Happy Thanksgiving Eve! I'm sitting here with my R, mom and the dogs. One of which (the dogs - not R or Mom :)) will not get out of my chair and is hindering my ability to type and surf my blogs :)
Let me clarify - no one said anything rude to me about the Total Shock post - I just kept thinking about it and feeling guilty for complaining. A LOT of money was spent on my body with no results, it was my benefit, but the $20K did not come out of my pocket. We spent some money, but nothing we had to go into debt for. I just felt guilty because I know how people go into debt going through this nightmare. So, I just wanted to apologize - I have little room to complain about money in IF treatment.
My bloodwork at the new RE today was a delightful experience. First, I told the receptionist that it was my 2nd time visiting the office and that I wasn't sure what to do. She was so lovely - just as sweet as she could be and explained everything I needed to do. Then, the bloodwork lady was nice and gentle. No bruising! The checkout lady was super, too! Three out of three!!
Even better news is that my FSH came back.......8.8! (I think - 8.8 or 8.4 - I was too excited - I'll have to ask again). So, that is down from 10.4 in January 2008. She said the "normal" range for them is 3.9 to 8.8 so I was at the very top of normal. I'll take it!
Positive experience all around.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
A Season of Giving...
I'm not sure if I am approaching this correctly, but, I am still a relatively new blogger. Please bear with me.
First, I'd like to clarify an earlier post where I wrote about my insurance. I feel like I shouldn't have posted about that topic. I mean, how lucky am I to have such great insurance? I know that. I am very thankful for my insurance - and especially that we can start year 2 of IF treatment with a new insurance company and a "blank slate". I was and am just truly saddened by the fact that I used up my entire lfetime maximum benefit in 8 short months. I'm especially saddened by the fact that I still have empty arms. I feel like there is nothing to show for the obscene amount of money spent on my body in 2008.
So, I truly apologize if it seemed like I was bitching. I keep picturing you out there cussing me and deleting my blog from your sight (or site - pun intended :) ).
That being said, I have 8 vials of Menopur left over from IVF. My new RE is not going to use Menopur in my January cycle. So, I've had these drugs in the fridge on the garage - and everyday, I think - ugh - those drugs - They are just going to sit there and expire. But, they shouldn't! If you need them, please email me and let me know your story. My email is:
tara dot smith dot adkisson at gmail dot com. I'll decide on Sunday, December 7th who I will send them to and let you all know via my blog. Of course, if you are the lucky winner, I will email you back. I chose the email route to keep your stories private if you wish to do so. I hope to share the person's story with my December 7th post - so please let me know if you would not be open to that - it doesn't mean I won't pick you.
The Season of Giving officially begins for me! I love giving gifts that make people happy!
On an IF front, after a long, un-medicated cycle, I finally started on day 35 today! FINALLY. Now, though, I am hoping my next cycle will be just as long so I can start IVF with the new RE at the end of December. My new insurance kicks in January 1st, but it's not like you have to do anything the first day of your period usually with IVF. Tomorrow, I am going to have my FSH, LH and estrodil tested with the new RE. My FSH has not been tested since January 5, 2008. I am hoping it isn't too much worse for the wear.
I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving Holiday. I know we are all in different places of this game and that the holidays can be especially tough. I'm trying to keep my chin up and enjoy the times. Easier said than done - I know. I'm thankful for all of the support you have provided me over the past few months and I hope that I can repay you some day.
First, I'd like to clarify an earlier post where I wrote about my insurance. I feel like I shouldn't have posted about that topic. I mean, how lucky am I to have such great insurance? I know that. I am very thankful for my insurance - and especially that we can start year 2 of IF treatment with a new insurance company and a "blank slate". I was and am just truly saddened by the fact that I used up my entire lfetime maximum benefit in 8 short months. I'm especially saddened by the fact that I still have empty arms. I feel like there is nothing to show for the obscene amount of money spent on my body in 2008.
So, I truly apologize if it seemed like I was bitching. I keep picturing you out there cussing me and deleting my blog from your sight (or site - pun intended :) ).
That being said, I have 8 vials of Menopur left over from IVF. My new RE is not going to use Menopur in my January cycle. So, I've had these drugs in the fridge on the garage - and everyday, I think - ugh - those drugs - They are just going to sit there and expire. But, they shouldn't! If you need them, please email me and let me know your story. My email is:
tara dot smith dot adkisson at gmail dot com. I'll decide on Sunday, December 7th who I will send them to and let you all know via my blog. Of course, if you are the lucky winner, I will email you back. I chose the email route to keep your stories private if you wish to do so. I hope to share the person's story with my December 7th post - so please let me know if you would not be open to that - it doesn't mean I won't pick you.
