May Twenty-Third

God is our Light; let us therefore continually reach up to Him for sunshine. There is no mine so far underground, no prison-cell so dark, no dwelling-place so obscure, but His presences can enter and His glory illumine.

Shadows to-day, while shadows show God's Will.
Light were not good except He send us light.
Shadows to-day, because this day is night
Whose marvels and whose mysteries fulfill
Their course and deep in darkness serve Him still.
Thou dim aurora, on the extremest height
Of airy summits wax not over bright;
Refrain thy rose, refrain thy daffodil.
Until God's Word go forth to kindle thee
And garland thee and bid thee stoop to us,
Blush in the heavenly choirs and glance not down:
To-day we race in darkness for a crown,
In darkness for beatitude to be,
In darkness for the city luminous
- Christina Rossetti

A root set in the finest soil, in the best climate, and blessed with all that sun and air and rain can do for it, is not in so sure a way of its growth to perfection, as every man may be, whose spirit aspires after all that which God is ready and infinitely desirous to give him. For the sun meets not the springing bud that stretches toward him with half that certainty, as God, the source of all good, communicates Himself to the soul that longs to partake of Him.
- William Law

a really good 24 hours

So many wonderful things happen every day. just little things. Yet it seems the last 24 hours or so have been especially wonderful. Lets begin last night.

I got a phone call at 6 pm in which I was informed of the opportunity for a job interview later that same night. I went to the interview and (if i do say so myself) totally rocked it. I then went to see my dearest Emma bear and together we went to get gelato with her thumb for cash.

After that I went home and received another phone call telling me I had gotten the job!!!! YAY!! I finally did it! Actually I didn't do it, because frankly I didn't do anything different, it was all the Lord, He did it! But, I've finally got a job!! I've only been looking for 4 months!! Sometimes God just needs you to learn lessons, I don't know if mine was patience or thrift, or both but I hope I learned them. That event finished off my day very nicely and I slept soundly dreaming of the BYU Creamery Produce Aisle (not really).

Today I slept in and brought Marissa and her sausage balls up to campus. Skipped my first class, then went to the last two classes of the semester!! After that it was to the library. Or as my good friend Becca called it, "strengthening my relationship with Harold." (Harold B. Lee Library). I also made lunch plans for Saturday with my good friend Sarah who will be in town starting tomorrow. I also texted for a while with my lovely friend Jordan who now lives in Seattle with her husband. I find myself spending so much time in the library recently, and since that's where I usually saw Jordan, I find myself looking for her beautiful long hair, and cute clothes...but alas it was not to be.

When I got too hungry to solve polynomial inequalities I headed home, but not before I saw a certain book on the shelf. It's blue binding and gold lettering stood out to me and I thought I'd admire it. Upon closer inspection I decided this book was coming home with me.

It was beautiful and old (published in 1894). On my way home with my new treasure I realized what it was. It is entitled Year book of English Authors by Ida Scott Taylor. It has a page for every date of the year. Printed on each page are poems and quotations. I immediately went to my birthday and read the lovely poems there. I had plans with Emma to make dinner at my house tonight, so I thought I'd see what her birthday page looked like. I discovered that the book's pages were not separated for that date. I left them connected for Emma to break the seal. She could read the pages no one had ever read before! I later found that many pages were like this. I wonder if the original owner (Nephi Jensen), whose name is inscribed in the front cover, ever read the book. The library due date log is completely empty so as far as I can tell it has never been checked out either! I have never wanted to steal something as badly as I want to steal this book from the library. I wonder if it would be missed, seeing as no one has ever noticed the poor book before.

I also watched my netflix today...twice. Its a movie called Bella. I loved it. It made me cry and fall in love. "You must Reaaally love Mexico"

I recommend over one hundred year old books and movies called Bella. I also recommend sausage balls.

New Friends

i have tried to write a new post for some time now, only to find once i've opened this page, nothing i particularly wanted to share came to mind. Alas finally i have found something worth saying and sharing and immortalizing on the world wide web.

and oh how world wide it is.

so i have decided that i should imprison my self in the library as much as possible these next few days. so i'm in the library and working (achem) on my English analysis of the flags of the US and France. anyway not part of the story...

i get Facebook texts...yes i am that addicted. So i'm sitting here and i get two texts right back to back, like it vibrates as if it was one message that's how close together they were. I open the first text message and it reads

Mohamed Samy (Egypt) has requested to be your friend on Facebook.

well i dont know Mohamed so that's weird, whats the other text...

