The Heart of the Bride

Excerpt from Chapter 4, Rekindled Flame by Steve Fry, Multnomah 2002

Worship is not an end in itself. It is meant to take us somewhere. Worship sensitizes us to God's presence. But even then He wants us to know the security of His presence for an even deeper purpose: intimacey with Him. As important as worship is, it is but a pathway to communion with God, the means by which we tether our hearts to His. Our call to worship has nothing to do with giving us an opportunity for some carthartic release- it has everything to do with elating God's heart by expressing our hunger for Him.

Worship is about intimacy with the Father and His Son, Jesus, about nestling in His everlasting arms, about being romanced by the Ultimate Lover, about bringing joy to the One whose heart absorbs the sting of rejection every second of every day.

It is about being His bride...

Cultivating a heart for Jesus like that of a bride for her bridegroom radically shapes our motives- the ministries we launch, the priorities we set. Our lives can be motivated out of fear or anger, and both can masquerade as competitiveness or drivenness. But a bride responds not out of fear or anger, nor even a sense of need, but rather out of love for her bridegroom.

Bridal intimacy is cultivated in worship. For our worship is not prepared liturgy alone, nor is it an incidental exercise designed to set the stage for a preacher's sermon. It is a moment of holy embrace. When we lift our hands, we receive His embrace. When we close our eyes in worship, it's like that moment just before two lovers kiss. When we hear the Scriptures preached or nourish our souls as we meditate on its precepts, it's as if the very seed of His Word impregnates our hearts.

I know it's tough for men to buy into such romantic imagery, especially when it calls us to think of ourselves in feminine terms. But heavenly romance is the polar opposite of the tawdry trash served up by Hollywood. Genuine bridal devotion to Jesus suggests a strength of conviction, a durable commitment to sacrifice, and a steadfast grit in the face of adversity that comes only from the heart's fount of love. It is a "muscular" devotion to the Lord that does not demur when its will is crossed by the Bridegroom's commands and is quick to contend for His glory....

Here [Song of Solomon], it is the Bridegroom's turn to express longing for His beloved. To think that the King of the Universe finds our hearts alluring and the sound of our voices pleasurable! This boundless love of Christ if masterfully captured by C. S. Lewis when he says that His love is "...not the senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way, not the cold philanthropy of a conscientious magistrate, nor the care of a host who feels responsible for the comfort of his guests, but the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artist's love for his work and despotic as a man's love for a dog, provident and venerable as a father's love for a child, jealous, inexorable, exacting as love between the sexes."

Worship is as much an expression of lovesickness as it is the awe of His majesty. And sometimes God allows us to walk through the dark corridors of life where we have no answers and do not sense His care. Sometimes the path to realizing the depth of His passion takes us through the valley of the shadow. Somehow, though we don't always see it during those dark nights of the soul, God does a deep, hidden work in us, bringing us into a kind of intimate knowledge of Himself.

Those times when questions loom large and answers are hollow produce a depth of understanding that can be cultivated no other way.... When we are blind to what we can figure out, when we cannot see logically, we are forced to touch Him, smell Him, and hear Him much more acutely. When we have been stripped of all else, we can know that He is all that satisfies.

CHOICES

I'm looking at

missiontrip
- to mongolia in june with merv and friends, or
- to mongolia in may w crusade friends, or
- to kazakstan w GEN12II in late may with strings pulled

Further Studying
- Ethno@Columbia if they want me and gimme fellowship, or
- Composition+Ethno@UTAustin if they gimme fellowship, and they've such an extensive faculty, or
- Composition+musicology@UIUC or UMich or Indiana cos they're soo good..., or
- Composition+Ethno@some European institution (the Sibelius Academy in finland or IRCAM in paris sound good) cos fees are free, or
- Musical Acoustics@the Royal Academy, Stockholm which is pretty much THE place for musical acoustics research or UNSW which has a nicely respectable musical acoustics division in its physics department... Someone gimme a scholarship

Need wisdom and grace and favor in seeking His will.

Ravi Zecharias is in town! Catch him here!

Its FRIDAY

Woohoo! I finally finished my tutorial classes today. Glad its over as a tutor. I'm sure the feeling's mutual.

Coming back to research work this week has been a hassle. I can't seem to pick up the pace I had before the tonsil episode. Am making a priority to sleep sufficiently, and stay sane.

