Silence

It's been over a year.

Why the silence?

Honestly, since Laurie died, I haven't been as interested in blogging. Blogging was something we did together - it was a common interest. She's gone and I didn't want to talk about it or how I felt about the huge gap she'd left in my life. I tried but, it wasn't the same. There's not a lot that's been the same. Reinventing who I am without one of my closest friends hasn't been easy. Grief is still fresh and there's still a lot that triggers tears.

However, I miss writing. I have a million ideas and thoughts that swirl around and this blog was an excellent outlet for them. I think I need to start again. :)

During the gap, I had a pile of adventures and tried some new things. I started Boot Camp on my 34th B-day. I felt the urge to reclaim my control over my health in a positive way. I started calorie counting and I was starting to recognize the familiar feeling of controlling my food intake and the negative associations I can have with eating. I'm not 14 anymore and I have a better sense of myself. Boot Camp challenges me to work hard to be a fit and strong Momma and not a starved, grumpy lady.

I directed a musical. I think this is hilarious because I don't sing or dance. However, I was able to be a part of very dynamic and creative community. Really, drama is mostly about bringing like-minded kids together and building them up. I love doing this! (Also, Simon, Claire and I now have the soundtrack of Beauty and Beast memorized.)

We camped and we played in parks all summer. We had Christmas and birthdays and 2 new nephews. Our family grew and so did our own kiddos. They're HUGE. We went to Maui with my entire family and we soaked in the sun together and made memories. It was bliss!

Si started soccer and play school. Claire danced. Neither kid passed the Salamander level of swimming. I think Claire was actually told to back to Sea Otter. :) They are in such a neat time of life. They are so independent and yet, they still need us so much.

I feel like I'm running on empty most days. I feel like I give a lot to my students, my drama kids, my own kids, my husband and my house and sometimes I'd rather just sit in a sunbeam and read a book and drink some tea. However, that's not the season of life I am in. I am in the "crazy, run like a mad woman, give it everything you've got season."

That's probably all I have to say about my "gap". I'm just going to carry on from where I'm at currently.

Practice

For the month of March, I have the privilege of introducing 2 university students to the art of teaching. It's fun. I have 2 extra adults in my classes. They are trying lots of new and creative ideas. It's good to see them try their ideas, take risks, have successes and put theories into practice.

When I started teaching 10 years ago, I had NO IDEA what I was getting into. I LOVE my job but it's hard. It's hard to teach good, well prepared memorable lessons. It's hard to manage class after class of adolescents with their varying needs and moods. It's hard to mark assignments when there are no longer any repercussions for students who choose not to do their work or hand it in on time. It's hard to meet all the needs of all my many students as well as meet the government's requirements. I manage but, when I explain my job to my pre-interns and watch their jaws drop, it's a shocking reminder about how challenging my career is.

The public usually just thinks that what I do is a 9-3:30 job with great holidays. Tell my pre-interns that. They're barely teaching one class a day and they are working around the clock. Wait until they have 4 additional classes, unknown curriculums, and the mysteries of their adolescent students. They will get the hang of it but, it will be hard. Many teachers in their first few years don't make it.

All in all, this has been great professional growth. I plan on doing it again next year.

A weekend away

I went to Phoenix with my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws. More importantly, I went sans my babies. Eeek!
I was fine and they were fine and even Trevor was fine. However, it was such a huge step for me to get on a plane and fly away on them.

I hiked. I slept in. I read 3 books. I went out to eat. I hung out with 3 lovely ladies. I sat by the pool. I soaked in a hot tub. I went to grocery stores and other shops. I did all of the above mentioned activities at my own speed and not having to stop to pick someone up, go to the potty x 3, feed anyone, cook or clean or do laundry or hustle around to avoid tantrums. It really was quite heavenly.

Now that I'm back to my reality, I'm content. I've spent the past few days just with my little ones. It's been good to be a full-time Momma. Sadly, it'll be back to work on Monday.

I'm back to part-time teaching. That means mornings only. It's a pretty hectic 3 hours of teaching. I don't get much time to plan and prep while at school. That comes during the 45 minutes of Quiet Time at home when I'm not cleaning or making supper. I've added a small pre-school program to mine and Simon's world. Mostly just number and letter identification and a some phonics. We also do a lot of arts and crafts and experiments. Playing with a purpose more or less. The leisurely nap times of our past are on their way out. :)

The weather is still sad. Actually, anywhere with snow after a week-end in the red rocks and deserts of Arizona is sad. :) Fortunately, we have just over a month left until sweet, sweet spring!

