Introducing Formula Milk.

Under intense pressure to introduce formula milk to baby E, I finally gave the green light and allow mom to give him one feed of formula milk (FM) a day.

It is not an easy decision for me because I wanted baby E to be on total breastfeeding for at least 6months if my supply can meet his demand. But now, the issue is, whether to introduce FM to him when my supply can still meet his demand.

The go-ahead came in consideration of easing mom's job when it comes to preparing the night feed. Knowing baby E's temperament, he cries badly when he wants milk at night. Usually he would fidget prior to letting out the big cry. But sometimes, even myself, will miss this sign if one is too tired, only to realise when he lets out the cry. To prepare the milk (pouring thawed milk and warming it up) when he cries, especially at night, is very tensing. For me, if I'm lazy, I can sleep breastfeed him but my mom just couldn't do the same. I know it's not easy to jagar the housework, baby and get adequate rest at the same time.

Another concern of mine is that, my diet doesn't allow me to produce quality breast milk. As in, I don't really eat the nutritious stuff and I don't know if my supply are just foremilk (diluted milk which quench his thirst) or hindmilk (more concentrated which satisfy baby's hunger) and FM might have some other nutrition to supplement his diet.

Moreover, I'm not sure if he will take the FM well so introducing it earlier might reduce the chances of his rejection and if one day, my milk production suddenly stopped, he still have FM to fall back on.

Anyway, because of stress and hectic schedule, I can feel my supply decreasing. While I'm not willing to give up breastfeeding, I'm prepared for the day my supply stops.

Okie, I missed out that important milestone of watching him drink FM because mom 'test-drive' in the afternoon (26-Sep) while I was at work. So the feedback is, he took the FM quite well. No rejection. I was half happy and sad. Happy because he didn't reject, sad because he accepted the FM readily. Contradicting huh~

Another note: Baby E is increasing his feed from 3oz to 3.5oz, or sometimes 4oz. 3oz can no longer satisfy him. :D Finally he is drinking like other babies. :)

Oh, and I'm really happy that the first person he saw when he woke up today is ME! :)
Can see he is really happy and surprised too. Even more happy when I latched him. The only sad part was when I told him I was going to leave for work and he cried, so my sister carried him and let him send me to the door. Darling pie. He's so sweet with his actions. :)
Love him to the max. xoxo.

failure.

I failed as a mom. Baby E, I'm truly sorry for all that has happened.

Weak. I don't get the unconditional support from you, like the way I did to you. Maybe I'm just not good enough to deserve it.

Emo-ing~

God bless me to survive September. Totally not my month.

Baby's E 3rd Month

a family picture on his third month. :)
Time flies. :)

half the September.

I hate to say this but September is really not a good month for me although Dad's and my besties' birthday fall within this month.

I was supposed to start work on the 5th but due to Baby E's last medical review on his phelgmy cough condition, I had to postpone and start work on a Tuesday.

Then I was informed by my mom sometime around the mid-week that I have to apply for leave on the following Tuesday, which is the 13th, for Brother's wedding prep. Due to the wedding preps and appointments, Baby E stayed with us through Monday and I had to apply for Monday's leave at the very last minute which I think I'd be pretty much pissed off if I were my boss.

Came the 13th, a really bad and busy day for all of us.
It was supposed to be brother's Guo Da Li's day, we received news of my grand-aunt's passing. Due to the upcoming wedding of Brother, both my parents couldn't attend the wake.
Also on that day, I brought baby Ethan to his PD as his skin condition is worsening.
Glad that I made the right decision to get Dad to send us down and wait for Hubby Lubby to pick us up after he's done with helping brother with his Guo Da Li stuff. It turns out that Baby E is suffering from eczema and having secondary infection.
As usual, the PD couldn't identify the actual cause as there are a few possibilities like my diet or hereditary skin allergy. Like the usual as well, he would say Daddy is blessed as Baby E is a very cute and cheerful baby. He said, we adults have a lot of facade but babies, this is their true self/personality. He also complimented Hubby for handling the baby very well. :)
At nearly 3months (he have turned 3mths according to the lunar calendar and will be turning 3mths tomorrow), the PD says his neck support is very steady already but I would still wait for him to turn 4months old before putting him on a walker or bringing him to baby spa.
An update on his eczema - according to my mom, baby E's skin condition is healing and improving. *phew*

On that evening, I went to the wake to help out for a while before returning back to home for dinner.