Been struggling with issues w ministry. A dilemma between having to harden my heart and continue serving, or to preserve my heart, but let the ministry go. Its something dear, but just sometimes, it gets so hot there must be blisters in my heart. Hmmm. But I'm giving thanks, cos I know His hand's in all this. Yay!

Been lately nicely bathed with wonderful worship sessions this two week, especially corporately (which I haven't been able to participate in much; the last time I was in the SNL congregation worshipping was last may)- two services w the pennstate team, one w a bunch of jamming friends, and one w the planet shakers, being silly, jumpy and all happy for God. And that has helped ease the pain. Just to soak it in the Holy Spirit. Asking him to renew my mind and my heart. That's how old wineskins are renewed- soaked in oil to let the skin relax and get the crinkles and stretches out.

Just to rise above the situation, and to simply just wait on God, and hear His voice.

This book I'm reading now, Rekindled Flame by Steve Fry (yes... the songwriter-worshipleader) was summing up what makes an ideal christian life; one that's characterised by worship, mercy and humility. And the author's conclusion is found in genesis, where enoch's life was summed up in one simple line:

"and Enoch walked with God and was no more"

That's it! To simply walk out our lives with God. Nothing more, nothing less. How beautiful.

Yay!

i'm out of the tonsilitis phase, and back to picking up momentum on research. It feels terrible getting back to the frenetic pace I was getting used to.

I just sent the Penn State fellas off at the airport this morning... was with them until 530... unearthly hour. Ps Mark, Kiong and Vincent stayed on to send another short term missions persons off at 7am... I couldn't stay... had to come to lab to do another run at 9am. And I needed some shut eye. I guess I'm gonna miss the Penn State team- good heart, humble spirit.

They're quite a fascinating bunch... firstly they're from a campus church at Penn State University, which is a really different way of functioning. I mean, as a church, having a turnover of members every few years must be a challenge. Leadership team changes too, although some do stay back to serve, its not common. Anyways, the team that came over (5 guys, plus two wives!) is a mixture graduated-but-staying-around-to-serve, graduating-and-looking-at-graduate-school and the sort. About three of them are entrepreneurs, working at this really interesting company thingy (check it out here) they founded. Somehow it gives them good reason to stay around at State College.

Well, I don't suppose I'd see them again in a hurry. But it did kinda stir up that raw passion and hunger for pure unadulterated agenda-less worship i seem to have neglected in a while. And that's good... i need to do that.

And yay, i've got a new niece, pairing nicely to go w Abel who's tumbling all around the house now... haha.

Of Tonsils, Tutorials and Tetracyclin

Its official- i'm in the midst of one searing bout of tonsilitis... It makes swallowing absolutely intolerable, and the fever makes me totally woozy. My left tonsil is swollen with inflammation, and its spreading to my right tonsil. Decided to go slow on my research and take these few days off... Will resume cram-speed coming monday. In a way, its good timing too; i've been meaning to take a break, and these few days wouldn't have been too productive either- i'm waiting for two lab-techs to get back to me on their missing equipment. I'm on erythromycin, which is a close relative of tetracyclin.

I managed to teach two tutorials this week with my inflammed tonsils, so, wooohoo for me. Then again, the students don't interact too much (its an engin tutorial remember), so it wasn't that bad... It was only when I had to go through Freudenstein's method (which is a monster of a method- two whole pages of derivatives), I had to speak up more. And I notice my AC classmate who sat in my previous tutorial has wisely zao-ed to another tutorial group. Oh well... Its weird tutoring your old friends, and it works both ways.

I'm leading worship at SNL tomorrow again. If you read this before then, please pray for my throat to hold up.

Oh, there's a team of students from a campus church at Penn State U that's visiting right now; they'll be playing at this sunday's 9am and next Sat's SNL service. I dropped by their practice just. I think they're wonderful. They've got a great heart too! Musically they're closer to vineyard, and then add a dose of intercessory/prophetic edge to their spontaneous bits. I'm lending them my taylor cos the aguitarist wasn't too keen on bringing her taylor halfway round tbe globe. I understand. Well, for the most part of their stay here, they'd be doing outreach all about town... so don't be surprised if you're walking down orchard road and a group of youngadult angmohs start breaking out in christian songs and start preaching. I'm not too sure about e legality of that, but I'm sure something will work out.

Yeaps.

I'm going to sleep now... wake up in a bit to drink dinner...