Quote of the Post:
"There are chapters in every life which are seldom read and certainly not aloud." ~Carol Shields
I titled this one 25 things and put this quote up because I plan to tell you 25 thing you most likely don't know about me. I intend tell you mostly real things meaning not cheesy things like "I love pizza with fish on it" (which I DON'T by the way). But I know the oh-so-many people that read my blog have said before, "I knew these things already thanks to your status's on Facebook" or because you know me and already knew what events went on and such. I thought it would be a nice change to really tell you about ME, not in a selfish way but to share who I am. To be honest, it is a challenge to myself as well, to see how much I can show people of myself. It is funny, I don't mind sharing most things about myself, yet have come to realize over time how much I don't share. I thought it would be interesting to see what I come up with... So here it is 25 things about me:
1- I love to read, but only certain kinds of books. I prefer realistic books, things that can or have happened. Yes I have read and actually love the Twilight Saga, but it took my friend practically pulling out my teeth to get me to read the 1st one...I hate reading Harry Potter. I am addicted to Holocaust stories, not sure why but I am. I really wish to read The Hiding Place(a holocaust story recommended by a friend)
2- I smile and laugh alot. Jacob says our kids should never come out unhappy because how much I laugh(this actually caused me to bust up laughing when he said it)
3- Ironically, I hate my smile. I prefer to smile with no teeth showing, or very little, but then someone always seems to comment on the fact I am not "really" smiling. I hate my teeth too, it has been pointed out many times that they are small, I am now very self-conscious of them.
4- I highly dislike the date May 1th, not sure why, but have been weary of the date for years. Every year I get nervous as the day approaches. For example, this year Jacob ended up have an appendectomy and for the first time I spent a night away from him, and on top of that with our girls(which then gave me extreme anxiety and paranoia all night and day till he was home) That day sucked.
5- I have a personal demon(as I like to call it) I battle everyday that only a handful of people know about. (I am not even sure if all of them remember being told about it..except I know Jacob always remembers) Some days are super easy to ignore and other days are really hard and I just want to give in. Pray, Heavenly Father,and a promise to Jacob help me with it...ALOT. My biggest worry is it will never go away and i will forever be battling it.
6- Promises between Jacob and I are a big deal and to not be broken. We also use it against each other when trying to get the truth out. Like "Are you okay".."Yeah I am fine"..."promise?"..."no." then proceed to explain why not. Thus why my promise to him is such a huge factor in helping me with my personal demon.
7- I have been cut and coloring my own hair since the 7th grade. Only once have I gotten it professionally done and that was my Senior year for Prom/senior pictures. The idea of letting someone else do it makes me nervous. And honestly my great-grandmother was a Beautician, I kind of feel like it gives me something small to share with her(not that I am anything close to a beautician but still...)
8- I am LDS, half black/half white, and got married and had kids young. I wish for one day, someone somewhere wouldn't be upset or disappointed with any of these choices or things that I am. I am very proud of all of them and wish people didn't see them as such bad things. What hurts most is some people are actually family that are disappointed in some of these things.
9- Memories as very important to me. It makes me cry when I feel like I am forgetting them. One of my favorites is my memory of my great-grandmothers house, I can tell you the smell, the layout, the cyloes you can see from the yard(I stayed there when I was about 3). I really really cherish my memories.
10- Change, I am addicted to change, not sure why. But if you come over enough, you will notice something in my home is almost always different and moved around. Or my hair color or hair style. Also the photo's in my home constantly are changing. I can't seem to stop it once I get the urge to change something, it is like an annoying tick.
11- It drives me crazy if things seem crooked or slightly off, whether it is a picture, painting I am doing, photograph I am editing, bow I am making, or even a hair style. If it doesn't seem quite right I have to fix it. I also color coordinate my clothes and my girls clothes. I try to do Jacob's but his habit of not keeping them that way drives me nuts, so I tend to give up on his. No, I am NOT OCD...what would make you say that? haha
12- Ever since I started driving I only drive with one shoe one, my driving foot is always barefoot. I have tried to change this habit, but I can't seem to feel the pressure i am putting on the pedals as well and feel I am driving worse. Which makes me anxious, so I take my shoe back off.
13- I have a terrible habit of comparing myself to other. "Why can't I think of the creative things she does?" "Why don't I think to dress that way or look that cute in that kind of outfit?" "Why can't I seem to accomplish the things they do?" I it is a horrible thing, I know, I can convince myself to stop for a while, but then it starts again. Grrr....
14-Shocker, I am very self-conscious.
15- I actually enjoy doing my make-up, it is probably one thing I don't necessarily do to feel better about my self. It is more or a creative/artistic out let. People used to rag on me for wearing so much, as if I couldn't go with out it, or felt I had to wear it. That is actually not the case at all.
16- When I was little I used to pray to get cancer if it would save someone else from having to get it. Crazy I know, but I felt so bad for people who got it, I just wanted to stop it for just one person, even if it meant me getting cancer.
17- I am addicted to Blistex, I put it on multiple times a day and get antsy if I can tell me lips are dry and don't have access to my Blistex(like if I forget when I leave...those days stink
18- Jacob and I really want twin boys someday...well at this point we will just be happy if we have a boy. But twins boys are something we would both love.
19- I like people to like me. It really gets to me if someone is upset with me about something, or doesn't like something about me. It has been known to keep me up at night thinking of why or how to fix it.
20- I don't care to ask or accept help. If you ask me if I need help, I will 90% of the time say no. I may accept borrowing a dish or supplies, but that is about it. It makes me feel like I am failing at it if I can't do it on my own(Jacob is the exception, he can and has to help haha)
21- I have a lisp that I swear is getting worse, my guess is because my wisdom teeth or coming in and changeing how my teeth sit. I try to hide it the best I can, because, seriously it even bugs me to hear it haha.
22- Second shocker, I have anxiety. It is like this awful cycle. I am start out GREAT, I mean really great, I can go through days perfectly, nothing gets to me, I can do it all right??? Then I start to feel slowly overwhelmed by small task here and there, or small issues here and there. They build up, I start then going through my days half feeling like I ready to breakdown and half feeling completely in control. Eventually it becomes more losing control and then keeping it. I finally end up in some nervous breakdown/panic attack. But then I am back to the start of feeling perfect. It sucks, it really does.
23- I am a worry-wart. I was actually called this multiple times since elementary school. I probably spend 75% of my day(on average) worrying or anxious about something.
24- If you haven't caught on, my great-grandmother, who is past away, is a pretty big deal to me. I often tell Jacob if there is anyone I could have had him meet from my life it would be her. All my family has also told him this as well. I still cry for her and miss her everyday. I can't wait to see you again.
25- I regret nothing, even my personal demon, yes I wish I didn't have to deal with it, yes it probably isn't one of my proudest habits I used to have. But it, along with everything else has made me who I am and gotten me where I am today. I love my life, I love my husband and my daughters more then I can say. I love the gospel and Heavenly Father and all he has given me, from blessing to trials. He always gets me through them, and luckily gave me an amazing husband who accepts it all and stand with my through it.
So there it is...the things that are seldom read about me and yes, CERTAINLY, not heard aloud.
Quote of the Post:
"There are chapters in every life which are seldom read and certainly not aloud." ~Carol Shields
