On my list of fun things to do speaking in sacrament meeting didn't make the cut, but on my list of things that strengthen my testimony and bring me closer to my Father in Heaven it did; so for that I'm grateful for this opportunity. I did, however, only get a whopping 48 hours notice so this talk is not going to be profound or eloquent but it's real and raw and personal.
My youngest son, Ridge, was born 6 and a half years ago. He was born 6 1/2 weeks premature and both he and I experienced life threatening complications. Thankfully we both pulled through ok, but the thought of experiencing another pregnancy and delivery was terrifying for both Jake and I. I was still recovering from my complications after having Ridge, and Ridge had just been home from the NICU for about a month, when we were at Dalton and Gunnar's swimming lessons and I met a Mom of one of the kids in Gunnar's class. We began talking and she told me that she was a foster mom and began to tell me more about it. Another mom within earshot piped in and told of her story of being raised in foster care. I felt the whisperings of the spirit for me to pay attention and felt some seeds being planted in my heart. I read this poem titled "Just the Same" by Diana Lynn Lacey in the Ensign of April 2011 and it pierced my soul:
Sometimes—
God sends rain
Straight from the sky
To nourish the young flower
and it grows.
Sometimes—
God sends rain from the sky
To the mountaintops,
Then over hills and through valleys
Until it reaches the flower
and it grows, just the same.
Sometimes—
God sends a child
Straight from His realm
Into a mother’s arms
and love grows.
Sometimes—
God sends a child
From heaven to another’s arms,
Then over hills and through valleys
Until he reaches the arms of his mother
and love grows, just the same.
I felt strongly that I would one day adopt a child and love them just as much as my birth children. Another seed was planted.
I went on with my busy life of raising my three rambunctious boys and still recovering and healing from my c-section complications. I got called to be the young women's secretary and then a few months later the young women's president. I felt overwhelmed and inadequate but decided to trust the Lord and rely on him to help me fulfill my calling and my responsibilities at home. My time in young women's blessed my life and I learned how much I was capable of loving those young women as my own. I met a young women's president in our stake who was a foster mom and another seed was planted. I also had two of my young women who I absolutely adore who were adopted through foster care, they babysit for me quite often and are the sweetest two girls ever! Pretty soon it seemed like everywhere I went I was running into foster parents and foster families who would tell me their stories. The spirit was whispering to me that this was something I needed to do. This continued for about 2 years. I kept pushing it aside and kept it to myself. I kept trying to convince myself that I was way too busy and had too much on my plate to even consider such a thing right now. I hadn't mentioned anything to Jake about the promptings I had been receiving. One day Jake came home from work and told me about a coworker of his who had adopted their son through foster care. He told me he had talked with him quite a bit and he felt prompted that we needed to become foster parents. I broke down crying and told him that I knew we needed to as well but I was scared. Jake expressed to me that he felt it was something we needed to do now. I told him that I wouldn't consider it until our house was finished and I was released from young women's. We really didn't have a room for another kid at that time and I knew my sanity couldn't handle the demands of foster care while serving as young women's president. A few months later our house was finished and I got released from Young Women's. Jake asked if I was ready to do foster care and I told him I would at least do the pre service training classes and then make a decision afterwards. I knew we needed to do foster care, I just wasn't 100% sure if the timing was right. While in the classes I became even more nervous and apprehensive about it. They make sure you know exactly what you're getting yourselves into and it is terrifying!