Dearg Gorm (Turkey) has requested to be your friend on Facebook.

well that's strange, i dont know dear old Dearg either....

so i told my brother Peter and we laughed together and i asked him... how in the world did these two guys find me from across the world at the same exact moment, when none of us are even in the same country!? He just responded that they are stalkers...

wow i've got stalkers in Turkey and Egypt. I feel famous.



no i didn't friend them back.

eighteen days

still no snow
wow

i've never been so un-excited about going back to school. i mean i'm never EXCITED to go back to the drudgery that meets me once i hit the tarmac in SLC Int. Airporto...yet this is the worst ever.

i find myself wishing and hoping that there will be some clerical error and i'll get a first class seat. Its kinda how i wish and hope that somehow if i just close my eyes for a minute or so this hard time in my life will just float pass like a big rain cloud and i'll just not have to be around for it.

eighteen days.

i may be a few days late on this list, but since i'm whiney in every other respect...

Give thanks for: (this is in no order)

Love Actually Soundtrack ripped from a Library copy, Family, gchat, my hearing, every color!, the scriptures in general, my scriptures in specific, the ensign...Conference edition, Christmas Carols, candied carrots, Coscto Pumpkin Pies, sunshine, my cute car, my apartment, the Temple, Being able to go home for both holidays, cheap school, knowing what i want to be when i grow up, being able to laugh out loud by my self, remembering how Hugh Grant dances to Jump in Love Actually, science, my roommates, my home teachers, my sweet brothers, Pinewood Highschool for Petey to play sports! Paly High school for Chrissy to meet all his friends, 1000 piece puzzles that have only 998 peices....ahh memories, listening to chris and his friends laugh while watching hours of Avatar saturday morning, My grandpa sleeping through every movie, my grandma clapping so hard at the exciting parts, Deena and new hair dos, twenty dollar GoPhones, gas prices dropping!, piano music, payless shoes, chris going to byu next year, relief society, good good friends, Paris, hard hard sad depressing times in life, my parents jobs, the earth, my relative health, the true and everlasting Gospel of Jesus Christ, My Savior, my father in Heaven, My testimony.

once again..eighteen days.

can i have some of your TOTs?

when i was little, my grandFATHER would ask me
"what did you learn today at school?"
I thought it was so annoying that he would ask me this.
like i know!?

i am a senior at university.
a good school at that
i even get reasonable grades, yet today, right now, i am having an epipha-what-y. (name that movie...LACEY!)

we learn so much every single day. there should never be a day when we cannot remember something that we have learned.
we learn so much!

our brains are amazing, they know a million gabillion things times TRILLION!

today i learned (among other things) that what moment is called.
You know that one where you know the word, but you cant think of it?
and you're like .....(crickets) ???!What IS that word?
Well that moment has an actual name, and yes, this is a technical term

tip-of-the-tongue (TOT) phenomena.

AWWW YEAH!!! booo yah! take that grandpa!

i am so grateful for my mind and my healthy body and for God giving them to me for this wonderful wonderful life.

ah ha! i've found you!

you know i love the library. i'm here everyday for at least an hour, my locker is here. it is wonderful. i love it.

things i love about it:

1. the mere size! its huge! and impressive
2. the smell of the old books
3. all of the computers
4. memories...good and bad and better
5. Christmas decorations everywhere
6. always running into the ones i love...everyone's always in the library to see and to whisper to.
7. searching for books...that moment when you've found it...its like love at first sight!
• amendment here... its only love if you're not doing research and dreading how very thick that book may be looking.

but there are somethings that i dont love about it:

1. the emergency supply cabinets that are on wheels---what's in there any way?? 72 hour kits?
   
2. people who glare at me when i sneeze--come on...loosen up
   
3. scary ufo's hanging from the ceiling that seem to have sneaked up on me...i think you're a server...
4. not being able to check out periodicals...so annoying to pay to make copies..so so very annoying
5. no service on two whole floors and spotty service elsewheres.

