destiny

is it fate, that you choose her instead of me?

is it your destiny that let the devil enter you?

is it karma that u met someone much worse than me?

Perhaps it is.

we always look for the 'right one' and neglected the not so perfect ones . only at times when you have no one, you will come to realise that who had been standing behind you all the times.

after going thru so much in life, you really should wake up ~

cherry OM

OM met with an road accident on Tue 05042011. Luckily no one was hurt, & just damge to the vehicle. Haiz.. he really depressed over the injury on Xiao hong..

Anyway, somthing is different about him lately..

he is spending more n more time with me! yeahh! And he break his own rules about clubbing on sat night. hahha..Bff Was telling me maybe he did wanna work harder on this relationship But then..nvm.. i prefer to keep it the way it is right now..

everyday , every moment.. i am just getting more in love with u.

伤了和气

伤了你， 我比谁都难过
pan 在和我冷战。。不知道他怎么样了。。唉！

it had been a year..and counting

Is Oct of the year again....last Oct was a tough time for me. Having to walk out of your life, having to learn to be on my own.. having to say good bye FOREVER.

It still hurts whenever i think of you. and i hate it when friends mention your name during our drinking sessions.They all wonder how could i cope so well with the break up..
Is not easy.. to spend X'mas alone..to count down to New Year in silence..to blow birthday candles in tears.. without you..

I have so much to say.. but you will never understand..perhap you will, if you could recall the moment when i told u I LOVE YOU...the innocence within you & me..

I Still miss you.

* For Him - the love of mine* my dearest OM

We have been together for like 10months and still counting ..every moment is still so great with him around. His face his voice his singing his lame jokes never fail to bring laughter to me..Ask me how much i love him - i am all prepared to spend my life with him.

I used to ask from my lover, to spend more time with me.. not knowing that is the quality that counts, not the quantity. OM only have every Monday with me..for merely like 4 hours.. we spend alot of time talking, about our work, our life and our problems. It is saddening that there are occasions whereby i needed him and he is always not around there. But he make it a point to call me whenever he can, to give me the support i needed. This August was his birthday.. i know that i cant share the eve or the actual day of birthday with him, and i tell myself is gonna be all rite, cos every other is just as blissful for us. But he surprised me by fetching me from work.. just 2 days before his birthday.. n we have a nice dinner together..

what Else can i ask for? That day i was sick , but i get to do the thing i enjoy, meet the one i love and get to eat the food i craved for.. this is the life that i want

there are so many insignificant things that he does..and all of them reach a depth within me. I must say~ u catch me when i am the worst, n seriously u deserve me at my best.

what do i love most about him? he NEVER make me shed a tear...

i love u ,OM.

=)

MY JOY; MY HAPPINESS

confused..

Last 2 weeks was disaster..we both live in fear & misery. things screwed up from facebook & msn history.. he was unhappy and so am i..


luckily, we have God's blessing and now everything seems to resume back to normal.. to our usual cherry monday .. to our usual baron sessions..


perhap, its wrong to be in a relationship like this, but like izzy always say - Do not be ashame to love. it is never wrong to admit your true feeling.

拼凑着不完美的过去

关于某些记忆，关于某些美好，关于某些人，关于某些事，我一直都无法忘怀。
即使我很拼命地想去努力忘了，很坚强地说自己忘了，甚至自欺欺人地说自己没有过去，没有情感，没有心。

一切终还是无法忘去，无法轻易舍去，我依然是记着某些事，某些人，某些记忆。　
某些人，某些事更加地渐渐清晰，难以忘怀，心有点疼，有点酸。思绪飞到去年，
那时候依旧是一个人守着自己的天荒地老，
一个人固守着那大片大片的寂寞，
一个人还是会惦记着另一个人。　

假装得漠不在乎，却依然在特别的日子里丢弃了尊严地去怀念着一个人。

你给他的爱..或许是种负担

你可能觉得难过
　　
因为无论你对他怎么好 他都不领情

他不是看不到 他只是装作看不到
　　
或者他根本不想看到
　　
你觉得自己很喜欢他
　　
甚至觉得再没有一个人可以像你那么喜欢他
　　
你用尽全力对他好
　　
把他看的比自己还重要.
　　
有什么事情第一个就想到他
　　
联系不到他的时候　你担心他担心的快疯了
　　
然而你有没有想过
　　
这并不在你的责任范围
　
而且很有可能他是在躲着你
　　
他受不了你对他那么好


不要一直发sms 给他
　　
不要一直找他

你也许只是想找他说说话
　　
你觉得那很正常　不算苛求
　　
但是也许他并不这么想
　　
记住　你的想法不代表他的想法
　　
你是真的不求回报的在喜欢他吗?
　　
你扪心自问一下
　　
你确定不用他回报什么吗?
　　
那为什么你会难过?　
　
若是真的一无所求
　　
你又怎么会觉得难过呢
　　
所以　别觉得你那么爱他是伟大的
　　
也许他根本不在乎你怎么为他付出
　　
有时候你给他的爱或许是种负担
　　
这种负担只会让他更加想远离你
　　
因为他不想亏欠你
　　
别事事为他担心为他张罗
　　
你觉得他没有你不行
　　
你觉得别人做不到你那么完善
　　
但是你要清楚

你不是他要的那个人
　　
你做的再完善也敌不过人家不做
　　
那个位置本来就不是你的
　　
何必硬要挤上去呢?

