Which crayon color is skin color?

Do you know how there is the saying that "The more you learn, the more you realize you don't know"?  Well, that's exactly how I've grown to feel about skin color and racial issues.

I have so much to say and yet nothing to say.

Are you confused yet?  Good, me, too.

I have learned so much being a white mama to my black daughter these past 2 years.  I have gotten to know some black people on a deeper level than ever before.  I've learned things about myself and about the world that I never expected.  What I've learned makes me realize how much I did not know before, how much you cannot know until you live it.  Most of it makes me simultaneously hopeful and sad.

But, as a mother to white-skinned children and a brown-skinned child (some of them wanted me to do their toenails tonight -- one set of those feet may or may not be a boy's but he's sandwiched between 2 sisters age-wise, bless him, and he did wisely choose "clear" as his color!  So much easier than his high-maintenance sisters who want a different color on each toe!), I will continue leaning into these hard and sometimes uncomfortable issues. 



 But sometimes the veil lifts and there is no hard, just beauty and a picture of God's kingdom.  Like this past Sunday morning when I sat at a kid-sized table in my church with the 4&5 year olds I teach Sunday School to.  We were coloring a picture of Jesus and the official from John chapter 4 and the kids got in a conversation about which color crayon to use for the skin color.  Only what made me smile bigger than Texas was at the table with me was an Asian child, 2 black children and 2 white children all bantering on about skin color.  It was precious!  Of course I couldn't resist a bit of coaching, Me: "Is one skin color better than another?"  Them: "No!"  Me: "Do you know if someone is nice or mean just by the color of their skin?" Them: "No!"

Revelation 7:9-10, "I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, 'Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!'"

For now, me?  I have nothing articulate to say, but THIS GIRL?  Lupita Nyong'o says it beautifully!  Love her!!  Click here to watch her speech about beauty!

Holey Pants and Leggings, Batman!

We had a re-emergence of winter this week.  I'm really ready to be done with cold weather, mostly because of this:

My 6 year old son has created holes in the knees of nearly every pair of his jeans and my 5 year old daughter has created holes in the knees of nearly all her leggings.  I do not want to buy them new pants, it will be shorts weather very soon, but maybe not soon enough to save my children sporting some ragamuffin clothes for the next few weeks!

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Tonight at dinner we had to correct a child for pretending their spaghetti pasta was dental floss.  Honestly!

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Teddy has been my constant companion this week.  He's Little Girl's best friend of the week.  

But even after I drop her off at school, Teddy hangs out with me, smiling from his carseat in the backseat.

He's a most cheerful companion, if not a bit odd.  Little Girl refers to him as a "him", like she will tell you "His name is Teddy."  But, he's always dressed in girl clothes, a new feminine outfit every day!  While I really don't have the bandwidth to tackle Teddy's gender identity issues, I am glad we no longer have to worry about him being denied service by any businesses in Arizona!

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I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  We're hoping to take the kids to see The Lego Movie. 

A Third World Drug Store

Last week I had an issue with our local Walgreens.  Something with some medicine I needed refilled for one of my children and a hassle getting the drug store to fill it.  There were a few different phone calls, too many minutes spent on hold, red tape with insurance, and a frustrating conversation with a pharmacist where they made me feel like I was doing something wrong when all I was doing was following the doctor's orders.  And it, of course, came right smack dab in the midst of a day with many other unrelated headaches, because that's just how life is sometimes, right?

But, once my pity party lifted, I was convicted afresh. 

What in the world was I complaining about?!!

A minor hassle.  Obviously I've spent way too much time in a 1st world country!  Now for a little perspective on how some of the rest of the world attempts to get needed medicine.

Here is the "Zee Drug Store" I took a picture of while in Ethiopia a couple years ago:

It's OUTSIDE, with bags of who-knows-what to be rummaged through!

May I in America never get so busy with my complaining that I forget my blessings!

My New Favorite Lunch

The past several months I've been trying to add more veggies into my lunches.  

I typically eat at home with my 5 year old daughter and do not want the quesadillas or grilled cheese or pizza she typically wants for lunch, but at the same time after fixing her a lunch (not to mention the other 3 lunches I've sent off to elementary school earlier that morning) I don't have a lot of energy for my own lunch.

So, I typically get something I like and eat it nearly every weekday.  Boring?  Maybe, but it works.  I have the ingredients on hand and know what to do/expect.  I've been known to stick with an entree for a few months before tiring of it.

In the fall, my staple was a whole wheat tortilla, spread with hummus, topped with sliced red bell peppers, spinach leaves, small tomatoes, and rolled up.  Easy and yummy!

But, then it got cold, like really cold for a few months, an unusual winter for us, and all I wanted was something warm to eat at lunch.  Sure, I could heat the wrap, but it took too much effort to get it heated all the way through (remember we do life without a microwave).

