255. Uncertainty. - Friday, July 26, 2013 @ 11:31 PM
Well, it's the weekends so I came back here to rant again.
I don't know what is the problem.
I feel so insecure and paranoid in school.
Especially.
When you have people who are forever targetting you, and yet loves to attract attention at the same time.
Let me give you a very childish example, coming from a 18-year old.
Firstly, a teacher obviously knows which student is weak which isn't.
So one gloomy day, the teacher decides to show concern to the weak student, in an attempt to make the student speak up and ask questions when in doubt.
Okay the student didn't exactly ask anything, but another student felt that she was neglected by the teacher.
She went up to the weak student and friend saying "Why X ask you all, he never ask me, my results also very weak", when she clearly knows her results are better than those weaker students.
Next, during lecture, the lecturer was one of the class's ex tutor for a particular subject.
So the teacher raised questions throughout the lecture trying to get some response from the sleeping away population of students in the LT.
So the teacher called upon one of the guys in the class, the girl wasn't pleased.
Well I think there's some rivalry over there, but not the point.
Next moment, she turns to the weak student and said: "Why doesn't she remember me and call me, I want to explain this question"
As I recollect all these words that came out during the past week, I have no idea what the student is trying to imply, other than just simply wanting attention. I don't get why she targets the weak student when the weak student is already hanging on to her dear life, to get past this torturous education.
And you might have already reailsed, the weak student is me.
Well, I never did well in my academics since secondary school, O-levels was kind of a miracle actually.
Well, I don't even know whether I'll make it through this time to be honest, but as much as this is bothering me, some people should just focus on doing well on their own.
No point wasting your time to think of ways to send hidden message, to overtake someone you've long already overtaken. It's so ridiculous and I say this as a 17-year old.
Seriously, checking everyday if I did this and that and studied for this and that.
Wanting to ask if I'm going for consults, it just sounds like you're stalking me.
I'm not a star or anything why are you doing this?
You complain you don't get those opportunities to shine, but fact being, did you even bothered finding out more about signing up for those things? And then you start whining like a kid to me about why so and so can go for this. And I'm not any high level personnel in school, telling me doesn't help. Life still goes on the way me and you are living right now.
All you achieve, is tearing our relationship(unfortunately it has reached this point), annoying, and distracting me so much.
Time and time again I told myself maybe I'm just too paranoid.
But many incidents just prove to me that you're out to get me.
You're not a peeping Tom or a humanised robot, why must you keep referring to what I do, what I write word for word.
Everyday, I rush my homework, I do them till late in the night(Okay that's partly because my speed is pretty slow), I get to sleep less hours, I sleep or continue rushing work on the bus journey.
But when I get to school, I feel like a zombie being interrogated.
Just today, our timetable was filled with revision lectures and work to hand up.
Physics, Mathematics, Chemistry., Economics
This actually sounds like a disaster, its almost everything already, why is Friday such a bad day ><
And so, obviously I didn't attempt all the things stated there other than those that die die must hand up like Econs.
I finished most of math, half of chem, and nothing for physics.
I can explain, by the time i finished the above, the clock read 1.30am. So, sleep took priority and the tiredness didn't go away so I continue snoozing on the bus. Well I did read the questions just 5 mins before the bus reached the interchange, and I flew to school cause I was kinda late :(
And so chem was banded lecture like the rest, and once again I sat beside the pair of stalking eyes.
Seriously, you've got to believe me, my paper was more or less
1. Dont know how to do
2. Lazy to refer to notes and figure out due to the lack of time
3. Ctrl C and Ctrl V from past questions.
And then she said this to me: Did you do this over the weekend that's why you have time?
Firstly this sentence doesn't make sense, unless I guess she was referring for time to complete other hw.
How does a generally blank paper show you that I've done it over the weekend, and why do I look asif i have time this is a false impression.
I feel so sad, I told her the truth about me rushing this attempt last night, and she give this expression :O and the "i-don't-believe-you" look
我那么忱恳，你又不信。
She's so annoying. She wants to be in everything, taking charge of everything, and yet don't wanna spend time and effort in doing them. I should discuss this on another post.
My blood literally freezes when I meet her in school. I don't even know what should I do or say in front of her.
There's so many things that I needa say but, she even tries to cut into my conversations with my close friends.
Annoyed.
善惡的分界 不怕難分辨
只怕每個人 都關上雙耳和雙眼 都害怕去改變
有沒有一種改變 有沒有一次壯烈
結局的完美就像 英雄 電影 情節
有沒有一種信念 有沒有一句誓言
呼喚黎明的出現 yeah yeah yeah yeah
呼喚黎明的出現 yeah yeah yeah yeah
呼喚黎明的出現 呼喚黎明的出現
我也只有累这个字来形容这一切。
Jingyi.
