Me. now.

Lets start off with the fact that i LOVE this weather. I love summer. I love the smells that come with it. the scent of coconut lotion, the grill fired up cooking up the steaks, the BEAUTIFUL sunshine warming you inside and out.

I am doing pretty good. I am ever learning how the world works. It hurts, it pulls, it strengthens and it grows. I am feeling like i am at the starting line of a course and I don't have the slightest clue what is to come.

But. I guess thats how life is eh?

My sister has become my best friend. She is hilarious. I appreciate her constant motivation she gives me. She keeps me sane. She keeps me from wasting away in my easy chair.

I work hard at my job. I don't know what I will be doing a year from now. That uncertainty is was makes me feel like I have a giant balloon inflating in my chest and it is threatening to pop.

So in the mean time I'll try harder to somehow become the woman I forgot I was.

Quick update

Well lets see, the job is great! It is 10000000 times better than the previous job. :) my baby brother moved in with me about a month or so ago. He is a pretty good roommate. :)

Lets see.. Oh yes I bought a tv a week ago. After not having a tv for a year it is VERY nice having one now!! :)

Chhhanges

Well hello again my dear readers!

So we meet again after many months have surpassed. Well my "dear" roommate/best friend./sidekick moved out in late July early August. and then I got a new roommate late September basically October and now THAT roommate is moving out within the WEEK! AH! I am searching like crazy for a new or additional job so that I can live by myself in this lovely apartment next to a pretty attractive neighbor.. but really I just don't want to move and I have a lease until April. :)

In honor of this thankful holiday season I would like to take the time to express that though I am unsure of what I am doing and what my plans are, I have A LOT to be grateful for! At the VERY top of that list are these people.

 They are pretty awesome. <3 :=":" p="p">

Sometimes people don't understand "No"

Hello! well i thought i would check in! I am alive! Megan and I LOVE our new place! We both are just busy little bees working and workin! My hotel job is quite interesting.. Being an attractive ;) (the evidence is in the picture *wink*)  front desk girl at a semi trashy  hotel has some perks.. those perks can also be drawbacks.. MAIN drawback is being hit on.. not all are out right and gross.. often they are kind of coy and safe.. but when they aren't the latter.. they are FAR from that point. the main "line" in common with a few are inviting me to their room.. HA I decline.. obviously.. :P

Some invite me to meals or drinks/coffe, or buy me M&Ms. :) so me gusta!! 

 one particular gentleman decided to "persuade" me.. and boy was he persuasive.. NOT REALLY!  He decided that telling me some details might convince me to join him.. these details range from fairly G to rated.. well X... At first i thought it to be quite hilarious.. but in me laughing it off and not seeming totally disgusted by it.. made him think.. GREEN LIGHT... go for it! of course he was quite plastered, so any response short of bodily harm means "yes i would LOVE to!". So after about two hours of trying to persuade me, and kiss my hands, and have me reject and suggest.. er rather flat out tell him to go away, he left for his room..He then decided to go drive his car. and i had to go take his keys away and tell the police.. whom took him to jail. and THAT folks is why you check the Ada county arrest page to see who you know.. haha. 

I have had A LOT less dramatic proposals.. and those are just fine.. often they creep me out a bit.. but i deal. :P 

So that is one of my jobs in a nut shell. the other one is much more joyous... but what could be more joyous than these adorable faces?! love em! 

So there you go.. just a little glimpse into the oh so exciting life of Jen.. :P

Well i am not going to beat around the bush.. so. i am a proud new renter! :) Megan and I found a place to live and, as of today, are officially moved in! I have realized that once you really move out... i italicize really because all the times that i have moved out before to Rexburg... well wasn't a real deal. This place a a duplex town house deal and it is a two bedroom one and half bath... its SUPER cute. :) Megan and I have become "financially responsible" of the utilities and etc. Thats what i mean by this being the "real deal"  We LOVE it. a picture of us with the key in hand will come soon. :) well thats all from here just wanted to share this little tidbit of news. :)

Sometimes you gotta do it. Put on your big people pants

Well I have some news! :)
GO GO, GO BIG BLUE! FIGHT FIGHT BSU! :)

THATS right. I have made my decision. I am transferring to Boise State!

WOOO! I am super super excited!

I am sure that to outside sources/ freinds.. I look kind of wishy washy.. and well I guess you will see that as much i don't want to be... well sometimes I am.. haha soo I thought I would give you the FIRST look into my decision making brain.. this is history folks.

My decision making processes often (not all the time) go like this...

1. stresss myself out over what my options even are.

2. stress some more.

3. forget that I even have to make a decision.. aka.. push away the problem

4. stress because I realize I need to make a decision.

5. repeat steps 3 and 4.. a few times... OK more than a few times..

6. identify options..

7. stress about the differences between the options..

8. "make a decision"

9. doubt it and then choose the other option

10. Stress..

11. Consult Megan and my Parents.

12. Decide

13. live life how I was in step 3.

14. Actually follow through with my decision. 

HA so that's how this went..