French Friday

It's January and we're freezing in under 5 minutes in this part of the world.
My commute has days that make me question our choice of location to live. I love our beautiful house - I wish I could transport it to, I don't know, anywhere that is warmer then our current -30 degree weather.

Life is a busy blur. Expository essays, Beowulf, "y" and "en" and "futur proche" makes my head spin. Suspended students (oh the juicy reasons why) and needy smarty pants worrying about exams. I come home to supper, house chores, toddler snuggles, marking and TV. Currently, we're on the 2nd season of Homeland - it blows my mind.

I'm reading Gone and I have to admit, it's a little freaky. Much better the the Shiver series I just finished. Too angst-y for me - like Twilight but with just werewolves and no love triangle to annoy me.

I'm dreaming in French music. These three songs get stuck in my head regularly. I guess I'm brainwashing more then my students.

Enjoy rocking out en francais!

Work

Today, in church, I overheard a man complimenting a young woman for staying home with her kids because, he affirmed, that's what's best.

I work.

I felt a little offended at his remark.

I have stayed at home. I have worked full time and I have worked part-time. No matter what, I am still the best Momma for my kids. I have known stay-at-home Mommas who whine about their kids, their husbands and their homes. I have known full-time Mommas who have lamented missing their babies and not being 100% on-task at work.

Different strokes for different folks. Personally, I need to to work. I became a little too petty and me-focused when I was alone all day with little kids. Preferably, I'd like to work part-time. This way, I can give both my classes, my kids and my home all the attention they need.

So - yes, I work and that's what's best for my kids. Sorry, sir - I didn't appreciate the judgement call.

On that same note, holidays are over tomorrow. Wish me luck as I guide very sleepy teenagers into 2013.

Lazy

It's post-holiday bliss.
We sleep in late. We play hard with new toys. We venture out to have mini-adventures in our fair city.
We eat leftovers and too much baking.
We love being on Christmas holidays!

Holidays - building anticipation

Home made Advent Calendar created and hanging - check
Tree up and house decorated - check
Christmas lights up on our new house - check
Christmas picture/cards/gifts mailed - check
Family bake day - check
Claire and Simon's church Christmas concert - check
Gifts bought and wrapped in fun fabric bags - check
Extra baking (just because) - check
Staff Secret Santa organized and executed - check
Picture of the kids with Santa - check
My contributions to our families Christmas dinners - check

Now, bring on Christmas!!!!

I love Christmas and all the build up. I love the cooking and the traditions and the looks of glee on my kids' faces when they realize all the special things coming their way. I love planning and creating marvelous things. Other then my cinnamon bun dough and a few stocking stuffers to wrap, I think I'm done. Now, I can put my feet up and drink my cup of eggnog. Tonight, Trevor and I will sit by the fire and watch a movie. Now, I'm on holidays. :)

Claire is 2!!!

My sweet baby girl is TWO! She lights up our lives with her giggles, cuddles and kisses. She's our easy-going little Miss.

We had 25 people over last week for our traditional birthday brunch. We are so lucky that all of our family lives in town and are all so lovingly invested in our kids' lives.
Claire decided on a Peter Rabbit/blue ball (Zooble) themed party.

I still can't get over how invested I get in my kids' parties. I love fancy treat bags for guests, great cupcakes, a toy that matches the theme and a cool invite. That's on top of house-cleaning and cooking. I love doing these crazy things because it's such a tangible way for me to show love to my kids.

Man, my Claire is so lovely - I'm so excited to see what age 2 has in store for her.

Halloween

Trick-or-treating x 5 = hilarity!
Thanks for sharing your kids, Uncle Del!

(For Jen) On Childcare

I love my baby-sitter. She's really the best. I can't say enough good about her. She goes over and above every day for my little people. Currently, she spends 9 hours a day with my kids. That's a crazy amount of time and influence over my sweeties. She teaches manners, good values and is a positive role model.

However, it's not her job to parent my kids. I expect that Trevor and I are still the major sources of moral education for our children. The buck still stops with us. Whatever she needs from us re: discipline, we have her back because we trust her.
When our kids, like normal kids, develop bad attitudes and unruly ways (ex: Claire has developed a new habit of hitting and yelling "hit, hit, hit" when she doesn't get her way or Simon falls on the floor screaming in mid-tantrum) then, it's our job to curtail these behaviors.

Our baby-sitter deals with these + 3 other kidlets and their wild toddler ways. She does an excellent job of managing it all.