你说道理你都懂　只是你做不好
　　
喜欢他不是你的错

想关心他不是你的错
　　
控制不住自己不是你的错
　　
但是那是你的方式
　　
人家不一定就能接受你这种所谓无私的爱
　　
所以如果你喜欢他　他不喜欢你
　　
那么就请你默默的
　　
别试图让他知道
　　
就算你会难过　甚至难过的流泪
　　
就请你默默的
　　
就算是逼自己也好
　　
一定要忍着

忘了吧．所有你留恋的．你回忆的．你拥有过的．
　　
那些．都已是记忆．
　　
缺失并不可怕．
　　
可怕的．是无法面对．
　　
你无法轻易忘记 放弃．是因为你付出过．
　　
付出了．它就会像柱子一样扎根在心．
　　
不要刻意去逃避．刻意忘记．那只会让你更痛苦．
　　
绕开这个柱子．寻找未来的幸福生活吧．
　　
那里．有你的理想．
　　 　　
开始新的习惯吧．
　　
习惯．每天一个人生活．
　　
习惯．一个人过生日．一个人行走．
　　
习惯．走过熟悉的路．面对熟悉的景．
　　
你逃不掉．逃不掉的．
　　
那么．就勇敢面对．现实．
　　
现实是．一切．画上了句点．
　　 　　
　　
傻孩子．
　　
勇敢看着镜子中的自己吧．
　　
这个悲伤软弱满面憔悴的自己．
　　
这也是你．成长中的你．
　　
这个你．正在逐渐死去．
　　
新的你．即将重生．

**Lies**

Been hearing too much lies lately.. from harmless white lies to those well intentioned. And well, majority came from the disgusting breed- Man. I realise that we do not have to make too much effort to 'dig' what we call the truth. Time will prove it.. every lie that u speak, as time goes by, the truth will just surface.

i think Fat guy tends to 够厚脸皮, 说谎说得好~ they lie in every speech they made. When do you think you can trust them? I guess its not gonna be easy. so perhap, when White lies are not always the best way to go, and in no way is it encouraged. No matter how good a liar he is, it can always backfire on him, and he has to ask himself whether the consequences are worth it. I am a firm believer that the truth always manages to make its way to the surface. And as I said earlier, lying -- as innocent as it sometimes is -- could make it seem like he really does have something to hide.

relationship isn't based on deception will never lasts. I am glad my relationship with him lasted till today, cos everything we do , is just purely love.

Chinese New year 2010- to U

It was a unusual long holiday for me. Office closed from 13-17 Feb, and i get to rest for 5 days..weeeeee!! CNY eve i was at home, reunion dinner with daddy/mummy/ky/kw and Bro-in law and lovely baby QiQi.

Usual shark fin + steamboat BBQ dinner ..haiz.. so sinful..my belly is getting rounder liao.

Day 1- 3 of CNY was superb.. Drank Non stop.. from carlbergs..Baron to Martell... the worst night was day 1.. damm high from the martell.. i was like back to those days when i was in SP. .Drink & dance like nobody's business..hahaha
This year, no gambling for me.. just eat n drink alot nia. It is different from 2009, No more tears on Chinese New year.. No one call me 'fat & ugly' on CNY..No more ..

But still, i wanna say to him..
''对你， 我从来都没放开我的手''

celebration of New Year eve

On the last day of 2009, i am feeling kinda lost. Another year had past just like the breeze. Jos, nana, pinko, Tian ge + me went dinner at AMK hub, after which we watched ''Alvin & the chipmunks 2''..it was a funny movie that cheer all of us up. Then we went Kbox and sing till morning 5am. Gosh.. it was tiring.. i guess my age is catching up, by 4am i was like dozing off inside the ktv room. Tian & jos have their share of singing thru the night. That kuku Tian was shy at first, but he totally lost in kiddo acts after he got warmed up. He made so much noise while we are singing.!! I dropped dead upon reaching my place.. sleep all the way to next day 5pm. Wake up and have a nice baron drinking/eating session with my ' good frenz' . yeah. i love the way New Year is being celebrated!

Happy 2010 Everyone!!! Let all the unhappiness gone with 2009

Life is Beautiful, with colours

It's been like 1.5 months since i resume my single hood. Life being good so far, coping with the so called damage with ease.Life revolve around with work (everything great!) , Having hair spa , massages..great dinners, shopping ..KTV chill out sessions , dead- drunk Baron session with pals and nice meeting with the unexpected.

At times, i do feel a little not used to it. Cos there are just too much time for too little thing! Unlike the past, I was like a useless white maid rushing here & there, doing some unappreciated activities. and scarifying my beauty sleep for the ..reward of becoming a gf being betrayed.

Many celebrated for me the new chapter in my life. Thank June, xiao Li, Vense, nana, Jos and of cos 'ah Pang' who stood by me. It made a whole lot of difference in me, Of how i view people, how i react to human lousy behaviors. But honestly, i do not want to remember this, not a single trace it. It is hard, But i will forget as time goes by. The good & the Bad~ no part is worth remembering

A new update, i finally signed for the driving lessons at SSDC, and if nothing goes wrong.. i hope to get my NEW TOY by June 2010. Is a promise to myself.

There is some much more in life that we can filled with. Trust God, and move on....

Remember the one worth remembering. Love the one Worthy of U

有一种爱叫做放手

11 Oct 2009.

Its officially over. didnt have much emotion about ending this relationship. I think it is just fair to both party that when love faded, its good to face it with honesty and let it go.
Goodbye to lonely nights that i spend alone in dark..Goodbye to tiring days of stand-by-duties..goodbye to sweet massage in the morning to cheer my day..Goodbye my love

It kinda saddening that when a relationship ends. the man say no longer loving u. perhap , all these while, nothing matters to u anyway. so, 'no longer' seem like the wrong word to use..

