I'm leaving this one up for another couple weeks and then this will be automatically self-destroyed.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
So Long Self...
I've been thinking a lot lately about how I've compartmentalized myself. I'm not going to get too much into this, but all I'm saying is, I'm consolidating all my thoughts into one blog now and letting go of some things of the past.
I'm keeping this blog up for a little while longer then I'll be deleting it. I'll eventually get around to starting up another personal blog but until then, if you're interested in the randomness of my thoughts, click here
No single trigger for my decision to do this, just a culmination of things from this summer and where I've landed with my journey for now. So goodbye to things of the past. You have been good to me for bringing me to where I am today.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Quick Update
Well hello there, Blogger World.
No, I haven't disappeared. I'm now in Berlin, Germany and will be here for an Urban Ministry class for the next 2 weeks, then for an internship till the end of July. Because of that, I haven't really had time to write here for fun, but most of the processing of this journey can be found here
Not sure when will be the next time I'll get a chance to stop, breathe and update this one, but hey if you just want to know that I'm alive, read the other blog.
Love you all.
No, I haven't disappeared. I'm now in Berlin, Germany and will be here for an Urban Ministry class for the next 2 weeks, then for an internship till the end of July. Because of that, I haven't really had time to write here for fun, but most of the processing of this journey can be found here
Not sure when will be the next time I'll get a chance to stop, breathe and update this one, but hey if you just want to know that I'm alive, read the other blog.
Love you all.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Thought Spillage...
Someone asked me today
How things were with you
It was the first time in a while
That I had to seriously consider
Where we stood now
Hi there
I miss you
Not because of what we shared
But also because of what we shared
Not because of who you are
But also because of who you are
I guess because of our history
I'll always carry a part of you with me
Even after 5 years...
Wow, was it really 5 years ago yesterday?
I'll always care about you
I'll always wish for you to be happy
I'll always want the best for you
Because in spite of how our paths have parted
We still shared a part of each other's history
I still wonder about how you're doing
And I wonder if you're still the believer and the encourager
Hello again, my friend
And again, goodbye.
How things were with you
It was the first time in a while
That I had to seriously consider
Where we stood now
Hi there
I miss you
Not because of what we shared
But also because of what we shared
Not because of who you are
But also because of who you are
I guess because of our history
I'll always carry a part of you with me
Even after 5 years...
Wow, was it really 5 years ago yesterday?
I'll always care about you
I'll always wish for you to be happy
I'll always want the best for you
Because in spite of how our paths have parted
We still shared a part of each other's history
I still wonder about how you're doing
And I wonder if you're still the believer and the encourager
Hello again, my friend
And again, goodbye.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Irony of Ironies...
Today I'm wondering why I gave up on a career in music.
I'm trying to write a paper on Bonhoeffer, one of my favourite theologians whom I will probably marry if I could be polygamist and also marry Nouwen at the same time. Well, it might help if they were both still alive.
Anyway. I've been sitting here for the last four hours or so, and I only have half a page written. And somewhere in the middle of writing that half a page, I was briefly interrupted for twenty-minutes to explain online, the differences between perfect, imperfect, plagal and interrupted cadences to my cousin.
And then it hit me. I could have made it big teaching music theory. (Ok, so maybe not THAT big, but still.)
So why am I doing this??
Sigh.
I'm trying to write a paper on Bonhoeffer, one of my favourite theologians whom I will probably marry if I could be polygamist and also marry Nouwen at the same time. Well, it might help if they were both still alive.
Anyway. I've been sitting here for the last four hours or so, and I only have half a page written. And somewhere in the middle of writing that half a page, I was briefly interrupted for twenty-minutes to explain online, the differences between perfect, imperfect, plagal and interrupted cadences to my cousin.
And then it hit me. I could have made it big teaching music theory. (Ok, so maybe not THAT big, but still.)
So why am I doing this??
Sigh.
"Wer bin ich?"