I was volunteering at the school one day when I passed another mom in the hall I didn't know very well. I got the strongest impression that I needed to talk to her. As I talked with her I found out that she was a foster mom. She has 3 biological boys the exact same ages as mine. It was so comforting to talk with someone who totally understood what I was going through and could relate with all my worries and fears and answer so many of my questions. Since then she has become one of my best friends and we have been able to help each other through the crazy challenges foster care brings. Jake and I completed our foster training classes in March of 2013. Jake asked me if I was ready to become licensed. I told him that I was still nervous about it and that I really needed to pray hard about it. I knew it would be the most challenging thing I had ever done. That night I prayed with all my heart fervently asking my Father in Heaven if foster care was the right thing for our family at that time. I opened my scriptures to Matthew 25:40 "in as much as you've done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Tears streamed down my face. The words of the hymn "Because I have been given much I too must give" entered my mind. I knew there was a little girl out there who needed me. She needed to know that she has a Heavenly Father who loves her. The Lord needed me to teach her that. I knew that our family needed to do foster care and that it was the right time. We got our license in July 2013.
On September 9, 2013 I got a phone call about a blonde haired, blue eyed little 19 month old girl. They didn't even know what her name was yet, or for sure what her age was. She had just been removed and they were keeping her at the DCFS office and were wondering if we would take her? I had the most peaceful assurance come over me. I called Jake at work and he immediately felt that same peace and said, "go get her." I asked the boys what they thought and they were so excited and said, "go get our little sister!" From the minute I first saw Kara I felt so strongly that she was supposed to be part of our family. But as you all know, it was a rough and rocky road. For 15 months it was back and forth as to whether she was going back to her birth mom or staying with us. In September 2014 we had the court documents in our hands stating that DCFS was asking for termination of parental rights and we would be able to start the adoption process. Unfortunately the night before the hearing we got a phone call from the caseworker saying there had been a change in plans and they were now asking for an extension and giving her bio mom one more chance. I knew that this was not going to be good for Kara. In July 2015 they started expanding visits with her mom and allowing unsupervised visits. In October 2014 I went to a team meeting and was told that at the end of November Kara would be going back to live with her bio mom permanently. I was heartbroken. My mother's intuition was screaming that this was not a good thing for Kara. I was worried about her safety and honestly felt that her life was in danger. There were so many red flags. I expressed my concerns privately to every professional involved in the decision making process. Jake and I set up private meetings with the caseworker, her supervisor, and guardian ad litem. I researched and sought out legal counsel. I found out that Kara, Jake and I had basically had no legal rights in this situation. I felt completely helpless. I was struggling with having faith and trusting God, and also thinking about the scripture that says after all that you can do. I knew that God had a plan but didn't know what it was or how it would work out. Jake and I went to the temple and put Kara's name and everyone's involved in making decisions for her on the prayer roll. We asked our family and ward to please fast for her. I was fasting and praying for a miracle. I didn't want her to leave. I was worried sick. I started having major anxiety and panic attacks. I would wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack and unable to breathe. The only way I could calm down was by having Jake give me a priesthood blessing. The only place I was able to feel any peace was at the temple. Jake and I were at the temple in November 2014 praying and fasting for a miracle for Kara, for peace, and to know what the Lord would have us do. During the temple session an impression entered my mind of the story in the Old Testament of Abraham being asked to sacrifice his son Isaac. I'm sure that was the hardest thing Abraham had ever done. But Abraham loved and trusted the Lord. He was obedient and prepared to do what was asked of him. Right before he was going to sacrifice his son the Lord stopped him, the Lord sent a ram to be sacrificed instead. I know that wasn't just a coincidence that that story entered my mind at that time. I know that the Lord was telling me that I had to let Kara go back to her birth Mom. I was devastated.
Kara went back to her birth mom on November 30, 2014. It was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. She lived with her birth mom for two months. During that time DCFS asked me to go there 2-3 times a week and help teach her mom how to parent. It was traumatizing for Kara to have me leave each time and not be able to leave with me. She would scream hysterically, begging to go home. I would try my best to stay strong for her and keep it together until after I got in my car to drive home. One day as I was driving home sobbing I began to pray. I was discouraged and depressed. I felt abandoned by God. I couldn't understand why he would put us through this. I was trying to do what he had asked of us. I was trying to do a good thing! Why did it have to be so hard!!! The impression came to my mind, "this isn't about you. Be still and know that I am God. Trust Me." I was immediately humbled and subdued. I then asked God, "What do you want me to do?" The answer came strong and clear. Focus on her Mom. From that day on I did all that I could to truly try to help her Mom. I grew to love her and served her with all my heart. I was able to see others more the way our Savior does. I didn't know what the future was going to bring, but I wanted to be a positive influence in all of their lives. They are all God's children and I wanted them to know it.
