i can't remember another time i wanted something so much. so badly.

believe it or not, i think the other time i wanted something HALF as badly was to get into bball. haha i bet you don't believe it. but 'sokay. this is just me being sad + regretful + self-pitying + pathetic. i reaaaally regret not listening to julia and buying the tix with her last time. but oh, how would i know i would be so in love with them now :( ahhh if only i could go and see them in fleshhh i would die a happy girl. but now i'm just stuck here living my life. god knows when they'll come back man. imma try to console myself that they'll come back next year. AND I'LL SAVE MONEY SO NO PRESENTS FOR YALL MUAHAHAHA. but what if they don't. ah crapping hell. the thought of it is unbearable. yknow i used to tell people that they're crazy to be so in love with kpop when their idols will never everrr remember them even if they see them once or smth. but someone just told me that and i realise how deeep i am into this shit. kpop ruins your life. please don't get into it. also, this is a perfect example of how i've changed into everything i've ever disliked. i didn't use to get how people could be so crazy over stuff like this, but now i know. now i know. and the fact that i'm this crazy in love with something is really scary actually. who knows what i'll do to see them. sighh. i wanna go back to the times when i was so pure and innocent. just a cute kid who didn't know anything about anything. didn't know bad words, didn't know what love was (okay i still don't know thank goodness), didn't know how to bitch, didn't know how to hate. but oh, it's impossible. these things are like virginity haha. once you lose it you'll never get it back. haii.

okay i think i'm done ranting. how did i just crap a whole chunk on not going to see them :O i must be awfully sad. ahh.

Love behh.

i prom15e to 13elieve in super jun10r <3

Ah so many people's birthday around this time. At least 4 i tell you. i'm super broke now man.

Sometimes i don't even know why i bother buying presents for people. It's not like they buy presents for me too. i mean, YES I KNOW SOME OF THEM BUY LUH. but still.. Last year i shared for everyone in my clique i think they didn't even get me anything. Yes they wished me and all, yes some of them did buy stuff for me, yes it's the thought that counts, but why do i feel so bitter? hai i know it's the thought that counts and if i feel like this i shdn't buy at all. But still i have to, don't i? i hate how screwed this feels. i swear i'm just gonna give cards next year, like it or not. yknow some people actually just openly ask for stuff. yes, it's because they're that close to me, yes it's better than for me to buy smth random and them not liking it. even so, it's so ensijovndvuoebvinedboive idek. it's like i'm trying okay, i'm alr trying so hard to get your damned present..

Shitz idek why i'm so emotional these days. Stupid hormones. Go die lah. i tear easily if i'm angry or annoyed rather than sad or frustrated for some reason. Well. that's life. DEAL WITH IT JADE. DEAL WITH IT. i don't think people read my blog anymore. i hope they don't.

Love!

i wanna talk to you.

i like it when people are hard on the outside, soft on the inside. But i hate it when people are ridiculously hard to connect with.

Ugh. im so freaking full but all i can think about is eating. is it possible that i'm somewhat stressed without me knowing? Sigh. i wish i were one of those people who will forget to eat when stressed or smth. Wtf is wrong with me haii.

and sheeeesh, i feel like crying all the time over nothing wow. Damn you hormones. Sighh.

Heyy. it's 2011 alr ohgosh :O i haven't posted since december but blahhh. Streaming + cdiv this year gahhhh. Stresss ah stress.

anw it's only the second week and i feel so dead alr x-x rahhh. this may be because i am getting sucked into a black hole that is kpop. or it might be the fact that i have suckish time management and get distracted easily :x ah well. the weather this few days is so cold >: aish anw bdiv starts on thurs :O damn fast. seniors seem super pressured hai :/ today so many cried like :O jiayou eh, we love yall (: haha. anw i think i should go do maths later mr a. scold D: OMG I CAN'T STAND IT I SRSLY SOUND SO PRIMARY SCHOOL. ahhhhh. btw siyi return me my book i wanna read! :P but you also don't check my blog onee.

Love (:

Sucker. You'll probably never ever read this but still. although i don't know anything about anything.. don't be so sad ahh..