So many more feels for this camp than my own OAC, tbh. (Duh)

We've come such a long, long way. (Literally endless debriefs and lengthy proposals) but y'know what I mean. I think I've gotten a lot out of being in the OALB than any other organising committee because it (MP) really forces you to think logically and facilitate in a way that allows both you and the camper to reflect on your own actions.

Ahh just so many feels. Being back in kitchen again really feels good. The long ass proposals not to mention things to order and take note of namely ODC, catered, bread, fruits, provisions, equipment etc. and of course the hectic meals where you get so busy you forget your hunger and are up to your neck in crocodiles. "Can I wash?" "What do I do for kitchen duty?" "Where are the gloves?" "Are these the ingredients?" "Can I take the fruits/drinks?" And settling all the shortages and wastage all at once. Under ODC you have safety issues, casualties, time limits and lack of utensils, equipment and of course clogging of sinks.

My best memory... There are so many!!!!!! But what's on my mind now is having so so so so much respect for MP for rekindling the fire from a few dying flames by singlehandedly building her own structure around the cinders. Feels like nothing can be done without her (and Mr C of course!) and their presence makes up the bulk of the board :'))))) could tell they were so so so exhausted as well, way more than us but sacrificed their meals and sleep to pull through a 4 day camp calmly. Damn amazing debrief was just about an hour as compared to last year's 3 hour "eye-opening" contest.

Aiya just finally realised how amazing the teachers are and feel so appreciative towards them as much as I didn't think I would, I am going to miss the board and the teachers when I graduate hmmm...

Sometimes I really question my principles and the lack of them.

Who are you to tell someone else to study hard (!!!!!!) when you're obviously no where near close to ready for anything, anytime soon. Who are you to tell someone off for being mean when you're such a judgemental prick yourself? Who are you to think of someone else as less when you are no more.

As much as I try to act like I don't care I guess I just do. I try too hard to be different and special because it makes me feel better about myself (y'know if i'm not perfect at least i'm different ya). But it's pathetic, really. I really digust myself. I can't stand how i'm not perfect enough to get away with the things i used to not even have a problem with. I especially cannot stand how i can't even stand for what i stand for sometimes. Do you know how pathetic that is????? Do you know how i long to kick myself somedays for being the insensitive asshole, all too full of herself when she doesn't have nothing??? I am nothing but an arrogant bitch who tries too hard to force her beliefs on others just to prove that she can.

This is the sad truth i am very very very ashamed to admit. I am nothing more than an empty shell made of glass and ether, strong but brittle.

And I am in full admiration of you who is proud of who you can be.

Went well today hope it goes well tmr!!!!!!

I nearly screwed up 6 times man (or at least many times the number 6 just popped up in my head). And really thankful for Azrin she's really reliable can count on her! :)))) and jar too very 宽容 who else would forgive me if I scruined (screwed-ruined) something so important????? Super lucky they're my best friends :')

Trini's real birthday!!!! All was going well until she came out to meet her friend lor grrrrrrrrrr then failed D: but oh well she's happy I think I hope!! Was so late heh my estimation sucksssssss ballsssssssss~ i love my square!!!

Tired anyway tmr got recce! Jar is sleeping on my carpet~~~~~ hope I wake up on time damn scared man..

She's too bitchy always talking about her friends. He's too short - he'll never find a girl to marry. She's too fat but she stuffs her face all the time. He's too weak he let's everyone step all over him all the time. She's such a boot licker. He's sooooo annoying. She's too thin she looks like a stick. He's stupid.

You comment offhandedly, because throwing your words about like nothing might just as well make them less than something. They're flawed, I'm just stating the facts. They continue to emphasize on their weaknesses by leaving them lying around for anyone else to pick up and criticize. They deserve it. I'm different; at least I know what's wrong and I try to change, all the time. I'm nothing like them, you think.

But you are. And that's what scares you the most.

Nobody deserves anything, let me tell you. Nobody deserves an insult hurled like a slap in the face, nobody deserves an ugly nickname, nobody deserves a stab in the back. By the same principle, nobody deserves to be a role model, nobody deserves highest praise. But these things are positive, making them acceptable, by default. But I don't agree.

You only live once. Make do with it then make the best out of it.