This is what I wrote in my journal on January 21, 2015 about that experience driving home after receiving the prompting to trust God. I immediately stopped my pity party, my fears and doubts melted away. I knew that I needed to trust God. He has a plan, he knows what he's doing. This experience has changed how I am now going about this whole situation. I have allowed the Savior's atonement to carry me through. It's more than I can carry alone. I am putting my faith and trust in Heavenly Father. My prayers have changed. Instead of begging and pleading for Kara to stay with us like I did in the months before the home trial placement, I am now praying to know what the Lord wants me to do. I'm praying to align myself with his will and to be an instrument in his hands. As I've allowed myself to be led by faith, I've felt His promptings and peace come. I've been able to see others more the way Christ sees them. I've been able to reach out and love those who are burdened with broken hearts and spirits due to their life circumstances. I've been able to feel genuine love and concern for Kara's mom, boyfriend and extended family and friends. I've witnessed first hand the struggles and afflictions of others, that I never would have known before doing foster care, and have felt genuine love and compassion for them. I've tried to be Christlike. Through all of this I've felt the spirit teaching me and guiding me along the way. I'm able to feel at peace and have a deep understanding that all will be well. I have a deeper appreciation for the atonement of Christ. I have a renewed appreciation and love for the gospel and it's teachings. I know that following Christ's teachings is the one sure way to find peace and happiness. I have a greater appreciation for the gift and power of prayer. I have felt the prayers of many on mine and my family's behalf. I appreciate the blessing of the temple and the peace I feel there. I have grown to love and cherish the scriptures and find peace in the teachings found within. I have a greater appreciation of family home evening and know that it is divine counsel from our Heavenly Father to help strengthen families. I am grateful for priesthood blessings, they have saved me from multiple panic attacks! I am so grateful for Jake. He is a wonderful husband and father, he has such a strong testimony. He has helped carry me through this trial and helped lift me up when I was at my weakest. I am so grateful for my boys and appreciate them so much more. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that Heavenly Father is in charge. He has a plan and I am at peace following his plan wherever it may lead me.
On Friday, January 30, 2015 about 5pm I got a phone call from the caseworker saying that Kara had been removed from her Mom's home and she was on her way to our house to bring Kara back to us! In February both Kara's parents signed over their legal rights so that we could start the adoption process.
On August 17, 2015 we were able to finally adopt Kara!!! On September 25th 2015 we were able to have her sealed to us in the Ogden temple. It was such a wonderful day! The boys were able to be there as well and witness the sealing. My great Uncle, Ken Alford, my Grandma Dalton's brother, was our sealer. My Grandma, who was also my best friend, passed away last October, right before Kara went back to her mom. It was a really rough fall! I have felt my Grandma close through all of this. I know she has been doing all she can from the other side to help Kara. The feeling that was in that sealing room I will never forget. It was the most serene and peaceful feeling I have ever felt. The thought entered my mind, "I bet this is what heaven feels like. Peaceful and full of people you love, and just an overwhelming feeling of love and that all is as it should be."
This whole experience has greatly strengthened my testimony. I know that God is in charge. He has a plan for each of us. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is central to that plan. I am so grateful for the Gospel. For the guidance and direction it gives me in my life. I know that by following our Heavenly Father's plan we can have peace and happiness in our life.
I want to talk a little bit about the nature of God and his plan for us. God loves us. He knows us individually. He has a plan for each one of us and wants us to choose to follow his plan. He knows infinitely more than we do. He wants us to have Faith in him. He wants us to trust him. He promises us in John 14:8 "I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you."
