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Bryten has been begging to get her hair cut short. I of course love her long hair but after finding chunks of it in the sink the other day (a-hem) I decided that I would have someone cut it and avoid her taking more chunks out of her beautiful hair. Needless to say I was not happy about the do it yourself haircutting that she performed on herself.

One of my best friend's daughters is a beautician so she came over and cut our hair tonight. Luckily she talked Bryten out of going as short as she had wanted to. It turned out cute. Now...let's just see if I can get her to keep it styled cute.

Here are a few pictures of her new hair-do.

Bryten's new "do"

Look at all this hair that was cut off between the two of us!!! Yikes!

Reason for the Season

I was pretty sure it was going to be a CRAPPY Christmas...money was tight, mom wasn't here and I was positive that it was just going to plain suck.

It turned out that Santa knew what he was doing and he made it special...or maybe...just maybe it was because our love for each other and our knowledge that this day is all about something much more than just Christmas trees and "jingle bells". I am truly grateful for a Heavenly Father that would send his son to this earth and be sacrificed so that I could return to him someday...and be reunited with my wonderful mother. It is truly this spirit that filled my heart at the last minute and saved my Christmas this year.

We had the Gillespies over for dinner and games. What a wonderful family they are and we feel very blessed to have them as friends.

Bryten opened up her usual Christmas Eve gift...the one that she knows will always be "jammies". She was pretty worn out and went to bed for the first time without a fight.

Bryten received some great presents...she made out like a bandit without it being "overboard".

I had 5 things on my wishlist this year...2 of which could not be bought...unfortunately I did not receive either of those gifts. I did however receive the temple bag that I asked for, some black dress boots for church, and a gift card to get some "smaller" clothes. It was a great Christmas!

Here are some pictures from yesterday...We hope that each of you had a wonderful Christmas also!

First Christmas In Heaven

My friend and co-worker Patsy sent this poem to us on a homemade Christmas card she did. She is very creative that way. It brings tears to my eyes as I picture my dear mother's first Christmas on the other side. As much as we want her here with us, we know that she is safe in the arms of our Heavenly Father, without pain, without an awful cancer eating away at her, and without a heavy heart. I hope you enjoy this poem as much as I did.

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below.
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars
reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tears
for I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
but the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
we really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious
than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing or love
he has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas
and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today would have been my mother's 61st Birthday. We decided to celebrate it at one of her favorite restraunts, Charlestons. She picked it a lot for her birthday dinner so we felt it was only appropriate. Afterwards we went and visited her grave at the Mesa cemetary. It's hard to believe that it has been almost 7 months since she went home to our Heavenly Father. This year the Holidays have been extremely difficult but I know that she would not want us to be sad and feel the way we are feeling.

Mom, I just want you to know how much I love you and miss you. There are so many things that I miss:

• I miss watching all of our TV shows that we would record and watch together.
• I miss your laughter. You always had a way of making me feel like I was quite humorous because you always laughed at my stories and jokes.
• I miss listening to our books on CD together.
• I miss your cooking.
• I miss you listening to me every day after work and letting me tell you all the things going on in my life.
• I miss shopping with you.
• I miss wrapping Christmas presents with you.
• I miss your smile.
• I miss your comforting presence.
• I miss your loving heart.
• I miss your stories
• I miss you needing me to take care of you.
• I miss you complaining about every body spray or perfume I would ever wear or the smell of my fabric softener (that you ended up liking right before you passed away).
• I miss your example "giving to others". You are truly a Christlike example of this.
• I miss so many things about you that I could go on forever.
  

Mom...I hope that this Birthday is a special one on the other side. I hope that you celebrated with our loved ones who have passed on before us. I hope that Grandpa Peel sang "Happy Birthday" to you in his low deep voice. I hope that Grandma Bobbie gave you a face massage and told you stories about Little Phil. I hope you held Micah and gave him hugs for all of us. I hope that your day was full of love...because your loved ones here on Earth all sent their love from their hearts today. We love you so much and miss you. I am truly blessed that you are my mother.

Colton, Bryten, Cason, and Chace at Grandma's grave - 12/21/2008

26 lbs...but who the heck is counting????

So I got to go to the store and get a new shirt...not the normal size that I normally would get. That's pretty cool huh? The coolest thing is that I was able to buy a pair of jeans...that not only were a size smaller but they actually fit good and I like them a lot. Bryten thinks it's funny that I'm actually wearing jeans that have a button and a zipper...instead of the elastic waistband kind.