But, what if? What if, for the 3 hours a day I spend with my kids, I didn't follow up with discipline? What if I'd rather avoid the big issues because it was just easier to have happy kids all the time? What if I felt guilty for working all day and bought my kids whatever they wanted all the time to appease my guilt? What if I blamed the other kids at the baby-sitter's for my kids behavior instead of taking the responsibility for dealing with it myself? What if I blamed my baby-sitter for the choices my kids make?

You see, I teach many kids whose parents did/are doing just that. In a world where it's becoming more and more necessary for both parents to work full-time, parents are delegating parenting responsibilities to people who only have a short-term interest in their kids' lives. Then, as their children enter a school system where common and healthy values are expected, kids are unsure how to navigate these rules or take responsibility for their actions. Kids make choices but, they need to learn that every decision can have both positive and negative outcomes. Kids need to own their choices and be prepared to then own the outcomes.

I can see how it's easy to slip into the "let's just keep you happy because I'm tired" mode. I have days where I do that. However, I have a group of 14 year-olds who are reminding me why I have to step up as parent. I love my kids too much to let them slide through life being appeased and not carefully taught and corrected.

Is this becoming the norm? Are we, as a culture, allowing the actual parenting of children to fall into the hands of our beloved nannies and babysitters? If this is the case, should we be paying them more and give them higher value in our society? How will this impact this upcoming generation of workers?

I'm just entering the full-time work world as a parent. I don't plan on staying here for long. I want part-time work so that I can teach, love and discipline my babies myself balanced with a healthy dose of the socialization that being baby-sat brings. I want to know what you think. What are your experiences with working while parenting?

Blogging FAIL

I have a 35 minute commute. It's longer if there's construction or, if drivers are being dumb. Usually, I come up with interesting blog posts on my way to or from work. Ideas like:
-teaching the Holocaust now that I'm a mother
-Halloween prep
-temper tantrums
-how hiring out childcare can lead to a more spoiled generation of kids
-students eating crayons (I know - ridiculous)
-Claire turning into a little girl
-Simon's frogs
-etc., etc., etc.,

Except, when I get home, I get the kids, I make supper (and play), we eat supper, we do dishes, we play, we get ready for bed, we put the kids to bed and we fall, exhausted on the couch. At that point in time, my brain is fried and there are no neurons all fired up and ready for some creative writing. If anything, I may have some energy to mark assignments, bake for daycare, do laundry or pack lunches. Life is full.

There's nothing wrong with this routine. It's a little busy but, many women all over the world do it. It's normal. However, it leaves little time for blogging. Thus, my apologies.

There will be the obligatory Halloween post but, I think the other thoughts swirling around my brain during my commute may be stuck in traffic for a little longer.

A little batty

We went to Pumpkin Hollow last weekend. It was warm and the sky was blue. The kids rode the cow train, jumped on the bouncer, met farm animals, climbed bales, got lost in the maze and checked out the pumpkins. It's hokey and I love it.

I went to 2 Children's Used Clothing sales in the past 2 weeks. I LOVE getting quality clothes for just a few dollars!

I'm presenting tomorrow at our Professional Development Day. Basically, I'm Book Talking with a colleague. I'll be introducing graphic novels to a lot of middle aged ladies. Should be fun! :)

We're hosting Thanksgiving for my family this year. I've never cooked a turkey before. Should be a good little adventure.

I finally tracked down a bat costume for Simon. Who would have thought that a bat would be such a hard costume to find in this city? Now, he never wants to take it off. We've negotiated a deal where he can't wear it to bed but, he can sleep with it beside him. Silly bat!

Comfortable with Being Weird

I teach grade 9s (and 10s to 12s) and I am always struck with how important it is to "fit in". I guess I learned early that I was a little to quirky to be cool and I accepted it and moved on. By grade 10, I was a barrette wearing, overall-clad happy bookworm. I had a good group of "geeky" girlfriends and that was enough for me. Every now and then, I longed to have the confidence of some of the other kids in my class but, I realized that it wasn't happening for me.

I watch my students. There are those kids who are comfortable in their own skin who set the tone for the class. Then, there's my 40% of kids who are questioning who they are and how they need to present themselves. I wish I could make them understand that nobody is watching them as closely as they think. I wish I could transfuse self-confidence the way a nurse transfuses blood.

Instead, I teach. This week, we read an article called "Comfortable with Being Weird" and I talked about not being cool and being okay with it. Vulnerable - a little. However, after reading their journal responses, I know we're getting somewhere. Some kids are realizing that being mean to people who are different then them is mean (strange how long it takes that concept to kick in). Kids who aren't so confident are opening up a little about their search for self. Slowly, we're addressing real issues in class. This is why I love what I do.