In Doctrine and Covenants 82:10 the Lord says, "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise" The Lord does what he says he's going to do. We can trust him and have Faith in Him.
In Isaiah 55:8 the Lord says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. Saith the Lord." God gives us commandments to protect us and keep us safe. To protect us from extra and unnecessary pain and grief. But he also knows that we're human and we all make mistakes. That's why he has provided us a Savior and a way to repent.
Another important part of God's plan is the raising of children. My favorite Ensign article of all time is in the December 2007 Ensign by President Gordon B. Hinckley titled, "These Our Little Ones." The entire article is amazing! I just want to share two quotes from it:
"It is so obvious that the great good and the terrible evil in the world today are the sweet and the bitter fruits of the rearing of yesterday’s children. As we train a new generation, so will the world be in a few years. If you are worried about the future, then look to the upbringing of your children. Wisely did the writer of Proverbs declare, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Behold your little ones. Pray with them. Pray for them and bless them. The world into which they are moving is a complex and difficult world. They will run into heavy seas of adversity. They will need all the strength and all the faith you can give them while they are yet near you. And they will also need a greater strength which comes of a higher power. They must do more than go along with what they find. They must lift the world, and the only levers they will have are the example of their own lives and the powers of persuasion that will come of their testimonies and their knowledge of the things of God. They will need the help of the Lord. While they are young, pray with them that they may come to know that source of strength which shall then always be available in every hour of need."
I know that this is true. I pray that we will all cling tightly to the gospel and teach our children to do the same so we can withstand the storms of life. I am so grateful to live in this wonderful ward and will forever to grateful to all of you for all the fasting and prayers you have offered on Kara's behalf. I am also so appreciative to my Heavenly Father for all he has blessed me with. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
I was volunteering at the school one day when I passed another mom in the hall I didn't know very well. I got the strongest impression that I needed to talk to her. As I talked with her I found out that she was a foster mom. She has 3 biological boys the exact same ages as mine. It was so comforting to talk with someone who totally understood what I was going through and could relate with all my worries and fears and answer so many of my questions. Since then she has become one of my best friends and we have been able to help each other through the crazy challenges foster care brings. Jake and I completed our foster training classes in March of 2013. Jake asked me if I was ready to become licensed. I told him that I was still nervous about it and that I really needed to pray hard about it. I knew it would be the most challenging thing I had ever done. That night I prayed with all my heart fervently asking my Father in Heaven if foster care was the right thing for our family at that time. I opened my scriptures to Matthew 25:40 "in as much as you've done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." Tears streamed down my face. The words of the hymn "Because I have been given much I too must give" entered my mind. I knew there was a little girl out there who needed me. She needed to know that she has a Heavenly Father who loves her. The Lord needed me to teach her that. I knew that our family needed to do foster care and that it was the right time. We got our license in July 2013.