So, I ended up dumping some left-over roasted vegetables from the night before (like zucchini, carrots, &/or bell peppers just cooked in olive oil with Kosher salt in the oven for 20 minutes) with fresh spinach and tomatoes and a little olive oil into a small skillet.  I tossed the whole thing for a couple minutes, poured it onto a plate, sprinkled on some raw almonds and walnuts, and OH MY, IT WAS GOOD!  Kind of like a hot salad!

Ta da!  My new lunch!  Now to just have left-over roasted vegetables to use every day . . .

Time Marches On!

Honestly I've not yet recovered from Valentine's Day 

 (The Valentine's aftermath .  . .)

I've yet to force the kids to throw away the Valentines from their school friends so, while my table is no longer completely covered with Valentines, they (all 80 something of them between the 4 kids!) are crammed into various nooks and crannies of my house and the clutter is about to give me hives!

Yet, tomorrow we are celebrate our oldest turning eleven!

Time, I need you to slow down just a bit so I can catch my breath!

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Speaking of time marching on, when I map a location on my iPhone GPS device, as I did tonight, and then hit "route", while I sit there waiting for the directions to load and the voice to tell me how to go, I typically hold up my GPS device and say to it, "Talk to me, Goose!"

Only just tonight I had the eerie realization that none of the other 4 people in the car with me (my children ages 10 -until tomorrow, 8, 6 and 5 years old) get this joke AT ALL!

Not a one of them has seen the movie Top Gun which was such a quintessential part of childhood growing up in the 1980s.  And even though I can still clearly picture and hear Maverick in his fighter jet saying to Goose, his wingman, "Talk to me, Goose!"  My children have no clue!  They must just assume I occasionally call my cell phone, Goose!

Oh, well, just another story they can banter amongst themselves one day about just how crazy Mom was while they were growing up!

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Although I have tons more I could share, this week has nearly done me in, and obviously I HAD to watch the ice skating tonight on TV even after getting home from my adoptive moms support group at 10:15pm, because you know, well, PRIORITIES, so I'm going to bed!!

Have a wonderful weekend, Friends!  

The Transitions From 1 to 2 Children and 2 to 3 Children

Today I was in a doctor's office and when he heard that I have 4 children he asked, "So what was the hardest transition?  From 1 to 2, 2 to 3, or 3 to 4?"

In hindsight I should have asked him how many children he had before answering, but I quickly answered as I always do to this question.  "From 2 to 3, defnitely!"

My husband and I agree on this 100%.  We are not at all sorry we had an 3rd child.  Having 3 kids is awesome, but it was a hard transition.  Our 4th child was added to our family via adoption at age 3 so that was a little different than adding a newborn child via birth, but still as far as numbers and 2 parents learning to manage 4 children (even a 3 year old one who didn't speak our language for a while), that was not as hard as the challenges that came with learning to manage 3 young children.

Of course with my definitive answer about 2 to 3 children being the hardest transition, you guessed it, the doctor has 2 children ages 5 and 2 years old and his wife is pregnant with their THIRD CHILD!

So, I had to quickly add in some things about how it really is great having 3 kids and you learn to let go of so many things and how well they play together!

The conversation reminded me of a blog post I wrote on the transition from 1 to 2 to 3 children a few years ago.

Maybe someday I'll write a post about going from 3 to 4 children, but for today, here's a repost of my thoughts from 4 years ago.  All still true!

Originally published March 8, 2010:

So before we add a 4th child with our adoption from Ethiopia and I completely forget what life was like with only 3, here are my thoughts on the transition not only from 2 to 3 kids, but 1 to 2 also. 

When you have your 1st baby and you give him a bath for the 1st time in the baby bathtub, you are thinking, "Is the water too hot? Too cold? How much soap do I use? How exactly do I wash that area of his neck under his chin (the spot where the spit-up collects)? How do I get this slippery baby out of the tub? What if I drop him?" 

When you have your 2nd baby and you give her a bath for the 1st time in the baby bathtub, all you can think is, "Wow, she is so tiny! I love the baby bathtub! Oh how quickly she will outgrow this!" 

When you have your 3rd baby, you think, "I know I didn't give him a bath yesterday, but I'm so tired I think I'm gonna skip that bath again today. He's a newborn; it's not like he played in the sandbox or anything! I mean, how dirty could he be?" 

When you have that 1st baby obviously everything is new and exciting. But it is a huge life change! Nearly everything becomes different overnight when that baby is born! Honestly it is hard for me to even remember life with zero kids but the adjustment from 0 to 1 kid has to be the hardest. 