The Season of Giving officially begins for me! I love giving gifts that make people happy!
On an IF front, after a long, un-medicated cycle, I finally started on day 35 today! FINALLY. Now, though, I am hoping my next cycle will be just as long so I can start IVF with the new RE at the end of December. My new insurance kicks in January 1st, but it's not like you have to do anything the first day of your period usually with IVF. Tomorrow, I am going to have my FSH, LH and estrodil tested with the new RE. My FSH has not been tested since January 5, 2008. I am hoping it isn't too much worse for the wear.
I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving Holiday. I know we are all in different places of this game and that the holidays can be especially tough. I'm trying to keep my chin up and enjoy the times. Easier said than done - I know. I'm thankful for all of the support you have provided me over the past few months and I hope that I can repay you some day.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Speak Out, Speak Up Award
Another Dreamer and the ever fabulous Shelby nominated me for an award. Thank you :)It has taken me a few days to respond because I have been a lazy person this week. Not just when it comes to blogging - but just in general! The spirit of this award is to acknowledge those who are open about our struggle with infertility. I am open to a point that sometimes I wish I hadn't said anything. So much assvice out there!!!
For more information, read this wonderful post that describes infertility struggles perfectly - with some humor thrown in :) I'd like to add this one to the list:
- If you've ever heard the statement - "Just adopt - then it will work for you" and wanted to punch the person in the face (humor my violence :) )
Rules for posting award:
1. Link to this post so that others will read the original story behind the award
2. Nominate others who have not been "silent about their infertility"
3. Enjoy speaking out and speaking up!!
Here you go ladies:
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Total Shock
So, today I noticed this letter on the counter from my insurance company. I'm looking over it and kinda not understanding what the hell it means. I went online and started reviewing my EOBs (explanation of benefits) and on one it said - You have reached your maximum benefit. This charge is not covered.
WHAT??????
So, I call the insurance company. Apparently, my drugs for IVF cost close to $12,000. Keep in mind that I know a lot of you don't have insurance coverage and that I know I am very blessed to have such awesome insurance. However, I am in total shock that in basically 8 months (not counting the month I was waiting after the miscarriage, waiting to start IVF, etc) I spent more than $20K of the insurance company's money on my body. This doesn't include the amount R and I spent out of pocket.
And we have nothing to show for this outrageous amount of money.
I am baffled.
I am sad.
I keep thinking about that baby that would have been due on December 1st.
I want to scream or hit something (No, Not Weasa for your Steel Magnolia girls).
I know I am lucky to have a company that offers 2 outstanding insurance plans and that my new DR accepts the 2nd one and that I am able to begin working with him and the new insurance in January.
I know I am lucky to have another chance.
I am scared that my second chance won't work.
I am sorry for those of you who face this terrible demon and have to pay for it out of your own pocket.
I am in Total Shock.
WHAT??????
So, I call the insurance company. Apparently, my drugs for IVF cost close to $12,000. Keep in mind that I know a lot of you don't have insurance coverage and that I know I am very blessed to have such awesome insurance. However, I am in total shock that in basically 8 months (not counting the month I was waiting after the miscarriage, waiting to start IVF, etc) I spent more than $20K of the insurance company's money on my body. This doesn't include the amount R and I spent out of pocket.
And we have nothing to show for this outrageous amount of money.
I am baffled.
I am sad.
I keep thinking about that baby that would have been due on December 1st.
I want to scream or hit something (No, Not Weasa for your Steel Magnolia girls).
I know I am lucky to have a company that offers 2 outstanding insurance plans and that my new DR accepts the 2nd one and that I am able to begin working with him and the new insurance in January.
I know I am lucky to have another chance.
I am scared that my second chance won't work.
I am sorry for those of you who face this terrible demon and have to pay for it out of your own pocket.
I am in Total Shock.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Show And Tell
Show and Tell is here again! How quickly the week flies by! If you want more information, please visit Mel.
My 30th birthday was yesterday - and we had a wonderful day! R had a party for me and on Friday night, he surprised me with a scavenger hunt! I knew I was getting jewelry for my birthday, but wasn't positive about which item he picked. So, Friday night about 11:30, he gave me a sweet card. Also in the envelope was an index card with my first clue! He sent me all over the house - several times over - and then I came downstairs one last time and he had a ribbon tied around Sidda's neck and the other end around Buffett's (our dogs). He had the ring box hanging in the middle. It was the sweetest and possibly most romantic thing he's done since we got engaged!!! Here is a picture - I put the ring on my left hand to take a picture - but I am wearing it on my right. My skin looks kinda scary so close up - but oh well :) I share my darkest secrets here - might as well share the pores of my skin!!!!