On September 9, 2013 I got a phone call about a blonde haired, blue eyed little 19 month old girl. They didn't even know what her name was yet, or for sure what her age was. She had just been removed and they were keeping her at the DCFS office and were wondering if we would take her? I had the most peaceful assurance come over me. I called Jake at work and he immediately felt that same peace and said, "go get her." I asked the boys what they thought and they were so excited and said, "go get our little sister!" From the minute I first saw Kara I felt so strongly that she was supposed to be part of our family. But as you all know, it was a rough and rocky road. For 15 months it was back and forth as to whether she was going back to her birth mom or staying with us. In September 2014 we had the court documents in our hands stating that DCFS was asking for termination of parental rights and we would be able to start the adoption process. Unfortunately the night before the hearing we got a phone call from the caseworker saying there had been a change in plans and they were now asking for an extension and giving her bio mom one more chance. I knew that this was not going to be good for Kara. In July 2015 they started expanding visits with her mom and allowing unsupervised visits. In October 2014 I went to a team meeting and was told that at the end of November Kara would be going back to live with her bio mom permanently. I was heartbroken. My mother's intuition was screaming that this was not a good thing for Kara. I was worried about her safety and honestly felt that her life was in danger. There were so many red flags. I expressed my concerns privately to every professional involved in the decision making process. Jake and I set up private meetings with the caseworker, her supervisor, and guardian ad litem. I researched and sought out legal counsel. I found out that Kara, Jake and I had basically had no legal rights in this situation. I felt completely helpless. I was struggling with having faith and trusting God, and also thinking about the scripture that says after all that you can do. I knew that God had a plan but didn't know what it was or how it would work out. Jake and I went to the temple and put Kara's name and everyone's involved in making decisions for her on the prayer roll. We asked our family and ward to please fast for her. I was fasting and praying for a miracle. I didn't want her to leave. I was worried sick. I started having major anxiety and panic attacks. I would wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack and unable to breathe. The only way I could calm down was by having Jake give me a priesthood blessing. The only place I was able to feel any peace was at the temple. Jake and I were at the temple in November 2014 praying and fasting for a miracle for Kara, for peace, and to know what the Lord would have us do. During the temple session an impression entered my mind of the story in the Old Testament of Abraham being asked to sacrifice his son Isaac. I'm sure that was the hardest thing Abraham had ever done. But Abraham loved and trusted the Lord. He was obedient and prepared to do what was asked of him. Right before he was going to sacrifice his son the Lord stopped him, the Lord sent a ram to be sacrificed instead. I know that wasn't just a coincidence that that story entered my mind at that time. I know that the Lord was telling me that I had to let Kara go back to her birth Mom. I was devastated.
Kara went back to her birth mom on November 30, 2014. It was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. She lived with her birth mom for two months. During that time DCFS asked me to go there 2-3 times a week and help teach her mom how to parent. It was traumatizing for Kara to have me leave each time and not be able to leave with me. She would scream hysterically, begging to go home. I would try my best to stay strong for her and keep it together until after I got in my car to drive home. One day as I was driving home sobbing I began to pray. I was discouraged and depressed. I felt abandoned by God. I couldn't understand why he would put us through this. I was trying to do what he had asked of us. I was trying to do a good thing! Why did it have to be so hard!!! The impression came to my mind, "this isn't about you. Be still and know that I am God. Trust Me." I was immediately humbled and subdued. I then asked God, "What do you want me to do?" The answer came strong and clear. Focus on her Mom. From that day on I did all that I could to truly try to help her Mom. I grew to love her and served her with all my heart. I was able to see others more the way our Savior does. I didn't know what the future was going to bring, but I wanted to be a positive influence in all of their lives. They are all God's children and I wanted them to know it.
This is what I wrote in my journal on January 21, 2015 about that experience driving home after receiving the prompting to trust God. I immediately stopped my pity party, my fears and doubts melted away. I knew that I needed to trust God. He has a plan, he knows what he's doing. This experience has changed how I am now going about this whole situation. I have allowed the Savior's atonement to carry me through. It's more than I can carry alone. I am putting my faith and trust in Heavenly Father. My prayers have changed. Instead of begging and pleading for Kara to stay with us like I did in the months before the home trial placement, I am now praying to know what the Lord wants me to do. I'm praying to align myself with his will and to be an instrument in his hands. As I've allowed myself to be led by faith, I've felt His promptings and peace come. I've been able to see others more the way Christ sees them. I've been able to reach out and love those who are burdened with broken hearts and spirits due to their life circumstances. I've been able to feel genuine love and concern for Kara's mom, boyfriend and extended family and friends. I've witnessed first hand the struggles and afflictions of others, that I never would have known before doing foster care, and have felt genuine love and compassion for them. I've tried to be Christlike. Through all of this I've felt the spirit teaching me and guiding me along the way. I'm able to feel at peace and have a deep understanding that all will be well. I have a deeper appreciation for the atonement of Christ. I have a renewed appreciation and love for the gospel and it's teachings. I know that following Christ's teachings is the one sure way to find peace and happiness. I have a greater appreciation for the gift and power of prayer. I have felt the prayers of many on mine and my family's behalf. I appreciate the blessing of the temple and the peace I feel there. I have grown to love and cherish the scriptures and find peace in the teachings found within. I have a greater appreciation of family home evening and know that it is divine counsel from our Heavenly Father to help strengthen families. I am grateful for priesthood blessings, they have saved me from multiple panic attacks! I am so grateful for Jake. He is a wonderful husband and father, he has such a strong testimony. He has helped carry me through this trial and helped lift me up when I was at my weakest. I am so grateful for my boys and appreciate them so much more. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that Heavenly Father is in charge. He has a plan and I am at peace following his plan wherever it may lead me.