I think everybody ought to have at least 2 kids, because the huge blessing of that 2nd baby is that you enjoy them so much more. Now you know a little more what you are doing, you worry less, and you know just how quickly all those phases pass! The baby is the easy part about having a 2nd child. The big adjustment is managing the toddler/bigger kid with the baby. There is no napping when the baby naps if your 2 year old is awake! And try having the patience needed to manage a toddler when you have been up all night with a newborn! My husband used to say the adjustment to 2 kids was harder on the dads because their free time diminishes substantially. After mom has been juggling two kids all day, when her husband gets home he's either taking 1 or both those kids. The other big adjustment with having a 2nd child is the sibling fighting. In my experience, this is an issue earlier if your firstborn is a boy. From day 1 you will have to worry about him being too rough with the baby, both by accident and on purpose. I remember distinctly the first time my son hit his baby sister. Oh the conflict when your mama lion instincts see your precious baby hurt by someone but realize that someone is your beloved other child! At the same time, you get to witness the blessing of watching the sweet interactions between your 2 children, and watch their friendship grow. With the addition of a 2nd child there's also the issue of managing 2 different kid schedules. With one baby, life revolves around their nap schedule, but with the 2nd baby you will have to navigate around the older child's activities, and you'll find yourself waking up that baby to go pick up the older child at school. But as a positive, most second born kids are more easy-going as a result! 

Now the transition from 2 kids to 3 brings, for lack of a better word, chaos. If you are a momma that must have your children under control, perfectly dressed, noses wiped, nobody crying, and everyone with shoes on the correct feet every time you go out, don't have 3 kids (or at least not 3 close in age to each other). Because you are 1 momma and there are 3 of them. Chances are very high that anytime you are out and about with all 3, someone will spill a drink, have a fit, get lost, fall down, or do something embarrassing. You just can't control them all, all the time. The best way I can describe having 3 kids is more life! 

You have one more child and with that one more child you have more joy, more wash, more hugs, more crying, more smiles, more messes, more laughter, more teeth to brush, more dancing, more throwing up, more playing, more getting hurt, more "I love you"s, more runny noses, more kid artwork, more dishes, more memories. 

More love! 

Of course, the more is there with each of the transitions but it becomes more pronounced with the move from 2 to 3. For example, moving from 1 child to 2 children the noise will double in your household, so for the move to 3 children it triples, right? Wrong! Multiply the noise level by about 10! I'm not sure why it works like that but I've noticed that math is true even for playdates among non-sibling kids. A playdate with my 1 child plus 1 friend (2 kids) = rather calm and quiet but if I add another friend (3 kids), suddenly it is like a stampede of elephants have invaded my home!

How many children do you have?  What transition was the hardest?

How I Shoe Shop For My Children

The 6 year old had a piece break on one of his tennis shoes, the ones he wears every day to school, so he needed some new shoes.

I used to actually take my kids to the shoe store when they needed new shoes.  You know the old fashioned way?

But, there were several issues with that method:
1) The obvious hassle/chaos of taking kids anywhere when you have 4 children
2) The store would not always have the style or size we needed
3) My kid would sometimes pick out ugly shoes.  On principle I won't pay $40 or $50 for shoes that I don't like because you know my children are not the boss, they get input but I get final veto.  Yes, I am The Grinch and ALWAYS veto the light-up shoes.  I know, my children will need therapy some day to deal with the devastation of never having light-up shoes!  So, I get veto-power, but depending on the day and the kid and how much sleep they had the night before, sometimes that veto met with some drama that was not fun for anyone.

Thankfully the gift that is The Internet allowed me a new way!

Here's how I've been shopping for shoes for my kids for the past couple of years and it is working awesomely:

Step 1:  I measure the kid's foot with this handy sizer: Squatchi, Kid's Shoe Sizer, Green (it measures from toddler size 2 to youth size 5 -- sadly I do now have a child with a foot too big for this tool).

Step 2:  I go on Zappos.com where I am a VIP (really I am!) and therefore get free next day delivery and free returns, and I order a few (sometimes even 5 or 6) different shoes that I like in the child's size (I order 1/2 to 1 size up from whatever they measure at).

Step 3:  When the shoes arrive I set them all out and the child tries on a different shoe for each foot.  We have a contest nearly exactly like the Olympics where the shoes compete.  The child decides which shoe he or she likes better, left foot or right foot shoe.  The loser shoe is eliminated from the competition.  The winner goes on to face a new challenger.  Once a clear favorite has been determined, both matching shoes are tried on just in case, and then the winner is officially declared.

Step 4:  All loser shoes are boxed back up in their original shoe boxes and then put back into the shipping box they came in.  

Step 5:  I go to Zappos.com and select my order and follow the short, easy steps to print a return label.  I tape the box shut, tape the label on, and drop off the package at a UPS facility.  I have a box, mail place that is super easy to just run a box in and set it on the counter.  Since there is already a shipping label there is no need to wait in line.  Then Zappos credits back my credit card for the returned shoes.

Shoe shopping, the fun way!  Have the shoe store come to you!

My kid gets to feel like he or she has picked out their shoes but really they are only picking from a small, pre-screened group of shoes all of which I like!  Parenting wins are hard to come by, so I certainly celebrate the beauty of this one!

***I am not compensated in any way by Zappos.com for this post.  I am just sharing what really does work for me in my real life.***

Find more Works for Me Wednesday here.