Happy Show and Tell!
My 30th birthday was yesterday - and we had a wonderful day! R had a party for me and on Friday night, he surprised me with a scavenger hunt! I knew I was getting jewelry for my birthday, but wasn't positive about which item he picked. So, Friday night about 11:30, he gave me a sweet card. Also in the envelope was an index card with my first clue! He sent me all over the house - several times over - and then I came downstairs one last time and he had a ribbon tied around Sidda's neck and the other end around Buffett's (our dogs). He had the ring box hanging in the middle. It was the sweetest and possibly most romantic thing he's done since we got engaged!!! Here is a picture - I put the ring on my left hand to take a picture - but I am wearing it on my right. My skin looks kinda scary so close up - but oh well :) I share my darkest secrets here - might as well share the pores of my skin!!!!
Happy Show and Tell!
Wendy gave me the I heart your blog award. I love reading her blog and keeping up with her story. She is currently pursuing adoption and has such a positive outlook - which we can lose all too easily along this IF journey. She is such a sweetheart!
The way this works is - I answer the questions below with a 1 word response and pass the reward on to 7 others.
1. Where is your cell phone? near
2. Where is your significant other? bed
3. Your hair color? colored!
4. Your mother? sweetest
5. Your father? soft-hearted
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? None
8. Your dream/goal? Happily-ever-after
9. The room you're in? den
10. Your hobby? shopping
11. Your fear? infertility
12. Where do you want to be in six years? happy
13. Where were you last night? celebrating
14. What you're not? pregnant
15. One of your wish list items? children
16. Where you grew up? Georgia
17. The last thing you did? rest
18. What are you wearing? pajamas
19. Your T.V.? HGTV
20. Your pet? 3
21. Your computer? laptop
22. Your mood? fine
23. Missing someone? Marlin
24. Your car? SUV
25. Something you're not wearing? bra
26. Favorite store? Loft
27. Your Summer? sad
28. Love someone? absolutely
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? October
My virtual friends have mostly been tagged! So, I don't want to re-tag. Here are my friends that I love that haven't yet been tagged:
Shelby - http://dochaschronicles.blogspot.com/
Another Dreamer - http://anunwantedpath.blogspot.com/
Hope2morrow - http://infertilityhope2morrow.blogspot.com/
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Antigone Lost
This is for my friend Antigone. She has an amazing story and will meet her sweet little one in January. Here's to you, Antigone! May your future with Perseus be as wonderful as I think you are!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Wednesday of Birthday Week
Well, today is Wednesday of Birthday Week. Its been a rather un-Birthday like week, though :( Work is INSANE and even though it's 11PM, I should still be working. I just didn't have it in me anymore. I meant to call the chiropractor today and ran out of time. I am only going to work a 1/2 day on Friday, so, I hope she can see me early afternoon time.
Brenda - I've been working in the office all week - so, don't be jealous of my typical work from home practices :) I am going in every day this week - it's a pretty major accomplishment!! What a slacker I am. I also need to go in Monday - Wednesday next week - our Global Leadership team will be in town, so, its all about the face time, ya know? Thank goodness Zoloft has brought back the old Tara I once knew. I now recognize her and realize how much I've missed her. That makes me sound like a split personality freak - but you know what I mean. I no longer feel like I have a black cloud surrounding me.
I'm excited about this weekend - we should have a good time with friends and family. We are having people over to watch the UGA vs. Auburn game (Go Dawgs!!). Its kinda lame, but, its what we do as UGA alum. My birthday pretty much falls on this weekend every year. I've learned to live with this.
I always thought I would be upset about 30. But, actually, I am looking forward to this birthday more than I have in several years! I had a hard time with 25...and ever since then, birthdays have been just kinda anticlimactic. This year, I don't know if its the anticipation of the present I will get from R (we do big 30 birthday gifts - typically we do no gifts for birthdays), or the anticipation of a new year - with a new doctor, new insurance, new hope...a new outlook. That's right, 11/15 is my New Year's!!!!
So, in case I don't talk to you before then - I'll raise my glass to all of my new "friends" on Saturday. And if you can't drink this weekend, don't worry, I'll drink one for you. After all, that's what friends are for, right?
Thank you, ladies, for providing me such a great outlet and great support these past months.
Cheers to you - and of course, Happy New Year!!!
Brenda - I've been working in the office all week - so, don't be jealous of my typical work from home practices :) I am going in every day this week - it's a pretty major accomplishment!! What a slacker I am. I also need to go in Monday - Wednesday next week - our Global Leadership team will be in town, so, its all about the face time, ya know? Thank goodness Zoloft has brought back the old Tara I once knew. I now recognize her and realize how much I've missed her. That makes me sound like a split personality freak - but you know what I mean. I no longer feel like I have a black cloud surrounding me.
