About a year ago, I hit my stress wall, literally. One day I couldn't think. I couldn't concentrate. I was having a super hard time remembering things, I would be doing something and completely forget what I was doing, it became a black hole. Plus all I wanted to do was sleep and if I sat still long enough I would nod off.
At the time I didn't know what was wrong, I went to the doctor thinking I was just dehydrated. The doctor in the urgent care ran several tests, and couldn't figure out what was wrong. They had me make an appointment to see my regular doctor a few days later. When I went in, and my doctor had looked over all the test that were run (the urgent care and my doctors office are all part of the same clinic, it is fabulous!). She asked me several questions, which included a couple of questions about my current stress level, when she heard some of what was going on she gave me a anxiety/depression test. My anxiety and depression were so high that she was a little worried. She put me on a low dose of a medication that would help with both the anxiety and the depression, by just taking the edge off of things. I had to go in a few times to kind of tweak the medication to get it to work better for me.
Unfortunately I am not sure it is still quite right, but my doctor had to quit practicing due to her own health issues. Plus around the time my doctor quit, my insurance company tried to say that my issues were a pre-existing condition. I hate insurance, it causes so much stress for me! The reason all this started was because I had a whole bunch of things dropped on me. I also had so much going on, and I was trying to do too much. I didn't know how to do everything, nobody was there to teach me, and I was expected to know all the answers. A year later, and I still don't know all the answers, but I am managing. I also quit doing so much, I started putting myself first. If I can't do it, I won't. If I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of anyone else. I will say no when people ask me to do somethings. If I feel it is not going to help me, or help my family, I won't do it. If I feel it will take time away from my family, I won't do it. I don't feel guilty about it either.
Shortly after that my grandpa Patrick was put into the hospital due to issues from his dementia. He is to the point he no longer knows what year it is, he started to forget little things like eating and showering. He spent about four or five weeks in the hospital. He was than taken to a nursing home, because he is no longer able to live at home alone. He rarely remembers who any one is, and often confuses people with people from his past. Just as I think things with this are starting to work out, the nursing home is saying they can't care for him, that he needs one on one help.
Plus in the middle of all of that my job has cut my pay, but $3.00 an hour. Last week, due to the new insurance being so crappy, not as many people signed up as they thought would and the original quote was based off of, my work cancelled our insurance. We were given two weeks notice that we will no longer be insured, and to rub it in, we still have to have it taken out of our checks until the beginning of next month, because they were taking the money out late basically.
"One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see.” ~Gabourey Sidibe
