Attack of the Grizzly

Set out on a daring adventure late into the day. The three girls were eager to reach their destination high in the mountain tops. After embarking on their journey they followed winding trails surrounded by greening trees and picturesque views of the mountain peaks. The girls were enthusiastic to reach the lake. After carefully selecting the perfect location for a blazing inferno, the companions set off hoping to the rest of their party to join them for a campfire on the mountain. Anxious to relay the location of the fire, they set off down the trail with amazing speed and agility.

As the consort headed down the mountain they were oblivious to the absolute stillness of the world around them. In nature such as this, it is peculiar for birds not to chirp or bees not to buzz. This incongruity should have prepared the group to expect the unexpected, but in their gaiety they grew blind to the warning signs.

Suddenly, a monstrous beast robed in brown fur with fangs sharpened to razor points. The beast growled deep from its belly and charged. The girls flew down the mountain trails frantic to escape their pursuer. Despite their alacrity, the great animal continued to gain ground. The girl a the rear felt her impending doom as her legs were swept out from under her by a massive brown paw. Sacrificing herself to save the others, she put all her strength into fighting the bear to keep it from proceeding to tear down her friends. Screaming for her companions to run, she grabbed a rock and began her onslaught.

Once the two girls reached the end of the trail, they clutched each other relieved to have found safety. Recalling the certain fate of the friend they left behind, both turned back to the trail and wept. Unwilling to leave the place of their friend's downfall, they stood, staring and hoping to see her appear safe and sound. As the sun set, the pair began to give up hope. Just as the sky changed from the light of deep orange to the night's dark blue a person materialized from the trees. It was their missing comrade!

With the blood still dripping from the wound on her leg, she began the tale of how the great land leviathan was bested by an insignificant girl with a stone...

Boy troubles

The other day I was driving my truck, and I ran out of gas. While picking up some gas from the gas station, and some oil (engine troubles requiring the addition of new oil in this situation), I realized I had to go to the bathroom. I figured I could hold it until I got home, so I bypassed the bathroom and headed back to my car.

While pouring in the oil I realized I probably should have gone at the gas station. Now I would not be able to make it back. I wasn't too worried, and decided I could just go in the oil container once I finished pouring the oil into the car.

Apparently, I overestimated my self control. That, or me figuring out how I would handle it was cue to go right then. And suddenly I was peeing my pants.

Luckily, my sweatpants were dark so no one could see from a distance. After layering my seats with towels and removing my shoes...I was able to take my car back to my home and quickly start a load of laundry.


While this totally ruined my day, and I did not laugh, not once. I did tell this story to a person, with the understanding that that person would not share my story with anyone. Sadly, this person decided this story should be told. To everyone.

I've Got No Pants

So...in Junior high we had co-ed gym classes. Upon arriving at gym that day I realized I had forgotten my gym shorts. I wasn't about to get a B in gym, and I figured I had my button up sports pants. These pants button on both sides, all the way from top to bottom. I figured this wouldn't really matter because we weren't really doing anything. Everyone was split up into groups of five or six and rotated around the gym doing pull-ups, sit-ups, sit and reach, sprints... My group had completed a few of these and we were currently at one in the center of the gym. You were supposed to time yourself sprinting some-odd distance, but no one was really doing it. My friend and I decided we should race.

We started running and suddenly... her hand goes between the buttons on my pants and with her arms in running motion reaches her arm out in front of her. My pants separate and the front of the pants goes flying out in front of me. Meanwhile, the backside of the pants drops directly to the floor.

Following my first instinct I give a little scream. All eyes turn to me, and there I am.

Standing in the middle of the gym.

Pantsless.

I hurry and collect the two pieces of clothing, but before I can re-robe, I have to button them up again. So, once again, there I am.

Standing in the middle of the gym.

Pantsless.

How embarrassing.

A few years ago I was doing my first triathlon. I was pretty excited because up until then I had only been part of relay teams. I was doing pretty well. I had completed the swim and passed a few people on the bike. During the bike there was this one girl whom I would pass, and she would pass me, then I would pass her...and so on. At the very end of the bike she passed me, making me eager to get out on the run. I parked my bike and took off, right behind her. Suddenly I hear this women yell to me, "Do you want me to take your helmet?" I reach up to my head and see that my biking helmet is still on my head. Oh my. That is so embarrassing. I quickly take of the helmet and toss it to the side of the road. Luckily I was still close to the entrance, so she could run over and put it with my biking gear, and not too many people had seen me. But each time I relive the race I get a burning in my cheeks from embarrassment.

Scatter Dodgeball

When I was in elementary school, I had a teacher who would let us play a game called Scatter Dodgeball. In this game, it is everyman for himself. There are two balls, the same as in regular dodgeball, and if you get hit with it you are out. If you catch it, the other person is out. Ejected players are not allowed to rejoin the game until there is a winner. The winner is the last person standing.

One day, after playing this game multiple times, I was finally one of the last two. I had never won the game before and was intent on doing so. But, there was a problem. The other girl had one of the balls, and the other one was all the way across the gym, about two feet away from the wall. I wanted to win, so I ran toward that ball with all my might. If I stopped to pick up the ball, she would have an easy target. Therefore, my strategy was to swoop and grab while still running.

I made it to the other side of the gym. I swooped, I missed the ball, and BAM!!! I smashed into the door at the end of the gym. In all honesty, I was lucky it wasn't the brick wall. As it was, I broke my big toe and suffered a severe bout of wounded pride. My teacher was trying, without success, not to laugh and allowed me to sit out the next round.

The Benches

This is not my embarrassing story, but I quite enjoyed it when it was told to me.

When I was in Jr. High I was taking a gym class. At the end of the class we had to clean up all the equipment we used. The last thing to be put away were the pull out bleachers. To put them away you have to push on the bottom bench and the entire set slides into the wall. I was pushing with one foot and it was going pretty slowly, which made me think, "This would be much easier with two feet."

But, rather than sitting on the ground and pushing with both feet, I jumped up and pushed with both feet on the bottom bench. I sadly realized my mistake as my push launched me into the air. The benches had not moved, but I landed on my backside five feet away from the benches.

Trouble on the Mountain

When I first started snowboarding, it may have even been the same day I biffed it on the cat track, my sister took me on some pretty crazy runs. She would take me on black diamonds and down the backsides of mountains that weren't even runs, even though I was just a beginner. She would make it down the run unscathed, and I would show up five minutes later absolutely covered in snow. We both loved it. She loved that I was willing, and I would have ended up in the snow no matter which run I went down, making me love the powder of the side runs.

On this day my sister decided we should drop off the side of this run, and I came to follow her. Though the snow was great that day, this run was steep enough that the snow hadn't stuck and it was shallow, bushy, and icy. Once you have started on a run, however, the only way to go is down. Therefore, down we went. My sister went ahead of me, and I was glad because I promptly caught my edge on a bush and went face first, and head downhill into the snow. It was steep enough that I continued to slide downhill with my arms outstretched in front of me. Almost immediately after, my sister fell face first, with her head uphill and arms outstretched.

Ten feet apart we looked like we were reaching for each other as we slid down the mountain. I think I got the worst end of it though. My sister watched as as the snow piled up in my face and went down into my coat. Twenty feet later we stopped sliding and spent the next five minutes laughing and ridding ourselves of the snow.