems to be going so wrong. For once I never felt so angry with you God. I never felt so worst abt You. Yes I know because you sees the gift that God puts in me, that is why you assign me with this. But God, I don want to serve with a heavy heart. And that not what You want too Lord right?

But, ultimately, I realise the real reasons behind it. Looking back, is not God did not deliver me from it. He wants it too much to help me, and guide me along. But the question is, do I allow Him to come in my situation?

During Praise and worships, I got so angry with God, and keep scolding God. For once, I never felt so down, I never felt so stress up with Him. But then, it was at that moment that I felt so closest to God. The feeling is just like He is my friend, who wants to be there for me yet i closing myself from Him. And that was why I broke down.. At that moment, I really felt the presence of the Lord. He is there hugging me, comforting me.

Daddy, I really thank you for all that You done. You did not even forsake me for a moment no matter how much I get so distant from You. You does not even care no matter how much I get so angry with you. Thank you Daddy. I love you!! I shall learn to depend You and not on Man. Man will definitely failed me.

This is way touching! This video reflects how powerful and merciful God is, healing all our sickness and pain, calming all the storms that lies ahead of us. All of these judgements, are all taken by Him at the heavy cross He carry...

I love you Jesus. You are the ultimate PERFECT LOVER that I can ever have.

New Creation Church is delivered out of its circumstances 2000 years ago at the cross...

There will always be the devil standing in between when you feel so close. The devil is always trying to break things up for you. But I shall not accept it for I am with Christ! The Lord is above all floods!

People, if you are lost, guard your heart. No matter what, everything will only work well when you have peace in your heart. Do listen carefull to this song, enjoy the Lord's pressence with you and listen to what He has in store for you. :D

I had my DnD ytd and well, kind of bored but lucky? Well, God is just so amazing. I won a Spa voucher in the lucky draw! I just asked God to bring smt home. And He gave me this big present! Wow, that's amazing ah. I can't believe I get it! Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!

Have you ever seen yourself lost in a situation where you can never do anything to get yourself out? Have you ever seen your loved ones so depressed, but yet you cannot do anything about it? I believe everyone had been through it. I have myself too, feeling bad that I can't do anything to help even when there's a strong urge to reach out to them...

I was asking God, What's the best way to reach out to others? And I realise, Prayers are the best way. No matter where you are, just keep that person in prayer.

2 corinthians 1: 11 (The message)

11We don't want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we'd been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he's the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he'll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. You and your prayers are part of the rescue operation—I don't want you in the dark about that either. I can see your faces even now, lifted in praise for God's deliverance of us, a rescue in which your prayers played such a crucial part.

Prayers certainly helps when one is lost. No matter is it praying for own or for others. Whenever
I felt down, where I felt that I can turn to no one, it is really terrible to keep all within myself. But thanks God, I have Him, the greatest comfortor and listening ear, the one one will leads me to my destiny too.

Deuteronomy 4:29-31 (The Message)
29-31 But even there, if you seek God, your God, you'll be able to find him if you're serious, looking for him with your whole heart and soul. When troubles come and all these awful things happen to you, in future days you will come back to God, your God, and listen obediently to what he says. God, your God, is above all a compassionate God. In the end he will not abandon you, he won't bring you to ruin, he won't forget the covenant with your ancestors which he swore to them.

Life is full of obstacles. Even God, does not promise that there are no troubled-free life. But He promise to deliver us whenever we seek Him first. As what is stated in the Bible, God is a merciful God. He is the only one who won't abandone you. Sometimes, we will feel that friends will always be there for us. But yeah, it does not always seems to be the way. We ourselves are humans. How much can we do? We can't possibly reach out to so many ppl even if we want to too. But for God, His ways are always so not logical.

So, why not try praying to Him when you are lost with no solutions?

But remember, you NEED NOT be a christian for God to answer your prayers. Everything wents down to just "Having a relationship with God".

Maybe sometimes, you may asked "I prayed, but God never answer". Actually, God has His reasons for not answering too. If the request made is harmful to you, will He answer since He had already forseen what will going to hurt you? He give up Jesus just for you, so for what reason will He hurt you?

It is just, God is trying to protect you, and open another door for you... :)

Isaiah 58:8

8Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.


God is going to raise a generation with healing in our hands! Don't you think is cool? I always get amazed when pastor prayed over healing, and wow, they are just HEALED! Healed of headach, tumour, cancer, fever etc. BIG or SMALL, nth is impossible for Him. He, the high priest, is always there to provide for us because of His merciful love. He died on the completed the work on the cross so that we can acheive His blessing. And when we recieve it, we do not need to earn it; we recieve by resting because He want to provide us a life of relax.



Hebrews 8:7-13 (New King James Version):
A New Covenant:

Hello peeps!
I am Ailin, 18 years old
I am a Child of God
Born on 7th June 1991
Reborn again (accepted christ) on 21st Feb 2004
Attending New Creation Church
Studying ECH (Early Childhood Education in Ngee Ann Poly

I love My Family and Friends
I love Colourful. But prefer pink and white more!
I love Hello Kitty
I love Going Church
I love Hanging out with friends
I love Heart to heart talk
I love My Guzheng
I love Yummy Food
I love Children
I love Singing
I love Doing D.I.Y
I love Anything thats cute

I dislike Vulgarities
I dislike People giving me attitue
I dislike Boot Lickers
I dislike Comparison
I dislike Back-stabbers
I dislike Violence

Song playing :(blank)

I want a bigger house
I want a drum set

Family: Daphne
Junrong
Zhuo Yi


New Creation Church
Angelina*beloved sister;crapping mate*
Janey*beloved sister*
Jie Tao
Larry
Yi Lei
Kelesther
Vernice


Seng Kang Secondary School
Grace
Hafiz
> Ren Jie
Rex
SKYCO


Echos of Valley Chinese Orchestra
Derek
Joyce
Raymond
Slyvester


Online Shopping
e.n.j.o.y.s.h.o.p.p.i.n.g
la dame chic
Fancy Pocket
Pasticheous
Kisslocke
bonitochico
Black Ribbon
Monoteapots