Life

        Isn't it interesting how sometimes you feel your life going one dissection, and then something happens to send it in a completely different one? You think something is the right choice and then find out it is completely different than what you should be doing?
        Our life is currently going through one of those tipsy curvy changes right now. For the past 9 years, the love of my life  has been serving in the United States Air Force. It's been quite the ride. Since joining, we have had 3 children, moved into 5 different houses (not including the times we've moved in with family for brief stints), and endured 4 deployments and countless trainings that resulted in having Jacob gone apart from the rest of us for a total of 30 months (that's 2 1/2  years!). You would think with all that we would be used to big life changes. I'm not sure you ever really get used to it though.
          With the end of Jacob's enlistment approaching, we had to decide, stay in the Air Force which pays well enough, or get out and face the unknown, but at least we will be together. Honestly it wasn't much of a contest. One of the things we have definitely  learned from our time in the military, is that family time is so important!  So next month it's actually happening! Jacob is getting out of the Air Force and re-entering  civilian life.
          So with this big change, we've had a lot of decisions to make: where to live, how to make ends meet, what should Jacob study. We thought we had ask the answers lined up. We would move closer to family. Jacob would study to become a middle school English teacher and he sounds get a part time job to help cover costs while I stay at home with the kiddos. Jacob applied and got accepted to a university in Utah with a pretty good scholarship. We put an offer on a house that got accepted. We started going through the process to sell our New Mexico house, including already moving all of our stuff into a storage unit and living in our trailer by our house. Now less than a month from move time, or plans are changing. Again.
       As excited as we've been to get out of the military and be closer to family, Jacob and I have also both had a lot of anxiety considering going forward with this. I just assumed it was because of the big changes we were about to go through, and the uncertainty, and the no money, and what not. Well, faithful husband that I have, Jacob was praying about the anxiety he had been feeling and asking Heavenly Father to help us with these changes. As he prayed, he had a jarring thoughtthought, "Maybe we need to stay here."
          Say what?!?!?! That was NEVER part of our plan. NEVER! We knew that every place we've moved with the military would be TEMPORARY!  The longest we've ever lived anywhere has been 3 years and that had been here! Before that the longest had been less than 2 years! Sure the people here are nice, but honestly we live in a tiny town with nothing really to keep us here. My primary feeling since moving here has been loneliness. My kids don't have any friends. I have a couple of friends but they are in a different stage of life then me. No one I have felt I could call up to see if they want to come over in the middle of what can become very long days of stay at home mom life. Jacob has been deployed from here three times which left me feeling desperately lonely. I've developed a debilitating depression at times. In short life here in New Mexico has not been easy for me. These are the rights that were racing through my mind as Jacob told me that it might be Our Heavenly Father's will to stay here.
         But at the same time, I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace. That illusive peace that has been missing in all of our  planplans. In even just considering staying here, the peace I felt was undeniable. I knew that it was Heavenly Father's will for us to stay here.
         I don't know why we need to stay here, but I will accept the Lord's guidance and as disappointed as I am that we won't be close to our family, I am so incredibly grateful to the Lord and his willingness to place our family where we need to be to fulfill His will.
          We are still going to try selling our home here. It is a beautiful home but a little too expensive for our lifestyle change, and bigger than we need or even want anymore.
          As we try to figure this all out, I have no fear. I have peace knowing in whom I trust. Who better to let guide your path than the one who made it? The one who is so kind and loving, all knowing and all powerful. He will not lead  me astray.