we meet again

Why hello there, so much for updating after the 14th of November huh. even my senior prom was over! just look how fast the time flies, god's creations are just too wonderful and extraordinary. Life of an o level student has long ended, freedom you see. still trying to get myself to be used to the life without worrying about time management and all that, at least for now.

i have not much to say, enjoy your holidays while you can everyone!!

count on me like 1 2 3

love you 2e5'2009 and

4e4'2011.

Hello extraordinary people, just wanna update you all that we, the most sexiest batch of 2011 have graduated from east spring secondary school. what could be possibly more fantastic than that? The moment that i have been impatiently waiting for finally came. mixed feelings. but one thing for sure, i am free, from all those bullshit, rumors, fake bitches and those fcuking faces that annoy me like hell no offence. but still, i love you east springians.

alright time is ticking real fast, Os are just few days away. let's persevere shall we.

updates will be from twitter.

see you bunch of lovelies after the 14th of nov.

heart pumping jaw dropping

I am so dead prostrated, with the addition of tuition in the day. can't seemed to fall asleep no matter how long i close my eyes, because.....my mind is currently paranoid with something.

so yesterday i'v got my lazy ass off the bed at 7 to head down to esss sports carnival and support my son ( yeah right my son ) ( since he wanted me to come so why not ) i don't know why, i just did when i actually could get a good sleep for another four hours. gosh. and after all those humorous shrieking/laughter/encouragement from this lovely supporter ( got to be kidding myself ), hard work pays off although shark was really being an annoyance at that point of time.

seemingly guilty for not copping myself at home yesterday to study for the sake of jalan raya with ex yuminians. i reached home only almost 1am after taking a long ride home in a cab with the two gentlemen. laila's mom asked me, out of all the guys there, which one was my boyfriend so i totally gave her the 'what? no way' look and.. she laughed. sporting mother she got there.

enough about that beautiful day. time to earn back my mugging hours and burn the midnight oil.

note to self:

don't give a damn to what people say

don't give a damn on what they are talking about in front of you

don't give a damn about whats happening

DON'T fall in love

if they wanna make you jealous/envy of them, then that's their problem

O LEVELS IN 32 DAYS TIME GO GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOO

i was so sincere, what have you done to me

I don't know what is the real purpose of this blog when i can't let out my true feelings here.

so hi readers, how high is your confidence that all these words on my blog are real?

to tell you the truth, i'm not even sure.

feeling so vexed and confused. tired of being happy. tired of laughing all the way.

i used to love school but what the hell is happening to this world.

i guess i'm done here. tell me, what is the best way to die?

broken heart turns into a massive one

I can't help but to find it amusing on how people judge me. did you just call me a bitch? hahaha wow what a brand new information, i think you're too slow to even realize that. but hey, you broke into my privacy, you don't even know the story, then you wanna judge. so who's the bitch now? weird enough that this does not even bothers me a single bit. make me your number one enemy, i'll be the happiest kid alive. and so wake up and change your mindset, you don't know me well and stop acting like you do.

being nice to someone you don't like doesn't mean you're fake, it shows that you're matured enough to put your hatred aside.

this is why i hate people. sighs. can't wait to get out of east spring.

shall do a proper post about on the fringe WCS at cathay cineleisure once photos are up. but for now time to face school and ignore everyone. 

aim for my heart and break it

On second thought, i don't think i'm uploading raya photos here. too much sexy photos to see, you might just get a stroke. so why don't all of you head down to izzwan's facebook and prepare yourselves for three ultimate albums of smokin' hot people.

let's just focus on the point that i totally wasted my september holiday a.k.a hardcore study break. let's sum up the week.

so on monday i had school ( you know that place, prison for students? ok ) went to the mall with thaahirah and slept all day after that. on tuesday, i skipped school. instead i went for jalan raya till almost midnight. ( you knew that ) on wednesday, i caught crazy stupid love with khali and faizul helmi ( too much of epic moments on that day gosh ) followed by thursday, i did not much of self-studying ( forced to ) in the end i got distracted by korean drama playful kiss. and today, friday i caught smurfs with beescares and ammald. am too tired to even move an inch.

