Let it Go.

SO one day, it just dawned on me that I should fight for it and I did.
A slightly happier me, of course, with the new found worries.

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Got real busy in the weeks following the CNY holies and am still clearing the backlog at work.
Ethan and Kaelyn fell sick. Each with their own problems.
Kaelyn has got wheezing lungs, from the perpetual cough since CNY eve. No thanks to the goodies and people who offered her the goodies...
Whereas Ethan's an old problem and now even worse... he has got water in his middle ear due to the ever congested nose.

I think the most worrying thing about it is, Ethan is taking a air plane this week and I am not sure how it affects him during the landing and take off... :(
And other problems when we return... like deciding to do or not to do, seeking second opinions, etc...

Things are just not good for us now...

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On a slightly happier note, the big man is able to join us for the trip. :)
One less worry with him around. :)

Mei mei will continue her school when we are off for the holies. :) This arrangement was made because I wanted her to get use to school soon.
She is still clingy to the teachers though the teacher said today was better.
She still cries the moment we leave or fetch her...

and so, it happened.

I didn't have a good closure to 2014 and I thought or wished for 2015 to be a better year.
Barely 2 full months into 2015 and I can feel the negativity in all things.

Honestly, I already had a bad premonition earlier and posted it on FB. But I thought I cannot be so 'zhun' (loosely translated: accurate) all the time and maybe this time I am wrong. Just thinking too much...

True enough, I finally learnt the truth. A truth that many others know but not me. I was the stupid one who devotedly believe that everything will fall back into place, like how it was in the past. So I was wrong.

True to be told, I cannot let go of it. The moment I recall the scene, it is like taking a knife and stabbing it into my left chest, twisting and turning the knife, making sure I cannot survive. It hurts so much that a scar is left, permanently.

I asked myself a thousand questions. I just want to know nothing but the truth. They say truth hurts but for me, I would rather know everything first than to slowly dig out anything. It hurts even more than know that something is hidden from me or more lies are told to cover one lie. I also cannot accept it when people tells me, what has passed is passed. No point talking about it. No, I want to know so that I can have closure. If things are brushed off like that, I am most likely going to dig until I find out more for myself.

My friends often calls me 'problematic' girl cos I asked a lot of questions. But it's me. I need to seek closure and I need to talk about it.

Somehow, this time round, the decision was made and told to me. So I accepted it and I will take it as a form of closure though some times it can be hard for me.

Today is 1st of March and I hope the rest of the 10 months ahead in 2015 can be a better one for me.

Looking back, my friends say they admire me for my endurance and say there is only one thing behind that's driving me to come this far. They are sure of it.
I don't know how long this can last... or am I just numbed?

I hope someone can just give me some answers, without me asking...