When people measure you by their yardsticks...it can bring a spirit down.
I was and I did feel a lot aggravated and frustrated when I have been hinted that I am not measured up to expectations, at least to my relatives' yardstick of success.
And that began to haunt into my inner calm and create ruptures beneath the still waters. I humbly admit that I was crushed to very low at that point, fearing that my world would tumble and change in a swift of time (and I was so unprepared to embrace a new realm). How could they judge me without spending an inch of time bonded with me? What made them think they are worthy to suggest the life I should seek? How daring they would to influence my loved ones to think or feel different of me? As a defence mechanism, the very first emotion came to my rescue was anger, I felt like a trapped fish in a small container suffering from suffocation. Sadness followed next when I self-doubting my capabilities. Never a single moment that I blamed on the bad luck in my cards of life. If that would ever be a resort to blame, I would blame the ill-mannered relatives for being nosy and demanding.
In the pool of emotions, I search for assurance, a buoyant to keep me on top of my spirit. The release of my tears was a good humble experience to pour out the toxic feelings, also a moment to face my self in a vulnerable stage. Maybe it was a divine opportunity to see the authenticity of me and subsequently to reconcile the differences in me. What that I longed to be, but certainly may not be good for me versus what I am which I failed to see and accept the real me.
So, ultimately, who am I? On which and whose yardstick that I must measure to access myself, and who is allow to judge me? Similarly, who am I to judge?
Mercy begets mercy. Do not do to others what you don't want others to do to you. Who are we to pass judgements on others?
My identity is a sacred realm that I ought to be in, and only myself is allowed to be in there. Visitors with good intention are welcomed as guests; but trouble-makers are advised to detour.