''i will remember those days we spend together, and i really hope u learn to value your life more. None of your frenz can talk sense into you , and only u can make the difference in ur path ahead.''

命里有时终须有， 命里无时莫强求

It was a happy Tueday. some no-life pple attempt to sabotage me once again but luckily i have my fatty zEnny who trusted me. He didn't lose temper like in the past and tell me about his reaction. It doesn't matter what these pple wanna do to harm my relationship, it about how much my dearie trust me. Happy izzy is back in the picture. Piece of advice to everyone~
.
命里有时终须有， 命里无时莫强求 !! If it is yours , it is meant to be yours~

baby is hurt!

its a usual sat night where we go drinking. baby zenny did something foolish and is injured. he bled alot on his finger.. arrghh.

izzy's words of wisdom

• One should not cling to things because everything that exists is impermanent.

• love is essential for fulfillment and happiness

• We all need another person who we can give love to, and who will love us back.

• I am consider fortunate because i have loved ones, including my parents, my 2 sisters ,vivian & kim, and of cos Zenny who care for me with love

• It is vital to forgive oneself, just as it is vital to forgive others
  
  
  
• 幸福的秘密，在于不要执着于你手上的东西。尽情享受和欣赏身边所有美好
  
• 享受－ 比拥有更重要！！

Mummy, i am so sorry

Happy Mothers' Day , mum.
I Didnt see my mum for almost 6weeks, For work & for my man sake .
Got a sms from Jos, my elder sis, saying how disappointed my mum is, for not getting anything on this special day. I went back, and had a nice dinner with her & Ky. I felt damm guilty..what had i been doing for past 2 years?

.
.
As usual, she cant help but asking me ' is all this worth it ?'. i cant answer her question, i feel just like crying..telling her how miserable i am. Vivi asked me this question that day too.. she ask me if i am trying to proud God wrong. If not, what is it that i wanna prove?.
.
.
i believe that he had changed. To my observation, at least a little.
But i was absolutely sadded when he sneak out while i am bathing. without even telling me .
-where are you when i needed you most?
-where are you when i am down with bad flu?
-where are you when bitches haunt in my world ?

[i cant control what bitches wanna do, but i am absoutely disappointed in your reaction]

是否一样

Unhappy.
i dont know what's bothering me. I wish i have someone to talk to. someone to trust.
everyday the plot & the rules of game seem the same, is just about how you react to them.
.
.
the more 解释,
the more 伤心,
lead to more失望.
.
.
.
已经伤了我太深
也许不应该太认真
I am feeling so tired.

History ~你曾经多爱我你还记得否?

I wanted to blog about this for quite sometime . Just couldn't find the right mood to put all thought into words. Been thinking about some lyric from Leo Ku's song
.
.
.
你曾经多爱我你还记得否?
为什么同一张口才说爱我又说要离开我
.
.
.
March 2009 is truly a month of mysteries.
I finally Left Mr. Z. Spend a week to catch up friends and meet up with Mr.K. Thought that everything about Z is over. Considered K for a option. K was attached then and ask me to give him time. I was convinced for a moment when he said that nothing else matters ever again..if i go back to his side.We hugged in tears. He said that he knew me too well, and felt that eventually i will be back to Mr Z .He was so close to me like my own family member and it really hurt me much to see him being so sad.
I know things are different since the day i left him. On one occasion, Mr.K asked if i could avoid meeting him for a period, at that moment, i know he had just ruined the chance that was given to him.
.
.
Still went over to AMK like before. Things didn't change much, But the feeling is no longer the same. Take care of his foods& dressing like what i always do. I know i still love him, no matter what happened along the way.

.
.
I remember that was this small conversation with Mr Z about how messy my love life was. Like a soccer ball stucked in a football court, with no choice but two ends to score your goal. I told Mr Z that i m not a BALL but a player instead, and always have a choice to change a field to play.He said that i am proving everyone Right. Is always between HE & Mr K. I was saddled. very hurtful to hear that comment. Its reminded me how well i treated my bf, and got betrayed in the end...How me & Mr Ken start with absolute nothing, to a stage we have something, and move on to how he wanted more things.Every step i make, i make plans for them. But when things turned sour, they all point their fingers at me and judge me like a bitch.I Cried. right in front of Mr Z, i couldn't hold back my tears. Like a innocent child being wronged. =(
.
.
There are so much more i wish i could blog about them here. A story about me & Mr K.But then, honestly..what's there to bitch about, is just all about the same old saying. ''money make the world go round'' But it just amazed me how much a dollar can make man lose all his integrity.
.
.
I m slowly picking myself up. Learning to Trust.Learning to Love. Doing everything slowly like a baby..My dear Lord, please watch over me.

happy 27th BD /11-03-2009

LOUSY MOVIE

*lOVELY BAG*

HoHoHo ~ I am officially 27th this year. Holy shit! another candle on cake this year.
Wanted to apply leave on this special day, But i guess Cynthia & Clare will not be able to cope, so i still go back to work.