tmr morning have to get my ass off the bed to meet ruqniah. ohgawd, well maybe i head down to the library alone after that. mhmm i'll see about that. and can't wait for sunday to come! hehehe

those peeps out there, who thinks that you are really in a bad state, well look at me, i'm worse than you. so chin up, beautiful people. wonderful day laughing with the girls in the center of kfc.

current mood: fighting the urge to blog about emotional stuffs on blog or twitter. trying very hard to find a listening ear, just one will do.

just another girl

I admit i skipped school today because i was completely lazy, instead i went out for jalan raya with 4e4 and 4e3 in the afternoon. And to my surprise, most of them didn't turn up either.

Someone please knock some sense into my head. this September holidays are meant for a hardcore study break and here am i, busy with raya and going out with relatives/friends. where the hell did all my motivation gone to? maybe i'm satisfied that my prelims were better than mid years but that doesn't really mean anything, does it. mhm guess not.

Today was so enjoyable, although it was really an impromptu one. and so did you guys saw my tweet! i hit my head against the aircon in the bus because i was hearing heels! ( too tall i guess ) and the rest were laughing like a bunch of clowns. not to mention those strangers in the bus who saw that incident. ugh there goes my raya glam !!!!

will do another proper post with raya photos. stay tuned.

always here when you need me

I'm sorry i have to be like this, but can't you see through those smiles and laughter?

Hi there, its nice hanging out with relatives again, a whole lot of catching up. but one thing for sure, that we are very certain of is that everyone is getting old, everyone is growing up fast :/ The word 'old' doesn't seemed to scare me even a bit ( hey i'm only sixteen ) but maybe if i'm in my older relatives' shoes, it really might have freaked me out. mind those fat/ugly/unglam photos of me. it was taken nearly midnight. excused.

Teachers' day celebration was a bore! our batch was better. we did a much better performance last year. why oh why. what happened to esss! Long mark sheet= math and science = speechless. You know what i mean. and yes dnt coursework is finally done!!!!!!!!!! i am free!!! not.

i bumped into used-to-be-my-crush and was really lost for words when he said hello. omg i must have looked so dumb smiling like an idiot. kill me.

eid mubarak

Dear God, i have been a very bad muslim. i've been wild. i did things against my religion. i've been rude to my mom. i lied. but the most important thing, i lied to myself and you. Please take me to the next ramadhan. Amin.

i've got my curls but the thing is that its not temporary. so good luck to me taking care of my permanent curly hair after being dyed so many times. such a healthy way to ruin my perfect hair.

so its the first day of raya! here i am glued to my seat in front of my mega clean desk, waiting for the arrivals of cousins, perhaps at night? same shit, different year. raya used to bring a lot of joyous and wonderful moments but now not anymore ever since late grandparents were gone. dad's side? don't bother asking me. the word 'dad' doesn't exist in my dictionary. i'm that sixteen year old kid who only wears raya clothes on the second day of raya. used to it, but still i really hope all those muslims out there are enjoying their hearts out collecting money! (':

enduring loneliness in progress, two more months and that painful time is up. i really don't wanna hold a grudge against anyone anymore because revenge and hatred doesn't get me anywhere. but still, i don't wanna make the same mistake; easily taken in by the wrong people.

last but not least, selamat hari raya! saya menyusun sepuluh jari memohon ampun dan maaf jika tersilap bahasa yang membuat anda tersinggung hati, harap dimaafkan. enjoy!

keep those sorrows away

Primary six racial harmony day ( i posted this before didn't i? )

will you be able to spot me? hmmm.

so i gave up tossing and turning on my bed and head down to watch some vids and blog here instead. i shall catch up with my sleep later, i guess or perhaps not.. gonna be a very busy weekend getting ready for raya on tuesday! tonight will be having spring cleaning in my room.. not to say messy, but disorganized ( that will be a better word ) room.

