Still precious, always will be precious in God's sight...

It has been 7 wonderful months now since we got engaged...

Still so much to learn as a couple as we grow daily to be like Christ. The best thing has been having someone to share this journey with! Someone who keeps me accountable, someone who challenges me and someone who is learning to love me as Christ loves the church (the real test starts after marriage, of course!)

I wanted to write my thoughts, experiences and bits and pieces of life down to have something to reflect upon in the future. Would be ideal to see maturity, spiritual growth, how God carried me through my downs in life, where I was and where I am today.

Being engaged has meant that I am at a stage where I am preparing to enter into a covenant of marriage. Still the same plain Jane, just perhaps smiling a little more and also being more stretched in time as the circle of family and friends doubles.

Lately, Ed & I have been talking about the future. The possibility of giving it all up here and living elsewhere. It is daunting more so for me than for Ed. Nevertheless, I believe I am ready move on now to shift my thoughts from 'Precious in His sight', to 'Finding my Mission Heart'.

Betrothed to Ed Yeoh - 19012010

Wikipedia:
An engagement is a promise to marriage, and also the period of time between proposal and marriage – which may be lengthy or trivial. During this period, a couple is said to be affianced, betrothed, engaged to be married, or simply engaged. Future brides and bridegrooms are often referred to as fiancées or fiancés respectively (from the French word fiancé). Its duration varies vastly.

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Betrothed to Ed Yeoh: The man I am committed to spend the rest of my life with.

9/01/10: Ed & I spent our day sending in applications for a full time job.
11/01/10: 2 x calls for interviews from GraysOnline & Samsung (Datacom)
12-15/01/10: 2 x first interviews & 2 x second interviews
18/01/10: We kept the night free so that we could celebrate if he was offered a job

19/01/2010:
On Tuesday morning, we had decided to go out and celebrate anyway (eventhough we have not heard from Grays Online yet at that stage about the status of his job application). We wanted to celebrate God's majesty, His provision, and everything about our amazing God. Ed & I didn't have to wait long for God's answer to our prayers as he was offered the job he wanted that afternoon & we only had to wait 10 days from the time he applied :)

How did we celebrate? Well, Ed wanted to recreate our first date.

We had a lovely Japanese dinner at Tomodachi in Rhodes Shopping Centre - Agedashi tofu & takoyaki balls for entree and Okonomiyaki & yakisoba for our mains. After dinner, Ed & I walked around Ikea, with our final destination being a stroll up a hill in Sydney Olympic Park. (Just like our very first date!!)

Throughout the night, we had a great time reminiscing back to our very first date. It was 'funny' as we shared and recalled our thoughts, our conversation & our feelings; and seeing how far we have come in the last few months.

Our conversation went like this as we were walking up the hill:

J: Wow, the sky is so clear tonight
E: I wonder if we will see a shooting star tonight? (Ed was rather nervous and was seeking for God to give Him a sign as to whether or not it was the right time to propose)
J: (Jane of little faith) No way! Shooting stars doesn't just happen you know..

* A few steps later... we saw the biggest & brightest shooting star on our right*
We looked at each other bewildered and laughed! Laughed hysterically!

J: I am so happy!!! I've ever only seen a shooting star twice in my life. Once in Narrabeen and once tonight. This is very special.
E: (While hugging me) You know... the last time we were up this hill, you said it was too early to talk about marriage. What about now?
J: It is okay now...
E: Will you marry me?
J: Yeah... of course (Very casually - since Ed constantly proposes over breakfast anyway & I thought it was one of those moments)

E: Wait, let me get my ring out.

*Jane thinks... eeeks...it is for real this time!*
*Ed gets down on his knees (both knees hahah :P)

E: Will you marry me?
J: YES, OF COURSE I WILL!

We spent some time praying together - thanking God for His work in our relationship, praying for us as we keep learning to honour God and each other in our relationship, and also for our family and friends. We also sat by the waters and rang our families and close friends...

There's a story for Ed & I to remember. As we progressed in our relationship to betrothal, we acknowledge how very blessed we are to have God in this relationship and to send a shooting star our way as a 'confirmation'. He is forever faithful!

2009 lived & gone

I am struggling to find words to describe this past year that has gone by.

Towards the end of the year, I was hoping time goes a bit faster so that I can see 2010 afresh. 2009 has been, in one sense, a triumphant year. Yes, I see God's blessings in many areas of life - but I am also sadden to see myself being so far from being the woman He wants me to be.

Looking back, it hasn't really been an easy year. In January, the family was hit with the dreadful news of ill health. All I remember of the 6 months following the operation was weekly hospital visits, medical paperwork, insurance claims, changing diets, answering people's loving questions... Not to mention changing jobs (again) only after 4 months with the Liberal Party, and having to study for my CPA while all that was happening. It was by only by God's grace that He can even give me the energy to serve Him in church and in RICE.

I was barely 'human' in the first half of the year. Can't remember too much of the first few months of 2009 except that I was constantly rushing between hospital, work and home. There were moments when I remember being rather cold, telling everyone to stop crying, be thankful and just get on with life! It wasn't intentionally to hurt my family but dwelling on the sad things doesn't do anything. Truth is, I was worried and tired - but to most people, I made sure that all they saw was the strong, positive side of me.

The Jane I know toughens up when the going gets tough until she crumbles inside. And sure enough... she crumbled. I crumbled. It was bound to happen and it needed to happen. God needed to remove the layers of the onion so that He could get deeper inside. I am not as 'strong' as I appear to be sometimes. He had to remind me that every ounce of my strength comes from Him.

