Even if is over, let me remember this scene always.



My Bestfriend, My soulmate, The love of my life.

You're awfully unreasonable.
I was sleeping and unaware of everything and you suddenly do such stuff to me.
You've no idea what i was thinking and you simply assume things in your way?
That's worse than a knife stab.

Why do i witness the ugly side of my loved ones?

It stinks everyone knows that you're lying and yet you don't wanna admit.

I broke a person's heart before and I'm learning my lesson. At the end of the day, it just reflects how rotten and despicable you are.


I can never have any respect for you again.






I feel like running down to T and be in your arms again. Have so much to tell you right now but you're not with your phone. I miss you dear, can you sense that something's not right with me tonight? I need someone to talk to.

My heart is no longer crying.
It has been dried out and i'm left with nothing.

No amt of sweet words from them can penetrate through it once again.
For once, I really feel like I'm quite emotionless.
I still breathe, i still smile and i still enjoy hanging out with great friends.
But one thing is that nothing really impact my days anymore.
Whereas those days when I was truely in love, eating cup noodles could make me smile a thousand times.


Is that how you live your life before you met me?
Nothing matters now

Let me be the one living in denial this time. I ruined it. I ought to clear up the mess. But right now, I'm unsure of what to do. I'm unclear of my emotions. I'm just surpressing it so that it won't affect my projects cos i've got responsibilities on hand towards my group mates. I'm pretending everything is still alright. But you know what, you're the first and the Last. I can't Love anymore, I Once gave you all. I've got nothing left as well to love another. Even if he comes along, no one and nothing can ever replace you. I'm devastated. I'm truely shattered.



I'm upholding the image of being task-oriented, driven and focus infront of my groupmates becos they depend on me for the last project. In fact, I'm Not. I'm simply not feeling well at all. No matter how much I tell myself you've trained me to be so strong, I still can't accept the fact that starting from Today, I'm gonna do it Without you by my side. After all these 3 years, we shared a Special Bond. A Bond so strong that it can withstand the storms. I'll never forget the look in your eyes in genting. That was the second time I ever saw immense sadness in your eyes. First was 2 years back when I just opened your Heart.


I'm sorry for what I've done to you. No amount of apologies can mend back the broken heart. I can't listen to love songs anymore becos I'm so weak inside literally that I could tear anytime, anywhere. I won't watch sad movies anymore becos it reminds me that you're the one sitting in the cinema beside me, lending your shoulders for me to cry on . I can't eat well anymore becos I'll rmb how excited you were just watching me eat. I don't wanna step into places like Zoo, Safari, Sentosa, Beaches, Pasir Ris, Cityhall becos you left footprints all over our Usual hang out places. No one is gonna listen to how bad my day was and what ambitious goals I've come out with again. No one will appreciate the tiny things I do such as cooking the simplest lunch and I can't have free time anymore for the fear of letting my thoughts run wild. I gotta keep myself busy to avoid getting emotional over the slightest things.


Í can't trust anyone deep enough to give my Heart out again. I can't give my heart to someone else becos I've lost my Heart. I can't find my heart anymore.
I'm only left with a soul.
An empty soul.

I'll miss you.

This is hurting like a bitch.
But we've come to a conclusion- A Break
A break that neither of us knows how long it'll last.

You're right. I've changed. I'm not that pure and simple girl you know anymore.
I don't deserve You right now.
There's no point for us holding on any further becos I've broken the trust.
I'll come back One day.
And thats when I learn to love again.



I have one last project to submit on Thurs but I'm fucking distracted with everything right now.
I'm gonna surpress my feelings inside. Just hold on for a few more days. I know my grp mates depend on me for this project so I can't break the trust they have in me.
For now, let me cast my feelings and emotions aside. I have to be strong becos I'm alone right now. I won't fail myself , i won't fail my groupmates.
I'm making myself Numb. That's the only way to focus. Hang in there GF.

3.50am. I'm breaking apart.


I'm finding my feelings back.
Where did they go?

I'm in pain.
I don't know my emotions and feelings anymore.

I don't wanna hurt anyone right now.
I can't focus on my projects when I'm only a week away from submissions.

