Highlight: catching Hantaran Buat Mangsa Lupa, a trilogy by Irfan Kasban.
The trilogy consists of three segments which led to the establishment of Islam. The first segment is "genap 40", 2nd is "WC" and third is "94:05"


Who am I? Why do I exist? Irfan Kasban, “Hantaran buat Mangsa Lupa” provokes such universal dilemma pertaining to existentialism. An experimental theatre held at the Substation, “Hantaran” is a trilogy which stimulates the mind through unravelling taboos. It imparts phenomenological and emotional sensations to audiences. Through the unconventional and innovative display of the mise-en-scene, “Hantaran” seamlessly manifest a plethora of themes, encompassing from fate to pre-destination, sacrifices and the pursuit of attaining self-tranquillity.

BUT...

The dialogues are all in Malay. The actors converse in flowery Malay language in the first two scenes and colloquial Malay in the final scene. However, non-Malay speakers solely depending on subtitles might lose out. Translation distorts the beautiful imagery and rhyme scheme of the Malay language. On some level, this mutates the message of the play.

Such linguistic distortions particularly surface especially in “94:05”. Ahmad’s contemplation on the meaning of “hati”, is a fundamental point of his confusion; barricading him from fully attaining self-tranquility. “Hati” possesses multiple meanings. It means liver and also one’s capacity to empathize and sympathize. Nonetheless, such puns got lost in translation. Ahmad personifies the naivety coupled with the ignorance of the current generation. His desire for self-tranquility through elucidating his faith is delivered via nuances in language.


My highlight of watching “Hantaran” is engaging in subconscious characterization of the actors and upon exiting the theatre, realises that I have acquired characterization at its zenith; specifically introspection. The play serves as a good platform that revitalizes faith in this rat-race era of modernization.

I watched the play Singapore, by necessary stage. A very refreshing play that provokes the most contemporary problems pertaining to Singapore landscape, like the intolerance towards the minorities and how native feel socio-politically challenged. It explores the sensitivity underlying the diversity in Singapore and this is done through the actors literally being from varying ethnic group, and adding on, the characters they adopt are no less diverse.

A little bit draggy, but nonetheless, informative ( as history was narrated) through the actors and a video. The colliqualism was pretty humorous and the mise-en-scene despite not lavishly spectacular, was an experimental display which effectively amplifies the voice of the marginalized group, the voice of the Other, the other voice.

The amplification of the Other's voice or indeed the other voice is recurrent motif from the exposition right up to the denouement. In the commencement of the play, we see Princess Hang Li Po repeating Malay verses after the Sultan of Malacca, Sultan Mahmud Shah. This extremely domesticated depiction of the Malaccan royalties life, almost like a vebatim, is not common in today's theatre. The voice of the women is already heard in the start. I interpret this as a conscious teatrical technique to amplify the voice of the women, a traditionally subjugated group in most societies.

In the manifestation of the drama, we are exposed to William Farquhar point of view in regards to his contribution to Singapore. I consider this the other voice as well, as contrary to references to Farquhar, most contemporary, post-colonial work in Singapore associates our forefather wit Raffles and a mere few liners for his comrade Farquhar.

Delving deeper into the complexities of this drama, we get exposed to Farquhar's intimate relationship with a Singaporean girl and leaves her as he was asked to leave Singapore. She was then stigmatized as a loose character girl who associates herself with Ang-Moh by the society she lives in. That somehow signifies the portion of the burden the natives have to carry with the departing colonial masters.

A play which increases my perspective when dealing with minoritiy issues in Singapore instead of superficially pointing an accusatory finger at them when things go wrong.

Yes technology is important
or prints are unfounded
but can it ever exceed in importance
vis a vis philosphy of ethics,
values and humanity?
says some Blur it is, says other it is coherant that
technology seem to have a converse relation with humanity.
As we add
we Subtract
as we see more
we feel Less
as we get richer
we get Robbed
is the gain worth this loss?
especially in a transitional phase
in a surreal place
these ephemeral days
this imbalance is detriment
for an eternal race
we are as what the economic world claims
facing the repercussions of Diminishing marginal returns

an unfinished novel


chapter one
introduction and anticipation
blazing in the soul
hungry for more

in the midst you reach
with eyes all sore
albeit sometimes a bore
the whole jouney u still adore

with tears and sorrows
flipping pages shows

times you intend to throw it
inner-self screams 'NO!'
you listen. sometimes gratified. sometimes
you blame yourself
for listening.

right before the last chapter
the novel dropped
in the trench
so deep
gone.

