playing the cello . . .

Saturday, July 19, 2008

How to get an A for GP

Alright now I know I've gotten your attention. Right now some of your eyes may be glued to the screen in anticipation of some knowledge of the miracle that will save us all. Some of you may be scoffing at an idea as preposterous as the one reflected in the title. 'Hah, GP, A?! You must be kidding. That's like, a ten grade jump from my current grade!' (Okay fine that's technically impossible, but a little exaggeration never killed anyone) Whatever you may be doing, you are just about to be hit by a sudden revelation as to why your GP grade is almost always a vowel. And no, it's not an A. If it were, you wouldn't be reading this because you already know how to get that A, don't you? This is strictly for those of us who gasp in awe at getting anything more than a 25/50 for either paper.

It happened about 37 minutes ago. It is important to record down the exact date and time of such significant moments. Anyway, after having a heated debate as to the current GP situation with several fellow GP students, I was promptly thrown into a state of depression and anxiety. I'm sorry we haven't been able to stop emo-ing and get our acts together, but that's just the way it is.

Anyhow, it doesn't matter because what you're about to read will change EVERYTHING.

So after realizing the severity of the situation, I decided to consult my elder sister who got herself a nice little A1 for 'A' Level GP four years ago. In fact, so did my eldest sister, five years ago. I couldn't bear the thought of breaking such tradition by earning myself a D (or worse) and seeing it rear its fugly head on my A level results slip, so it was time to swallow my pride and beg for help. Here's how it went:

Aaron: Jie, how did you study for GP last time?

Right now you must be waiting with bated breath to see if the A1 method corresponds with yours. Anxious to see if all those thick and dusty books from the school library (if it even qualifies as one) are doing any good at all.

Sister: Oh. Well I didn't, because I never knew how to.

Pick your jaw off the ground right now because it gets better.

Aaron: *entertains thought of stabbing self to death due to overwhelming sense of inferiority and insignificance* Oh. Then how did you tackle Paper 1?

Allow me to digress for a moment to explain my calm and rational behaviour even at this point in the conversation. For one, I am anything but dramatic in nature. In fact, I am so sedate that Miss Ng (the saviour) called me stoned. If say, bird shit were to land on and trickle down my arm, I would react in a perfectly calm manner and say something like, 'Uh, I have bird shit on my arm. Anybody have tissue?' Secondly, I couldn't possibly launch myself at my sister and tear open her skull so I could steal her brains and swap them with mine. Because it probably wouldn't be possible without the necessary tools. Anyway, you're not interested in this, I'm sure. You must be thinking, 'SHUT UP AND TELL ME THE SOLUTION! THE MORSEL OF INFORMATION THAT IS TO ALLOW ME TO ASCEND FROM THE 18TH LEVEL OF GP HELL! GIVE IT TO ME GIVE IT TO ME!' Complete with hand actions. For emphasis I will even include a video: (I tried doing the embed thing but I am an IT moron so I think a link will have to suffice)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2__Qdd11rfA

Specifically, at around 2:20. Anyway, after watching 150 seconds of that video you must be pretty impatient as to what exactly can save us all. Therefore I will continue with the conversation between my sister and I. Between A1 and D.

Sister: Oh. Umm..I remember I only chose those questions that didn't require me to like, read the newspapers and stuff.

I shall not disrupt the flow of the conversation right when it is gaining momentum because I know you will plunge your hand into your screen and strangle me to death. Oops, I've already done it. Go ahead, let your shock consume you alive.

Aaron: Uh, and which questions are those?

Sister: I can't remember.. OH, ADVERTISING! I once did a question on advertising and it was easy because I kept watching tv and I knew all the advertisements.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we don't get our As. Or anything even remotely close to one. Throw those maddeningly boring books out the window and turn on the television, for god's sake. And remember, NO STUDYING.

Now that we all know the secret solution, we won't be screwed up anymore! Perhaps we should burst into song during the last GP lecture before Prelims. Or right before the GP paper begins on the 8th of September. The acoustics of the gym will probably help us along. What song, you ask? Scroll up and replay that video. And it'd be good if we all memorize the lyrics, because if we were holding onto scraps of paper with the lyrics written on them, we wouldn't be able to do those hand actions, would we? And without the actions, what good is the song?

In conclusion, do not fear, my friends. There's always Timbaland.

P.S. The above described method MAY not be effective because I personally have been doing it for the past one and a half years. (I think it's in the blood) And my grades are nowhere close to an A. Then again the problem probably lies with me so don't write it off immediately!

PLAYING ON THE CELLO : 9:16 PM

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Dearest infiltrator,

Who knows which rival school you're from, or rather, which planet you call home? Wherever it is, I'm pretty sure your expertise is required back home so I would greatly appreciate it if you would kindly get your act together and go back to where you came from. You may have vanished, but it is merely my nature as an Econs student to ensure that resources are being fully utilized. So wherever it is that needs some screwing up, off you go. You've done your fill, so it's time to spread the joy of your presence to the rest of the world! Perhaps you're off sniffing out new victims, which is why you seem to have disappeared off the face of the earth of late. Whoops, must not get my hopes up. And everybody else's.