On Friday, January 30, 2015 about 5pm I got a phone call from the caseworker saying that Kara had been removed from her Mom's home and she was on her way to our house to bring Kara back to us! In February both Kara's parents signed over their legal rights so that we could start the adoption process.
On August 17, 2015 we were able to finally adopt Kara!!! On September 25th 2015 we were able to have her sealed to us in the Ogden temple. It was such a wonderful day! The boys were able to be there as well and witness the sealing. My great Uncle, Ken Alford, my Grandma Dalton's brother, was our sealer. My Grandma, who was also my best friend, passed away last October, right before Kara went back to her mom. It was a really rough fall! I have felt my Grandma close through all of this. I know she has been doing all she can from the other side to help Kara. The feeling that was in that sealing room I will never forget. It was the most serene and peaceful feeling I have ever felt. The thought entered my mind, "I bet this is what heaven feels like. Peaceful and full of people you love, and just an overwhelming feeling of love and that all is as it should be."
This whole experience has greatly strengthened my testimony. I know that God is in charge. He has a plan for each of us. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is central to that plan. I am so grateful for the Gospel. For the guidance and direction it gives me in my life. I know that by following our Heavenly Father's plan we can have peace and happiness in our life.
I want to talk a little bit about the nature of God and his plan for us. God loves us. He knows us individually. He has a plan for each one of us and wants us to choose to follow his plan. He knows infinitely more than we do. He wants us to have Faith in him. He wants us to trust him. He promises us in John 14:8 "I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you."
In Doctrine and Covenants 82:10 the Lord says, "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise" The Lord does what he says he's going to do. We can trust him and have Faith in Him.
In Isaiah 55:8 the Lord says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. Saith the Lord." God gives us commandments to protect us and keep us safe. To protect us from extra and unnecessary pain and grief. But he also knows that we're human and we all make mistakes. That's why he has provided us a Savior and a way to repent.
Another important part of God's plan is the raising of children. My favorite Ensign article of all time is in the December 2007 Ensign by President Gordon B. Hinckley titled, "These Our Little Ones." The entire article is amazing! I just want to share two quotes from it:
"It is so obvious that the great good and the terrible evil in the world today are the sweet and the bitter fruits of the rearing of yesterday’s children. As we train a new generation, so will the world be in a few years. If you are worried about the future, then look to the upbringing of your children. Wisely did the writer of Proverbs declare, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Behold your little ones. Pray with them. Pray for them and bless them. The world into which they are moving is a complex and difficult world. They will run into heavy seas of adversity. They will need all the strength and all the faith you can give them while they are yet near you. And they will also need a greater strength which comes of a higher power. They must do more than go along with what they find. They must lift the world, and the only levers they will have are the example of their own lives and the powers of persuasion that will come of their testimonies and their knowledge of the things of God. They will need the help of the Lord. While they are young, pray with them that they may come to know that source of strength which shall then always be available in every hour of need."
I know that this is true. I pray that we will all cling tightly to the gospel and teach our children to do the same so we can withstand the storms of life. I am so grateful to live in this wonderful ward and will forever to grateful to all of you for all the fasting and prayers you have offered on Kara's behalf. I am also so appreciative to my Heavenly Father for all he has blessed me with. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