The annihilation of it all

I go lower as I climb up
And rose higher when I was in trough

A wave of epiphany when I hear something new
And got more confused when I continuously studied

I was poorer when I was rich
And got richer when I became poorer

I was bright when I was dark
And became dark when I turned light

I loved them when I was little
And belittled them when I became loved

And when I have wealth and health
Nothing is what I really have

The state of self

ripped
yet compact

pushed down
yet helped up

forcefully
yet tenderly

starvation
yet filled

thirst
yet quenched

suppression
yet emancipation

entangled
yet free

a physical decline
with an emotional zenith

literal and allegorical

Red roses makes the circumfrance
of pure milky linen,
a satin silk wrap.
And magnolia polished crystal diamond,
adorning the bare neck and delicate ears.
Drapes black and thick
and scent of potpurri
that sents them captive
a victim of her etheral beauty


and then kept captive she however was;
behind the black door
covered with grey canvas.
Rampnants of old furniture scattered in front of the jati cupboards,
at the backyard.

The majority
makes the exterior the main criteria
and distant themselves upon looking at the ramshackles

Only he, that trusted his insticts,
fought superficiality,
manage to penetrate through the dull,
and discover the beauty

when asked, he answered
because his heart has vision
miles and miles further than his eyes
and that vision consciously corresponds with the mind.

Lamentations of the tissue

Just pulled I am
mercilessly,
swiping across the wet and greasy surface
the pain within me,
only God knows.
To clean the area,
I am wrought and wringed
grabbed and crumpled
and in a fit of anger,
flung to the heap of dejects
My initial pureness and whiteness holistically disregarded,
I swallow in silence despite the treatment with such unfairness,
...
...
..

TO ABSTAIN OR TO EMBRACE

Peh Jun Sheng is straddling through Little India
To get Jasmine flowers for his wife Prima
For his sister is going to get engaged
To their neighbour Abdul Kahar.

Smoking the hubbly bubbly in the back lane of Arab St
Was George and his girlfriend Atikah
Romanticizing under the beat of Um Kalthoum
And verbalizing the Shakespearean’s sonnet

While they belong to those who absorb,
There are some who are caught distraught

People know Singapore as a small red dot
A safe place, dangerous not
As if it is forever taken care by God
And anything, most can afford


What lies beneath is a confusion begot
Where individuals are sandwiched
Between referring to the Koran or Oxford encyclopaedia
To wear the tudung or the visor
To tie an amulet or a charm bracelet
To be here or to be there

The Traffic Life


one.pink.ten.tan.
twenty.fair.
forty.off white.
eighty. ambre.
ninety. purple.ninety.dull.
ninety. white. ninety.

green.red.green.red.
______________________
journey of life. where at 'one' you are 'pink' fresh with the innocence of childhood. At 'ten' you get 'tan' with all the sports you expose yourself to due to PE. 'Twenty' ; one leaves jc and enter uni, seeking solace in the air condition classess and the absence of mandatory order to bask in sunlight lest absolutely voluntary, in most cases.

'Forty' where the youth start making way for the medieval age of life, where the "whiteness" starts fading. With experiences, making the once flawless fair surface achieve some sort of transformation. And then they turn "eighty", their off white skin glows. An ephemeral transistory glow. Right before turning 'purple' where their life passes on. Their soul is taken and their blood stops flowing, and their lips turns 'purple'. And then they look very dull as life is taken out of them, literally. As a closure, the white cloth is used to wrap them before depositting them to their new home.

The 'green' 'red' 'green' 'red' then symbolized the destination in the afterlife, a direct symbolism of the heavens and hells. The consciousness of putting 'green' first is sort of a hope for the victim, as well as reminder to self.

Vasco Da Gama’s successful voyage around the Cape of Good Hope to Calicut, India (1490s) marked a new era of increasing European presence in Asian waters.