And on the next day, I woke up to realise my freezer door wasn't closed properly and great, some of the breastmilk were thawing already! I have to quickly transport them to my mom's place and throw some of the milk away. *what a waste and heart pain*

This pretty much sums up half the September for me.

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Oh, before I forget to blog down this event.
The hungry ghost month finally ended and we found time to visit ah ma with baby E on Saturday, 10th. Baby E is really blessed to have so many people dote on him. His lao-ma prepared the yao lan for him so that he can lie in there whenever we visit. We spent the whole afternoon with his lao-ma and his "em-po" visited. Dad and mom also dropped by to invite ah-ma to brother's wedding. :)

Baby E's 1st Mid-Autumn Festival

Baby E is celebrating his first Mid-Autmun Festival today; though he's not staying with us for the night, I managed to''play" the lantern with him before we made our way back after sending him to my mom's.

Can't remember if I have mentioned it, Baby E has recovered from his cough but still having occasional 'snorting' sound during sleeping time in air-con room.
Just as we are happy with his progress, new symptom sets in. :(
His neck and underarm area looks burning red.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a good mom. I cannot control what happens and it seems that all these happened because I didn't take good care of him.
Or maybe I can control but I didn't put in effort. I mean, I have the right to decide how my baby should be handled but hack, I do not wish to entertain the questions that comes along with the decision. :(
Sometimes I feel so caught in between. When things happens to the baby, everyone is concern. I appreciate the fact and understand their anxiety but I do not wish to play the 'blaming' game. What's the point of pointing fingers? I mean no one explicitly pointed fingers but some how I could feel the implication behind the words. Yes, someone is playing this fingers-pointing game (though I am not sure if the person did it on purpose) and I don't like it because no one wants bad things to happen. Then I also have to entertain the 'roti prata' words. Sigh~ Okie, I am just not firm enough.

Actually I feel bad for my mom some times, to have to tolerate me and all the shitty implications. Sorry mom and thanks for being there for me, always.

I wish my house could be ready sooner...

I think I should learn to bath baby E soon. I mean I did try but sigh~ I think I should go and buy the baby support for bath time tml.
I really love taking care of him although it's really tiring to have to take care of him and janga the pump schedule.

Initially planned to take half day off today but I know the daddy won't be able to take care of the little one alone so at the eleventh hour I smsed my boss and requested to extend my leave to a full day. Kinda sorry that I have to do this to him at the very last minute. :(

p/s: Happy birthday to one of my besties. Hugs. :)

movie date.

Hubby Lubby gave me a surprise by bringing me to a movie date. Loves.
We caught "crazy stupid love" at GV Yishun.

I just love how he pampers me. hugs.

Baby E's another 1st...

Okie, I have missed out on blogging quite a few events here and I think I shall make up for it now.

So we returned to the PD's on last Thursday (1st Sep) and then Baby E got his first shopping experience. In the past we would only shuttle him between my parents', my in-laws', kevin's grandma's and the clinic or TMC; that day, we brought him to Marina Square after his review. I guessed he enjoyed the trip very much cos there weren't much fuss except when he wants to be fed and at one point, he was smiling so much!
Wanted to take the train home also, making it another of his 1st, but unknown to me initially, there was the computer fair at Suntec, thus the train was jammed pack at 4plus. We were already at the train platform when I decided to abort the plan and took a taxi back instead. Hence, he only had his 1st experience at the train station and on the train platform. :)

Dad's birthday falls on the 2nd (Happy Birthday Dad!) and we celebrated in advance on the Hari Raya Public Holiday. Huat zai was supposed to join us but plans changed and he was left under my MIL's care. So he missed out on the 1st birthday celebration dinner. However, he eventually got the chance to attend yet another dinner, Jenny's wedding dinner on the 3rd Sep. He was quite well-behaved and sleepy most of the time. Again, he's only awake during feeding time and going back home time. :x

Then today, after his last review, we went to Bishan J8 for lunch and short shopping trip. :)

note to self: Baby E had his first haircut (not including the ceremonious cut on his full month) on the 24 Aug due to his dandruff problem, which is common for babies between 1-3months. :)

p/s: he's weighing 6.095kg at 2months&2weeks. :)