Fall

Every time I drive down Harrison pass the Ogden Parkway my eyes are overwhelmed with the beauty they are seeing of all the beautiful yellow, orange & red leaves. It is so beautiful. If you where I'm talking about and you drive by there open your eyes and enjoy the beautiful surroundings.

After I love Logan in October I didn't recognize the beautiful things around me like I had used to. It's almost as if everything to me was ugly and I hated all of it. I didn't allow myself to enjoy life like I had used to and I made myself believe that the earth was a horrible ugly place and nothing beautiful existed anymore.

After I had Makenna it's like my eyes opened again and I could be happy once more and enjoy my beautiful surroundings again like I once had.

After the bitter comes the sweet and I defiantly have experienced that. My hate turned into love. My heart grew small and has grown.

My sweet Grandma passed away this past week they day before Logan passed away 2 years ago. I truly believe that the closeness of these dates were meant to be just like Makenna was born on the 20th one day after Logan had been born in October. It all just makes sense.

I've grown a lot this last year. I'm a better person because of my loss and I'm grateful I was able to grow through this experience instead of suffer. Thanks to the atonement our savior suffered along with me so I wasn't alone. We grew closer together and we got through it together. Every time a tear dropped my from face he was there to catch it. Every time I laid on my couch feeling lonely he was there to hold my hand.

Makenna 7 months old

I am a month late but I wanted to write these things down before I forget. 

She sits up so well now. She started going from crawling to sitting. 

Visiting her big brother Logan. 

She started crawling on all fours instead of army crawling

She immediately started pulling herself up in her crib soon after she started army crawling. Good thing we had lowered the crib. Now she pulls herself up to everything. 

She loves to eat her cheerios.. well organic cheerios with no wheat. 

She also started walking along furniture. she shocks me every day with all the new things she is learning to do. 

Here's just a picture to show how big my baby has gotten. She was only a week old in the first picture!

6 months

Well Makenna's 6th month of life has sure been adventurous! She has learned so many things its unbelievable how smart she is! 

~She started army crawling and got everywhere she needed to go

~She started babbling..va, da, ma, ba, ga 

~She started solids and LOVES to eat! She always opens her mouth for food

~She has had a few food allergies that makes me super paranoid to try new things

~She started taking two naps during the day. and she sleeps through the night 99% of the time

~She sitting up pretty well but would rather be on her tummy

~She has her two bottom teeth in and she will never let me see them so when I do its a treat! 

First Haircut

This was really hard for me to do but she really needed to trim off the fuzzy baby hair on the ends and it was starting to get in her eyes. 

Koen and Kenna are ten days apart and it has been so much fun watching them grow and learn together! We wouldn't mind if they got married one day because Koen's parents are pretty awesome! 

Army crawling at the cabin. This is when she really started getting good at it. 

Fun in Bear Lake! 

I had to get this picture of her in her infant tub one last time so I could see how much she had grown. She has gotten too big! 

Crawling through her exersaucer 

mmm. food

First 4th of July

Playing with friends in the water is so fun! 

Sitting up like a big girl! I do have to say this is so much easier than the other way! 

And last but not least she FINALLY will take a bottle. It is a new kind of freedom. But I do still plan breastfeeding her exclusively at least until she is one but taking a bottle leaves a little wiggle room for date nights with out our sweet girl! 

5 months old

Little miss Makenna turned 5 months old:  I've decided I need to document her life better and I was reading old post and realized there is so much I wrote down that I've already forgotten! 

Makenna rolls over constantly. She LOVES nursing, her caterpillar toy, her exer saucer, watching people & kids!!! HATES bottles, getting her nose wiped. 

She's starting to sit on her own & scooting every where. Any day now she'll be doing it all the time. She cut her first tooth around 5.5 months old and I'm such an awesome mom I just barely noticed and it brought tears to my eyes. She's fantastic at rolling over and smiling! She brings so much joy. She's tried rice cereal and makes funny faces. She giggles when I kiss her tummy. We painted her toes pink for the first time. She loves to sleep on her tummy with her bum in the air even though I followed the rules and put her on her back for the first months of her life. She just instantly rolls over on her tummy when I lay her down for bed. 

She won't nap during church because she's afraid she'll miss out on something. (Just Like her mama) 

On most good days she'll take a 3.5 hour nap. 

Happy Girl!

Bike ride for memorial day weekend and breakfast at Kneaders. She loves bike rides

Hanging outside while we do yard work and she works on eating her toys! 

Visiting her older brother for memorial day! 

Falling asleep in her highchair after fighting nap time. Silly girl

First time on the swing

First time swimming. 

Snuggles with daddy

Here we are working on sitting up like a big girl! 

Mother's Day

 

As Mothers day comes up around the corner I can't help but think of my two sweet children. My life is forever changed because of these two and in two completely different ways. With Logan I never new heartache until I had to let him return to our heavenly father and with Makenna I never knew how much my heart could be healed from having such a broken heart.

 

Last year I was so grateful to be pregnant on Mother's day because I could not bare going through yet another Mother's day with out a child on the way. I remember feeling so grateful to be pregnant for a day that I had dreaded since I said goodbye to Logan. Christmas was horrible and my birthday was horrible. Every holiday without him was just another reminder that I should have had him here with me. I absolutely feel blessed but at times feel completely guilty because of all my friends and family who want to continue their family. I am very sensitive to others about babies and having children.

 

I know one to many woman who are dealing with the same heartache of needing and wanting a child this mothers day. It is easy for us to point our fingers and say they aren't a mother because they have no children but do you really know their story? Maybe they've recently suffered a miscarriage or loss. Maybe they have been trying to have children for years. Maybe the doctor just told her she may never be able to have children. Maybe she was picked for adoption and the birth  mother changed her mind. Maybe this woman never had the opportunity to get married and was unable to have children of her own. In my eyes every woman is a mother whether she is holding a child in her arms or not.

 

Two years ago I read a article in the Ensign about Mothers day and how it was so difficult for a woman who had never been married and how she didn't want to go to church because it was so difficult. Instead one year she decided to sit with a family with children and help out that young mother whose arms were full and could hardly listen to the talk that was being given. She was able to feel like a mother and help lighten the burdens of this young mother. It would have been in the April or May Ensign of 2011 because it was right before I found out I was expecting Logan.

 

I remember reading this and thinking of how I was able to take opportunities to help other mothers with their children and that even though I didn't have a child of my own in my arms I was able to help other mothers with their beautiful children.

 

Try to remember all mothers, Children or no children, this coming Sunday because in one way or another we are a mother to someone!