Zheng He's first 2 journeys were in Calicut, India. Speculations that he's death were also in the region of South Asia (some argues also towards Kochin)

India. the hub for exploration-

funny conversation i just heard:

Mummy: I go masjid alot of boys your age go. when u want to start going masjid?
Boy: Mummy, last week i go Dangdut alot of people your age were there. When you want to start going dangdut?

child:thank you mama for narrating to me sirah nabi-nabi and those fairy tales. now i have learned how to "hate to hate"

mum|me|:happy to hear that sayang. But then again, while hating to hate would bring you somewhere, learning how to "love to love" would bring you to a better place.

I am writing in multiple personae because I sense this multiple characters within me , existing . Oddly, I am trying to motivate myself by apportioning a part of me as a mom (woman) and the child. Maybe it is the age that I am in. In the transition phase of a child and an adult.

Close both eyes
to see with the other eye. -Rumi

Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form. -Rumi

Let the beauty we love be what we do. - Rumi

Remember, the entrance door to the sanctuary is inside you.- Rumi

The kind of thing I know but is entangled somewhere in the back of the mind, vaguely visible. I appreciate these verses when I read them. But unfortunately , sometimes I feel that my appreciation leads to my stagnation or probably it is over-assumptious to even call them appreciation since I fail (in experience) to holistically fuse it in me. I just appreciate them as words and momentarily believe my life to revolve around such quotes, but get influenced by the worldly diversity such that my anchor points gets blurred.

A plethora of things entices me and to strike the balance of these different notion that defines me is one challenge and is indeed , a dream.

A vicious cycle.The hardest personal challenge is to stop merely romanticizing them quotes and to start creating anchor points , in planning how i want to live. But then again, probably to realise the challenge is the first step closer to overcoming it. hopefully, insyAllah.

The only exam that i studied for . Hahaha

My frens in make up . Pretty Iman and exotic Nadeen. Heh. Nadeen who looks like the guy in High school Musical. SO classic =)

BQ~!!

YEAHH~ thats martin hang. The fantabulous PEM

Thats Siv my frien. Hes nice hes funny he buy me lots of food. Haha

The first few days in nyp

HAHA. FUNNY PICTURE in MAC CAnteen.



Maybe its time i update. Theres still people reading and checking this blog. Im surprised ..Haha. Now is the JAE application. Ive been giving some intensive thoughts on this issue and kind of come to a conclusion of transferring to JC. Ive been caught up in a dilemma whether to transfer or not. Poly is a nice place, fabulous in fact. The fact that we can dress up in any way we want without any restrictions, the people there, the flexibility, lectures , cheap food, my course-Business Management , everything. If there are questions about me wasting my time in poly for a year and still insisting on transferring to jc upon entering my 2nd year at poly, then well no. I felt that this past one year has been a very fruitful year indeed.

I enjoyed alot all the presentation ive made and most importantly the friends and people Ive met along the way , pursuing my studies in NYP. There are countless nice people there but to name one special friend who have been thru the ups downs and had to endure all my folly, Jacinta. SO much joy have been shared with her and the various things we do =)I very much enjoyed all the time spent in classes, lectures , cca[STAGEARTS , HOCKEY] I know sounds alot and like tough job, but i rarely go for both. and almost every single moment in my poly is shared with Jacinta's presence.SPLENDID. TO name others a few like Siv, JIM,Jeannete, many many million and 2 more people ..Heh Heh Heh..nice people though sometimes weird and comes up with random and unexpected and cute and adorable to the max actions. NYEHEHHHHH..SO FUN.

OKAY LETS LIST DOWN SOME THINGS ID LIKE TO DO BEFORE I TRANSFER OUT

1) HAVE THE AUTOGRAPH of a famous celebrity in my school and of coz zap a copy for dear Jacinta..no in fact i can give her the original copy..more sentimental values

2) LEARN to initiate conversations instead of being shy


3) Eat at the south canteen. Since I always enter and leave after staring at the stalls.

4)Be nice to my friends

5) Wave at the 2 super bimbotic girls in my lecture theatre. Make peace no war =)

6) Continue playing my "lockdowns" game.. lockdowns just makes my poly life more fun and vibrant. Theres a diff meaning to it. For those who know..they will appreciate this term. This game usually enhance my day in school though sometimes in gives me bad mood (but rarely) =)

7) Never skip Dr. Badri lecture. NONO..never skip any lectures anymore.. Haha. nevermind its weird..it seems like i plan my own timetable.