Pros>cons
alas i am still in love

du da du da du da du da...THE TWILIGHT ZONE

there is an imaginary reality. i have it for homework i don't want to do.

in this reality i have out of body experiences where i can hear my self telling my self it'll all get done somehow.

this is where i am this week.

in the actual reality i am not sure it will all get done.

the semiconsious mind

dreams are silly sometimes.

jungles and monkeys. men in wheelchairs and hiding bad guys. me having to go to the bathroom all night in my dream because i drank a huge water bottle before bed. and don't forget about Catherine Heigl and the Mormon colony on the island.
then there's the purple potatoes and the nautical journey from Denmark to Australia. the war in heaven and the world's gone Topsy turvey. trials and big Samoan men.

reality hits and its waking up at 11:30! and banana cinnamon pancakes and James blunt. what is the political correctness of transcribing the F word? [****] i never know . laying around the whole day long.

la la la

free market system

it all started when lacey was caressing the wall. "it has been far too long since i've caressed anything" she said. then that got me to thinking.

we are told to express our talents, to use them and improve upon them. to not hide them in the sand or under a bushel or whatever. so what is a girl supposed to do when one of her best talents is not in high demand??

we are trying for sure. we are being social. we went to church, we went to break the fast, we went to a party, we talked to many people...pretty much all men too! yet still, our product left, going stale, on the proverbial shelf. covered in dust that we are constantly trying to shake off, our love lives seem to be doomed to meet their expiration dates. all the while the newer, shinier product moves in to stores nationwide taking all of the spotlight and stealing the customer's gaze, while we're moved back to the clearance aisle. who shops the clearance aisles? those who are too poor to buy the shiny products...who inevitably we are hesitant to go home with.

damn the free market system.

I can't wait for the holidays.

floppy

school. all i do is school because i can't get job. all i do is school and all i do is not well enough in school. I am also trying to make friends. i go to all the activities for church because i need to find buddies. i branched out to the girls in my major and that pretty much flopped. but i'm trying.

i did pretty good this weekend. i made three friends at ward prayer. which was immense. i also met a couple of cool people this weekend randomly which was fun as well. at church today i told lacey that we should sit in the middle of a row so that someone can / has to sit next to us and we can make new friends...well what really happened was people that we already know (but love) came and surrounded us. so it sort of flopped as well.

school is harder than it seems. i'm in a math class. college algebra. i got a c on my last test. i dont get c's so it was hard for me. especially because i studied before and got all of the questions right on the practice test so.... LUCKILY! i met a boy this weekend who said he would tutor me! the next test is this week so i might take him up on that...FRIENDS!

what are your thoughts on arizona? i like it? i dont know i've been there once and it was too hot.

too much

why haven't i posted in a while? i feel like i have too much to say. too much to whine about, too much to tell about, too much too much too much. i still do.

wingdings and worries.

so i still don't have a job. i dont know who's fault that is. i feel like it must be mine, for not getting one set up before i came out here, for having a stupid school schedule that is hard for people to schedule around, for being not remarkable. I have called, talked to managers, stopped by to check up on my application, been professional, etc. i just need someone to tell me..yes we like you and we would like you to work for us from 4 to 9 four days a week. but that just hasn't happened.

in my phonetics class we are learning the IPA symbols for transcription. so now i can write things how they sound and its like this fun secret code. in 6th grade me and sarah anthony had this notebook where we would write in secret code, which was really just one of the symbol fonts which would decipher from a key pasted in the front cover of the notebook.  i loved it. i love this almost as much.  thursday in class kayla and i practiced the "code" by writing notes to each other. it was good practice and made class go faster.

/keile/ /hau/ /or/ /jou/ ?--i cant get the symbols exactly but its close. (kayla how are you?)

i need new headphones

I need new headphones. I have those ones that have the removable ear thingies that are different sizes so they fit better in your ears. Well I've lost like three of them now and now I don't have any that fit in my ears. so I can't wear them so I can't listen to my ipod when I'm on the go, which is pretty much the point of the ipod. ugh

