am not gonna blog here alrd.
because i wont know who will be reading this and noe things i wont want the world to know..

so if you wanna noe my new blog add ask me((:
in any case..i may come back here to reminisce the past..



am determined to start afresh((:
bye bye silly old me(hopefully that is.haha)

i read my previous posts in my other blog and i saw this..
february 14 2007
"when it comes to love..nice guys dont always win"
haha..thought it was rather true..
j may be nice and all..but nice guys dun always win ppl's hearts.
yeah..

bloggin abit cos later cannot blog alrd..mammie comin to study.((:
i thought i heard ur voice again!?!!!
urgh! u stupid thing! but i mean..i nvr wan te voice to disappear too..

oh well..
i realised my how i lived my life wasnt what i wanted..
i need to change my thoughts and stuff..if possible that is.
yupps! will be seeing darh tmr((:

i really really really really wanna throw all my troubles.worries.jealousy.anger.sadness.boredom.unhappiness.ALL THE BAD THINGS into the vast ocean and let them get eaten up by sharks!! ^^

i love FUNERAL OF HEARTS.memorising the lyrics..
i'm almost halfway there! ((:
ttfn!

i actualy thought i heard your voice in school and i didnt dare to turn back..
but it was just some stranger..oh..u are my stranger too i realise..

i wanna be a nerd!! i wanna study real hard for prelims n As!
^^
tmr's math exam..but i didnt even touch anything larhs!
haha..its ok..just mid years yeah?
i totally lost touch with my H1 subjects lorh..
seriously needa study alrd! shall make studyin my hobby SOON..laughs
i really think westmall mac is nice to study..plus have subway for dinner^^YUM!
=D

chie has an A for her law paper..CONGRATS HUN! ((: am really proud of u! ^^
i think all my frens can make my day..
esp the special few((:

am happy today((:
no sad stuff worth mentioning..perhaps just the papers totally screwed..
expecting more disappointments but yeah..guess i can manage.(:

dun wanna think so much!!
dun wanna get so affected ever!
thanks for all the attention and love and care and sweetness
esp darhdarh((: muacks u!

its 10.23am..
i suddenly felt like blogging((:

talked to darh till like 3am last nite..laughed alot.
love her!
you just have your cute lil ways to cheer me up!
and just now u said " YOYO! time to get off ur bed! "
omg..ure just so adorable larh! ^^

i suddenly remembered alot of my past..remembered my fisrt kiss..was not given to him..but to j. shall journal down my relationship 'journey' now..maybe just start with j.

i remembered i quit bball to join dance in sec 2 cos i didnt really like the team mates in bball..so i joined dance with darhdarh..chie wanted to join too..but the timing clashes with her choir..plus i think she alrd had tkd back then..so..she didnt join us..
then.the first person that talked to us was vivien..a dance senior..she told us "this instructor veri fierce one.." haha..
okok..so i kinda forgotten some minor details..
but i rmb it all started after the first dance camp we had during the mid years hols.
i remembered j and i laughed when we realise we were sleepin in the exact same position but directly facing each other..was realli funny i guess!
then all of us had everybody else's numbers..
so we contacted each other((:

and according to you..whenever you talked to me..i manage to cheer you up..then i realise..i was a stressfree girl in the past..ppl always say i'm a good listener a good advisor though i just noe so little..hmm..reminds me of panda now..miss her..oh well..back to j. ok..so after talkin for like 2 months plus and seeing each other in dance..he asked me to be his gf..i didnt noe what to do..so i went to tell kokyong bout it..kokyong asked me to ask him to wait..dun rush into relationship..so i did as i was told..
after awhile..j asked me to be his gf again..so i went to ask kokyong again..and i did as i was told again-to ask him to wait..
but the last time..on aug 7th, when he asked me to be his gf..i was in my dad's car and i couldn't call kokyong.( i mean i could msg him.but somehow i didnt larh..laughs)..so we got together that day((:

i was a really really shy girl in the past..but j made me not shy.he taught me how to love..what is love and what is commitment and happiness. he shown me what trust is.what treasuring someone means..what compromising is...he truely was a really nice (no other meaning to this realli!! ) guy..i truely loved him..but because i got together with him..vivien(his ex gf)..stopped talkin to me..she went to write letters to chie..findin out bout me and stuff..as in like..a close sister bond broke because i got together with j..hmmm..quite sad actually..oh well..

ok..so we went out..he'll send me home..if i go out with my frens..he'll tell his mum he'll be goin to the library(he lives at woodlands..veri near causeway point)..then he would come out and send me home cos it was at nite..sweet of him((:
he was like my best fren and a brother and a father.always watching out for me and being there for me...((:

so its the end years hols and we had another dance chalet..this time..he asked me to go walk in the park with him..so i ps darhdarh and the rest of my girls to go out with him..like near mid night.so its like rather romantic^^ haha.
we sat on a bench in the park and like talk a lil..just enjoyin the breeze..but we were veri sticky and warm cos it was after a long day.so we didnt stay there for long..when we stood up..i turned away from him wanting to walk back to the chalet when he asked me to stop..he put a chain ard my neck..i mean..necklace larh ok..not like i'm a dog or anything.haha..it was an angel((: he gave me another necklace somewhere before this but i forgotten..but this one..i remember..but i think i lost the necklace...oops =D i really liked the necklace alot..yeah ok..so we went back after that.holding hands..enjoying the breeze..walkingg((:

i thought he would be my future.my everything..but i dunno when how why..i started to lose feelings for him..i started to miss l...
i remembered i spent his b'dae with him..15th may..and that's it..i wanan break up..OH.i remember we wanted 'seperate' for awhile cos i proposed the idea..but he said he still wanted to send me home..so we patched back afterall..haha..then yadayadayada..we broke up finally..and..was rather awkward seeing him ard..but i knew how much i treasured him and the things he taught me were priceless and precious((:

that's for j. 10 months plus relationship..a nice memorable one..nothing sad seriously..a really great guy((:

we still talk sometimes nowadays..checkin out each other's lives..shooting one another..frens((:

friendships can last longer than a relationship..i always wonder what would happen if i and him did not get together in the first place..i might actually be his best fren now rite?? i always yearn to noe every single detail of his life..but now..i'm not even in the slightest part of his life..how ironic..
i do not wish my life will continue to revolve around him..cos it had hurt me much..have hurt me much.and will hurt me more..
guess m was rite..i allowed myself to feel how i am feeling cos i am willing to accept the price that comes with it..(not exactly what he said but somehow what i heard)..yeah..i love all my FWENS..haha^^

thank god all my unhappiness that were contained
had been washed away with the waves..
all the moments that i have treasured
never stop flashing across my face.
nvr will i wanna forget..even all my sad past
nvr will i wanna forget..even you.

i miss those days when i would write long poems bout my feelings..
now i'm like losing touch..haha..
miss you still..trying not to though..hopefully((:

gonna go church soon then meet mammie ltr to study..ciaos
I LOVE DARHDARH!

my brother sent me a song yesterday..
A funeral of hearts..
yupps..obviously this song is for the broken hearted..or at least those whose lives have crumbled..
i love it alot((:

i realise i've distant myself away from some jc frens..
i dunno why but i feel happier with my sec sch mates..maybe we've been thru more together and somehow able to make each other feel happier? yeah..but of cos i do miss my jc frens too..

i'm glad you came to talk to me about it..assuring that i wasnt thinkin too much and to just clarify everything((: that meant alot to me because it shows ur sincerity and how u treasure this friendship..and i revealed all my unhappy pasts to you too..i always thought u are more than a fren to me..its true..ure like ohana..((:
maybe when i'm ready..i'll tell u more? cos..for now..onli darhdarh noes everything..

i'm so glad exams are coming to an end..i find this mid years simply pointless..i should have studied more actually..so that i can gauge my progression..but i guess i'm really not ready..so i'd better buck up before i waste more time away!!

i wanna be stronger..
i wanna live my life proper..nvr affected by irrelevant stuff ever.
i can do it rite?..least i'll try..again..
hopefully tmr able to study abit more with mammie before goin home!!

i love darhdarh..
simply cant do without her.
the more i rmb about the unhappy stuff..the more i realise her importance((:
vous ates mon et seulement dar dar.

Every girl has a dream house dont they?
i'm not any different.((:

i only have the interior design in mind..as for the location..
i dont bother as yet.((:
let me share choices for my dream bedroom for now..
i ranked them! lets take a look shall we..^^


1. This is my favourite..clean.neat.WHITE..soothing..totally indulging((:
the layout of the room is pretty too! the full length mirror..
the minor details..really really eye catching! I LOVE IT=D
The wooden florr will be hard to manage though..but it totally complements
the white furnitures which i simple adore! ((:


2. Now..this onee..i love this bed because i think the finishing is veri
simple and classic. i love the clean look of this bed..plus the cushions
totally complement the sleek design((:
Though the entire room's layout cannot be seen..this bed will definitely be
the main character of the cosy place.((:


3. The last one!.. This is is the most simple one..But the thing that attracts
me is the material of the bedsheet and the positioning of the bed..
if i have a cosy bedroom like this, i'll never wanna get up of bed!
plus..i love to look at the sky..the bed will be a good spot to do that((:

that's all..gotta study abit now. ((:

when you feel troubled, you will have your own means to let everything out i suppose.
be it writing your troubles away or sharing it with someone else..
i guess i like to reason things out myself sometimes too..
its nice to always have someone there to hear you out..
i noe who i have that i can totally trust everything with..
like darhdarh.chie.mammie..and even my own mum
but i guess i'm not ready to be totally honest with her..i just told her abit here and there..

if you think ure always right mister..then what u did was wrong..
i let u have your way because i like you..just like how come what happened in the past happned with him..
all u said was..but it meant nothing..
just for that moment..i felt a lil sting in my heart..
but i mean.i noe it means nothing to you..i was just thinking too much..

was talking to darhdarh on the phone ytd..haha.we talked from 11pm to 1.45am..and i shoo her to bed cos she has to wake up at 7am larh! laughs..
talked alot((: love her lots!
i miss you!!!!

hey mister..ure giving me all the wrong signals and saying all the wrong things..thank God i am not that weak anymore..if not i'll crumble and screw my life up.((:

am being who i wanna be. am tryin to feel less for you.((:

Name : Jolin
Birthdate : 21st November
BelieveIn : Jesus
Family : daddie.mommie.brother.doggie

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