Let this be my last entry of the 7 years blog. Yes, it does holds many memories, both good and bad but i guess it is time i put the end to all these.

Perhaps i realised that i am not a person suitable to blog, expressing my feelings openly is not my forte.

so till then, good bye.

This world is practical, but sometimes i hope it could be more gentle.

I guess i wont be able to concentrate till i fully calm down.

what have i done?
what did i do to myself?
what am i going to do?
how did things turn out this way?

Basically, i am disappointed with myself, disappointed at how i managed everything that is currently happening in my life.

Disappointed at the upcoming exams,
Disappointed at my lack of commitment
Disappointed at how i managed my relationship
Disappointed at my lack of discipline

Although some things went well,
it stills feel like whatever that can go wrong, went wrong this semester.

How can i turn the tables around within 2 days and still do ok?

Please, let my inner confidence and motivation rise, i need it more than anything now.
Please, i beg you.

ok girl, enough of the ranting, no one will help you take your exams, no one can be you,
you got to pull urself out of this mess.

ok, get cracking....
Jean, you are smart, you are smart, you are smart, you are smart, you are smart, you are smart

i think i procrastinate too much,
leading to why sometimes i dont get to fulfill what i actually want.

Life have not been kind to me this year...
I am feeling all sort of strain and yet relief seems no where near.
It seems like every part of my life is going wrong,
While i try my best to focus on bits and pieces that are comforting,
the cold hard reality always hit me right on the face,
making me wonder how long i can actually pull all these together.

No doubt, it is my fault, i should have been more certain on my stand,
i would be a happier person,
but right now, there is nth i can do but to move forward.
i really hope i can see the rainbow at the end of all these saga.
i am making my parents worried and i am not liking it.
but sometimes, it is just harder to even put on a false front at home.
perhaps i am really not strong enough.
not strong enough to be able to cope with everything at the same time.
it is just too mentally draining.

i am not liking it.

What ian says is actually very true.. perhaps it is time i consider.

i hate myself.
y do i make so many people worry abt me?

How i wish i could disappear now.
How i wish i know how to settle things,
How i wish i know what i want to the slightest details.

I want to disappear.

But there is so much to be done,
so much that i have committed, be it studies, hall, etc.
How i wish i could just throw away everything, and zone into the world of my own.

How i wish,
But we all know, wish doesnt always occur.
doesnt it?