It just dawned on me that even as my dad is rather passive and unobtrusive in my life now (that's just his personality!), he's a really really good father for young children.

Our environment plays a huge part in shaping who we are today, albeit subtly. When i was young, my dad used to always tell me to think about others - the most prominent example being to save the last piece of food for my sister or at least ask before gobbling it down (hehe gluttonsince1997). As a kid i never thought much about it (i mean duh) but it's come to my realisation that perhaps those little incidents were what sparked off the habit of unselfishness (not selflessness for i can't do that still).

Over the years I've definitely changed; I'm sorry to say i can't tell you it's for the better. Some of the good habits I've inculcated as a child slipped away with teenage rebellion or just age. However i can safely say that my core (or the core, anyone's core, for that matter) stays the same throughout your life. Ok maybe it's a little early to generalise now i mean I'm just 17 right? But by this age many of us have probably experienced something life changing and struggled to come out alive or whole or filled again only to find that despite how bleak it seemed at a point, we all survive. Wounded? Maybe. Scarred? Probably. Broken? Most likely. But still the same genuine, warm soul inside. Your quirky habits, pet phrases, soft spots, reflex reactions... That's something no one can take away from you ^-^ ok i sidetracked

What i really want to say is... I'm thankful for my parents who've brought me up to be who i am today. I admit it gets tougher as I grow up, they grow old... there're frequent miscommunication and disagreements we all can't help. But parenting is the most challenging job in the world and i think they're doing it right :>

On another note idk how to be more productive I'm so inert omggggggggg
My sis got a new phone so we now have a selfie stick HEHE
/whispers my birthday is coming excites I'm probably setting myself up for disappointment

Ohya let me just tell you seann's bday was such a flop but everything turned out well in the end phew. His bday is 22/7 so monday we were supposed to bake and go surprise him when we were done but somehow I was too slow (no surprise there) and we finished at like 1-2 HAHA then on tues night we met at 1030 but nigel's house damn shuang we just nuaed there for such a long time... by the time we left it was quite late and we realised we didn't have his exact block or unit............ when we finally got it we knocked for a while (a long while) and even had to call reg to call her cousin to call his sis but too late cos his whole family was already sleeping?! Sobs. Then next day!! He woke up and saw our snaps HAHA was prety surprised but he said he expected it alr that piece of shit still go and sleep!!! We went to nex to have dinner to celebrate abit and during the meal i texted nigel to go buy candles but he took so long so sean went as well but they were pretty smooth about it tho hehe. Sean came back as i was about to 'go toilet' aiya basically all lie got stomachache cos the beef HAHAHA. Then as we were going to leave my ez link card fell out of my pocket rather timely but sean thought i was acting?!?! It was my chance!! Hehe i picked up my card and lit the candle while the two of them looked at me like they couldn't believe how lousy i was at acting. But anw!!! Main point is seann was so surprised and touched i was so happy we were so happy hehehee!!! Plus the cards from the class also very nice ya ^-^ i conclude it's a success :D

Oh ya sigh gonna die tmr cos i submitted the wr late again sobssss and not getting back papers cos ms yuen not coming?! Idk might as well after As then take............

Ok bye

I not best meh :(

"If you've reached a point of friendship w someone no matter what happens you will always think/care for them haha"

That's the leading question ^ so let me muse over it for a minute or so (only for you stephy)

I! Agree! Completely! Hehe I love these kinds of friendships that kind of just float on by after a while... they need little time and effort to tend because both parties are so sufficiently affirmed and assured a place in the others' heart. Kinda like a toy car on a frictionless surface it keeps moving in the same direction cos of inertia (let us take this moment to be reminded that I take lcme and my use of such layman terms should be less critically picked on) these are the best kinds of friendships (my favourite kind) where you can pick up where you left off as if you never stopped talking. And to explore the other spectrum... even if you aren't as close anymore, once you've reached that level of friendship there is always some residual care for the other person because it's such a intuitive thing alr. And I altho I don't get the chance to interact with my friends from my life before very very often, it just feels great to see them happy too you knowz??? And whenever something happens you know you're in each other's hearts and can rely and fall back on them for support. It's free, effortless but so so so priceless (oh and so is kindness) ok I am going to begin rambling shall stop here before I awaken my crap-for-survival side which comes out ever so often (in fact it made an appearance very recently, just yesterday during lit) in exams

K bye heee

Attached is a photo of an example

hihihihi MYEs are ovaaaaa can you believe that hahaha I went to sch for 3 days to take 5 exams it feels rather surreal man. compared to the fortnights in cedar... am blogging on my laptop which feels weird I haven't blogged here for so long!!!!!! how are you readers????

anw if you were wondering, here's an overview of how badly I will do:
GP: the AQ was damn shit I think that's 10 marks gone, at least... not sure how i'll do hopefully a C at least? (I mean please give me a C)
Econs: idk how leh I learnt a term's worth of concepts in 2 days hahahaha maybe by some miracle I might passs!!!!!
Math: wish I'd realised how it wasn't as hard as I thought from the beginning so I wouldn't have wasted time losing hope.........it's all too late
Chem: ha ha ha MCQ last 5 mins I anyhow shade 13/25 questions and paper 2 I never do 30 marks the most traumatising thing I've experienced since I saw a cat get hit by a car
Lit: screwed up waterland i'm gonna be so ashamed to face ms Cheryl but for lit you'll never know which way it goes until it comes back so........ pls let me pass
actually it's more a record for myself than anyone else... (erduh) especially the few days before MYE dat acculmulation of panic and fear and helplessness wow I don't ever want to forget that and you can't go bother others cos they're busy too

so i'm gonna get my life in check starting! now!!
things to do today:::
- clean up PW I promised to do a good job so I will :)
- PTI goals for the year haahaaaa we are horrible it was due in april or sth
- fill in orange/colour runs stuff
- my math tutorials maybe
- something fun!!!!! I got no plans sobs

I think the build up of frustration is mostly attributed to the studying of exams (I sincerely hope) and that things will look up and fall into place :> I will learn to love and be comfortable with myself ^^ and not saying i'm very selfless of anything... but I need to be more selfish or i'll just end up giving myself all away. anw recently I'm discovering my inner extrovert or sth cos I like being with people like i'll really go crazy if i'm alone for too long... but then again I feel really drained if I'm with people for too long oh well. wait I saw this cute thing on tumblr hehe. half half as everyone is i guess :B i also need to find some confidence from god knows where............. it really stresses me out when i feel like i can't say the things i want to say haha i think having to rethink your words is extremely exhausting but i have been eating my words so often for fear of

come on i'm a strong independent woman who don't need nobaday things will fall into place i will find my balance :) i am so thankful for the people i have i should be content!
"whatever you are, be a good one"