i'm still having a tough time deciding if i should get temporary curls or not, when i'm actually going to the salon with sissy later in the morning. hmm decisions in life.. gonna get my shoes after that at town with ammald and beescares. busy day ahead and i'm still here wide awake. god bless me.

they say i've changed. now how did i change? i really think that people should mind their own fcuking business. sometimes people just have to get some time alone to have their brains think right. my main problem is that i don't know who to trust. i know people have been talking about me, i could see their change in attitude towards me, their difficulties in looking for the right words to talk to me without offending or hurting my feelings. thank you i appreciate that but i think its better to act normal and stop treating me like a pathetic lost puppy who just got abandoned.

sorry to say but this old lady doesn't date younger 'man'. so stop giving me all those shit like 'age doesn't matter' or 'he's matured!' or whatsoever thank you.

brah brah brah ther

During iftar on khalilah's birthday!

I didn't realize it till now that there's pictures on my phone.

mhmm look at that helmi's face at the back. haha!

Harro hamtaro ( dedicated to mai best budz :) ok so quarter of prelims are badly done. I sense more coming and contributing to the word 'badly'. can i don't pass my science for my o levels hahaha i wish -.- dread of science lessons already, especially with biased teachers.

early in the morning had to face jailani's disappointment is us, disappointment in me. he just can't stop his powerful lecture on how unlucky the A2 students were and how effortless were the others. seriouslyyy. how about more bro * inserts big amount of sarcasm here

not in the best of mood, been throwing tantrums since morning nevertheless had to constantly remind myself to smile. note to self: fasting. mhmm 22 days of ramadhan passed! how fast. wonders of god is great.

K SERIOUSLY I DON'T WANNA TURN INTO AN OWL. SHALL HEAD TO SLEEP.

my illusion, my mistake

Harro friends of hamtaro. Last Friday marked the end of prelims, but the start of the last lap for Os. The nearer it gets, the more revulsion i have. Insomniac nights, tossing and turning ugh when the hell is this gonna end. i'm turning into an owl day by day.

To summaries up my prelims, just take a note that i am so sure i'm gonna fail my science gravely. failing science since primary school is one of the bad habits i have, and never ever gonna have it easily get ridden off. knowing i have science paper the next day, half of the battle was gone.

lost quite a number of marks for maths, just hoped that i'll pass hist, because cold war and cuban missile crisis came out!! (:

The disheartening part is that i didn't get the marks i desire for mt o levels. you know me. i cried ok. Heart and soul was really hungry for an A1....though many had spoken; A2 wasn't that bad, and if they were me, they would have jump for joy. but not for me i guess. so back to square one with my dearest mr jailani. lucky me who scored distinction for mt oral, or else retaking is just a waste of both effort and time. just gonna work my hearts out, gotta get that A1.

Eng o level oral went well. indubitably well. ( a bit of reading got screwed up ) this proves i'm quite a bit of a talkative person. haha i must be kidding myself. not funny.

COME PEOPLE FOLLOW MY TWITTER https://twitter.com/#!/sesatandfound

be my fellow witnesses and prove other followers that they are wrong; my tweets ain't emo alright. why almost everyone said so :/ i am happy ok I AM HAPPY VERY HAPPY.

so i fell in love. i don't know. i just did.

WITH CORNOR MAYNARD.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH kill me.

i have a weak heart

PRELIMS HAVE OFFICIALLY STARTED. three hardcore papers in one day; i survived. Though i have no more confidence in chem already, i should really let it pass.. and focus on history instead! die. die. must. score. for. history. love you ms liu :/ and o level mt results are coming out soon!!! like... on the 18th of august. terrifying! seriously if no A1 i will resit for the end of year which i hope i don't need to.. sighs. hope for the best. so i did bullshit for my prelim mt paper and i'm prepared to face mr jai's nagging abt my quality of work. come at me brooo

Twelve days of fasting passed! Maybe i'm so used to not eating, this became much easier day by day. Just have to endure the humid weather and the thirst! Patience my dear patience. i strained my leg muscles. i can't run. great. btw and fyi! i find edwin goh is better than ian fang!! ugh what is wrong with you people.

i can survive without you

Awesome day in school for ndp celebrations and breakfast with my all time-fav clique of my life! And that laila sk can't stop checking in and telling the whole world where were we. Not surprising enough if we invite some stalkers for some treat! ha what am i saying..