Wish me luck as I journey through grade 9 for the 10th time. :)

Golden

We have the most beautiful view of our creek. The leaves are turning colours and I love seeing the changes every new morning brings.

The kids LOVE their baby-sitter and their delightful little buddies. Although there are a few tears in the mornings and waking up is hard to do, the kids are alright with their adjustment to full-time care.

I love my job. I love sorting through the mundane problems of how to engage students, how to connect kids with needs to the material and I realized how much I've missed preparing good lessons. I could do without the marking but, that's life. I love reconnecting with some beautiful colleagues who do inspiring things with students. I love the feeling standing in front of my class and making meaningful connections.

Coming home is always a chaotic blur of snuggles, catching up, making supper, playing and bedtime. I wish I had more time with my munchkins. I'm looking forward to part-time next semester for this very reason.

Life feels like it's flying fast.

Like being back in my comfy jeans

Have you ever had a pair of old, comfy jeans that somehow, for some reason, you haven't worn in a while? I love that feeling of putting them on again.

Today was kind of like that for me. I went back to high school today. Back to the place I was transferred (by surprise) from after my mat leave with Claire.

I didn't have to set up any bulletin boards (just my posters, like normal) and all of the jargon made sense. I was able to connect with good colleagues who know me and accept me as I am.

As difficult as it will be to leave my sweet kids to work full-time for the next 5 months, I think being back in a place I love is worth it. Part-time for semester 2 and hopefully some continuity for next year.

PS - Today affirmed again for me how much I LOVE teaching!!! This is exactly where God wants me to be.

Teeny Tiny Blue Ball

Most kids have some item they are attached to. We've been loving Tigger almost as long as we've been loving Simon. He's the "go-to" comfort for our little man. Claire hasn't really formed any attachment to any item. I tried introducing a lot of sweet stuffies to her and she'd like them for a bit and then ditch them for the next best thing. No blankies, suckies would soothe her at all.

Then, we met "blue ball". This is a tiny Zooble baby that I'm pretty sure she stole from the kids we share a baby-sitter with. She's carried this little ball in her hand all spring and summer. That means I have spent endless hours searching for "blue ball" when it's gone missing.

We have rules. "Blue ball" stays in a safe place (Momma's jewelery dish in our en-suite) when we go out. We don't cry when "blue ball" goes missing because it always turns up (and miraculously, it does).

Not sure what the attachment is but, she's napping with it clutched in her chubby little baby hand. It makes her happy so, it makes me happy.

Second Annual Park Report

The dog days of summer are here. I feel like my world is being governed by a large timer counting down all my free time before the ball and chain of a full-time contract wreaks havoc on my plans.

That means it's time for my second annual park report.

Back Alley Park
When we lived in our little bungalow, the city sent my community a survey asking what we'd like to see in the little green space behind my back alley. I filled it out and, sure enough, that spring, I got the little play place of my dreams. We walked there all the time when we lived there. Best little neighbourhood park ever. 5 out of 5

East end (Truesdale Park)
It was an easy walk from my in-laws but, my kids never liked the actual structure. Instead, they loved to roll around on the grass nearby. It gets a 2 out of 5.

Spiderman Park

This super cool park has the most amazing ropes course, climbing structure. It'll be great in a few years when I don't have fearless, clumsy toddlers. The slide is too steep (it gives me butterflies). Currently, it's a 3 out of 5 but, it has the potential to change a lot as the kids get older.

Kinsmen Splash Park
Still my favorite. I think we better head there tomorrow! 5 out of 5!

Venture Park
A close walk but, really needs to be up dated. 3 out of 5

Westhill Park
A longer walk but, there's baby swings and nobody needs help going up the structure. 4 out of 5

Good Spirit Park
Best baby swing ever!!! Hopefully going back next year. 5 out of 5

Rick Hanson Splash Park
Seriously, why does the splashing involve kids holding hoses? It just leads to big guys spraying little guys. Once again, our visit was cut short by a very sad Simon. Try again next year. 3 out of 5

Elizabeth and Levi's Park
Tim and Karri have an awesome play structure in their farm yard. My kids LOVE it. Because it involves some of my favorite people, it gets a 5 out of 5.

Good Spirit

We spent the long weekend camping. We went with all of Trevor's family. We tented with the kids. There were a lot of firsts (tenting, campfire-cooking, kayaking, hiking, fireworks) as well as late nights and gentle sleep-ins.
I love being outside. Even more, I love being outside having good fellowship with my amazing family.

Sign me up for next year, please!

