Between being grateful & escaping that comfort zone

Bismillah.

Entering the year 2018, was like entering a new life phase. A new opportunity came in when every thing seems so perfect for me at the moment; my life, my job, my social life. I have to make a big decision, whether to just be grateful with what I already have and refuse the offer, or to be grateful and move on for something full with uncertainties, again.

This route full with uncertainties is a route where I have to start all over again to gain people's trusts, learn new things and surrounded with new faces. But, this route enables me to be close with my parent, and all the events happened around the corner seem leading to this. The last time I experienced such was the moment I received the job interview offer and job offer from my first employer. I was not as confident as last time, but somehow I wanted to have faith in all these again. To have faith that Allah has planned all these for me.

Making the big move was not easy. The things I left behind were so dear to me. Often, I doubted my decision. Often, I blamed others for making me taking this decision, when I do not even know yet what exactly awaits me. When I thought about all these deeply, I have made all these worldly matters too close to my heart when all these should be focusing on serving Allah. This decision was indeed the best for me, inshaAllah. It is time for me to re-arrange my life priorities. And, most importantly, I was the one who made the decision.

I pray that Allah makes things easy for me, even if they might difficult, I could still overcome them. Pray that this route is the right one, the decision is something to be grateful of. Because this route is full with uncertainties for now, and I am escaping my comfort zone for a better me inshaAllah.

Rabbi yassir wala tu'assir.

Self-realization

Bismillah.

All praises to Allah for all the rizq He has given me.
Sedikit sangat syukur dalam hati ini, apakan lagi yang terzahir.

These few weeks, I have been tested with things, which I could say, led me to understand myself more. The road towards self-reflection;

On my career direction
On my working purpose
On my life purpose

I have been tested with what I currently have. How much that I am grateful with the things I have; my age, status, physicals, job, family,  friends.

I came to a realization that marriage is not the only issue to be thought about. There are far more important ones out there, waiting for me to reach out to.

While we are too occupied with the worries of not finding our another half, we forgot to worry about others. Are not we too selfish? There are hunger, unemployment, natural disasters, wars, poverty happening right now.

While I keep on complaining about my job, and envying on what others' do, I forgot that there are many others who are envying on what I do, wishing to have what I have.

While I keep my mind occupied with other external bounties to be thank of, I forgot that He has been giving me health and complete set of functioning body and organs since my birth.

All in all, our usrah's liqa' today touched on the concept of rizq. He knows best. We might feel that it is unfair that some people get more while others get less. But, all this is up to Him. We do not deserve to question Him. All these things are His. We need to accept it, make full use of them, and ask Him to give what is best for us. He is indeed, As-Samee, The All-Hearing.

Hati yang melihat mendengar

Bismillah..

Few thoughts rushed into my mind these days. Re-pondering things surrounding me. Had the thoughts before, long ago, it just recently that they came in again. I am glad they came back.

Just realized that I have stopped seeing and listening... Orang Melayu kata, melihat, mendengar dengan mata hati. This is what I meant. Realized that I have became just like most people, travelling but not really seeing the world. I focused more on capturing the moments in photos rather than in memory. Sad truths indeed.

I asked Allah, always, to only test with things that I can handle. He did test me with such, several times. But, still, I often failed. Failed in managing my anger, my emotions, my words. Failed in managing my time, observing my prayers. Astaghfirullah..

It has been months since we had our last liqa'. Really grateful to have one today, even a small one. That grateful to the extend that I felt like crying, no, I cried, during the liqa'. I have been away from remembering Him. But, He is still there, with me.

For some people, blogging is for others to read. But, for me, this blog is actually for myself. To remind myself back of such moments like this. When I fail, but He still lift me up.

Hanyut..How long it has been?

Bismillah..

I was surprised by myself that I still remember the existence of this blog.
How long it has been?

I was surprised by myself that I have been this far...'hanyut'...
How long it has been?

I am too occupied to prove myself to the world...yang sebenarnya hanya sia-sia...when I fail to highlight myself to The Almighty.
How long it has been?

I am too eager to be seen by people..yang sebenarnya tidak memandang pun..when I am nothing to Him.
How long it has been?

Apabila ditanya, Tidak, tidak, saya tak mengejar dunia, nama, pangkat, harta.
Tapi sebenarnya, hati ini telah dikaburi oleh semua itu.

This is the moment,
when I miss the old me, that feeling, that conscience and positivism I used to have.

Alhamdulillah, hati ini masih terdetik untuk berubah.