From the beginning of time, man awoke before the sun, left
the cave with a club in hand and walked, ran, chased, and hunted to make a
living. With the sweat of his brow he
earned his keep and provided sustenance and life to his mate and offspring back
at the "cave". After such hard
work providing this valiant service to the family, a man NEEDS a warm cave to
come home to and RELAX. Our jobs have
changed over the last tens of thousands of years, but our needs don't change. Yeah, you heard me right. WE HAVE NEEDS! Our jobs are still stressful and difficult,
and believe it or not, WE'RE TIRED TOO!!! We don't discount the fact that chasing
babies, wiping butts, getting puked on and sweeping the same floor 37 times is
exhausting. But our beautiful and loving
wives must also understand that giving our all at our jobs is mentally,
physically, and emotionally draining also.
We come home sometimes with a massive headache, emotions reeling from
drama and distress at work and simply need a place to unwind, to relax...to
grab a bite to eat and re-charge. The
couch and the newspaper will do nicely, thank you. Don't hold it against us. But when we open the front door and announce
that renowned line" Honey, I'm home!!" All too often we are met with a fire
breathing woman, who rather than saying, "Welcome home sweety!" is
met with a "TAKE YOUR KID!!"
And IMMEDIATELY, without even a chance to remove one's jacket or toss
keys into the drawer we are given 17 jobs to do. There is work to be done, and not a second to
lose!! "You want to go PEE?!?! Are you serious??!!! Don't you know what I've been through
today???!!! Cowboy up and hold it pal, 'cause
I've been holding my pee for the past week!
That's how busy these kids have kept me!" So as a man who doesn't want to add gasoline
to a fire, we bury our need to unwind and immediately dive into helping with
the emergency to-do list while the fire breathing woman continues cooking,
cleaning and wiping butts. So we get
it.... stuff needs to get done. But can
I just propose a solution to the emergency to-do list crisis?...a solution that
will not only get things done in a timely manner but also keep you and your husband
feeling like a happily married couple instead of cohabitors of a house" It is no secret among men that it is worth its
weight in gold to be greeted at the door with a smile, a kiss, a hug and
sincere elated star-struck eye contact- the kind of welcome that the Beatles
would have received back in the 60's entering a room full of teenage
girls. You get the picture. We men want to be seen as SUPERMAN!! We want to be the hero that comes in to save
the day! It's not narcissism. It's not ego. It's our inner caveman. It's how we were programmed! It's not our fault! It's just the way it is! If the attitude
expressed when we walk in the door is one of admiration and excitement....dare
I say hero worship, we will be re-energized in the blink of an eye!! Then us
men will experience an actual re-enactment of Popeye chugging that can of
spinach! So let me push the rewind
button and replay this scenario for you with the BEST strategy from the wife's
perspective. Remember, this is your BEST
shot at getting your man to cooperate and be helpful! The woman of the house has had an exhausting
day and is at wits end. She's been
counting down the minutes until she can get a little help from her husband and
THEN learns that he's actually going to be a half an hour late due to a last
minute request from his boss. The thought
process for this woman SHOULD BE "Boy, my husband must be exhausted too,
and perhaps frustrated that he had to stay past 5 o'clock." Then she hears the car pull up, and the door
opens. "Honey I'm home!" Wife then prances to the door with a smile
and gives a slightly drawn out hug and
kiss. "How was your day? Let me take your coat!" No, the world will not END if the kids are
ignored for 90 seconds while you give your husband that tiny Popeye inspiration. It's 90 seconds of INVESTMENT that pays BIG
dividends and turns him into Superman...to Popeye ready to conquer the
world! Give him that admiration,
appreciation, love and smile. Then ask
him politely if he would be willing to help with your to-do list. (REMEMBER, GIVE HIM ONE ITEM AT A TIME!! WE
MEN DON'T MULTI-TASK!!) If this is the approach, we will gladly step in front
of any train for your benefit! We'll remove our jackets and place them on the
puddle so you can keep your feet dry. That's it!
EASY! It's NOT complicated! Follow this process and you get a spinning
Tasmanian Devil ball of man-ness eager to help you with anything you need! We cavemen are very simple machines. We are easily programmed and easily
manipulated. All it takes is a little
sugar. Vinegar mixed with Tabasco
doesn't work. Sugar works. Sugar sweetness with a little sprinkle of
politeness and respect and we men will move mountains for you.
Oh and by the way, this rant does not in any way incriminate
my sweet wife who is the MASTER of the preferred approach. Love you Tiffy!