8) Learn to appreciate all the posters I see. The main one even have my friends face on it welcoming students to school each morning; Farah and Iman. How cool.

9) Fulfill my lunch date with Mastura <3<3



Poly power =)

Im so sad to even think of leaving NYP for another place...but then again, I promise myself to be firm to this decision which shall deprive me all my leisure time, the ability to dress up with let down hair to school or wear a gold mix green eyeshadow..but then again..everything happens for a reason no?

LOVE.

and part of the family they are.

Sister-in-law=)

Blur but its nice=)

Thats nadeen. Hes a funny guy.

Iman, shes iman.
Hello people, im with jessica jackson.

Hello =) Yesterday, attended a Halloween Party organized by StageArts=) Cool PArty it was where there are boyish girls and girlish boys,vampires etc....the performance was also great. Jacinta and Vikci look exactly alike , nothing less than a siamese twin. They were so cute in their acting,so cute. Hehe.

Attended a wedding just now, was a very lovely one. One of the nicest decoration ive seen so far, i should say.

Contented*

I did my exam today. It went fine..or so I hope=) Something emberassing happened today I was flushed in emberassment , I felt my hearbeat stopped for seconds..gosh !I hate to be emberassed especially when it concerns classmates..coz Id have to like face them on an almost daily basis. I think Id just camouflage in a sack of pure red tomato just now as the news struck to me. WOOOO. It made me lose my appetite. If I receive such news on a daily basis I think Im being anaeroxic in nooo time!=D

Im Gay with Zulazfar and mamat=)


Photos at Nameera's wedding. The bride is a relative of mine who happens to be a model in Europe as such her wedding was filled with many Ang Mohs for she married a Caucasian too.I thought she looked exceptionally gorgeous in the Victorian white dress, it was pretty out of the norm, but pretty nice. Was nice to see the cousins , again=D . Seems like the only place we get to meet is during weddings.








Happy Deepavali to all Indians out there. Hope the light will shine on you in this festival of light. Heh. The first time that I attended someone's house on a Deepavali. Cool. Went to Siv house all the way at Jurong West.Jess and Chrissy came over and my dad sent us all. Its sooo far even the journey by a car took close to an hour if not more. I think Ill just melt if Id to go there myself considering it was raining cats and dogs and the unbearable journey that can torment me emotionally.. There was also the outstanding Korean boy who failed the attempt to use hands and eat, non other then my classmate, Saint. =D I so cant wait for Thursday to past for then those planned itinerary can spring to action! WOOHOO! =)

4bm

4bm muslimah.

Relatives

With the gorgeous Angullia sisters=)
It was a long long day today. As the sun filtered the rays through my curtains, I squinted my eyes . Itve been numerous times since I pressed the snooze button but I had to wake up, it wasnt a choice just now for there was a perfomance in madrasah.We had to perform since this marks the final of the 10-year-madrasah journey. So there was this raya performance where as a class we had to sing the song "suasana hari raya" and we all were doing maracas and coming up with some spontaneous actions. I reckon it looked silly but what matter most was the fun we had amongst ourselves=)What got me emotionally involved was the part where the Ustazah were lined up and we had to seek forgiveness. When it came to my part, I was very sad as just then it hit me, the 10th year have reached. Together with my madrasah friends, the Ustazah have seen me from as young as 7 years old all the way to me even completing my seconday school life.How theyve guided us so that we shall not be astray and still be confined within the boundary of the religion in terms of our physical actions and even mentally. There have been numerous and different people who had guided me academically but they were the same Islamic team who brought in Fiqh, Aqidah and thaught me ahklak. Im not saying that I have a perfect knowledge of the religion or even anything along that line..but Im grateful for the fundamental that had been imparted to us=)

As I went home today, there were an unexpected amount of guess from morning today all the way till around 12 a.m. Its tiring but fun =)

HAPPY BIRTDAY JACINTA LOVE!!! U PUT THE SWEETNESS IN UR 17th BIRTHDAY! =))thanks for being there . Hehe..after jalan hari raya..went to Jess Bday party. was fun and pleasent=)