It was a busy Day. Sales wasn't exactly good, is just that phone calls keep coming in and there are numerous ultra-urgent quotations to do. It was such a tiring day that i only time to think of where to go ..after i cleared all document..that is like 6pm liao.
Went Amk hub for korean food then watch a bo-liao movie .WATCHMAN...is damm lousy
.
.
.
On the eve of my Birthday, i had received the best Gift from dearie zenny. Don't try to ask me what is it, cos I'm not gonna tell you. Another surprise was from my boss Cynthia who got me a Lacoste bag..Look nice to go with all outfits. =)
There are a few gift yet to be collected..ppl like PAN, Jos..and frenz. meet up then pick it up from them .LoL

.
.
Overall..it seem simple...But all these is enough for me le...i had a really happi 27th Birthday =D

..BLESSED..

Work is just as busy lately..my department is now left with me/ cynthia aka manager / Clare my purchaser.Haizz..hope the advertisment do attract job hunters to come for interview.

Brought some nice dishes from 417 coffeeshop..such as

• TOA TAO - Spicy Big heads.
• ENG CAI- spicy kang kong.
• HIENG HIENG FISH-HEAD - Deep fried ultra spicy fish head.

enjoyed a simple dinner with my pal..

Andy is right, i m indeed blessed to survive so many relationship failure. Nowadays i am enjoying my life , and treasure every moment that i have . Be it at home , at work, I am loving it.

P/s: It is amazing to realise that care & concern can come from anyone, even strangers. It should never be begged for .Tears should only be shed for those who deserve it. Thanks God that u pick me up once again. =)

rare happiness

Izzy is happy today. sleep for 18hrs on sat night and wake up at 6pm sunday. Just nice timing for dinner. went VIVO with Pan & have Marche for dinner.

It had been almost 1 year since i last have Rosti (potato) for dinner..we also ordered crispy pork knuckle & snail sausages. Nice ..i love MARCHE. Then went shopping around vivo and brought a pair of ALDO shoes for Pan.

Thank Pan, for making me smile again =)

有些事，我们明知道是错的，也要去坚持，因为不甘心；

.

有些人，我们明知道是爱的，也要去放弃，因为没结局；

.

有时候，我们明知道没路了，却还在前行，因为习惯了。

.

以为蒙上了眼睛，就可以看不见这个世界

.

以为捂住了耳朵，就可以听不到所有的烦恼；

.

以为脚步停了下来，心就可以不再远行；

.

以为我需要的爱情，只是一个拥抱。

.

那些已经犯过的错误，

.

有一些是因为来不及，

.

有一些是因为刻意躲避，

.

更多的时候是茫然地站到了一边。

.

.

.

我们就这样错了一次又一次，却从不晓得从中汲取教训，做一些反省。

爱你的我-伤心不止

我只不过是个普通人
想要爱你的普通人
。
。
。可是， 爱一个人为何要爱的如此委屈

failure in love

To Dear,

Since X'mas 2008 >>New Year 2009>>CNY 2009 to the current Valentine's Day, Life had been truly difficult for me.

You may not realise or may had misunderstood me. There may be a lot of small fights going on, But i had never want to control your life, cos' i know i am incapable of doing that.

I know whatever i say now, in your opinion is only excuses. I appear in your life without a motive, and when i do say i love u, i really mean it.

your worries of being a burden is only extra.i had never felt that being with you is a chore. People who are not in our shoes they don't understand. They have freedom of speech, and this freedom caused them to speak rubbish that stained our relationship. There is never a moment i felt embarrassed being with you. In contrast, if my friend do ask, i talk to them about you with pride.

At times, i felt that i am the one who embarrassed you. My look/body is not even of 'average' standard to you & your friends. I wanted to blend in to your circle of friend, i tried but is not easy. I am just not sociable enough.
.
.
Do you know that i am not upset that u keep going out? I am happy that you are willing to get out of your safety zone.(house). There is never a permit require from me. I am just worried about your health from all those abusive drinking.
.
. The recent matter about your Gd Friend - I am just irritated that a small harmless chat, resulted in her taking down screen shots and send it over to you. I had trusted and that why when i am sad, i share my sorrow with her. By sending stuff to you, it just make the whole matter worse.
.
.
I am trying all means, or even beyone my means just to be with you.
but ..you are just thinking differently.


p/S: i didnt peep at all your chat history. U leave it on the desktop and i just happens to see. It wasnt intentionally.

Happy Valentine's Day 140209

Happy Valentine's Day 2009!
>>
>>
>>
Its just another day issnt it?

hurt

i am hurt. Right down to my soul.
you will never understand how much your words hurt me.
yon dont understand.
you dont bother.
you dont care.

Y.O.U

i am in love with a man.

i am missing him every moment.

i have the sweetest smiles when he hugged me in his arms.

i hurt the most when he lies.

i love the way he nag and 'power-shot' me on my forehead =)

Despite the world around me say that this is not love, is just sympathy

i know that is not TRUE.

despite the fact that we might not see the FUTURE together, we share the PRESENT in love.

i am just loving it~ zenny

p/s
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You wont be on your own
you have ME

埋藏在心底的伤痛

2008.经历了太多太多.无论悲伤还是快乐.都是我生命中不可抹去的一部分
>>

太多无奈，太多惆怅，总希望我的忧伤随风远去，别让我活得那么痛苦，让我潇洒点走完人生旅途！风吹过，吹起了尘土，尘埃浮起飘落，吹起忧愁，却吹不走忧愁，忧愁絮绕身旁，将我紧紧困住其中，不让我有半点挣扎。
>>