DVRC

This morning, we went out to camp for the Sunday service.
Simon happily played in the bushes the entire service and Claire had one of her grand mal meltdowns for who knows why (did I mention she's a crazy toddler now?)

Trevor and I grew up as campers at Dallas Valley. We both played wide games with enthusiasm, rode horses and climbed high on the wall there. I have vague memories of a tall boy chasing me during Capture the Flag and giggling with him during a Drama skill. He remembers a very loud girl (who me?) who would tease him relentlessly. I have his phone number in one of my old journals.

Later, we worked on staff together. We have a collective memory of more wide games, drama skills and the chokecherry Olympics. (Later, we hung out in university, lost touch, got reacquainted and then fell in love).

Camp was the place I longed for every summer. It was the one place, growing up, that I felt totally free to be me: silly, ridiculous, clumsy and outdoorsy. I loved being a camper there but, even more so, I loved being a staff member.

Every Monday, new campers would roll in, spend the week challenging me and changing me and then, roll out on Sunday. Rinse, later and repeat for 8 weeks and camp life made me the person I am today. I loved the structure, the goofiness, the Christ-centeredness and the friendships that was my summer for 8 years.

It's weird going back now. I still know a lot of the staff. They're former students and campers and they've grown up so well. I still know the songs and the routines. However, my life has changed. I've grown up and moved on. I get sad about that. Sometimes I wish I could braid my hair, slip on some cut-offs and flip flops and go run around for a week or two.

In a few years, Claire and Simon will be ready to be staff kids and I'll braid my hair, stick on a bandana and head back to camp. I think I'll cook instead of counsel. I'll be in my late 30s by then and something tells me I won't be cool enough to be a counselor anymore.

Maybe, if I'm lucky, there will be a tall custodian who will chase me during Capture the Flag and give me his number. Maybe we can teach our kids the Chokecherry Olympics. (I'm always a sucker for a good camp romance.)

Toddler-hood

It's official. Claire is no longer a "baby". After having Shiya's sweet 5 month around the house for a while, I've realized that Claire is, at 20 months, a full-fledged toddler.

She has an ear infection. I took her to the doctor and then the pharmacist on Monday night. She was prescribed amoxycillian. This morning, she showed me her little chest and belly all covered in a rash. Just like me, she's allergic. Poor girl. She's been extra sad about life today.

I cleaned and put away our "baby" high chair today. Claire refuses to sit in it anymore. She wants to sit in just a booster like a big girl.

She wants me to unbuckle her from her car seat so that she can climb out like Simon. She freaks out when I "help". She wants to put her clothes on by herself and yells in frustration when her feet don't work in her shirt. She has to clean everything! She puts MegaBlocks away as Simon builds his towers. She's determined to drink without a lid. She wants to wear panties all the time and is pretty good at telling me when she needs to use the potty (yah!). She's become this fiercely independent little thing.

The thing is, I love it. However, it is soooooo frustrating. I love that she wants to do things herself and like a big girl. I love that she's so fiercely determined. I'm so proud of her. I know these qualities will serve her well. I need to remind myself to be patient with her as she learns and grows.

She's napping now. She needs a good snooze. Toddler-hood is rough.

Revolving Door

Remember how we just moved into our place? We're still super pumped!

One of the most attractive qualities of our new home (remember, I said "one" of - I'm very smitten with my house) is that we have a functional basement. It's nothing pretty; it's sprayfoamed and framed with rooms. This ALLOWS US TO HAVE COMPANY!

This week, we opened our home to our very first guests (my most wonderful best friend Shiya, her husband and their sweet, sweet baby boy). Yay us! We love having company and they are pretty easy company to have!

They leave on Thursday and one of my former Lanigan students shows up (for a wedding of another former student). She'll be here for the weekend. That will give us a quick breather and then, we're taking our little ones camping for the long weekend.

Eeek!

That's a lot on my plate. Pile on a specialist appt. for Simon, an ear infection for Claire, baby-sitting my favorite Zach kids and keeping up with summer playdates and some serious park time; I'm one busy Momma. I LOVE it!

I'm so thankful that I have a job where, for 2 months of the year, I can do all the hosting, playing, adventuring and house-wifing that I want. I need to keep soaking this happy busy-ness in because, it's fleeting.

Lately

Here's some pics of our life lately. Nothing really of the house. It's still in a state of disarray - I expect it'll be this way for a while.

Swimming at Grandma and Grandpa's

Our amazing moving crew!

Chaos - beautiful chaos

Family wedding

Super awkward family picture - this is where we're at, folks. (Happy 6th anniversary, love!)

