You say Tomato...

I say...

"OSKAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yesterday morning...

I walked across the newly watered grass planning to harvest peppers, cucumbers and some big green tomatoes for lunch...




...only to discover my garden had been ransacked...

By a 30 pound weiner dog...

Who had head-butted the garden gate open in obvious protest of us only feeding him twice a day.

The only veggies remaining in the garden were some 8 ball squash which are obviously not pleasing to a weiner dog palate...


And a bunch of hot peppers which were obviously less pleasing to the weiner dog palate as indicated by the pile of ummm.... doggie ... ummm... throw-up filled with the crunched up remains of quite a few of them.

I'm hoping this little metal loop will discourage further 'salad bar' snackings...


...And I'm hoping I don't pass out from all this...

Sighing.

Sigh...

O is for Oskar

Kentucky Derby Pie Link 22? E-mail me. Your link doesn't work and I want to fix it for you!


Oskar the weiner dog's
stubby legs wobble.
As he runs through the house
looking for things to gobble.

He is not discerning.
He just doesn't care,
if it's kleenex or kids books
or mens underwear.

Green tomatoes from the garden,
Printer cartridges from the desk,
But getting to the garbage can
Is the thing that he likes best.

He's not too particular.
He's really not picky.
To Oskar the weiner dog
nothing is icky.

Oskar the fat, little weiner dog
is always ready to eat!
So if you come to visit me
you better watch your FEET! This post is brought to you by the Letter "O" and is linked to
PS. No weiner dogs were starved in the artistic creation of these photos.

A natural segue of thoughts...from bubbles to Alphabe-Thursday book winner...

Good morning! I've had three cups of coffee...be afraid.

Be very afraid.

On Friday before Easter our son stopped over with our Grands. And we had a Grand time!

One of the things that had us laughing super hard was my efforts to teach our weiner dog, Oskar, to sing. It's coming along. And if I get brave I'll figure out how to make a video of it...it is actually totally hilarious. And Oskar continued to make us laugh when the girls played with bubbles in the front yard. He raced around the yard knocking everyone over and trying to bite the bubbles. It was also totally hilarious.




... and speaking of bubbles...remember how I was telling you about the chalk and crayon stuff at the preschool and how I disparaged the person "teaching" playdough? Well...just to make up for my playdough bashing I thought I'd share the Kool Aid playdough recipe we make up for the preschool.

Kool Aid Playdough

Mix together 2 1/2 cups flour, 1 cup salt, two packages of unsweetened koolaid (use the same color)

Quickly add: 3 tablespoons vegetable oil AND 2 cups boiling water.

Stir together quickly and thoroughly and knead until no longer sticky. Smells yummy and makes great colors.

This doesn't shred apart as much as regular playdough and it smells wayyyy better. For those of you that don't like playdough you might find yourself more fond of it if you try this.

And speaking of finding...

See? Did I tell you this was a great natural segue of thoughts post or what?

I'm not sure why I thought I had to wait until Sunday night to find a winner from this weeks Alphabe-Thursday giveaway for an autographed copy of Julie Schulers spellbinding book... The copy I ordered of this book came on Friday ...ummm....Julie...cover your eyes for a second here(she gets annoyed with me for getting so excited about her talent) ... the illustrations in this book are beyond amazing. Mr.Jenny and I kept turning the pages...astounded.

If you didn't win this book you might consider ordering it by clicking here to go to Julie's Blurb ordering page. This is not a book for children but it is something you really should think about adding to your collection. I messed up and had my copy sent here, which means I had to turn around and mail it to Julie so she can autograph it which is going to be important because this girl is going to be famous. OK, Julie, you can uncover your eyes now.

And speaking of uncovering...

Yea. The master of the segue...

I asked Mr. Random Org to help me uncover the winner for the book...

There were 70 linked posts for the Letter "L".

True Random Number Generator

Min: 1
Max: 70
Result: 14

And link 14 is Jo with Lots and Lots of Words! If you didn't get a chance to visit Jo's Alphabe-Thursday post please be sure to visit her now by just clicking here!

Jo, Congratulations! Please e-mail your address to: jennymatlock at cox dot net as soon as you can. I'm happy you don't have to buy this wonderful book.

And speaking of buy...

Bye for now.

I is for Idaho!

OK.

It's like this.

I once wrote a scathing review of Idaho based on the very small part of the population there that is mean.

Huh?

Yes, I do so know what the word scathing means and THIS POST I WROTE proves that I can be devastatingly cruel AND scathing when I wish to be.

But that's not what I want to write about here.

OK, so sometimes you know how you form this impression (another "I" word, by the way) of people and think they are mean and then after some more time passes you decide that maybe you imagined their meanness and so you give them another chance and then you find out...ummm....yea...they really are mean after all?

Well, that happens with nice people, too.

After our friends visited us from Idaho I thought to myself "gee, those people are really nice" but they will probably never call us again when they visit Arizona because I insulted their State with ridiculous potato jokes and then, lo and behold, we got this little package in the mail from them a few weeks ago...

And...

Ta da!

...

Look! Because of their kindness Oskar can now imitate an Idaho potato!

He is very proud.

See his obvious weiner dog pride in this photo?

And now because of the nice Idaho people Oskar can do two impressions. The potato one...and the bat one (when we lift his ears straight up!) but I'll show you that another day!

Good Oskar.

Good weiner dog.

Good friends in Idaho.

Strange "I" post.

But, hey, don't be irritated at me over it.

I actually had a better idea for my "I" post initially.

I wanted Oskar to pose like he was in an iditarod...because that is, like, one of the coolest "I" words ever.

But it didn't work out.

Yea.