I AM

I am

I am... a single mother, sister, daughter and a friend.
I think...too much sometimes
I want...a husband who is my best friend and a temple marriage.
I have...so much to be thankful for.
I miss...my sweet mother who left us this year.
I fear...that I am not preparing my child enough for this crazy world.
I feel...lonely most of the time.
I hear...Bryten trying to convince Grandpa to help her put up Christmas lights.
I smell...my meatloaf and baked potatoes cooking in the oven.
I crave...sushi.
I cry...daily it seems...ugh...will it ever end?
I search...for understanding and comfort.
I wonder...if I will ever find my eternal companion.
I regret...not going to college and wasting too much time in a dead end marriage.
I wish...I could buy my own house.
I love...my daughter with all my heart, and my stinkin cute nephews.
I care...too much about people and sometimes that's a downfall.
I always...say my prayers at night.
I worry...about my dad's health and his job.
I am not...very good at being patient.
I remember...the sound of my mom's voice.
I believe...families ARE forever
I sing...in the car, but not very good.
I don't always...treat my daughter with the kindness and patience that I should.
I argue...mainly with my daughter, I could never really win with my mom or sister.
I write...on my blog...once in a while!
I lose...patience very quickly...too quickly.
I listen...to music that comforts me.
I can usually be found...at the computer (work or play)
I need...to get out more!!!
I forget...huh? I just forgot.
I am happy...when I am with family and friends.

Tag You're It...

!!! 20 lbs. Down...YAY!!! - 65 more to go!!!

I finally hit the 20 lb. mark on Monday. I am ecsatic. It seems to have started coming off a little slower as of late however I have found that I have been hungrier than I should be and more often. Of course the band hasn't been tightened yet..that will happen tomorrow. I am hopeful that it will help with the hunger and that I will be able to lose another 10 lbs by the first part of January. I'd like to get a new dress for my cousins wedding in January. Come on pounds....go...go....go...go...

I don't think that's working.

I am actually seeing a huge difference in my pants and my shirts. I didn't measure my inches before surgery although I should have. I think I've lost it more in inches than I have lbs. I just wish that I'd lose some in my face, that would be nice.

All in all I am happy I had it done and am just excited for more to come off.

Can I get a WHOO HOO...louder...WHOO HOO

Latest Picture - 16lbs. Lost - November 12th, 2008

WHOO HOO 15lbs gone!

I must say that this weekend has been very exciting for me. I have been able to wear two shirts that I had purchased that were too small. I decided to keep them around with the hopes that I'd be able to wear them someday..."motivation". I was able to wear them!! My pants are starting to fit loosely and the rear end of the pants are starting to get a little baggy! This feels great!!!

Update 10/27/08 - Down 11 lbs.

Lap Dance Surgery...OOPS, I mean Lap Band

For those of you who know me, you know that I have struggled with my weight most of my life. Since my divorce 8 years ago it just took a turn for the worse and I ended up at a point where I was extremely unhappy with myself. After trying multiple diets I started looking into the Lap Band surgery in November of 07. Finally on October 22ND I was able to have the surgery.

First, let me tell you that if anyone ever says that this is taking the easy way out...you can slap them. It's not. How many of you know that eating chocolate cake, ice cream, french fries, pie, etc... is going to put weight on you? How many of you can stay away from it? When we are told "no" we usually "do". On the other hand, if you get sick when doing it then it is no longer fun..kind of like putting your hand on the hot stove. If it hurts then you learn not to do it.

So no more soda, white bread, white rice, pasta, potatoes, and many more things that I liked to eat. Now it is small portions, very little starches, no drinking when eating, and lots and lots of chewing of the food. I know that I'm giving up a lot to do this but the ultimate result will hopefully be the payoff. So I'm not doing it by just watching what I eat and doing lots of exercise which is how my sister would prefer that I do it, but I am finally getting some kind of help to limit the foods I eat and hopefully as I start to lose I will enjoy the exercise and be more active.

The surgery went well and I have 4 incisions on my upper stomach area. They are quite sore right now but I can tell that 3 days after the surgery I am feeling much better. The first week is nothing but liquids so I have has lots of broth, yogurt, jello, juice, etc... I am looking forward to some food that has more substance such as grilled fish, cottage cheese, scrambled eggs, etc...mmmmm mmmmmm good...boy does that sound like a Thanksgiving dinner about now.

I have talked to a lot of people that have had it and most of them tell you they would do it again in a heartbeat. There are things that they miss but they find they can eat most things in moderation as long as they watch the intake and exercise.

So as I start my journey on this, I will be posting pictures at different milestones so hopefully any of you that enjoy reading can see my progress. Ready, Set, Go...

Healing

Wow, where has the time gone. It's been so long since I created this and posted something. I had a fear that would happen. I will try to be better.

I have titled this blog post as "Healing".

The last 3 1/2 months have been a healing time for me and my family. My mother passed away in May. I never thought my heart could hurt so much or be so empty. I remember going through my divorce and the emptiness and the pain that I felt. I felt so defeated and so "dead". I can't say that the pain is the same but they are both a time of grieving for a loss.