Little Miss Coy

Finally - Someday!

We're in!

On Monday, we had 11 wonderful men unload our trailer in 1 hour and 15 minutes. AMAZING!!! My Mom and wonderful sister-in-law lined our shelves. We dropped the kids off at the baby-sitter and went hard the next day figuring out where the heck to put all our stuff. We slept in the house with the kids on Tuesday. Wednesday morning, we sent the kids back to the baby-sitter and organized/assembled some more.

Now, we're sorting and assembling while playing and checking out all the parks in our new neighbourhood (found 3 so far - another one's being built).

Trevor heads back to work tomorrow and the kids and I return to our regular summer stuff (play dates and parks). We still have a pile of boxes to go through but, we've got most stuff in new homes.

I feel like we live in our own little resort. I keep pinching myself and gleefully giggling. I never want to move from here!

Today's our 6th anniversary. This house is a pretty good gift that we gave each other.

Summer pics

We've been on summer holidays for almost a week.
Every morning, I wake up my little ones and we snuggle in bed together and plan our day. With the Big Move happening next week, I've been trying to pack our week full of great adventures. We've been to the Splash Park, Wascana for Canada Day, the beach, a bus trip to the downtown library, Nana's farm, Auntie Karri's farm, our old park and a pile of other crazy little places. It's been a blast! I love my job but, I love hanging out with my kids even more!!!
Here are a few pics of our start of summer adventures.

Splash Park fun - a little face paint.

Celebrating Simon's Day - ooops, I meant Canada Day.

Waiting for the bus.

Farm cousins.

Look what Grandma and Grandpa taught him (on Daddy's old trike).

Hope you're having a fun summer too!

Transition

We've almost completed our "transition time" (read homelessness). Now that we're approaching the end, I can say that it's been good. We've successfully lived inter-generationally with Trevor's parents.

On the building side of things, it'll be good to be done. I've enjoyed the process of making decisions and picking my finishes. I have not enjoyed the poor customer service from my builder and the delays. I know that the finished product will be amazing and that, in six months, all those things I've been irritated about will be long gone.

We move in next week. It'll be good to have our own space. It'll be good to turn our "Someday House" into to our "Always House".

Today

Today, I celebrate my beautiful grades 6/7 students. I am continually blown away by their sweetness, their energy, their giggles, their stories and their spunk. I am so hoping that they wind up in one of my high school classes in a few years. I would love to teach them again!

Today, I eagerly anticipate summer. One more (full) day and then, I am a full-time Momma for the summer. I am ready to snuggle more in the morning and have adventures with my babies. Play dates are welcome - if you want to hang out, I'm excited to do that! This is our first no morning-nap summer in a while and I am pumped!

Today marks our one-month anniversary of being "homeless". I am still very, very thankful to my in-laws for allowing us to "holiday" here. I am also crossing my fingers and toes for an accurate possession date.

Today, I will go to my staff party and awkwardly mingle with my co-workers. I suck at this! I work with fabulous, kind and caring people. It's not them - it's me. My introvert side takes over at staff parties and I spend most of the time feeling like a deer caught in the headlights.

A Compromise

Last month, I made a choice about working part-time. I felt like I was settling for a not-so-great job (pushing the Core French cart) in order to make a good choice for my family. I felt really good about the family part but, let's be honest, I was doing a lot of positive self-talk to motivate myself about next year. I'm a really positive person and I know that attitude is everything. However, having to constantly "look for the good" and "get excited for change" was starting to wear on me. (Besides, I kept having a recurring nightmare about Middle Years children, French verbs and me trying to sing in French with them).

Another opportunity to go back to my old high school arose. Subjects I know and love. This job, however was full-time for the first semester and part time for the second semester. After a lot of thought, I realized that this might be the compromise I need. It's full time but, not forever. I think I can manage that.

Today, I said yes to that compromise.

30-Something

I turned 33 this past week.
Trevor turned 32 this past week.
My lovely niece turned 3 this past week.
We celebrated it all last night.

I remember a show on TV called 30-Something when I was a kid. I have no idea what it was about except that I wasn't allowed to watch it.

Now, I'm imagining it was about getting excited about socks for your B-day, having a kid puke up all his sushi on your B-day (at the inlaws place - in the spare room), waking up every night with an hysterical 3 year old, losing an earring (diamond - sigh) in the grass while "wrestling" a one-year old and Zumba fitness. Yep - this decade is shaping up to be completely different from the decade of bliss that my 20s was!
:)

Actually, this is exactly where I want to be in life. This is a good thing because, I can see things carrying on this way for quite a while.

