blogging cos idk, boob ask me to blog more :P haha anwwwww, this shall be random cos i don't feel like starting on my hmwk yet ><

hmmm let's seeeh. ytd was EYD cum international friendship day cum CAF! heh. so blahh. i didn't pack the night before and so yeaaaaaaaah. next morning dk what to wear so i actually brought 3 sets of clothes nyeehh xD but yknow what i wore all of them :D but wore pe to sch cos had pe first. theeeeen first period maths. mr aiman scolded us for not doing duty. ugh damnit i'm like the worst ast. monitress ever or smth sigh. i swear i'll keep the classroom clean from now on and proof him wrong. and i think he prolly hates me now but whatever. okay so mmm then pe mr chan say do whatever we want can play awhile then go change le heh. anw i swear renee has the best ball sense ever :P so we went to changeee and i lent laura my shirt heh. tied 2 ponytails cos the classs say wanna tie oneeeeee! but so many people didn't tie can~ and then assembly. i can't rmb anything except the dora the explorer part it was so cute :D oh and recess the teachers were serving da foood but i don't even know which teacher i bought from but that's okay :P mmm had sorta team recess and a certain 2 people were extremely happy cos they took pictures with another certain 2 people :P ah and then after recesss home econs :D! our tofu satay turned out surprisingly good eh :D and ms ammela is damn nice she didn't scold us despite the fact that we were late >< kay finally musicccc, smth about rap. taught by the new teacher. dk what was happening cos i was falling asleeeeeep <: kay then traning was rather slack :D felt like just the right amount tho, it was nice but i screwed up at the end during 5 on 5 ugh.

yay then arts fest :D ate and changed but didn't bathe sigh. damn sticky and ugh but yeah. all the performances were great! so proud of cedar's performing arts <: session 2 was in the hall and srsly cannot see anything if you're sitting after the 3rd row. should have gone up earlier to chope seats :P modern dance was scary! like they psycho one :O but so cool lah! (hehe actually the only reason why we bought session 2 is cos of dance) hehe feel a bit mean, but the rest of the performances was good too! then session 3 in plush yay :D! CL first, was really surprising, didn't know what to expect but cool yeah. and shian chun :D! haha i realised there're people that i know performing in all the session 3s. then guzheng and choir, i tell you ms chye super dk what to say. at the end of the performance after one big fake smile her whole face black :O then handbells was damn cool :) so many different ways to get sounds from a bell :O so yeahh it was nice. when everything ended it was about 10+ alr :O still had to walk home in da dark, heng got mimi and azrin to pei :D ate waffle with mimi then went home bathe and sleeeeep :D fun day! some random stuff now..

• mummy's gone for 10 days :( imma miss her :(


• i like my life now. and i shall make it better :)


• grudges are a waste fo perfect happiness. laugh when you can, apologise when you should and let go of what you can't change.


• ohgod guitar exam in august and i'm not practicing enough ughhhhhhh.


• i want turquoise converse sneakers!


• i finally wrote to my mortal hehe.


• i really hate blogger's stupid bullet point. so annoyingggggg.

k shall go do stuff naooo i have wasted the whole morningggggg. love!~

hi there. here's a post that finally actually makes sense :P i started at like before 8 or smth but boob keep talking to me then i duwan type scared break my chain of thoughts :P anw here goes. it's been one term alr. and they say sec 2 is the best year. but i just don't feel it. or is this all there is? aish idk. anw so many things have happened and everything is just well weird now. i feel like i've lost my direction and drive. i don't know what to do. i don't know what i want. everyday, everyweek it's just schoool cca home computer hmwk sleep. somedays i don't complete my hmwk and let it flow over to the weekends. where i don't complete my work again and chiong it sometime later. like now for instance. life just flashes by like mondaytuesdaywednesdaythurdayfridaysaturdaysunday. and oh, monday again. it's a vicious never ending cycle. i don't have the drive anymore. sigh. please give me something to live for. hmmm now i'm sitting with shersia in class :b she very cute but very quiet lah aiyoooo. but then i wonder, am i also like that? i mean, i really can't start conversations. it's quite pathetic, i know. but hmm she's really nice :) hope i'll somehow get closer to her like with fatin and rebecca heh. miss sitting with them. miss spazzing with fatin over hot anime/manga guys :D and listening, just sitting between them while they quarrel. damnit, i suddenly feel so many things changed. what happened? i wish things were how they were again. i'm trying. and yeah, season's over. for us at least. we didn't get in. lost to scgs and zhonghua. somewhat regretful. this could have been the only year we could win. and we just lost it like this. the only year we could make ourselves proud. what happened to all the promises of beating rgs and all. what happened to showing the rest of the ccas we could do it. what happened? but it's okay. no it's not. it's over now. all we can hope for and do is to train hard and come back even stronger in 2 years. will we even have a chance? sigh. i really don't know what i'll do without basketball. without them, without us. let's treasure all the time spent together. don't let it be only just a dream. as i look upon others, being happy, enjoying themselves, i wonder. was this what i used to be? with other people watching silently, wishing, wanting, envious, jealous. it hurts to be excluded, even not exactly. it hurts not being able to be a part. perhaps this is what they used to be. perhaps it's time to swap roles; give them a taste of happiness for once. perhaps. i'm sorry i didn't understand. i understand now. it feels horrible. sometimes being happy is scary. when you're at the peak of life you can't go any higher. there's only one direction. and then you fall fall fall. back into civilisation. back on earth. there you will try everything to get back up again. sometimes it takes a miracle. but it applies vice versa. when you hit rock bottom, there's no more going down. you can only rise again. the only problem is, what precisely is rock bottom? that's why never forget your values when you're happy. never give them a chance to turn against you when you're down. in the end, everything will be okay. if everything is not okay, it's not the end. okay i could go on and on ranting about my life but my brain doesn't feel like thinking anymore and my hand doesn't feel like typing anymore. and my hmwk is undone. sigh. sometimes i wish people didn't read this blog anymore and i could post and post without locking it. because that chance of someone reading it is precisely what i want. but if it was open to all it would just feel wrong so. wellz. overall, im not enjoying sec 2 as much as i should i guess. always hope but never expect. saranghae.

i'm sorry. i just hid it better. or so i thought.