曾经向往的世界把我摧残得遍体鳞伤，把我从前的憧憬、快乐洗刷得片瓦不存。现实的残酷袭击着我这躯还不坚强的躯体，沉重的包袱压制得我喘不过气

夜，已开始降临。夜幕初落，四野苍苍。正好与我落寞的心相符，也许我就应该一个人在黑夜里徘徊，寻觅一处安静的地方，想着不该想的人和事，默默垂泪，静静回味……
>>
有太多的欲望让你我迷惑，太多的无奈把你我折磨。Izzy 寂寞得不想再说话。
简单。也简单到艰难，艰难到最后，也终归简单。

Christmas 2008 - The day with a Difference

Christmas is finally here~

This year there is no party as my elder sis is busy with her newborn QiQi and no one wants to take over the organising job =(

Since 21st Dec, Work has been chaotic. 2 staff left the company in the beginning of Dec, The most senior staff [Alvin] tendered his resignation and is having ORD mood. In-Charge[Cynthia] is on leave for a week. A department of 5 is now left with only ME. -With same amount of workload, same volumn of sales.

Every morning since 8am, calls & email enquiries are constantly flooding my brain.

While busying working on a urgent quotation, i am also answering phone calls + planning delivery schedule + Checking stock status from all my agent + taking new sales + chasing my customer for outstanding bad debts.

I can feel my mental system deteching itself from my physical body system. My fingers are keying on the keyboard w/o waiting for instructions from my mind. There is totally no time for me to have a break, not even for a cigarette break/ toilet break.

Today is X'mas eve, i am in my office~ weeping at 8.30am. Ming passed by and saw me in tears. It had never happened in history that i cry on X'mas festival, unless the tears is from being overjoyed. It is just too much for me to take. And life isn't just about work. There is really nothing to cheer about this year. Haizz

''I cry alone so they don't know how hurtful their words were to me''

''They cut like a knife, so deep and wide. They don't care, they refuse to see.''

''My feelings don't seem to matter at all. I'm treated better by a complete stranger''

''I just need your understanding, not judge, condemn, or get angered.''

I had never feel..
so lonely.
so helpless.
& realize that i have no one.
everyone thought I'm lying when i am not
.
.
Its okay.
i am slowly getting use to being on my own.
even if everyone turn their back on me,
even if everyone tell me that "its your choice, u choose this path''
I really hope you will stand by me. But you didn't

如果你还爱我, 你不会对我如此的冷漠..又怎会让我在漫漫长夜独自徘徊

一分钟的快乐

给我一颗特效止痛药， 让我的痛楚通通停止

给我一点耐心， 换给我一分钟的快乐
.
.
.
耳边的责骂，从早晨7点不断围绕着我
工作是这样， 回了家也是一样
人，真的该活的如此没有尊严吗？
难道我的存在，对你/对工作上，根本只是多余..
.
.

我以为，

你的快乐

会造就我的快乐

可是，我始终没有快乐过

.

.

我真的好累，

累得我不能控制自己

累得我不想解释

累得我只想哭泣

我真得好累，

而不是懒

你不了解，

我也没办法

emo-ing 莫名其妙的哀愁

i should not have this negetive feeling..
But i can't help it.
.
.
Why do my heart feel the pain..
when it is no longer my concern..
.
.
i let go of everything..
everything you can name..
But 幸福，又在那?
Everyone say i am a fool.
but a fool also has her simple happiness.
.
.
The wise felt that happiness is having alot of money.
The fool wanted just a penny to share with her loved ones.
I just wanna face everyday with a smile, forget about words of yesterday.
with a bit of luck, i believe i can still struggle and go on
.
.

我想有你一直走...一直走
想听你说你会陪我一直走..会一直走

可是。。我真的迷路了

To Shin - the cancer fighter

[Extracted from
http://shinscancerblog.blogspot.com]

''.......I did indeed get a wheelchair, but alas, not the tank version I showed in the photo in my earlier post. The world is a different place when viewed from a wheelchair. I can't really control where I go; I just get pushed around. Now I know how babies in strollers feel. That's another thing. Every time I see a kid in a stroller now, I want to challenge him to a race. When I see somebody else in a wheelchair, I want to try to go faster. Hey, I've gotta get my kicks somehow. Today, Tony wheeled me to the entrance of a public bathroom (toilet), and then I got up and walked unassisted into the bathroom. That must've looked a bit funny to onlookers. I thought of going to one of those Christian healing sessions so I could let the preacher put his hands on my head and then I'd jump up out of my wheelchair and yell, "Hallelujah! I'm healed! Just kidding!" I wonder if the preacher would find that very funny. ''
.
.

friends, you guys can try check out the link.. and hopefully u will learn to appreciate life, your loved ones, yourselves.

為了zenny 而活

You know you're everything to me
.
and I could never see the two of us apart

You know I give myself to you and no matter what you do
.
I promise you my heart
.
I've built my world around you and I want you to know
.
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
.
I live my life for you
.
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
.
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
.
I live my life for you.
.
I dedicate my life to you.


為了你而活 為了你而夢
.
為了愛我會撐到最後
.
當世界都烏有 守著你的人是我

if only they knew & understood..

if only they knew
how difficult it was for me to come this far...
how happy i was as compared to the past...
how tired i am , hearing their nagging...
how sad i am, having to walk in the opposite path of where they want me to be.
.
.
.

Sometimes i wish i can find a pal, who can really understand what i can doing.
Who know how to appreciate small happiness in life
who understand life is nothing but a unpredictable miracle.
.
.
If only they knew & understood what I've been going thru.

