ooh blogger has a new look. clean and rather easy to navigate around. i like hmmm.

wasted my weekend again. #whatsnew anyway. don't understand how i always feel like coming home when i'm out cos there're so many things to do. but when i get home i just stone for hours cos i'm just sad like that. it's all very weird.

feel quite lonely knowing that you've only yourself all the time. there're things you wanna say maybe, things you might do perhaps, but end up doing nothing for fear of rejection/being ignored and what not. maybe it's just me though. maybe it's an I thing.. i guess i haven't lost myself completely yet though, that's a good thing. thank goodness it's not so easy to lose the core of oneself. but then again what difference does it make; what difference does it all make? sometimes you stop and think and you question. question the life you're living, question the things you're doing, question the thoughts you're thinking and the basis of your existence.

these days i'm so tired i'm not tired anymore. it's bloody interesting how low my level of self control has become it's like negative (just like my self-esteem). i can say i'm gonna be doing this like a hardowrking kid and 5 minutes later i'm distractingwatching chick vs dick on youtube. it's quite funny despite the curse words and crudeness of it all. don't judge me c'mon. and oh, recently i sleep so little that i automatically woke up at 4 on saturday. sad or what man. sigh.

i don't feel like telling people how i'm feeling anymore. i barely feel like talking but i still like to listen. i like people to talk alot so it'll be acceptable for me to just shut up heheh. i feel like everything's so shallow and insubstantial like yeah. no matter what i'm thinking, before i get a chance to speak i've already countered my argument in my head so many a times i end up not speaking at all. it's alright, i hope. i like to be alone sometimes, and be in the centre of attention sometimes. sometimes i'd like to talk to one of you.

hmm are leos common? cos i really don't know anyone other than myself o-o i think much of my personality comes from that so it'll be quite nice to meet a leo to see how i actually am. though i'm aware it's unhealthy to be so into such things, i think it'll be rather fascinating. i think i need to meet someone from like some mysterious place. just for a change? nah i'll probably never get around to doing that cos i'm just shy like that ohwellll.

ah right and there's you. haven't replied you since friday.. it's just that everytime i see that message idk what to say. i know you this much at least. i know you can go on and on with someone you wanna talk to irregardless of the response but you can also kill all conversation if you don't want to talk. guess i'm changing categories now huh? it's really not that i don't care, it's just how conscious i am of saying anything, knowing you'll find some other way to kill it. sucks, i know. i'm so horrible and lousy at such things. yup it's taken me 3 days and i can't even send a reply to a message pretty sure i'm the epitome of failure. but please don't walk out of my life :(

pile of shit to do and i'm sitting here blogging again. way to go kid way to go.

bye.

Everything's that happened today really proves how screwed cedar is aye?

wah shit what did i do oh no........... D: very very tired today am i really so annoying oh poop :/ aiyooooo what to do how to help you WHAT DID I DO T-T

too tired to elaborate bye guise.

so.

now i'm not invited to your blog anymore? is it just me? :( aish i did in fact realise this a few days ago but how to ask you? somehow i don't dare to ask this kinds of things. aishhhh le sigh. bet you think i still don't know and don't careeeeee but it matters to me.

i think i'm really lucky to have my family :')

feels like i'm not worth anything to anyone. makes me feel like nothing. maybe i'm just being hopelessly selfish as usual.

goodnight :)

我很伤心 这种感觉很难受.