Wer bin ich? Sie sagen mir oft,
ich träte aus meiner Zelle
gelassen und heiter und fest
wie ein Gutsherr aus seinem Schloß
Wer bin ich? Sie sagen mir oft,
ich spräche mit meinen Bewachern
frei und freundlich und klar,
als hätte ich zu gebieten.
Wer bin ich? Sie sagen mir auch,
ich trüge die Tage des Unglücks
gleichmütig, lächelnd und stolz,
wie einer, der Siegen gewohnt ist.
Bin ich das wirklich, was andere von mir sagen?
Oder bin ich nur das, was ich selbst von mir weiß?
Unruhig, sehnsüchtig, krank, wie ein Vogel im Käfig,
ringend nach Lebensatem, als würgte mir einer die Kehle,
hungernd nach Farben, nach Blumen, nach Vogelstimmen,
dürstend nach guten Worten, nach menschlicher Nähe,
zitternd vor Zorn über Willkür und kleinlichste Kränkung,
umgetrieben vom Warten auf große Dinge,
ohnmächtig bangend um Freunde in endloser Ferne,
müde und leer zum Beten, zum Denken, zum Schaffen,
matt und bereit, von allem Abschied zu nehmen?
Wer bin ich? Der oder jener?
Bin ich denn heute dieser und morgen ein andrer?
Bin ich beides zugleich? Vor Menschen ein Heuchler und vor mir selbst ein verächtlich wehleidiger Schwächling?
Oder gleicht, was in mir noch ist, dem geschlagenen Heer,
das in Unordnung weicht vor schon gewonnenem Sieg?
Wer bin ich? Einsames Fragen treibt mit mir Spott.
Wer ich auch bin, Du kennst mich, Dein bin ich, o Gott!
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Juli 1944.
Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell's confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? The often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an inifinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!
- March 4, 1946
ich träte aus meiner Zelle
gelassen und heiter und fest
wie ein Gutsherr aus seinem Schloß
Wer bin ich? Sie sagen mir oft,
ich spräche mit meinen Bewachern
frei und freundlich und klar,
als hätte ich zu gebieten.
Wer bin ich? Sie sagen mir auch,
ich trüge die Tage des Unglücks
gleichmütig, lächelnd und stolz,
wie einer, der Siegen gewohnt ist.
Bin ich das wirklich, was andere von mir sagen?
Oder bin ich nur das, was ich selbst von mir weiß?
Unruhig, sehnsüchtig, krank, wie ein Vogel im Käfig,
ringend nach Lebensatem, als würgte mir einer die Kehle,
hungernd nach Farben, nach Blumen, nach Vogelstimmen,
dürstend nach guten Worten, nach menschlicher Nähe,
zitternd vor Zorn über Willkür und kleinlichste Kränkung,
umgetrieben vom Warten auf große Dinge,
ohnmächtig bangend um Freunde in endloser Ferne,
müde und leer zum Beten, zum Denken, zum Schaffen,
matt und bereit, von allem Abschied zu nehmen?
Wer bin ich? Der oder jener?
Bin ich denn heute dieser und morgen ein andrer?
Bin ich beides zugleich? Vor Menschen ein Heuchler und vor mir selbst ein verächtlich wehleidiger Schwächling?
Oder gleicht, was in mir noch ist, dem geschlagenen Heer,
das in Unordnung weicht vor schon gewonnenem Sieg?
Wer bin ich? Einsames Fragen treibt mit mir Spott.
Wer ich auch bin, Du kennst mich, Dein bin ich, o Gott!
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Juli 1944.
Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell's confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? The often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an inifinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!
- March 4, 1946
Still a City Girl...
It only took me six years and a trip to NYC to figure out I'm still very much in love with the big city.
Sigh...
Sigh...
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Don't Provoke the Raging Feminist...
Until you are able to at least fulfill society's expectations of at least your gender roles, I don't think you should be allowed to bash on the female race. Especially not when I'm better at fulfilling society's expectations of BOTH your and my gender roles.
The end. Don't provoke the raging feminist.
The end. Don't provoke the raging feminist.
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