I woke up and found the world

It's true when someone said that it's a divine moment that you woke up on a morning and found the world.

It means a new way of seeing life; events that had happened and brought you to this far (no absolute description of that for the moment is to be felt and live).

And it awakened me to realise that so much of myself I have left behind; and I have so much to catch up to reconcile this gap.

So I come back here to pick up the pieces, with a heart to mend the pieces and put them in place, with new perspectives and may be a bit more maturity.

After all, it's not an empty space.  Surely, not in my heart.

Fill this up (with love).

Who am I?

When people measure you by their yardsticks...it can bring a spirit down.

I was and I did feel a lot aggravated and frustrated when I have been hinted that I am not measured up to expectations, at least to my relatives' yardstick of success.

And that began to haunt into my inner calm and create ruptures beneath the still waters.  I humbly admit that I was crushed to very low at that point, fearing that my world would tumble and change in a swift of time (and I was so unprepared to embrace a new realm).  How could they judge me without spending an inch of time bonded with me?  What made them think they are worthy to suggest the life I should seek?  How daring they would to influence my loved ones to think or feel different of me?  As a defence mechanism, the very first emotion came to my rescue was anger, I felt like a trapped fish in a small container suffering from suffocation.  Sadness followed next when I self-doubting my capabilities.  Never a single moment that I blamed on the bad luck in my cards of life.  If that would ever be a resort to blame, I would blame the ill-mannered relatives for being nosy and demanding.

In the pool of emotions, I search for assurance, a buoyant to keep me on top of my spirit.  The release of my tears was a good humble experience to pour out the toxic feelings, also a moment to face my self in a vulnerable stage.  Maybe it was a divine opportunity to see the authenticity of me and subsequently to reconcile the differences in me.  What that I longed to be, but certainly may not be good for me versus what I am which I failed to see and accept the real me.

So, ultimately, who am I?  On which and whose yardstick that I must measure to access myself, and who is allow to judge me?  Similarly, who am I to judge?

Mercy begets mercy.  Do not do to others what you don't want others to do to you.  Who are we to pass judgements on others?

My identity is a sacred realm that I ought to be in, and only myself is allowed to be in there.  Visitors with good intention are welcomed as guests; but trouble-makers are advised to detour.

Be Still

Now I will wait on You.

You will come to me and speak

When the time is right

When I am ready to hear You

Help me to be still while I wait for You, Father.