Keeping it Together

What better way to get back into blogging than to 'strip ones clothes and stand there naked and vulnerable'. Figuratively speaking, that is. Of course. But I wanted to share something that some may already know, but probably, most don't. And admitting is just as unpleasant as one would be, naked. If front of others. Maybe it'll desensitize me and I'll be cured!!!

So enough with the lame intro.

A few weeks back I was diagnosed with high Anxiety and deal with panic attacks:

 Surprise!!!!

I used to call it "Stress" and having "emotional breakdowns". Because what female didn't really!? Especially one who has lots of children (I do), lots of deadlines (I do), and expectations from others that need to be met . A memory the size of a pinhead (this is a HUGE concern of mine. Seriously!) And a house to keep running, cooking, cleaning, and animals to tend to. June Cleaver and Martha Stewart damn you for setting a bar so high no woman in existence has been able to reach that kid of perfection, stable-ly. I'm sure "Stress" is exactly what it was in the beginning, but it evolved into something ugly.

The physical aspect of these attacks, I've blamed on my sugar levels. I'm a self proclaimed hypoglycemic even after I had my blood tested and found that my glucose is right where it needs to be. My hands shake. Always have. Even as a young adolescent in junior high. Maybe even younger. Had the shaking tested too. Pretty much was told I inherited it and could be given anti seizure medication to "see if that helps" or just deal with it. I'm a dealer, so I deal. But then the heart pounding, headaches, dizziness and uncontrollable shaking (it can get really bad), can't all be blamed on sugar. And when those all come on instantly...kind of sucks. So I just go lay down and check out for the day.

There's still a lot to learn about this Anxiety thing. I don't know what the one event was that launched me into this new way of living. Wish I did. Otherwise you and I would not be here. And my blog would be sitting here collecting cyber dust just as it had before. But most likely over the years, small events culminated into this monster that follows me around everywhere I go. Obsessively thinking about CONSTANTLY! And I'm very serious...it is on my mind 24/7. I dream of the night that I will actually wake up feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and looking like my cute little spring chickens. But hey, I've accepted that may just not happen till I receive my "wings" and fly heavenward.

If you want to be happy,


put your effort into controlling the sail, not the wind.

- Anonymous

This is my feeble attempt at getting back to blogging. We'll see how this goes.

My Angel-kissed Boy is a Pre-Schooler!

Itching to get out.

The weather was finally starting to be really nice out and I just had to get up to the mountains. We had got on a short drive the day before and sat by a stream and ate sandwiches.

 So I sent kids off to school, and Dylan and I packed a backpack and looked for a little hike. We went up the Alpine loop as far as we could (the road was closed up top,) and parked.

 There was a short easy hike  that was perfect for the both of us. I was a little hesitant at first because I had no idea what kind of conditions (and critters) we would encounter, but it turned out just fine.

 He's never been on a hike and the only moutainous exposure he's had was with mom and dad at fishing holes and streams. SO this was a new adventure for him. I had to teach him to stay on the path and every little buzz, chirps, and rustling in the trees was "ok". Although I have to admit, i was waiting for that cougar or badger to come pouncing out of the folliage and consume us whole.

I was having to tell him to be brave. And then repeating it to myself in my mind. Luckily, we made it home safe and before brother was done with school. Definitely going back up!

Dylan lost a tooth. And for that to happen is really odd considering his age. It had been loose for a long time, but I never encouraged him to wiggle it out.

 I didn't know if it would cause problems coming out so early.

 But he came to me one day and asked me to pull it out. So I grabbed it and pulled. It popped and it was out. He was kind of taken back at the popping and he closed his mouth to tongue it and asked, "where's my tooth"? I opened my hand.

 He was happy but had a hole now to get used to. I thought the tooth looked weird. It was really long and had no blood.

Luckily, a new tooth is already growing in so I guess this kid is just a little ahead on the teeth thing.

Highlights of Ashton

Ashton turned 8 in April was FINALLY got to become a Cub Scout. He's been so excited since Jaden became a scout. This was his first pac meeting and earned his bobcat and a bead. He's serious about earning everything he can so that he can out do his friends. Or at least have as much as they do.

 AND....he loves getting all decked out in his clothes and making sure everything is perfect. That scarf around his neck took me a few tries to get it to the point of his satisfaction. Which it completely fine with me! If he looks respectful, he'll act respectful. Right?

 This was hillarious. Everytime a boy is presented with an award he earned, the pack does a "cheer". And action that is silly and stupid. But the boys love it. This was the "Bacon" cheer. The boys all layed down and wiggled like sizzling bacon.

 He also chose to be baptized and it was a great day! All the family from Idaho was able to make the trip and come down for it. All buy one came and stayed with us. It was a zoo, but that's what I'm used to anyways. The kids loved it. And I loved having my family so close.

 And here's the family. Or some would consider being friends with your husbands ex-wife and her husband disfunctional. But I don't. We all think it's great!

 Ashton also finished his first year of playing soccer. He LOVED it! And was really good too. To the point that he doesn't want to play football anymore. He wants to play soccer. I'm having a hard time choking that one down. I'm still trying to convince him otherwise.

And yes, he's that obnoxious!

Good grief! Catching up on blogging is like cleaning. If you let it go for too long. It's CRAPPY and you avoid it even longer! But.... I DID sit down a few weeks ago and discovered that I didn't have any pictures to blog about. The camera had been just as stagnant as this blog. So I decided to stick the camera in my purse and take pictures of whatever I happened upon. Or actually I think that I planned things to go do with the family and take pictures then. School has ended and now we have more free time. Time for me to start thinking of "fun things" to do. (The boys have this attitude that I have to take them on regular activitites that are "Fun". If they aren't fun enough....I hear about it as they are sent off to bed that night. Oh well. SOMEDAY....they may be satisfied).

So the next few posts will be the attempts of me finding fodder for this blog. Or rather, the posts you've already looked through...