I know, i know. I am quite the weirdo.
In the midst of deciding I also was going through some tougher times and life experiences. I it was through working through them..(i am not done).. that I realized that I need to do what I want. what is going to make me the happiest? what is going to take me where i want to be?  I am going to take a leap and speak for you and say that we all do it. We all lose sight of what should be the priorities. We get so caught up on the daily tasks and needs that often we lose sight of the big picture or  the WHY? of the little things. I know that I often get in trouble when I put a ridiculous amount of weight and importance on small silly things. When I should really be putting my focus on my main goals.. I play around and "look busy" but i don't accomplish a whole lot.

How sad is that? that you could possibly spend your whole life "being busy" but not actually accomplishing anything.. I know that is probably one of the bigger worries for me. That I will "fail" at life..  On the bright side. I know how to conquer this.. Put the first things.. well first. I know.. a simple concept.. but often overlooked. I was talking with my father the other day about my problem and he brought up the topic of the book "Seven habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. How awesome is that title?  YES.. it a self help book. BUT I think that every self help book has something to offer, even if it is minute.. it will make some effect. Anyways... There is a chapter entitle "Putting first things first" yes.. I stole it from him. :) The idea is that you identify what is important and a priority and what is less of a "must do or bad things are going to happen" type thing. You prioritize them and do them first. It reminds me of the object lesson about a Jar, rocks, and sand.

Your life is a jar. You have many things you need to do. but you are often stressed out when things do all fit together. Well the Rocks are the major things you need to accomplish such as: writing a paper, making dinner, applying for a job, transferring schools, paying bills, etc. The sand represents smaller things such as: washing your car, raking leaves, cleaning your room, doing your laundry. All things that need to get done. The questions is how do you get all of these things done? A little overwhelming huh?

Well fear not my dear people!  I know how to do it!

You take your Jar.. Then you put the ROCKS in first.  And your jar might look like the jar to the right and you still need to add in the sand.. Its ok! When you add in the sand.. it just goes in the little crevices and holes and just fills up the jar and there is no overflow. Often people trying to fill it up another way.... SORRY. that's not how it works.. if you try to put in the sand first.. you will just get the left picture.. NOT working! : ( and then you will be sad because you aren't getting the things you HAVE to do done. and THATS depressing. I am not fully practicing what I am proclaiming from my little soup box here. . but I will TRY! and that's what matters..

Now let me step down from my little box...

Point is.. is that I am recognizing where  I need to improve and I am going to put in a solid effort to put my life in order..so that I am not so crazy. haha

In other news.. I got another job! Yippie! :)  In addition to working at Vanity (working  is a leap.. more like sporadically visiting and so happen to be working) , I am now a Front desk girl at the Extended Stay America.  :) I am SUPER pumped! I went in the other day to get things rolling with the paperwork. I have always wanted to do something awesome like this. Another cool thing is  that Megan and I are apartment hunting! We are going to live together! WOOO! its gonna be a party! Hmm lets see.. Well thats about it. :)

Hope your lives are FREAKIN awesome. :)

An analogy.. a path.

It is hard to accept something is wrong.. especially when you feel like you have already addressed the issue... but knowing deep down that you didn't actually deal with the problem. you did what you always do. which is sweep it under the rug. by doing that it usually just gets worse and just collects and builds up.. I am an admitted people pleaser. I talk a tough line but really I will always care. I am rarely the one to walk away. but I do know when to..most of the time.. and do.. most of the time. My relationships have really gone...well downhill. one in particular.. here is something about me.. i will do ANYTHING for a friend. especially a best friend or sister. I do my VERY best to lift people up.. to a higher plane.. to a safe place.

I used to be in a safe place to lift people up to.. but slowly I have sunk. in my mind i am imagining a field. There I am at the top of a hole, where i see my very best friend down in the hole crying for help. I, reach down and I have tools and all these skills to help them out. they get up the chute a little bit and we are both hopeful.. I have much joy in helping them out of this dire situation. And they are happy too! We both appear to be making progress.. but little do we both know.. i am slowly sinking down too.. and we are trying to help each other but we are not making a whole lot of progress.. We tell each other we are getting better.. but as everyone else sees.. we are sinking.. it is not until recently that i realize i am down.. deep to where i feel i am not in the position to help my friend get out.. i have been at this place for a while.. i have ignored it and i have exerted all my strength and reservoirs to help my friend.. to the point that i have nothing left.. absolutely nothing.. I cannot help them.. i can't even help myself.. i am  been sucked dry of everything...nothing and i mean absolutely nothing is left..

Tongue parasite.. it takes all the fishes food

Do you remember biology? do you remember the natural relationships that you learned? They are broken down into three main categories. Mutualism, commmensalism, and parasitism.. Mutalism is a relationship where both are benefiting..it is equal. Like in Finding Nemo.. the anemone and the clown fish are benefited. :) Commensalism is where one is benefiting and the other does not feel the effects of the other getting gain.. they are left unaffected.Parasitism is how is sounds.. like parasites.. where one is benefited and the other is negatively affected. I feel my relationship has gone through all of these relationships.. it has evolved.. even to the point where the relationship is where two parasites are trying to well be parasitic.. to each other.. obviously that does not have a happy ending.. so here i am.. one parasite.. realizing i cannot get my benefits here. I now i detaching for a bit so that i can evolve.. fill up.. and build up.. so I can be in a better place.. to help others but.. most importantly.. so i can be happy.

I have to put first things first.