So as you know although sec sch life might be the best years of your life, but deep in my heart i can't wait to graduate. i can't stand going to school with all those fake people and annoying bitches like five days per week? more than 8 hours per day? i feel like dying, really. i don't know who to side with, i don't know who to trust, i don't know who to depend on for the most honest opinions and i am just so tired of trying to be in my best shape in sch.

I still remember the times when we were so desperate for each other's presence unless..you tell me that all those feelings and happiness were fake too. but nevertheless, i am so glad to have the most awesomest pri & sec sch friends around me. love them all.

prelims around the corner. gonna really rush and sort things out with my pretty tutor during tuition on wednesday!

i officially declare here that i am totally in love with cornor maynard. oh god please let me meet him in person! hehehe mine.

broken

I didn't know that curling my hair would be so fun, shall curl during raya !!!!! hehe head down to geylang serai with mom and sissy yesterday damn it was so packed, really felt that it was already the fasting month. Everyone was just pushing around just to get a good view of the raya gemilang event! but we could only be less interested in that because we were hunting for some dendeng!! yes after hours of walking, we finally found it at a corner in the end. hard work paid off.

Time really flies huh. First day of fasting month is just hours away, this will get me a step closer to god = something that i lacked of. May this holy month teach me to be stronger, better and be more patient with all the challenging obstacles i face. I just need air to breathe during this critical period.

I pray to god that you will be happier, i will be just as happy as i am, if you just leave me alone. i'm begging you for mercy.

i hate you already

Goodness gracious! In a blink of an eye, it is almost the end of another tremendous week of school! Mind-blowing. And the never-ending schoolwork that keeps doubled up each day seems to be getting off-hand. Just two days, two days of rest, two days of mc, i already lost track.

Back to school, back to reality. Thank you class, thank you friends for the concern. Feeling welcomed, loved and getting hugs upon reaching school = totally touched. But no, not yet recovered i guess. My throat still feels itchy.Mom warned me too much health problems from me within this year. Just last april, i almost got warded into the hospital for not being able to swallow the medicine, but resulted in an injection at the end because i got no other choice .. well gotta start eating healthy from now onwards! pinch me if you ever see me buying coke. HAHAH.

I like to be straightforward, i don't like attention seekers seek attention on facebook. lol ok that's what attention seekers do right but the point is i don't like attention seekers on facebook, no i meant i hate it. Total hatred against attention seekers, really. just saying anyway.

a person's heart that have been stolen away is no different from a dead person. return me back my heart in one piece.

half of me is already gone, dead

I am sorry that i have been staying away from a lot of people these days, i could only trust my best friends and at the same time neglecting all my friends from my social life ( meant it in real life, not the cyber world ) Take the word friendly away from me, i just could not afford another betrayal or heartbreak at this point of time.

I am thankful that i have such amazing friends around me, really. but maybe this time, they should let me learn how to stand on my own feet all by myself, no matter how many times i fall. 

I should set my priorities right. if you read my diary, you will feel me. but too bad it is called a diary for a reason. Maybe a hundred years down the road, my diary will be found and kept in the museum, a history fact for the future historians to learn, just like Anne's frank's diary, a Jew from Germany ( i have been working on my hist content ok lol ). what the hell am i saying, as if my life is interesting as hers. ohwell.

I keep thinking, what is on your mind right now. what's in your heart. what's in for your life. i'm so curious please stop me.

I hope no one still reads this little crappy blog of mine.. seriously anyone?? please tweet or text me or something? :/

going strong and independent

Ok so hows everyone! Hope every single soul out there is doing fine with their lives. Life is short. Be content with what you have, because sesat is here for everyone out there who ever needs a listening ear. My door will always be open, well... unless i'm asleep? ha kidding.