不能面对 / 不懂回应 / 不想反应

不醉不归

HE
3 hrs of drinking/partying.
drunken
fall


.
.
ME
went without sleep for 48 hrs continuously with 12hrs stressful work goes on



I'M GOING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

the great fall

Last tue, something terrifying happened.

i was alone at dearie's house, waiting for him to come back from TD session. He came back around 5.am and have some supper. He was kinda tipsy and was getting tired. As he was about to transfer to his bed, he asked me to off the light for him. I told him i will off it AFTER his transfer. [i am completely blind in the dark *]
.
But he insisted. So i just switch off the light .
.
Based solely on my hearing, i somehow knew that he is done with the transfer. so, as a usual pratice, i shifted the wheelchair away.

PONG!! Before i knew it, dearie is already siting on the floor. His butt was only partially on the bed when i moved his wheelchair, and my action had caused him to lose his balance.

Oh dear Oh dear!..
.
I seriously don know what to do to help him up. Dearie is not exactly sober and even if he is, he is simply too tired to lift himself up. There is no one in the house except his Granny.. and at 6am in the morning , i really cant think of anyone to call for help.
.
we tried like 3 attempts to move to the bed, but failed. At this time, dearie is completed wasted..fully drained all his energy. I Feel so helpless..i really donno how to help him. He is damm irritated by me because i lifted his legs but not exactly in the right way.

i am so tired at this point of time..seriously lacking of sleep, and nothing i can do. Dearie felt tat it is pointless to struggle when when of us have no more energy for further attempt, so we decided to >>> Sleep. =)

woke up 7hrs later..at 2 pm, finally Piggy is back on his chair. phewww~

conclusion of the fall:

1. Piggy HONG is too fat, therefore cant lift himself
2. Piggy HONG is drunk, and blame the innocent for not helping him
3. Piggy HONG suffer for 7 hrs becos he didnt seek my advice- NOT TO OFF THE LIGHT

21st sept

i am happy today. Its been one year since i fall in love with you.
Things may be not seem optimistic, but i am still happy to have you by my side. There are times when i feel so helpless & tired, losing my patience ..i hope you know that i wasn't mad with you, i am just really angry with myself that i am weak, not having more energy to accomplish what u want me to do. I am angry because u keep saying that i will eventually be like Her, Giving up on you because it is too tiring.

May the Lord bless us , with many more of happy 21st Sept to come...

我想。。没有人会比我更失败了
.
.
.
工作上， 我做的乱七八糟
.
.
.
家庭上，我几乎六亲不认
.
.
.
感情上，我什么都不是
.
.
.
.
天， 总会有放晴的一天

不开心

不开心， 是不管我多么努力， 还是错..
不开心， 是不管我说什么，你还是选择相信其他人所说的谎..

不开心， 是当我觉得我变成你的负担

Quote of the day ~

.

Always put yourself in other's shoes.
If you feel that it hurts you, it probably does hurt the person too.

开心

开心是。。。

能够在他肚子饿的时候，煮碗好吃的面给他

Family gathering Sept 08

I realise i had been neglecting my family, thus i decided to organise a family lunch on sunday, where everyone is free & not working. But daddy is working and absent from the lunch.

Mummy & me were busy cooking since 1pm , Da jie KW was playing with baby QiQi and tat fatty KY is helping with other simple chore. I prepared chicken wings, fried veggies, my speciality - Salty Rice & Steam boat Cum BBQ. Everything was good except that i forgot to put 'la cheong' in my rice..damn it..no wonder my speciality tasted weird.

Mum seem happy that i came back for this lunch session and help me alot in the kitchen. I hope to have more of these family event together.
>>>
>>>
>>>
Life is short; treasure your loved ones while you can

The Last Stick in The Morning

Have you ever wake up in the morning , and find that you have no ciggie left? or worst still, situation where your last stick was finished by your bf who happened to wake up earlier than you?

.

.

i hate it when i wake up in morning and find my last ciggie gone. Cos i need this drug to stop my running nose , and when i can't find it, i have no choice but to drag my feets to buy from downstair . It simply ruins my day.

.

.

I had been spending my nights over at my dearie's place. And this particular gesture of his really touches my heart. As he tend to spend his time playing dota while i sleep (so that i can have the bed to myself) , he usually will finish his pack of ciggies and smoke mine. BUT..no matter so much he need to smoke, he will always reserve the last stick for me.

.

.

For people who doesn't smoke, it is hard to understand the need to smoke in the middle of night .. For me, i know how bored ones can get at night, and smoker will have the tendency to chain-smoke.And you have to keep reminding yourself to resist the temptation to take the last stick..

I truly appreciate that,dearie. =)

.

.

.

*Note of the day:

.

the key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it is about learning to love the person you found.

Dream Love Nest : part 2

As we are constantly thirsty..therefore we keep stock for our 'beverage'

King zenny mention that he want a personal room, so that when he feel emo,

he can be ''on his own''

The Queen's kitchen to cook nice dinner for thai king- the ah pui

The special toilet for King zenny
(King , i ordered a special bathtub for us to xxxx bath )

= x

my dream love nest~

Dearie, you like it? ^_^

心碎了千遍

当时好多话忘了说
.
以为不说也能感受
.
几年几月几个冬
.
最终的守候 已非你我

.
.
曾经沧海无限感慨

昨天花谢花开

明天潮起潮落

放弃所有 抛下所有

可以偶尔忘了我们爱过.

