My dear grandma passed away on the 5th of December 2011.
Sometimes I wish I did not take her for granted just because she likes to tell me stories of every single drama she watches, and just because I am busy with MY OWN errands.
I felt the worst knowing that a few days before she was gone, our last phone conversation didn't end very well. In fact, that afternoon before she passed away, I had the urge to call her and tell her how much I loved her - but I was 'too tired' after running around all morning doing my own thing. That same night, my mum called me up, weeping over the phone over the loss of my grandma.
How I wished I could have turned back time!
Its been 3 months since bereavement but I guess I still could not get it out of my head - the guilt, remorse and regrets. I have never ever realize that life was this short and we can lose someone we love and care about at any moment.
I know that she is now safe in heaven in the Lord's arms but I want to redeem myself from this ignorant attitude that I had. If only she would forgive me; if only God would give me a second chance, I would like to make it right again. I would like to see each situation a learning ground to appreciate what I have and to be thankful for it.
I want to thank God for all the opportunities He has given me. Small or big - it's still His blessing. And so often we forget and not realize that God gives us even the smallest blessings. I always had an impression that God will give tremendously gloriously miraculous blessings so big that make people speechless. I was then reminded that a blessing from God can be in the form of a normal meal, the computer that you use, the convenience of a phone, and even water to use. Homeless people don't have anything to eat. Neither do they have computers or phones to use. People in other countries are starving and have no water - and they struggle to live in poor conditions.
There was a guy in church who once said, we praise God for things He has provided. But what if we are needy, poor, in debt and jobless? Does that mean we have nothing to give praise to God for?
Technically, I am still jobless. But even though I've got no permanent pharmacy to be secure with, I've come to realize that God has put mini blessings in my life through the random phone calls to fill in as a locum. Through the life of my grandma. Through the friends that I have. Through the encouraging words that people say to me.
Jeremiah 29:11
That is probably the only verse that I know.
I know God doesn't leave us to suffer in vain.
I also believe that what we see now is only a small picture from the real thing.
The real thing is much bigger and glorious according to His promises for us.
It is the end result that really counts - the process to it is what molds and perfects us to be more and more like Him.
"It is our struggle that defines us"