I never thought there would be the day that my mom wasn't there to talk to. I didn't realize that I would not have that comfort of her constant companionship. It isn't there anymore and it's a loss that is undescribable. She was my true best friend. I remember when she was diagnosed and she didn't want tears, she wanted us to be strong. We sure tried but I remember one day telling her that I didn't know what I'd do if I didn't have her to talk to. That was an understatement. Mothers are truly our gift from our Heavenly Father. There is a reason that we have mothers. My mom was not perfect and I am not going be one of those that pretends that she was, but .... I wouldn't have traded her for the world. She listened, she probed, she cared, she helped, and she did all of these things because she loved so deeply. Her daughters and her grandkids were her most treasured posessions. She loved her neices and nephews almost as much as her own kids....maybe just as much.

"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever."

The days have gotten easier although there are moments that it all just feels so "un-real".

Mom fought so hard and she wanted to beat this cancer. In the end, she couldn't fight it anymore and she was in a lot of pain the last several months as the cancer took over her body. She was able to stay with us for 13 months after diagnosis and they were months that I am so glad that I had with her. Not nearly enough, but I'm thankful for what I had.

She decided to have most of her family come for a "family reunion" of sorts before she would leave this earth and return to our Heavenly Father. She was surrounded by her mother, her husband, her children, her grandchildren, all of her siblings, neices, and nephews, and friends. She was loved and the gathering that took place around her truly showed that.

She took her last breath at home on May 23rd, 2008. Ironically it was her sister, Debbie's birthday. I was praying that it would not happen on the 25th, as it was Bryten's birthday and I didn't want her to have to go through life sharing that date. Debbie on the other hand was honored to share that date and I believe my mother knew it was o.k.

Alaska Cruise - 2006

The Spanish Fork Rock -n- Rollers

Take Me Out To the Ballgame

I was lucky enough to be in Atlanta for my um...29th Birthday (ha ha). I wanted to go to Turner Field to an Atlanta Braves game. I am NOT a Brave's fan but I do like baseball and I have always wanted to be able to go to a game in different ball fields across the country. Every time I've been to Atlanta the Braves have been away. This time they were at home against the Washington Nationals. The Brave's lost, but it was a fun night. We took the Marta (kind of like the light rail) from Alpharetta down to the Atlanta "underground" (don't ever do that alone) and then took a bus that takes you a few blocks over to the ball park. It was a fun night with several co-workers there to help me celebrate my birthday!

Blogging begins.....Now

O.k...so here it goes, my first attempt at blogging. I am a single mother of a beautiful 12 1/2 year old girl. I envy all my other friends blog sites where they can blog and add pictures as their children are starting to grow up. That would have been a lot of fun...guess I should have waited to have kids..lol So we will just do the teen blog thing and all you younger parents can see what fun lies ahead of you.

This year brings a lot of changes for our little family. After 9 years with the company I work for (McKesson) I will have to seek other employement opportunities soon. We were told in October of 07 that the company had decided not to renew the lease on our building and move our business unit to the corporate headquarters in Alpharetta, Georgia. Unfortunately this is not a time in my life that I can leave Arizona. My mother was diagnosed with Urachal adenocarcinoma last April and is not doing well. I need to be here with her and assist her as the cancer has spread and is taking it's toll on her. I will more than likely be employed till July 11th, possibly through the end of the year but I have not been given my exact end date yet. The plus side of this is that I will get a decent severance and can spread my wings and find something new to challenge me.

I am also going through the steps to have the lap band surgery in hopes of losing weight. I've gone through the 4 month plan that Aetna requires and am now trying to get everything submitted for approval. I'm hoping that this starts rolling as I want to get it done before I no longer have insurance. Everyone cross your fingers. This would be a great thing for me.

Bryten turns 13 in May...I will officially have a teenager...not that I'm excited about that because I'm not. I can't even tell you how many times I've heard, "but I'm a teenager", or "I'm a pre-teen" or "when I turn 13". AHHHH!!!! So all of a sudden this magical #13 makes you this new person? All of a sudden you should have a cell phone, contacts, a myspace account, yada yada yada. So she has none of these three things yet. She is definitely not ready for a cell phone, and the Myspace thing just aint happenin. In the last year I've gone from buying cute clothes, hair accessories, and toys to buying Hollister/Aeropostale, makeup, bra's, feminine hygeine needs, expensive shoes, and purses. I hope this next job pays better because I'm going to have to find a sugar daddy, rob a bank, or get 3 jobs.

So that is the downside however, I do enjoy helping my daughter look cute and there are some really neat things that appear to happen...like lots of questions. Remember when your little one's would say..but why?, what's that? Well the questions get a little bit different right about now. It does lead into some pretty interesting conversations. I hope that Bryten feels comfortable enough to continue talking to me about these things. I love that she is still a momma's girl even though she is entering into the more independent stage of her life. She loves to cuddle with me, play games with me, sleep with me, and she really is a sweet girl. So even though I may complain about these new changes that are happening. I really am proud to call her my daughter.

Other than working full time, raising a "pre-teen" (as she calls it) and taking care of mom, life just couldn't get any better....well maybe that's a lie. Losing 80lbs, mom getting better, and finding my soulmate would make things much peachier.