走的已经走 留的不能留



我不愿, 每天..每夜..每秒飘流

也不愿再多问..再多说..再多求..我的爱

My love

He is one big fat lazy ass.

He is constantly hungry

He is fuzzy about what drink you offer him.

He is nasty about criticizing my body shape .

He snores and mumble funny stuff when he sleep.

He slaps my ass for 99 times when he get drunk.

He made me cook supper when i am dreaming about my heaven

He scolds you for being too helpful to him.

He lives in his world of DOTA.

He get angry because i over-heated the dinner.

He occupied the fan on a super warm evening all to himself and let me sweat to death

He talk to his frenz on the msn and let me rot on his bed

He always claim to be '' on his own''

He makes funny expression when he is story telling

He need to smoke before & after bath.

He is sensitive on his belly.

He have a waist size of 38 and wear a XXL , yet laugh at my ''M'' size body+ 38 boobs

>>
>>
>>

But i simply jus love u ~ my ZENNY

Me

Friend,

Do you feel insecure when you are poor? i do
.
Do you feel frustrated when you are running out of time? i do
.
Do you feel sad when you own family cannot accept your decision? i do
.
Do you feel near to death when you are constantly lacking of sleep? i do
.
.
.
How would you feel, when you have no money, no time, no rest ,no friend, no family,no one who understand you, & constantly tired?
.
.
That is how i feel.

厌倦

I think i am really getting so sick of my work.

The war is ongoing everyday.

The endless pressure that is adding onto me.

The begging for sales from customers.

Only the 8 million toto can free me.

God, save me

I'm not sure if i should blog about this.


28 July 2008, Mon
11pm.

I packed 'K' clothes/games pack/ and stuffs and took a cab to 'K's' place. Before reaching, i decided to call him & tell him that i am going up his place. However, he wasn't at home but he gave me the instruction to just go ahead, as he knew that i was just going up to pass him his belongings.
I carried 3 huge bags and made my way to his place~ which is just 5 min via taxi.

11.15pm.

There was no one at home. '
His room is slightly messy, you could see stuffs that he brought from his recent Bangkok trip lying around on the floor. I took out the clothes that i packed nicely from my place, and placed them neatly on individual hanger.

11.25pm

Could no longer hold back my tears. I just cry & cry.
I don't know why i cried so badly. Was it guilt or was it the left over feeling in me.
I felt so guilty, so wrong in hurting him. I put away all the clothing that i brought over. And start packing my clothing that was at his place. It just like our love..He left 3 big bags with me, and what i left with him is only a miserable bags of belonging. I slowly tidy up bits by bits in his room, and returning it to the room that i used to sleep for the past 5 years.

It about time i should leave. i guess i should not stay and let him see me in this state. As i was about to leave, i saw this small plastic bag on his bed. I took a peep at it and tears start rolling down my cheek again. It was a pink t shirt with a picture of smurf. I don't know if i am correct, but he must have brought this t shirt for me during his BKK trip. He still remember that i love smurf cartoon...sob sob..

11.45pm
By now, his room is neat & tidy with all the clothing in the closet.
I hugged 'my pillow' for the last time and make my way to the door.
God must be kidding with me. As i opened the main gate in the living room, there stood the man whom i used to call my love.

''eh I've leave the clothing in the cupboard for you..and some stuffs is just by the side''
''OH..OK, u packed my room..you don't have to do is okay to leave it in a mess''

i was trying my best to avoid his eyes, for i do not want him to realise that i was weeping at his place.

I left..and i couldn't hold back my tears after i get into the lift. i just weep & weep..and slowly hop onto a taxi, With guilt & remorse


我们的爱
还剩下些什么
只剩下两滴冰冻的泪水

任往事呼啸 凭记忆缠绕缘分已尽

说走就走 没有征兆

任寂寞煎熬 凭思念灼烧

天要下雨 谁也不能 阻挠

what hurts the most

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

That you love me this much till the day i left...

我好累。。。

Work has been a killer lately.

It is the off peak season for my industry, and all the bosses at top are worried about the drop in sales. This is the period whereby we have to strive our best to capture the limited sales order.

It has been about a month since i joined my new company ''HHE ''. My colleagues are super unfriendly toward me and we seldom interact in office. I have to pick up skills by observing their behaviors and listen closely to their conversation.

They are the kind of people you hate to work with, as they refuse to teach u everything and act busy when u ask them for help.Everyone is fighting quietly to snatch sales as we work by individual commission scheme.

My overall in charge is stressing me about my million dollars sales quotas everyday, and she forgotten that i am still so new in this environment..

I am down with a bad fever but still have to drag my tiring body to work.

haiz haiz haiz...

I get so mentally tired everyday.

I am losing my mind.

I am losing myself

my hand.

In times of need, i was your extra hand,

overcoming every obstacle that obstruct you.


when everything seems wrong for you,

the same hand held on tight and gave you the strength to move on.


when everyone laugh and push you away like a old dirty beggar,

the same hand pull you up and gave you warmth.


Now that the path ahead is clear with promising future

everything seem bright & interesting

you have forgotten about the pairs of hands that have help you come this far


Its time to let go.

As you move on, someone will replace my role to be your extra hand.


For now, return me my worthless piece of limb

it doesn't matter..