(15 work days left until summer - I can HARDLY wait!!!)

Life in Transition

Simon - "Mom, I don't want to sleep in this room anymore."
Simon - "I am sad about missing my ____ Street house."
Simon - "When do I get my new room? I would like it to have dinosaurs."
Simon - "Why are we moving?"
Simon - "Where is our box trailer? Who is with my toys?"
Simon - "When will I see S_____ (neighbour) and talk at the fence again?"
Simon - "Does my new house have tulips? I would like a tulip."

This is Simon's perspective of our temporary life in transition. Claire is a little more clingy and a little more demanding. I am trying hard to keep their routines and the food the same. I am trying to snuggle them more and reassure them the best I can.

I have very similar questions, Simon. I feel a little like a fish out of water without my own "home".

M.I.A.

We took Fergus out to the farm. A frightened cat and two toddlers strapped into car seats is not a good mix. We had an interesting 1/2 hour journey out. :)

We explained to the kids that this was Fergus' new home. We kissed and cuddled and petted that little dude so much that day, I'm sure that being placed into a quiet garage was a relief.
Fergus' new home was where I grew up. He'd be well-cared for by my parents, fed well, sheltered and given free range of the farm + all the mice he wanted to chase and eat.
My Mom gave up parking in the garage for a week to "acclimatize" him to his home. We came out later in the week to let him outside for the first time. After a good romp, I put him back in before we left.
My Mom was carrying in groceries when the wee beastie scampered out the garage. She left him for a bit and then, when she called him, he didn't come. Figuring he was enjoying his new-found freedom, my Mom didn't worry too much. Later that night, she tried calling him again. Worried, she left the garage door partly up (which let in a nasty tom-cat who beat up my parents' other sweet cat). To no avail, Fergus has not been seen since.
I am heart-sick. I know that he is just a cat but, he's my cat. I love that little guy. He drove me up the wall but, he slept at my feet, left my children alone and loved me. He napped with me during the crazy baby days and kept small rodents at bay.
All I can think about is him wandering, hungry, scared and homeless. My poor little cat.
I hope he makes his way back to the farm.
I hope one of my Mom's neighbours sees him and calls her.
I hope he gets picked up by the animal shelter and we get a call.
I hope he eventually makes his way back to our old neighbourhood and that our neighbours recognize him and call us.
I hope I get to see his furry face again.

A Choice...

In the midst of packing up our entire house last week, I finally got the call about the transfer I'd been wanting back to high school. The gig I have now is fun but, not at all what I want to be doing. I was offered a one year job at my old school. No guarantees to stay the next year. It was for teaching subjects I'm familiar and that I miss. The only catch was that it was only being offered as full-time.

After a walk the park with my sweet babies, I decided to say "no" to a full-time job doing what I love to settle for a job that's okay. Don't get me wrong, my students are FABULOUS; I just miss the rigor of upper level thinking.

This is my season to be a Momma. I had a lovely season of surly teenagers, busy extra-curr and marking until the wee hours. Now, I get to snuggle my sweeties, play important little games and go about the business of looking after the practical needs of our home. I am one fortunate soul! Eventually, I'll find my way back to full-time life in the classroom. Until then, I'll be rocking my babies because babies don't keep!

This Old House

Six years ago, we moved into this cute little bungalow and made it our own.
I learned about flowers and compost and painting and cleaning.
Trevor learned to drywall, build a porch, rip up carpet and clean gutters.
We became happy home owners here.
Fergus came into our lives and ate our baseboards and snuggled at my feet every night.
We brought home our sweet, sleepless little Simon.
We spent many nights pacing the hardwood and bouncing in the bathroom.
We brought home our sleepy, silly little Claire.
We hosted friends, neighbours, parties, play dates, birthdays, daycare, dedication days, game nights and wedding showers.
We danced with each other and with our babies in the living room.
I baked my heart out in my little alley kitchen.
I marked over a thousand assignments here.
This old house has allowed us a home in which to live life to the fullest, and we have!
Tomorrow, we move out.

We're a family in transition. Our "Someday House" is still for someday... whenever the builder finally gets it done (mid-June, fingers crossed). We'll be at Trevor's parents' place until then. It's kind of home. We're telling the kids it's a holiday at Grandma and Grandpa's.

Loss of Innocence

S - My Sore Throat Microbe is a bad guy, Momma.
Me - Really, why?
S - He makes people hurted.
Me - Oh? Where?
S - Here (indicates throat). It's not nice.
Me - Sore Throats do hurt.
S - I can pet this guy, but I don't put him inside me.
Me - That's a good idea.
S - If I putted him inside me, I'd be hurted.
Me - True.