I am angry, which is why I needed to do this. I do not wish to allow my anger and resentment to accumulate, lest my head explode in due time. Perhaps then you'll be able to sieve through the gooey mess and come to the realization that, among the bits of musical notes, mathematical formulas, or economics graphs hidden in all that goo, I have not retained a single morsel of information that you have attempted to pass on. Or rather, drive into our heads as the gospel truth and in your high and mighty manner of doing so, suggest to us that if we do not listen, we will be screwed. Well, we listened and look where we are now? :D

Now stop pretending you're off in some cavernous region doing the weird things which I know you do. Or rather, we ALL know you do. Because you never failed to amuse us with your life experiences. Now stop hunting down that poor innocent tiger and face the music.

Bottomline is: you do not come in, piss all over the place and expect somebody else to clean up the mess you have created. Firstly, it is disgusting. Secondly, there simply isn't TIME to mop up your piss, so all that can be done now is to pile new stuff onto it in the hopes that it will disappear. However, it is merely a matter of time before your piss seeps into the new stuff and messes it all up. And we will all be confused again. And pissed, because it sure smells like hell. Yes, pun intended.

Now imagine this scenario:

Characters:
Saviour (totally awesome person who has come to salvage the situation)
Angry Parent (totally pissed parent who has come to know of disastrous grades)
Infiltrator (totally psyched and enjoying the show, watching the disaster unfold with bated breath. Sitting in the middle of the Sahara Desert with pet tiger. Is able to watch from miles away because said Infiltrator is awesome and cool and everything)

Angry Parent: WHAT'S WITH ALL THE PISS, WOMAN?!
Saviour: i...i uh don't know. it was here before I came. Honest!
Infiltrator: ...that's my piss. MINE!!! Good kitty. *strokes pet tiger*
AP: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS ALL HERE. YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!
S: NO REALLY I DON'T KNOW HOW ALL THE PISS GOT HERE. I know who's responsible for it though. Not that it matters anyway, she's off pissing somewhere else.
I: *is in the midst of pissing all over sand, stroking pet tiger, reading a book and meditating under a tree. Multitasking, basically. Just what she's good at* HEY. HOW DID SHE LIKE, KNOW.
AP: WHO IS THIS PISSER AND WHERE IS SHE! I'd like to give her a piece of my mind.
S: Who knows, nobody's interested anyway. Rest assured I'll do my best to clean up all this piss in 4 months time.
I: NOW WHAT GIVES HER THE RIGHT TO DO THAT?! I'M GOING BACK THERE RIGHT NOW! c'mon kitty let's go. *tiger snarls and bites I's hand* OW WILL YOU STOP IT AND GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER?! *pulls at tiger and trudges through sand*

Suddenly, a war cry is heard in the distance. A cry of rage, indignance and resentment. A herd of 120 angry, charging 18 year olds.

I: What's that sound? Kitty, you hear that?
War cry: OAIEWHILAUWBHELAIHEBALIHEWBALEHBWLIHEBAE
I: Uh, I think they're coming this way. Perhaps we should head back. *flees in terror, but makes little progress. Struggles to pull pet tiger, piss and read at the same time. But insists on doing so because she is good at multitasking*
War cry: AWBEALWJBHELJHBWEJLWAHBEAJLWHEBAWROAR
I: AHHHHHHHHH *gets crushed by stampede of angry 18 year olds*

Back in Singapore:
AP: Good, I'll expect to see improvements. Ugh, the stench, it's overwhelming.
S: Yes I know. It smells like dead socks. Don't you worry, I'm in the process of clearing up the piss.
AP: *nods, turns and walks away*
S: BE CAREFUL DON'T SLIP ON THE...whoops, too late.

Now don't you preach because you know you wish for this to happen too.

PLAYING ON THE CELLO : 11:00 PM

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I'm going to take a break from blogging, not sure how long. Actually, it's not as if I was ever an active blogger.

Well, a lot's been going through my head recently and unfortunately I can't post these thoughts here. I just need time to sort things out, and hopefully I'll be back soon. I know this doesn't sound very 'me' at all, in fact I'm rather surprised at myself too. But don't worry, I'll be fine.

Till then, take care.

PLAYING ON THE CELLO : 11:49 PM

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Time is running out fast, and my subject option form hasn't been filled in. Is it just me, or is it extremely unfair that MEP students get a grand total of FIVE options to choose from? And for me, it's basically down to just three, since one of them contains H2 Physics and another H2 CSC. Now as much as I adore those two subjects, I doubt my rather limited capabilities/potential in them will allow me those two combinations. And that's added on to the fact that I wouldn't choose them even if you tied my hands up, shoved a humongous bowl of almond jelly in my face, threatened to cut my fingers off and forced me to spend the rest of my life with ______.

So the three remaining combinations are:
1) Bio+Chem+Math+MEP (4H2)

This is not entirely feasible since:
a) this would make me a science student. the word 'aaron' and the phrase 'science-student' don't go in a sentence, unfortunately.
b) i would be struggling a lot, since my CHEMISTRY foundation has never been strong, and add to that H2 Math. Have you heard of how I failed my Math EOYs so pathetically it was actually slightly funny?
c) I would be studying three subjects which I'm pretty sure won't have a place in my future.