So i'm doing fine here ( well almost fine ) You know, life has to go on. Do you know that i am starving right now. i have not eaten a proper food since morning. talking about last minute plans huh. today was so impromptu.

Busy week ahead! Starting of renovation will be on mon, mt o level list compre will on tues, my checkup appointment will be on wed ( worst nightmare SAVE ME ) racial harmony at esss will be on thurs and heading down to flea market on sat with ma bitches! imma busy woman. now judge me. but guess not. will be shutting down my social life real soon. and the only true friends i will have are my goddamn books.

Just wanna let the whole world knows that my feelings for you were true and sincere. I didn't accept you back then just for the sake of accepting, its because i thought you were different. I chose you over another guy for a reason. in the end, you were only temporary. you gave up. i get it. but what happened to your forever?

when i hold on he just lets go

It petrifies me how time flies in a jiffy, i could hardly breathe.

wanted to take a short nap but mom insisted that i should wait for maghrib to pass, so i shall blog while waiting. And i'm having period cramps right now, so really don't tempt me to kill you idiots.

Promised myself not to wear lenses to sch if i don't get enough sleep, and so shall i honor that promise. Besides, expired lenses aren't healthy at all. Speaking of insufficient sleep, was feeling lethargic today. i could barely open my eyes, problematic when i can't give adequate attention at all. #Most embarrassing moment; i said huh too loud during chem and classmates turned their blank faces to look at me. *hidesfacebehindthebook.

How touching it was when my wonderful juniors came up to me saying they missed me. It just reminds you that there are some people who appreciates you and that's when your whole world gets brighten up. with love.

shall nap now and complete endless homeworks through the night.

hell has no fury like a woman scorned

I'm standing on a line between giving up and how much more i can take. i'm only human. i have feelings. i have insecurities. and my heart is getting torn into pieces.

For your not-really-related-to-you information, this dumb sesat has taken her o level mt oral yesterday and she totally screwed it up. Although jailani complimented early in the morning that i could ace my reading, my conversation is a goner. its a fcuking 'FOOD' topic which i should really have much to talk about but i guess i was really lost for words when my eyes meet that venomous looking teacher. i believe all that anxiety during lessons were worthless.

Missing sissy's ipad already :/ why must he take my honeybunch away why why why. and fcuk it nobody wanna watch transformers with me WHY YOU PEOPLE SO MEAN shall bury myself with ben&jerry choc fudge brownie like some lonely bastard.

despise 'love keeps going' taiwan drama. that nice girl doesn't deserve to be cheated!! ):

HARLO. IT WAS LEE MIN HO'S BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY. SO SAY HAPPY BELATED TO HIM !!! HEHEHE. HE TURNED 24 OMG. ah still young don't worry. LOVE U MUAHH. ( is it me or he looks quite similar to jerry yan!!! ) Still remembered those sec 2 days where i fought with bee every time over lee min ho and kim hyun joong ( eeuw ) old times, old times. but good thing actually, we didn't fall for the same guy LOL.

ok so school is like starting in 4 days? and i'm not even halfway done with my essays !!! both hist and ss. talking about fast writer huh. puik! even a personal train from ms liu can't help me to write fast enough to complete one essay.. gonna exercise my hand from now onwards..

have to spend my weekends at home and chiong !!!!!! forever sesatandfound.

you know i care

I hate uploading photos, they seem to take like forever. but i managed to upload these two to explain how i spent my weekends. I am so exhausted from all that walking, singing and don't forget about the weather. the heat was ahh indescribable.

I think my Saturday was spent more lovely and enjoying rather than my Sunday because there were so many epic moments + jokes on that very day. I was right actually, the lesser people, the more merrier it will be. Those moments and jokes shall keep between ourselves hah!

And i am here, falling sick with tissues all around me.

I shall not bother about people who don't give a single fcuk.