Pls let me figure out my thoughts soon.

Why've I become so shallow nowadays. What happened to the self sufficient mentality I had? After going thru the hurdles 2 years ago, haven't I learnt to be contented with my life. Why do I get easily affected by external factors that don't even concern my life. It seemed that everything I learnt had gone down the drain. I loathe myself now.

I'm bitchy, two faced and splurging like a spoilt brat. I don't even take public transport to school anymore, wasting all those precious hard earned cash which bb gave. What's with the $100- $200 for cab fare every month. I'm not a princess. Come on, get your bloody fat legs moving and take public transport.
What's wrong with my Heart. Pls reflect what you've done gf. Get a grip of yourself, do some soul searching. Pls, stop disppointing the one that loved you so much.

Just 2 more days and I won't be alone anymore=))


I miss you Babeh=)

I'll be away for 4 days in 6 hours time.
Take care of yourself, eat well, don't cut your fingers anymore.
This time I'm not out with some weirdo guy but my og mates so there's nothing to worry abt.=)
I'll tie up my hair when I take the thrilling rides. I'll eat well and grow fat.
When I'm not here, don't be late for lessons, must eat at least 2 meals a day. Don't give me reasons like I've no appetite. Pay attention during work, don't break glasses anymore. After work don't drink so much till you talk rubbish again. And Beer is still a nono.

I'll be back. Wait for me.
I'll miss you=))

AFTER EXAMS.

This is probably gonna be a proper post after sucha long time.
Exams just finished not too long and I was just catching up with my sleep these 2 days.
During the exam period, I constantly stayed up late till 3am and woke up at 8/9 am the next day to either chop place in Wlds library or woke up at 7am to take my papers.

My body was in the midst of breaking down and after my last paper on Wed, I was so mentally exhausted that I couldn't walk.

Anyhow my birthday was a week before exams so I wasn't in much of a celebratory mood for my birthday. A day before 17, Og mates gave me a cake and drew patrick on the box. It was kindda sweet cos patrick looked really ugly. haaha.
After studying with them I went home to change.
No one knew where I went the night before my birthday. Og mates thought I was celebrating with my friends apparantly, it wasn't true yeah.


I dressed up and went to the T Bar alone. Afterall, it ain't that bad being alone . I wasn't alone actually becos I sat infront of the bar with Jaja working infront of me. I made friends, talked to random waitresses. HAHAHA. and the guys sitting opposite were observing me. Yes, I was alone. So What. I had a Mac infront of me while I Sipped on my favourite strawberry daiquiri and had the whole pizza all to myself ,watching the movie 200 pounds beauty. HAHAHA.




Me being very vain. I know you'll probably be happier to see the transformation.

FROM MAKE UP-LESS

(I was actually studying can.)



























Used my grandma rollers to curl Hair again. HAHA. Only bb cream on face.






























With powder on. Okay I don't put thick make up even though it's at night.































Anyhow. I love cards from people. Just reading them makes me feel warm and loved.
Especially card from Jajá.=)
























And after last paper on Wed. OG mates had a surprise birthday celebration for me. We had buffet at yuki yaki. And being the youngest makes me feel loved becos they would cook for me and put it on my plate. When I eat out with people, I'm always the one cooking for them for steamboat and now it's the other way round. And they gave me $90 angbao for my present. HAHAHA. You know, sometimes cash can be very useful either. hehe.


I'm going Genting with some of the Og mates next week for 4D3N. 9 of us together=)) A shortgetaway to somewhere cooler. Sg's weather is driving me mad.

Loves-

Dinner with Hazel and Gretchen Baby on my Bday=)
We had Soup Restaurant.
A short meet up is always Sweet.

This is an outdated post too becos I've been too caught up with exams.
So TA-DA~~~~


HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY !
This is the 7th year we're celebrating together.
You know what makes me excited every year when I celebrate it with clique.
It's not the present nor the cards they would write for me, altho I love cards alot.
It's the Birthday Song Sang in Korean! =)))
So i'll have to wait another year for them to sing it in korean for me again=((