somehow i seem to be losing myself. maybe i have never found myself.

i think i do that all the time. i am this soft plasticine thingy, perhaps. shapeless and versatile. waiting to be molded. under the hands of many, i change and change into something else. i am just a mixture of what everyone else is. what am i, really? will i ever be real? whenever i become something i am finally comfortable with, i have to go become something else. what is my problem, really. i leanrt to be able to resist change really well. then somehow i reach a breaking point where i just succumb and become whatever there is for me to become. and i always morph into what i said i would never be. i'm so tired of being uncharacteristic. i want to find my strength. something i'm good at. perhaps it doesn't exist tho.

why is it so hard to live for myself?