my plan was to fail.

fail everything this ct1, since SS, since chinese even. i need myself to know how lousy and how pathetic i really am before i cn try to find any motivation even. for some reason, i feel like i have completely washed my hands off my life. (oops 4.59pm now, supposed to start work at 5!!) so stupid for me to be thinking that there'll be someone who'll appear to help me of out this mess. stupid girl you are. but then i also know that planning to fail is not learning from mistake. it's just.. failing. failure. as i'm typing this i don't feel a single shit. i'm not even afraid of being so nonchalant with my life. you should be scared if you're not afraid of not being good enough. but i guess it's killed me so much inside somehow i can't feel anymore. i really don't like how everything is now. it's so fine so fine. but somehow, somewhere, something is just not right. something is always not right.

think i screwed up both emaths and amaths. but i guess that's what i want myself to think, that i let myself screw up. oh how shallow how childish you can be jade_thegreat.

bye.

i sprained my ankle again.

2 days ago had this gut feeling i'd sprain it hahahah. oh well. there's more to this.

so so so busy recently. the more work i have the stoner i become somehow. aish gtg so many things to do. hell everywhere.

bye.

actually the only reason i don't break down is probably because i don't have the time to think. so yes, my original plan is working in a way. not sure if i can keep this up anymore though.