I'm excited about this weekend - we should have a good time with friends and family. We are having people over to watch the UGA vs. Auburn game (Go Dawgs!!). Its kinda lame, but, its what we do as UGA alum. My birthday pretty much falls on this weekend every year. I've learned to live with this.
I always thought I would be upset about 30. But, actually, I am looking forward to this birthday more than I have in several years! I had a hard time with 25...and ever since then, birthdays have been just kinda anticlimactic. This year, I don't know if its the anticipation of the present I will get from R (we do big 30 birthday gifts - typically we do no gifts for birthdays), or the anticipation of a new year - with a new doctor, new insurance, new hope...a new outlook. That's right, 11/15 is my New Year's!!!!
So, in case I don't talk to you before then - I'll raise my glass to all of my new "friends" on Saturday. And if you can't drink this weekend, don't worry, I'll drink one for you. After all, that's what friends are for, right?
Thank you, ladies, for providing me such a great outlet and great support these past months.
Cheers to you - and of course, Happy New Year!!!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
I've been MIA
So, I should be doing my Show and Tell, but, I think I only have one post in me tonight. I've been MIA...and there is no excuse. Not much has been going on - and I've certainly been keeping up with all of you. Our last negative was certainly more difficult and has taken us longer to recover from than either of us expected or wanted to admit. This whole waiting until January thing is so frustrating to me. I feel like we are in the exact same place as we were last year. We were waiting to meet with our RE in January. Here we are again. I know we have learned a lot over the past 10 months, but damn if it doesn't piss me off that we are no better off now than 1 year ago. Clearly, my annoyance is shining through.
I did at home Ov tests this month and didn't ever get a positive result. That was very frustrating. What's more - is that I will probably have a perfect 28 day cycle. How does that work? I've always been clock work regular - how can that be if there is never an egg?
I met a chiropractor, who is a friend of a friend. She is very "into" holistic practices. I talked to her in depth about my situation and am planning to go see her next week. She said there are some dietary changes I can make to help prepare my body for an IVF cycle in January. I've mailed my records from RE#1 to RE#2 (Dr. K). Dr. K is going to do some blood work (FSH and I think AMH) with my December cycle.
I'm slammed at work, which is good. I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. This week will be another crazy work week, too...and the big 3-0 is Saturday.
All in all, I should not be as pissed off about this as I am. I just feel like we've made ZERO progress - and then I read all kinds of IF related blogs, etc and realize I am not even as educated about this IF stuff as I thought. I don't know what all else to ask Dr. K to test me for in December. Any suggestions?
I did at home Ov tests this month and didn't ever get a positive result. That was very frustrating. What's more - is that I will probably have a perfect 28 day cycle. How does that work? I've always been clock work regular - how can that be if there is never an egg?
I met a chiropractor, who is a friend of a friend. She is very "into" holistic practices. I talked to her in depth about my situation and am planning to go see her next week. She said there are some dietary changes I can make to help prepare my body for an IVF cycle in January. I've mailed my records from RE#1 to RE#2 (Dr. K). Dr. K is going to do some blood work (FSH and I think AMH) with my December cycle.
I'm slammed at work, which is good. I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. This week will be another crazy work week, too...and the big 3-0 is Saturday.
All in all, I should not be as pissed off about this as I am. I just feel like we've made ZERO progress - and then I read all kinds of IF related blogs, etc and realize I am not even as educated about this IF stuff as I thought. I don't know what all else to ask Dr. K to test me for in December. Any suggestions?
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Show and Tell
Welcome to Show and Tell! If you would like to participate, please click here.
This week, I am sharing my favorite picture of my flowers. R and I are always working in our yard. We love it...and are a little obsessed with it looking nice. It such instant gratification to plant annuals...but my favorite thing to plant is bulbs. They are always so surprising and beautiful. Its like you almost forget about them and then they start peeking up reaching for the sun :) I get so excited in March when my Jonquils start peeking through the mulch. So here goes....
This week, I am sharing my favorite picture of my flowers. R and I are always working in our yard. We love it...and are a little obsessed with it looking nice. It such instant gratification to plant annuals...but my favorite thing to plant is bulbs. They are always so surprising and beautiful. Its like you almost forget about them and then they start peeking up reaching for the sun :) I get so excited in March when my Jonquils start peeking through the mulch. So here goes....
We have framed some pictures of our flowers and have them hanging in our master bedroom. Here is my second favorite - its the blooms from our Forsythia bush...
Hope you enjoy viewing my artistic outlet :) Happy Show and Tell!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)