He pretty much just wanted to lay down doing his impression of an Idaho potato. But I tried.

YessireeBob, I really, really tried to give you an interesting and informative "I" post.

And failed.

But it's not really my fault.

It is technically Oskar's fault.

Because weiner dogs are stubborn and they only do what they want to do when they want to do it.

So please don't boo my "I" post.

And please don't hate Oskar because he is a weiner dog.

Sigh.

This post is linked to Alphabe-Thursday - the letter "I"!

I no longer hate my weiner dog...

Yes, I know I've written scathing posts about him and his propensity to tinkle on the floor.

And I've written other posts about how strange he is in general.

But today last night I feel in love with my weiner dog, Oskar, all over again.

And it is because of this!
I saw this really cool wreath recently here and I became enamored of making one.

I showed my husband.

He did not share my enthusiasm.

"What books are you going to cut up to make this?" he said.

"Don't worry, it won't be any of yours," I replied.

So I dug through some paperbacks languishing in the back of the bookshelves and I put two on the table along with my wreath form and hot glue gun. Oddly, the books disappeared.

"Where are my paperbacks?" I asked him.

"Oh, I might want to read those someday!" he replied.

"You want to read some books about lustful maidens falling in love with their gardeners/and or stablemen?" I asked sarcastically.

"Well, you never know...I just might," he said, and then he added, "that wreath looks dumb anyway!"

Hmmm...

So I dug further and found another book and put it on the table. Apparently he might want to read a book someday about exercising your face followed by a book about eliminating boll weavils in the cotton fields.

He is dumb like that.

But last night my weiner dog, Oskar, made me love him.

We had taken our granddaughters out to a little picnic at the playground and got home quite a bit later then usual.

Poor Oskar must have been famished because on the living room floor was a ripped up book. Pages, strewn everywhere! (I took this picture today so you can see how absolutely darling this sweet, little angel is!)

And now, my friends, I can make my wreath!

I just love that dog!

And if you want to make this wreath and run into the same problem...you may or may not want to try rubbing some meat juice (ewwww) on a book you don't want.

Not that I did.

Or would.

Ever.

Sigh.

I want to start writing about Dad's 80th party...

...I really, really do.

But something major happened.

So I need to interrupt my regularly scheduled writing to bring you an important bulletin.

I have made it one of my missions in life here at Jenny Matlock to keep you well-informed at all times about many diverse aspects of life. Please consider this a full-service announcement about weiner dog eating habits.

OK.

Are you ready?

Here it is.

Weiner dogs do not like gluten-free cereal.

It is now a documented fact because I have written it down in my blog. And if something is written down in a blog it is, obviously, true. Right?

So up until yesterday I thought weiner dogs would eat anything with the exception of raw onions.

A weiner dog can hear a tiny crumb drop when he is at the other end of the house and come barreling into your kitchen with enough purpose to knock you over. A big feat for a short little dog like that.

A weiner dog can lick a rug bare if a tiny drop of coffee falls onto it.

A weiner dog can...well, you get the idea...

BUT...

Hey, do you have the number for the National Enquirer because I think they would pay big for this story. Just e-mail it to me, OK, cuz I want to finish this story so all the documentation will be official and all.

Ummm.... where was I?

Oh yea.

I think I need to make this all professional and non-emotional so the world will take this seriously.

Ahem.

1. We have a weiner dog.
2. I was taking a bath and eating cereal in the bathtub and...(no, it's not because I'm messy...it's because I was running late and this particular cereal takes about five minutes to chew for each mouthful - so there Miss Negative!)
...when 3. I put the cereal bowl down on the carpet and proceeded to wash my hair while trying not to choke on the mouthful of cereal I was still chewing on.

Did I mention a weiner dog can hear a dish set quietly on the floor at the neighbors house and will pace with great determination trying to figure out how to grow opposable thumbs so he can open the front door and get to it.

So...said weiner dog (see, doesn't that sound serious and professional and all) came flying into the bathroom with his ears a-floppin' every which way and immediately dived into said bowl of cereal.

He stopped.

He coughed.

He looked at me with big, brown, hurt eyes.

And then he daintily licked all of the rice milk out of the bowl and with a totally disgusted look on his face walked huffily away!

See, did I tell ya or did I tell ya?

This is amazing isn't it?

I knew you would be impressed and amazed just like I was.

I mean, I can tell you about my Dad's party any old day...but rarely can I have the pleasure of bringing you breaking news of this magnitude.

NosirreeBob I wasn't going to waste your time with boring tales of a party that is over when I could bring this information to you.

Please feel free to spread the word.

What?

Oh, of course you're welcome. My pleasure.

Sigh.

I am linking this post to the Follow me Friday, bloghop!

It's the dogs fault...

...that I can't update you here on the progress of my outfit dilemma for my Dad's Birthday party.

Don't be fooled by this innocent face......because at the other end of this innocent face is ... well ... ummmm... a wee wee (yes I know we're supposed to call things by their correct name and all but I just can't do it!)...

...yesirreeBob, there is a wee wee on this innocent looking weiner dog that decided that peeing behind the chair in my husbands office was preferable to walking about 50 steps to go outside...

...which resulted in my husband having to dry and deodorize the floor with some smelly stuff...

...which gave me a headache...

...which means I don't really care at the moment if I find something to wear or not.

But I feel reassured that I will intuitively know just the right thing to wear because I found this picture when I was sorting photos to make signs for my daughters 30th birthday that shows me in all my stylin' glory ... TA DA! So don't you worry about a thing!

I've got the outfit under control.

Kinda.

Sorta.

Too bad I can't get the weiner dogs wee wee kinda/sorta under control, too.

Sigh.