In the midst of ALL these HooHaa, I acknowledge that it was only by His underserving favour that we were able to afford the medical bills and access good treatment facilities, get time off work for surgeon appointments, be surrounded by people's prayers, practical help and comfort, not only pass my exam but actually get an award for good performance. What a humbling experience it was to see God's provision and protection!!

+++++++++++++++++++

Psalm 121

¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

++++++++++++++++

It was time alone with God in the Solomons Islands that brought me back to my feet. I remember the quiet hours passing by as I sat watching the vast seas and the waves - this world that God made. Sitting and listening to my own heartbeat, most of the time not knowing what to say, just, "God..." and "Thank you God" and "I'm sorry God".

Little did I know, God was preparing me for a little surprise He got up his sleeves. He had Ed in the background. I came back from Solomons on a Friday night, for RICE on the Saturday. It was there we met, we connected and just when I wasn't expecting, God brought. The last few months of 2009 was filled with much joy in a new found relationship... Never have I understood what it felt like to be loved, and protected and cared for by a man. Ed told me in Melbourne that the best way to overcome fear is knowledge. But because we can't know everything, we have to trust in the All Knowing. Yes, I am still learning to trust God. And I will keep learning --

In the midst of a newfound joy in a relationship with Ed, I still am not satisfied. I am frustrated deep down because I know that I fall so short of God's glory. I want more, thirsting to know God in a very special way, to know His ever present Love and comfort. I don't want to pray just for the sake of praying but when I pray, I long to earnestly talk, pour out my joys, sorrows and worries to God. I long to come to a stage where I admire and stand in awe of His greatness everytime I think of Him. Lord God... I am yours. Take me as you find me - all my fears and failures - Fill my life again.

25/11/2009: If I ever have Alzheimers....

Sydney's rainy spring / Showers of blessing

I check the weather forecast daily. I can't remember springtime ever being this wet. Chance of rain is forecast everyday, with the exception of the weekend when I am going away to Jervis Bay to chill out for my birthday! It is these little things that constantly pounds on me as a reminder of how much my heavenly Dad cares.

031109 is the day God opened the door for Ed to be in part time paid ministry. We have been praying that God will show him - and God answered. What lies ahead is a real sense of excitement as God will stretch and grow Ed through this. No doubt, there will be challenges ahead - new church family, learning to grasp his new role and maybe financially too. As we were driving to the lake, one verse that God brought to my mind is "I will never leave you, nor forsake you". Indeed, if God has called Ed, He will also provide him with the strength and daily needs.

I love listening to Ed sing/play the guitar. We sang some songs and hymns. He also shared one of the first songs he wrote years ago:

Master take me to the doorpost and pierce my ears;
I want to be a willing servant,
So it may be crystal clear,
That I love you....

I wanted to cry.
Actually, I did cry.
Why?
I wasn't sure at first.
Then I realise I was listening to the cry of his heart for God.
It was beautiful...

Slavery is common in the past. When a slave has 'completed his service', he has the option to leave his master but may choose to remain and serve out of a sense of loyalty or affection. If the servant chooses to stay, the master is told to take that loyal servant to the door post and pierce his ear. The pierced ear would serve as a symbol of the servant’s choice and he would become that master’s servant for life.

Such is his desire for Jesus Christ. Such is mine too. Lord, would you keep me so that I will be your servant - for life. Let me not stray to the left or to the right. What this world can offer, temporarily, is nothing compared to the fullness of life found only in you.

3H challenge for me!

Learning to put him first...















Because that is what he has shown me!

(Talking about my migraine-prone head)
He says:
"What is the most loving thing that I can be doing when you have a migraine?"
I said:
"Give me a hot water bottle, dark room and no noise"

(Talking about discouragement and times of being spiritually low)
He says:
"What gets you down?"
I said:
"family, when relationships go bad...etc. etc."
He says:
"Are words of encouragement the best thing I can do during these times?"

(Apologising for not asking him to bake a cake together for Fee's birthday)
I said:
"I am sorry that I always do things on my own without asking/including you"
He says:
"I don't want to ever take 'us' for granted and sometimes it is good for me to ask you if you want me to help you or be part of what you are doing"


The challenge for me is to align my head (thinking), heart (feeling), and hands (doing) so that I will first love God wholly and see this love overflow to the people in my life.

HHH: Head, Heart & Hands

I am excited about diving back into youth ministry... The 'non-connection' that I feel with these kids is no excuse for me not to be giving my time to serve God where He calls. Put another way, maybe I am just too lazy to try. When Mic asked, I hesitated but it didn't take more than 2 minutes for me to agree to be Term Champ. Meeting someone with a servant-heart has encouraged me to be giving my time to do likewise. On top of that, serving alongside a fantastic team of leaders is a blessing in itself!

"Head, Heart & Hands" will be the theme for this term. The 3Hs hypes me up. Maybe make that 4Hs.

• Head: We are created with the ability to think & make decisions. We have the knowledge of God (creation bears witness to a Creator); and He desires that we grow in the knowledge of Christ. We are also guided by the bible as to how we should think (of what is pure, lovely, etc.)

• Heart: We are emotional & feeling creatures (more so us chicks). The heart is a fountain of life/death. Our response, commitment to relationships is a heart issue. Does Christ dwell in our hearts? Are we growing in our love for him? How can knowing Christ change the dynamics of our relationships with our family, friends, etc?

• Hands: This is action-packed. Practical aspect of life as we are called to work (job, studies, housework etc); but also we can use our hands to serve the Kingdom.
  

I have one night to prepare my introductory talk to kick of YG-T-4 & am glad that people are praying! Dear God, please give us the strength, joy and wisdom as we reach the youths for your Kingdom.