Poor Simon, it's hard to realize that the toy microbes he plays with are "bad guys". He's become my little philosopher lately. So many questions and so many ideas. It's fun to watch his mind at work. (I'm also praying for patience as I answer "Momma, what is that?" for the millionth time today.)
S - Why do we play?
S - Why do we whisper when that man is talking to Jesus?
S - Why are we moving?
S - Why is Claire my sister?
S - Why did I have to have a Time Out?
S - Why are we eating this for supper?
S - Why is that dandelion white?
S - Why is Fergus a cat?
S - Why is today a holiday?

Boxed Up

Our move to our "Someday House" is becoming a fast reality. We move out of our little bungalow on May 26th. This gives us time to clean up and have things settled for the new owner to take possession at the beginning of June. We get possession of our "Someday House" on June 16th. Hmmm... those dates sure don't line up, do they? Our builder has arranged to store our stuff in a secure lot in a storage trailer for our "homeless days". We plan on moving in with family for a short holiday. Currently, my house is beginning to look like a collection of box piles. (Mostly liquor boxes, which I find deeply amusing!) It's on odd feeling to pack the tangibles of my life away. I know that it's just stuff but, it's my stuff. It'll be good to be in our new house. I guess I should begin to embrace the unsettled feeling that will be my life for the next month.

My Momma

Dear Mom, Thanks for being such a great Mom. Growing up, I didn't know how good I had it. Homemade cookies, hand-packed lunches, fresh laundry, a gleaming house, lots of space for my friends to come and hang out and, best of all, someone who was always there to listen. Being a stay-at-home Mom in the middle of nowhere with an out-of-town husband was a huge challenge. I whine when I have to put the kids to bed once a week... not all the time. I'm sure we drove you bananas most days. I don't ever remember you taking that out on us. You always played and made sure that we felt important in your life. Now, you're one of my best friends. You're the only person (besides Shiya or Claire) that I actually like shopping with. You're the first person I want to call when one of the kids does or says something wonderful (or ridiculous). I miss you when you're away. Thanks so much for being an amazing mother and an amazing friend. I hope that I can be as good of a Mom to Simon and Claire as you were to Tim and I. I love you! Happy Mother's Day!

DNA for b-day craziness???

These days, it isn't hard to find an article or a TV show about scientists discovering a new gene for just about any and every behavior.

I want to know what gene makes mothers go a little crazy about birthdays? Seriously, what, in the evolutionary process (mirco-evolution, folks, I'm a creationist) makes mothers spend hours and hours and hours decorating cakes, shopping for and wrapping the "right" gifts, making elaborate invitations and decorations, cooking large meals, blowing up zillions of balloons and having huge parties for their children. Just look up birthday party ideas on Pinterest for a sampling of Mommies gone crazy.

We celebrated Simon's 3rd B-day and I spent hours on his party. I LOVED it! It gave me such great joy to see his little face light up when he saw his balloons, his bug cupcakes, his cool presents and all his favorite people gathered together. I don't know who was more excited, me or him. He's only 3, will he remember it all? Probably not. However, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

I wonder what is in my DNA that makes me do this and gives me so much pleasure for it?

Yep, I'm weird. Maybe I've got the excitable Momma gene... sigh. Thanks for the cool ideas, Hello, Cupcake!

Three

Happy Birthday to my sweet and precious little man. (Today, you wanted to be referred to as "Sore Throat". You also enjoy being called "Little Bat", "Ladybug", "Pancake", "Nemo", "Captain Canada", "Momma's Sunshine", "Zoom Zoom" and the list goes on as far and wide as your imagination.)

You are such an adventurous and intelligent little man. Yesterday, we discussed bats and echolocation. Today, we found Regina on your new globe. You love politics and trying out big words. You love dinosaurs, bats, bugs, Canada, stickers and cars. You're hysterical! You're already tell me the best jokes! I'm so fascinated by the breadth and depth of your interests. I have a feeling you're going to become one very interesting little boy!

We celebrated 3 by having seeing all your favorite people at the same time. We ate yummy BUG cupcakes and we opened loads of presents (you are a spoiled boy). You laughed and cried as you were overwhelmed by the excitement of it all.

Being 3 opens so many new doors to you. Some will be scary as you try new things. Some will be exciting and fun. I promise that Momma and Daddy will stand by you as you try your wings and test your limits. We'll hold you close when you need it and we'll also give you a little push when you need it. We are so proud of you. You are a delight! I'm so excited to hang out with my three-year-old!