Tuesday, August 16, 2005,22:46
reformatting almost complete! finally able to be at peace wif myself le.. dunno y also.. these 2 days been like feeling v calm liddat.. even managed to get tt large inertia to mug. haha. like e title of tis entry suggest, i'm almost thru wif gettting the old me back on track. lolx. realli surprises me how i'm still thinking in terms of computer lingo aft having left comac 4 2 yrs liaoz. but still, my visual card could be changed (being the specs in real life AND the real card in my pc). hrmx.. shall, worry bout tt after A's bah. haha
lots has happened these few days. tt largely known (publicised shd'nt be the word) fiasco, all the chat, reading n thinking. how come these sorta things happen so close to crunch time? when we're all suppose to be entering our striding pace alr?
yest had 3 test.. omg. went to skool almost onli 4 tests. lolx. 1st thing chem lect had test, n it wasnt tt bad, since i didnt study. haha. next lesson was free cos the other 2 classes were taking their fm test so lect was cancelled. slack around in canteen n tried to complete data analysis. next lesson, physics test. 9/26.. horror of horror. wtf. i noe i didnt realli study, but such a pathetic result so close to prelims is not reflecting good on me. then fm mechanics mock test. wtf. NO SHM wif IMPULSE or RESTITUTION!! thank GOD!! i was so damn relieved when i flipped thru the paper. tts 1 huge block tt i've yet to scale. haha. think tt test was easy though others thot otherwise (well.. they went to study shm wif NLR, leaving those nicey rotation n eqm 4 me to take) but still.. it doesnt help tt i STILL dun understand SHM wif NLR, knowing well tt ms ng has set tt 4 prelims (pls.. she's be stressing on tt kinda qns 4 damn long alr) gotta work on it. then later was mc s. went there sleep cos didnt realli prepare much n it was boring. to sum it up.. i shd juz have had pon skool yest, since i didnt prepare 4 test oso. wasted another day. ziah.
the concept of pro-death movements are haunting me. having read a recent article while on my net-surfing round, i dare say i'm glad s'pore doesnt allow euthanasia. until tis morn when kong told me s'pore actually does allow doctor assisted suicide, but its not realli tt well known to all.by hey, religions aside, a day living by is a chance at recovery, miracles and all. afterall, we were brought into tis world to suffer, so wadz wif suffering 1 more day closer to ur death? i noe i aint exactly the person to say tis, since i'm afraid of pain (BUT not death) but still, doesn't life has any meaning to these ppl?! it might pain one to see a loved one in agony, n for tt i'll respect tt patient's wish to end his or her life and the person's willingness to make that happen. however, tis still doesnt justify the kind of value towards life that these.. lets juz call em pro-death activists, are spreading around. smth's gotta stop tis, divine intervention or not.
juz a thot. been listening to lots of chi songs lately. in fact, my playlist on winamp now is all chinese!! argh! haha.. kena influence by jnrs on snrs farewell tt day larz. muz be.. haha. its nice though.
nothing else matters now. its all bout devotion liaoz.
Sunday, August 14, 2005,22:16
Air of finality.
Juz dunno wadz my blog 4 liaoz. Dun really think I shd be blogging, cos I really dun have much to blog. Its all juz random thots tt think ppl wun be bothered to read anyway. These days smth been wrong wif me. Feeling damn confused n tired. Its like nth can get into me these days. My academia's suffering. All my wadnot eqns are seeping out of my head; my mind can no longer turn as fast as it could. My onli motivation to study has been to escape frm tis virtual world tt I live in. crapz.
Think I seriously needa reconsider my options. Rethink everything, re-plan every move. Think, desmond, think! My past 17 yrs on earth has brought me to where I am 2day, tt I cant change. But wad I am 2day shall bring me more 10, 20, 30 yrs down e road!! In a world rapidly changing, I'd better find my way to retain myself. I needa find back the boi tt stepped out of chs 2 yrs ago. The boi who's world was juz so perfect, his myopic vision serving onli to improve his image of the world around him. Incapable of finding himself in the outside world, all he could do was dive deep into himself, finding solace in the veri depth of his soul. Shd he not have done tt, he wun have been able to work whole-heartedly on smth tt didn't matter to him. I seriously needa find him back, n reinstall the prog of “self-motivation” back into me.
Realized my self-confidence is at a low these dayz, always feeling incomparable to others. Muz really stop tis crap. But then again, ppl have always noted tt my self-confidence is always damn low almost all e time. So y shd it matter now?!
Anyway last week was invest. Sorta like puts a fullstop to my LIFE here in nj. All's left is all tt I dun wanna do. But then again, looking at wad I've been doing tis week seems to suggest otherwise. I'm still slacking in store (at least now I try doing hw in tt peaceful place k), still coming online as if tis is where I cld do my work. Hrmx. Y do I continue lying to myself?! Oh.. n I guess I shd take tis opportunity to thank e jnrs who org farewell. Though it might not have been wad u guys wanted, we all really enjoyed it.. hehe.. esp the 40bucks spent in 20mins. So tts all 4 tis post of rambling. Maybe wld come back here someday n see how much lower my life can go.
Friday, August 05, 2005,23:18
Good Game!!
monday is gonna be national day. vincent juz popped in onto my msn window n his nick is juz so funny. "cant we celebrate national day in peace?" haha. all those stupid cm, comm serve. its nt tt i'm against comm serve or smth, its juz tt national day has its own prestigious meaning sacred to its own. so y bother to include it in?! i mean if u ask an American to do smth other than celebrating freedom n liberty on july 4th, u're most prob asking 4 it. even worse, cultural mapping. comm serve at least we return wad we've taken frm society, but cm?! bloody crap lorx. i bet not a single student in nj can truthfully say he/she wasnt forced into it.
yeah.. less than 12hrs away frm invest. suddenly feeling tired, aft slogging it out 4 1yr. gonna pass it on, their turn to suffer le. time to move on oso liaoz. haha. its weird how i'm alwayz complaining bout all e planning n stuff, but then now tt A's is so near i'd rather be back 1 yr b4 planning all those stuff. all those failures, all those success. all e individuals, all e attitude. all those hits n missses, bitter sweet indeed. tmr shall put on e qm collarpin 1 last time, erm.. maybe polish it a bit?! haha. else those jnrs 4ever saying mine look like antique. lolx.
"the sun has to set every so often, but somehow it has brought warmth n light to e land" Anonymous. to borrow a gaming lingo: gg! GG!!
signing off. njoac qm 04/05.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005,23:05
Aimless
haiz.. recently life not like v interesting. so tts y nvr blog. haha. nowadays skool like always end so early, but then dun feel like going home mug. haha, so alwayz stay in skool slack around. if ppl dunno me still might think i j1 lehz.. haha. juz 1 more mth to prelims n revision havent even started yet.
despite tt, my class seems to be turning more fun. haha. e guys are, at least. haha. everyday tok cock in class, do all kinda crap then gang up against tt b*tch. hehe.. so cool, or zit juz stress making us loonie?
tis sat invest then snr farewell. hope it'll be fun. then aft tt no more weekends le. ziah. realli realli time to mug. or so i've told meself =P. brrrrrrrrrr. LIFE SUX! okie, time to go mug 4 fm n organic test tmr. ziah, tts like my 3rd tests tis week. more to come!
