忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空

My temper has been so bad lately..
I hate myself for that..
I knew it wasn't his fault to break his promise and yet I couldn't stop those evil words from my mouth..
I know this uncontrollable temper will only hurt him and myself and may pose threat to our relationship..but still i let it be..

And today i realised i should give him freedom..
I didn't sms or msn him as I usually would..
I felt that I should get used to such loneliness..
Perhaps once i get used to it, I won't need him as much as I would,
In that case, he won't feel suffocated..he won't see me as a burden or a pester..

I thought about it recently, because I love him, I need to set him free..
Only by setting him free, can I set myself free...
I too needed freedom.. freed from being too caught up in love...

I need to be myself..I know deep down..I know problems existed and if I let this continue..it's not going to bring us anywhere.. i should solve it.. i should look deep down inside of me..what's my problem...can this problem be solved using my love for him?

I believe if i really love him, i will bear all sadness in my heart and let him have all the happiness..

I'm still learning.. still trying hard...to adjust self love to stronger selfless love..

I really do wanna make it happen for us..I just want us to be happy~

"Nothing is permanent except change"..

It's been 9 months since I last blogged! Really 不可思议..

在这九个月里面， 成长了不多也不少。。
我的人生里面，贴加了许多人事物，但也有减少/取舍一些人事物。。
不噌后悔过我做的任何一个决定应为我学会去珍惜我觉得该珍惜的人事物并且远离一些让我生活难受的人事物
以前的我不会去争取快乐，幸福，。。
因为人总会说 “如果是你的东西，你的幸福，它是走不掉的“。。天真的相信了~
但是我个人后觉得，“幸福不是必然，幸福是可遇不可求“。 如果我不去追寻我的幸福， 那它可能会,不知不觉,因为我的疏忽溜走或找上发现到它的人。

因为找到了想珍惜的人事物， 人的动作情绪思想都慢慢的变了。。
笑声多了，但是眼泪比从前加倍了。。安全感也加倍的流失..偶然的心痛也会探望我..
因为有时无法接受自己的无理取闹，过分在意，死心塌地，过分猜疑 从何时来到自己的生活里面。。
以前的我好像不是这样过我的生活的。。 变了！是的。。我真的变了！。。
这些感觉一半是自己造成的,另一半是其他因素造成的...
我在想如果我是傻瓜，或许不会那么烦恼。。为什么我终是那么的理智，什么事都要去想/分析。。这些分析用在工作上就够了~

我现在每一天都叫自己反省，要懂得取舍，看开，大方体贴。。做人要知足！
不管其它人怎样看或想我， 对我有什么不满意， 我都要坚强！
因为有一天他们会看见和认同我，只要我不放弃， 坚持努力！
那些很努力打击我的人， I will prove you guys wrong!
As a matter of fact, I don't need to prove anything to you guys.
I just need to continue doing what I believed.
I'm willing to give them more time to accept the fact..
and the time to be sorry for the words/acts they once said/done..
我会去承受任何的痛,我要的不是他们的热情对待,而是最基本的尊重..
伤痛一旦有了,不要紧..它会随着时间的流去慢慢的变少,变不见..
但是伤痕如果一直不去补救/处理会留下永恒的疤痕,深深的刻在那里..时时刻刻的提醒着我们它曾经存在过!

无法痊愈...

Kiss the Baby Sky

Beijing @ 24/03/2009

这次是我来北京出差的第二次了
昨天差不多11pm抵达..
这一次会待一整个月
工作量应该会比上一次的多
心情当然比上一次沉重
I will miss everything at home and in Singapore..
I realise the road and days ahead will be a test for me
How will i handle the challenges in front of me...let it be either work wise or relationship?
I believe time will tell..
All i have to do now is to do the best i can..
I hope everything that i'm doin now is worth it..

Happy New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!

I'm back! (erm..from my China job, my home sweet home and chinese new year break)..
Hopefully this new year is goin to be a good and rewarding year for everyone..
Hope that everyone will be blessed with a good health..

Now..at the moment, i don't have much time to relax eversince back from my China job..coz got another new project and got stucked in a bit there..i really wanted a get-away from all these but i can't because i don't hav choice..hehe..sometimes i ask myself..should i be an auditor? if i'm technically strong mayb i won't ask this qn...lol..anyways...work is always tiring..

oh and i 've found my starhub sim card which i thought i misplaced it somewhere in china..before that i was a bit uneasy lo because i don't like the feeling of losing thing...but at that moment, i convinced myself, if it's fated that u can't hav the thing, there's no point u get upset..its like "there's no point crying over spilt milk"...then this morning when i swept the floor i found the sim card right at the corner of my desk..i was like "wow"..in fact i didn't lose it..this feeling of finding back the thing you thought was lost is amazing..i'm grateful lo....

awh...i miss my bed back at my home..i miss everyone and everything back home..

Birthday

yeah...first of all i need to be thankful for people who wished me happy birthday just a day or even minutes ago..let it be they really remember it or today's advance network of FACEBOOK reminded them of it..anyways..thanks..

i woke up early yesterday cooking myself an instant noodle plus two eggs..then did my laundries and bought the necessary daily needs for my upcoming China job trip in less than 8 hours time..so yeah..just gonna drop a few words here and get to sleep..

oya..thanks to my colleagues esp Wennie and her gang and Wendy for treating me Sushi dinner and a movie on the previous two days for my birthday...hehe..really appreciate their sincerity really. And also one of my colleagues whom i'm not very close with but gave me a birthday call yesterday morning to greet me...wao..she's on her malaysia job trip now but it just so happened that her dad b'day was on the same day as me as well..but it all took heart and i'm kinda touched by her move tho..hehe..

Of course...the people i should be most most most thankful and grateful was my parent's greetings..hehe..thanks mama and papa..i love you two!

PaRTaY~

Just came back from an early Christmas PArty organized by my cousin's colleague..
well..1st qn is of coz how i got invited rite? the answer is damn simple coz my cuz's gf was back to her hometown AND my cousin REALLY wanted to go to that dinner (among the main reasons: pretty and sexy ladies and of coz his favourite turkey meal)..and he wanted me to act as a "shield" from a wild girl who always messed with him after some drinking sessions..

well..since i've nothing much to do..so i agreed to be his companion for this Sat nite lo..and as usual...they are the party people and me being the "quiet" type..couldn't seem to enjoy...every moment i felt uneasy as to how to act and response if his colleagues came to talk..they are very open minded people plus very smart too.. one is fund accounting manager, another some sort of international border police officer, insurance agent, and one of them is the son of some country's minister..interesting people really...but too bad..i'm of a different culture from these so called interesting people..ouu..and they speak french too..pretty cool huh..and most of the time i kept on reminding my cousin to pull out as soon as possible..and he said latest is by 1am..so i said ok..haha..well..he wanted me to control him so that he can't drink as much alcohol as he usually would if his gf or me is not in the party..and he wanted to be disciplined wor..haha..he said he felt guilty if he continue to be that wild after drinking --> dancing and hugging gals though no further things would be done la..but still..i can see his intention since he's attached now..

haha..though its a boring party for me..but i've seen how's a "westernised" casual party could be like..and it's a new experience for me..but it's not in my preference to party like this with ppl i dun really know..if i'm in a different environment with most of my close and familiar frens perhaps it wud be a different reaction and feeling..but i blieved different ppl hav different adaptability..so yeah..at least i've completed my mission as a companion and shield for this Saturday nite..tell me..where can you find such a sincere companion huh? LOL ^_^