All the Astroboi n girls are falling sick.. tis is real bad.. its nt h1n1, its nt h1n1... GET WELL SOON ALL!!! esp bern n jill.. ALL take care n drink lots of water k? *says a prayer for em*

i dunno if i can call tis H1N1 symptom nt.. cuz my cough, running nose, mild fever is take turns come 1.. 1 leave the other come.. their relay nt bad.. pass baton so fast n smooth 1.. damn sian..

been rotting 2days at home le.. its realli quite sian had it nt been for meng chat on msn.. even wahjong oso boring le.. sian.. is it realli a sign to start on 1102? damn sian..

somehow i'm turning all cold again.. building up tt barrier, holing up again. sometimes i realli wonder if i'm autistic.. I WANNA CYCLE AGAIN!!

I is super bored.. kena quarantine til sat nite.. sian.. but anyhow i oso shd b larz. been on a coughing fit since i returned frm camp and having a temp whenever it rains.. its the paranoia but still better safe than sorry.. anyhowz, camp was fun.. hahah. ASTRO rawkz.. and this the 1st time my shoulder/upper arm aint peeling.. hahaha.. it was totally tiring and shagness, nt enuf sleep pluz have to keep zi high-ing, and muz oso take care of ppl 1st.. I kinda miss this feeling of having smth to work for, esp to put others b4 u.. kinda realli like those OAC dayz.. well time cant b turned back..

been having some problems again lately.. i juz cant trust myself anymore.. wad i say, wad i do.. i dun even noe wat i'm doing anymore.. am i actually trying to fool myself or am i realli tis bastardy weird.. haiz.. it sucks to b me

*cough cough* time for med.. haiz.. my dad realli treating me like h1n1 suspect.. sian.. oh wells.. I WANT MY TUNA BELLY!!!!! grrrrrr.. foood!! gd foooooooooooood!! u're all so gonna disappear into my tummy come sun.. haiz

"A shitty day ends after the clock strikes 12midnite. A new one awaits"

it finally drizzled the whole day.. good stuff.. the 1st afternoon when it wasnt hot for quite some time le.. its good for napping! hahaha.. my bio-clock totally needs to be recalibrated.. sleeping at 3am n waking to find the sun straight over head or in fact past half its journey.

rain now is gd.. rain now is gd.. juz hope nxt week no rain.. haha.. n no H1N1. cuz camps are inching closer n closer. But that of course also means school's slightly over 1month away. Means back to all the travelling to school, sleeping during lessons, rushing tutorials and projects, hanging out with friends, slacking when i shd be studying.. i kinda miss all that. weird..

back again.. have enjoyed much of my hols w/o much worries other than those of financial origins.. still, managed to spurge a bit at PC show.. got a new mp3 player.. hahah.. flew the flyer, camped wif more adorable adolescents, walked more ridges and hanging bridges n this n that n lots more.. camps are coming up!! realli hope to have tons of fun!!

anyway.. kinda down again.. again its my insensitive nature.. i juz dunno when to shuddup dun i.. ziah.. sorries!! (but “If everything can be settled by the word sorry, why would then law and police exist?” )

anyway, was so kinda bored again this hols so started on yet another manga series.. its called Eyeshield 21, bout American Football in a japanese high skool.. kind of a cool manga..

meet wif xl on sat.. took a 1min and 20s elevator ride up tt iluma escalator.. we're so totally bored out on a sat afternoon.. lolx

sometimes I could be so childish still. i seriously need to grow up. And as people around me can testify all too often, I'm bad at controlling my temper and most, if not all, of the time i end up causing harm. sigh. GROW UP DES!!



heavy heart. don't think i can sleep. and would just blank out in tomorrow's exams. oh well.. shall just crap some rubbish out tmr.

went to read about other people's plight and also their pains. i dun dare say i understand what's happening/what happened, but i do know pain is universal. it just manifest itself in all kind of different ways. in the end, it either kills us or make us stronger.

drained. tired. alltherubbishintheworldandicarenutsaboutit.

Less than a day away, my final exams as a freshie will be over. somehow i don't feel at all happy. its as if that feeling when A lvls were just over and i didn't know what to do from there, how to get on with life. Emptiness is not what you'd expect from a half-full glass, but somehow its spreading from within me like a plague.

was bored out of my mind just now. took SOME time off from trying to cramp in concepts to surf around. read a lot of interesting things that i hardly knew. changed perceptions of things that happened and defined things. But still, who am i to judge? Just because i'm now looking from afar? I'd be succumbing to hindsight biasness.

I want to cycle once again.
To ride alone, to venture into the unknown.
I want to run in the rain.
To break away from the shackles of our conscious mind, to cuddle against myself in the cold.
I want to live with pain.
To be able to taste the sweetness of joy, to appreciate the europhia of victory.

I care not a bit about people's suffering now. for now i have a cold heart. a heart devoid of feelings. yet i know i care a lot. i care about things that do matter. i care about things that matter not only to my conscious-mind, but to my answers to my sub-conscious. somehow i need answers, and i don't need it from anywhere else. i need it from myself. If "i" dare to speak, then hopefully I've spoken.

Escapism is my way of dealing with problems i feel are too tough to tackle. I know it doesn't solve the problem. but has this occured to anyone before; What if i'm the problem?

cycled last night. wanted to cycle to amk or thomson, 'cus i know i can get a bite there. ms mei jio me go kovan eat, n mrchua joined us from his mj as well. i'm enjoying my life as if my exams are over. yeah rite. which reminds me... correct me if i'm wrong, but the paper i'm sitting for tmr is called MNF1001, Msn-ment and Facebook-anisation right? I've been mugging so hard for it today, trying to figure out any new updates so i can ace my exams tmr. i wish. anyhow, screw mno. or rather, let it screw me tomorrow. just enjoy the ride in the 2hrs in the exam hall, and head to nus website to declare s/u on 29th may. see, i'm practising cognitive dissonance. trying to rationalize what is obviously a disagreement between my actions and my perceptions.

after exams:
-new bicycle? but my budget only $100.
-running/cycling regime. I might be pes E now, but you never know how long ns.sg is gonna cock-up.
-hang out with sisters n tofu!
-badminton.
-look for whatever nice scenery my little compact can do justice to its beauty.
-date bab out for chill session. maybe even MU-Arsenal match.
-start 1102C, under strong advice from mrchua.
-turn that dry-kitchen of mine back into my haven. after all, my dad's birthday's sometime this month.
-race 7. oops. almost forgot about it.
-pack my room.
-find nj-oacians. i miss one of the the happiest days of my study life so far.

Desmond
iosef87@hotmail.com
CatHigh.NJC.NUS
NJ-OACian


Alcoholic.Confused.Cyclist.Wanderer.SMILE.


Sun.Rain
Friends.Alone
Dawn.Nite


mrChua | jChia | Jelly | Aud |





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