Last night was wonderful. I had a little get together with the girls from my Orange County ward. We are all here in Utah and it struck me one day that we should really get together sometime. So I fbooked them and we found a date that would work for everyone and it was such a blast. I picked up Morgan Robertson Osborne and Mandy Alms Carter, and Alexis Nateras and we headed up to Salt Lake to Leah Sendzik Harker's apartment where we met up with her and Larynn Eynon Lee and Reese Lee her little baby daughter! We went out to dinner to Sette Bello, my favorite restaurant in Salt Lake, and then back to Leah's house for some delicious-o dessert. It was such a blast and we chatted just like no time had passed at all. We had so much to talk about as everyone has gotten hitched except Alexis and I. Larynn has her sweet Reese and and and! It was great. We only wished that Kelly Hicks Sumsion could have been there with her baby Emma but she had already moved to Texas for her husband's new military assignment. It was great to be in the company of people that you felt instantly comfortable with. We laughed and shared and looked at wedding pictures and pictures of our little siblings that have grown up so much. We hope to do it again soon, next time down in Provo.

This is Larynn and her Little Reesie...they're both listening intently to our waiter.

I made jokes all night about me being the oldest and the "old maid" of the group, but really I didn't feel that way. I'm so happy for them and I know that I need to work on my patience. I have to know and have faith that the Lord will bless me just as much as He has blessed them. I will find someone that wants to be with me for all eternity and I will have little babies one day.

But in the mean time, I will try to be content with just needing new headphones and not needing a husband or a boyfriend, or even a crush.

da da da dum dee dum dum

i dont know what to write... my life is crazy

i go to school every day, and on saturday i try to have fun. Sunday i rest and hang out. and i'm poor so i need a job.

maybe i'll get one this century so i can buy groceries.

what use is smiths being so close if you can afford food?

i found this again

i found this again among my belongings while unpacking.

i've decided its how i should live my life. it is just so beautiful.


It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living, I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring with your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with the wilderness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning yourself to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me of the story you’re telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy. I want to know if you can see the beauty even when everyday is not pretty, and if you can source your life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children. It doesn’t matter to me who you are, how you can to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer- Native American elder

its the final count down..dada dah dah, dada dah dah dah

I have four more days of work at the hotel, five more days of work at the rafting company, eight more days of being in Jackson, three more hours of this work day, and two very stinky dogs wandering around my desk at the moment.

I have now worked with Paul, the man who brings the stinky dogs, only twice. His dogs are of medium to large size, and they're stench is of large to extra large size. They stink so bad that I find it hard to not kick them away from me. They smell of dog, and often they smell of feces. i do not like them . They also have very wet noses which the happen to like to put on my skin or clothes, so wet in fact that they make a mark of wetness on my pants. I do not like these dogs at all, but for some reason they seem to like me and sit right below my chair.

I felt impressed to blog about these stinky wet-nosed dogs because it is so extremely slow in the office today that I have to amuse my self with many computer games and other trifles.

sigh

walking home from work today i thought about this summer and everything its been and everything it hasn't been. But at the end of the pro con list is a conclusion that i felt very grateful for. I prayed that i would learn something, that i would find strength in my self by living on my own and facing the hard things i've faced, and i have found that strength. i'm not saying this as well as i felt it. i felt empowered and i'm grateful for that. I survived.

how slow can it get

my boss turned me on to this website today....we have way too much time on our hands


For more fun visit here.

the twenty ninth olympiad

i love watching the Olympics. usually watching sports seems pretty tedious to me but something about the US going against the rest of the world gets me riled up!
Today while watching gymnastics the commentators made some comments that reminded me that it is the comments that make me not usually like watching sports in the first place.

" she's so expressive"- what? she's expressive.. i know i don't know much about the uneven bars but i can handle them saying "good extension" or "she has good lines" but expressive? she's not exactly dancing or writing a poem. it just made me laugh I'm not exactly sure why.

i love the Olympics because its one of the few times i feel very patriotic. i love America all the time but i actually feel that i love it when i have national pride when we win, or we compete in the games. for a lot of reasons I'm enjoying the summer games immensely.

i don't even like watching the cycling because its usually pretty boring but the men's race was on the other morning and it was amazing. they got to ride past the most amazing things ever! First they past the new birds nest stadium which is breathtaking, then Tienanmen square, then the forbidden city and then finally seven laps around and near the great wall of china. could they ask for anything more scenic? i have never been interested in visiting china in my life, but that made me tempted just a little.