一直以来，我不断的在两个人中， 跌跌撞撞，迷失自己。

终于，我做出了我认为对的选择。那几天，我的感觉就像在跳降落伞。

我没有把握我能够存活。

有没有钱，不重要， 够用就好

有没有将来，不重要，能不能活过今晚还不知道

有没有孩子，不重要，除非你害怕老来凄凉。

生命中有那么多的未知数，不必想那么多，我知道我现在做的是对的。

幸福 - 没有你想象中那么难。它一直在你的身边等你发现它

zEnny..

Too bored..dressed up zEnny in maple as a gal.. LoL =)

不懂爱的人

我走的好辛苦

也走的好孤独

因为你从来没有在乎过我.

我不会再爱一个不懂爱的人

我曾有的悔恨不会再有

我 的 想 法 很 简 单 ..




我 只 要 我 们 在 一 起

Forget..it

We forgot about love

We forgot about faith

We forgot about trust

We forgot about us

Enjoyable weekend

i enjoy this weekend alot..spend fri/ sat/ sun with dearie. Didn't went out alot but being able to be with him is good enough for me.

Dearie gave me a simple recipe for his favourite pasta, with some hot dogs, cheese, prawns & mushrooms. i brought the ingredients and try cooking it. Pasta is really not something i am good at it. Dearie came to the kitchen and nagged like a granny..made me lose my temper a little. I can try my best at it but i cant possibly cook the same as her. Haiz..

Anyway, the pasta is still edible , just that i cook too much ..

went TD at Golden mile on sat night..it took merely 6-8 glasses of Chivas and i am down. Luckily i didnt create a scene, but i puked like..3 times.eeekkkkk
Sleep like a pig on Sunday.

''...我爱上 让我奋不顾身的一个人..''

Dating a Pisces~ Dating Me

If you are dating a Pisces female:

• take her to a psychic fair, art gallery, or out for cocktails. Don't take her to the animal shelter, or you will have a new pet.
• You can wear anything you like, and you get to make all the decisions.
• She prefers men with a passion about something.
• Music and dancing are her favorite pastimes
• Pisces females don't care if you are good looking, just have a heart. A sense of humor is an asset, as she has one too.
• She has no confidence in herself, so support her in her dreams.
• She falls in love easily. Don't promise her a rose garden if you don't mean it.
• When you go to the movies, take tissues. It does not matter what the movie is about, she will inevitably cry when something touches her.
• Pisces females love everyone, even if they treat her badly.
• She hates to see pain, but can drown in her own. Cheer her up
• be a positive kind of guy, and be romantic. Encourage her to not live in your shadow, but to have her own life.
• Pisces females have a hard time saying "No".

What your birthdate say about you..

If your birthday is on the 11th day of the month:

You are gracious, elegant and prudent. People admire your qualities and some even become jealous of you. You are realistic, flexible and adaptable. You are remarkably kind and moral personYou are willing to sacrifice yourself for the one you love.
Your lover will always have your gentleness, care and loyalty. You will always be happy to hand around the one you love. You are willing to sacrifice yourself for the one you love. .


If your birthday is on the 23rd day of the month:

You never live your life in the way others want you to. You are an independent individual who loves challenges and excitement. You are ready to face with the result of your decision. You are usually the one your friends count on.
Because you love excitements, you occasionally get involved in forbidden love affairs. You may fall in love with a married person and no one can stop you from making progress. You are very charming, although you might not realize it.

Me myself & izzy

Your view on yourself:You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

有人说 结婚是幸福的

也有人认为 单身才是幸福的

其实两者 根本不是一种绝对

幸福是 梦想与现实之间 的一道流星

擦肩而过的一刹那 就是 永恒

a pic speaks a thousand words

Went TD with dearie on sat night. nothing special. but this silly boy hang me flowers. See the red colour thingy on my neck? Costly but it delighted my day.

=)

p/s: what is dearie thinking when he take this pic?~ funni expression

♥ L ♥ O ♥ V ♥ E ♥

i remember a few years back, one of my buddy was drunk. And she asked a question that i thought it was silly. she asked ' what is the true meaning of love?'

my answer given to her was..'i dunno,it is just a feeling..'

in 2008, i have a new definition.

.

.

.

To love:

If you love somebody, you care for them more than you care for yourself. You will wanna put their happiness before yours. It's pure, it's unconditional, it's undefinable.

.

.

.

To Be Loved:

For what i am today & what i may become in future, be at my side in good or bad times. And it contain the 3 elements- trust, comfortability, and excitement.

.

.

.

And for now. My love is all about u dearie

New career ~

After 8 months of torture, i have finally left Gaincity since Monday & started my new job on 17/06/08. Its under same industry - wholesales of Air Conditioning Equipments..

Work load is not as heavy as formal job, but the journey is gonna kill me one day.

For past few days, i spend about 2 hrs to reach my office. All i can say is ~ Morning Traffic is a killer. Currently i am still at the beginner stage - getting to know my colleagues better & learning purchaser's task.

Rest & sleep are out of my concerns..seriously lacking my beauty sleep. i wake at 6am & get in bed at 12 mid nite. Dark eye rings are now permanently imprint on my face and i think i am gonna look like a huge panda soon.

Still working hard to earn more $ & adjusting myself to match my usual routine

Everything will be back to normal soon.
U have my words, baby

冲动

忍不住想要爱你的冲动
不确定你属於我
会有点寂寞
你给的幸福在我心中
自由走动
抚平我每一个伤口
忍不住想要吻你的冲动
不确定我的执著能让你感动
我只能相信自己感受不怕失落
关於你的一切我想要比谁 都懂
你是情人 还是朋友
还没有勇气想得太多
你的世界 如此辽阔
我会在哪个角落