2) Econs+MEP+Lit+History (4H2) and H1 Math

This, again, is not my ideal combination because:
a) i do not think i will like economics one bit, given my indifference towards every single E&I lesson this year. indifference=sleeping/doodling/daydreaming.
b) i am supposed to be a geog student. though there are no prerequisites to take history, i can't help but feel that i'll be going into it with a disadvantage.

3) Same as 2), but with geog instead of history.

I guess this is my most probable choice. Though I don't particularly want it.

somebody help.

PLAYING ON THE CELLO : 7:39 PM

Saturday, October 28, 2006

The picture of my buddy and I (though I might as well have been cropped right out of the photograph, it's just that I know no shit about photoshop)has attracted a few more visitors to this very secluded space. Jamie is one of them. And if you're like Jamie, then pull yourself together and clean up that puddle of saliva forming on your table.

I kind of wasted the entire day either in front of the computer or in front of the tv. I now realize I have only 2 days left until Higher Chinese 'O's, and that is really quite bad because well, let's just say I'm not exactly proficient in the language. Thank goodness there isn't an oral exam. Anyway, I desperately need to do well enough to avoid having to study Chinese again next year. If I do not, I will kick myself in the ass for not working hard enough.

While everybody seemed to benefit from the school's reckless moderation of our results (30/60 for the geog EOY actually gets you an A) My GPA remained the same as what I had calculated it to be even before there was any news of moderation. How sad. And you know what's sadder? It dropped by 0.27 as compared to first semester. And you know what's saddest? According to the percentile thingies, I plummeted from being in the top 25th percentile to being somewhere below 50, i think. But who am I to complain. I mean, who studies math without actually practising sums?

ARGH CHINESE CHINESE CHINESE.

PLAYING ON THE CELLO : 1:18 AM

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

It's 1246am and I have not done my chinese homework! Now I can only:

1) Hope that a fairy flutters into my room when I'm asleep, sprinkles fairy dust on it and the now bewitched worksheet then will spring to life, and proceed to complete itself with answers

2) Hope that Mr Fong does not call upon me to answer his questions. Seeing that he does this by randomly picking register numbers, I'm not REALLY at risk since it's the 25th and my register number is 28. However, I think I will have a 'don't-pick-me-please-i-didn't-do-my-homework' look plastered on my face tomorrow, so I should be prepared to answer questions which I have yet to complete

3) How about a gnome instead of a fairy?

4) Turn off the computer after finishing this post, trudge up to my room, blast my ipod in a desperate attempt to string together comprehension answers in less than perfect Chinese

5) Write in my diary, something along the lines of, 'OH NOES I HAVEN'T DONE MY CHINESE HOMEWORK OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG etc'

6) Get on all four limbs, go next door and play companion to my neighbour's dog

7) Knock myself repeatedly on the head, in an attempt to convince myself that I had forgotten about the homework.

8) Elves?

Something tells me that 1) is my best bet.

PLAYING ON THE CELLO : 12:53 AM

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I don't think I look particularly like any of my parents. But there are a few character traits that seem to have been successfully planted in the X and Y chromosomes that formed me.

Here's what I seemed to inherit from my dad:

1) Short attention span

Now this only applies when it comes to work. When I'm stuck doing something like Maths or Chinese (basically things I do not enjoy) I plough through the questions at a pace so slow, that by the time I'm done with one question and move on to another, night could have fallen or the haze could have cleared. This is because in between questions, I tend to get distracted easily, then proceed to grumble to myself, perhaps doodle on a scrap of paper, or actually do something that I like.

The case is slightly different with my Dad, though the gist of it is there. My Dad seems physically unable to remain at his seat when he does his paperwork. He would stand up, walk around, do something completely unrequired or goes to do something he actually enjoys. (eg. watching tv, it's happening now)

2) Sensitive Nose

Not many people know this, but most of the time, when I wake up in the morning or rise after a nap, my nose makes it a point to draw in every single dust particle there is in the air in an attempt to provoke itself into sneezing. This could be followed by running/blocked nose, which doesn't clear itself until a few hours later. Damn, why did I need to inherit this.

Things I did NOT inherit from my Dad:

1) An entire left brain

My Dad looks at architectural drawings for a living, excelled in Math and Physics when he was in school and is able to read a map well, replace a lightbulb, fix clogged sinks/toilet bowls, perhaps even vacuum out the air-conditioner when it's leaking water.

I can't count the faces of a 3D figure when it's printed on 2D (or so I realized when I was in primary school and I always got those darned Math questions wrongly). I dropped Physics halfway through this year without making sense of any of the theories I was supposed to have supposedly learnt, and I got an F for my Math end-of-years. Give me a map and I won't be able to tell you where we are currently standing. In the event that a lightbulb blows, I will dig out a torchlight and survive on it.

I think I will stop for now.

PLAYING ON THE CELLO : 6:46 PM