i have nothing interesting to say

its august first. crap. i have a month left to make 1600 dollars to pay my parent's back or I'll probably never do it.

its august first. crap. the summer has flown by and I've spent most my time indoors working not making friends.

its august first. crap. my best friend is leaving in 19 days for Europe for 4 months. plus I've barely seen her this summer and I've lived in the same town as her.

its august first. AWESOME! only a month until I'm back in Provo, with people i know and new classes, and school supplies and and and!!!

its august first. AWESOME! i need to be more positive in my outlook on things. I'm sitting here getting paid to write on my blog and eat delicious peaches and nectarines. i live in an apartment that doesn't cost me anything basically, I've already paid my mom 1300 dollars, I've had a great learning experience here in Jackson, Hillary's going to have a great time in Italy, I'm excited to go back to Provo which i thought would never happen after last semester and my hair has been growing!

egypte dames de harem chez le couturier

love this. i want a dress like that, but i want everyone to still dress up like that. awesome.

oh and i miss speaking french.

it all comes back up the way it went down

Last night I went to the Teton County Fair. (Which I will mention is only the second fair I've ever been to.) My friend Andy and I met up at around 6pm to buy our unlimited ride bracelets for the mere price of $18.00. Yes, yes I know it seems pricey but really it was worth it right? Well we started out with Pharaoh's Fury, a redesigned giant boat ride. Well as things went I got a little queasy after a few rides. Let it be known that I can not ever remember losing my lunch to a ride. But I suppose there is a first for everything. I felt bad because then Andy was by himself and he had no one to ride the rides with! So I bought him a snow cone and we did some other activities.First we went and saw all the 4H animals. I love the rabbits. Then we played a game, darts. I won a little polar bear (which Hill later named Snow Cone) and Andy won an M&M thingy. It was fun. Then we got some fries and waited for Hillary and her friends to get there so he'd have someone to ride with. Then they ran around until 10pm when the bracelets stopped working. I felt so bad for ruining Andy's night so I waited in line for them at the Zipper. I realized that there is a reason I never went to a fair when I was young, and for that same reason I will never take my children to the fair. They are expensive, they are dirty, and they are annoying. Although when you're older and it's your own money, and you know what not to step in and who to stay away from they can be quite fun.Later we went to the petting zoo! It was so cute, with the little goats sticking their heads out of the bars and then getting their horns stuck on the way back in to their pens. So so cute. Then I was tired, but satisfied.

vituperations

So I was recently looking at grad schools and dreaming of big far away goals when I realized that they are not so very far away. Then I got excited, then I got scared, and then I saw these three little letters, GRE, followed by the word SCORES. Then I got petrified. I took a look at some sample questions and realized I don't know the English language. There were so many words I didn't know being used in combination with other words I didn't know. So I've signed myself up for the word of the day email from dictionary.com to try to learn more words. I have time now to look at these emails seriously but what will happen when school starts and I don't have time anymore? I'm worried to say the least and I feel really really insignificant. Those far off dreams that are really rather close are feeling a lot smaller as well.

heres a little something

wall paper

i found this on FILE Magazine's subscription for google reader. (which is fantastic by the way)

i really love the colors.

workity work work

well i work a lot. so i dont have time to blog or find cool things to put on my blog any way.

i work for these companies:

Barker Ewing River Trips and Antler Inn.


boring i know.


so i learned this story very recently from a coworker.

The Barker Ewing website was being worked on and the guy who did the workings on it accidentally typed our 800 number wrong. One coworker informed my boss of the mistake and she shook it off as a low priority for the time being. My coworker then explained that she needed to get it fixed asap because the number listed was in fact an escort service.

that must have been awkward... uhh i'm looking for white water?

new things i like

yeah he's ssseeexxxy. I just finished the second disc of the first season of grey's anatomy. i didn't know if i'd be an addict, but it turns out i am.

i just started one of my parent's favorite books. they've been telling me to read it for years and finally i've gotten around to it. well i'm hooked there too. i didn't know i could even work out for an hour and a half but while reading The World According to Garp...i guess i can.

i also really like the new music that meg and emma sent me...but i wish that i had the track names of emma's mix. i should get those from her.

thats what its all about

i dont know why i'm blogging. i've never blogged before. but i think its about time.