It's been awhile...
I finally find myself wanting to get in touch with my inner self again. There are so many things I want to say out loud. To people whom I want to say those things to. But my ever so strong conscious of wanting to be someone strong is stopping me from doing so. The only release I can get I guess is just to pen them down.
I am faltering. I never thought I would be so lost. But maybe everyone else is as well. In life, where there are no answers, just a bunch of questions. Where every split second is a choice and decision to make that will determine where your life will take you. I find myself very much caught up in that whirlpool of contradiction. That self-consciousness and awareness. Sometimes I just wish I was simpler and truely naive.
It takes alot to be strong enough to genuinely believe in yourself. In every step you take and every move you make. I really admire people who can do that. Call them indifferent, nonchalant or selfish but there are times I want to be them. To be yourself and be true to yourself.
It takes a lot to be alone too. You know the cliche about having many people around you but yet still feeling alone. But yet it's not true loneliness. I am sure there are people out there who are truely alone, with noone to turn to absolutely and just finding their own conviction and clinging on to the last bit of sanity within them. But everyone has their own threshold. Maybe I am fortunate that I do not have to dwell in the true extremes but yet I am in the region of my own extreme.
I just want to be more than I am now. I want to be more convicted in what I am doing. I want to find strength to push me on. I realise to be that I have to throw away a part of me. To forget the contradictions inside me and by doing so, abandon the unnecessary emotions that feed them. These emotions that have till now made me who I am. So I guess the only way to stand out as a human is to be less human? I am not even sure what I am thinking right now.
I finally find myself wanting to get in touch with my inner self again. There are so many things I want to say out loud. To people whom I want to say those things to. But my ever so strong conscious of wanting to be someone strong is stopping me from doing so. The only release I can get I guess is just to pen them down.
I am faltering. I never thought I would be so lost. But maybe everyone else is as well. In life, where there are no answers, just a bunch of questions. Where every split second is a choice and decision to make that will determine where your life will take you. I find myself very much caught up in that whirlpool of contradiction. That self-consciousness and awareness. Sometimes I just wish I was simpler and truely naive.
It takes alot to be strong enough to genuinely believe in yourself. In every step you take and every move you make. I really admire people who can do that. Call them indifferent, nonchalant or selfish but there are times I want to be them. To be yourself and be true to yourself.
It takes a lot to be alone too. You know the cliche about having many people around you but yet still feeling alone. But yet it's not true loneliness. I am sure there are people out there who are truely alone, with noone to turn to absolutely and just finding their own conviction and clinging on to the last bit of sanity within them. But everyone has their own threshold. Maybe I am fortunate that I do not have to dwell in the true extremes but yet I am in the region of my own extreme.
I just want to be more than I am now. I want to be more convicted in what I am doing. I want to find strength to push me on. I realise to be that I have to throw away a part of me. To forget the contradictions inside me and by doing so, abandon the unnecessary emotions that feed them. These emotions that have till now made me who I am. So I guess the only way to stand out as a human is to be less human? I am not even sure what I am thinking right now.
