Last Day of School

Tomorrow marks the last day of school of my life. I'm not happy at all. The future is so filled w uncertainty nw. I used to be certain that I will always have tt one guy whom I can fall back on no matter what happened. Bt now.. All I can say is tt I have a family that I can fall back on but not the guy anymore.

He decided to leave my life for good. I'm broken. I'm unhappy. I'm vulnerable. And I'm still standing at the spot thinking Abt us. Thinking Abt the guy who used to make me smile so easily... Who used to brighten up my day by a few words... who I let in my heart after much consideration. .. whom I felt that I should fight for and hold on strongly... whom I planned my every next day with... And who will never be mine again...

Tmr just going to make all these more real... the usual place i used to go study... the usual place u used to practice... the gym... the mph... the hug... the silly things we used to do... the vending machine we used to get food... Even typing these make my heart wrenched... I was thinking about all these when I was on my way home. Baby... Honestly I miss u like crazy... If u ever give me the chance to hold u again, I dunno what I will do...

Should I carry on staying on the same spot waiting for the glimpse of hope? Or should I face the music and force myself to move on?

You rmb I once said "you are different" ? I really mean it. Sadly, I still rmb your reply you will treat me the same as other girls you dated.

Does that mean you will forget me tt easily?

I hope not. My heart can't take anymore pain at the moment.

Feeling weak ....

I'm home alone these few days. And feeling sick n weak is not helping. Baby where are you?

*sigh* wishful thinking again.

Feeling sick again.

Feeling unwell today.

And you were the first person tt came into my mind. I wanted to text u so badly that I'm unwell. But I din. I know you will just reply out of courtesy. You already dun seem to care, or rather u r v good at concealing it.

I'm not you. Sorry.

I'm still standing at the same spot thinking what went wrong. My mood is still very bothered by it. Everything I see or do is reminded of u.

Hope when u see this entry at least send me a text out of concern? (Provided u are genuinely concern not just being polite or nice. )

I miss u a lot.

I really do.

Is it wrong time right person?

Shld I really just give up without a fight?

Is moving on really better for u?

I can't. Can u?

今天

I met up w T today for dinner.

It's v short and simple meet up.

Before we departed he asked "so what happened in ur life?"

I told him nth.

He gave me a comforting pat.

When he reached home, he sent me a text. "Hope u empty ur mind and have a good rest."

I was instantly touched.

Because we rarely talk or text, we only meet up randomly.

But he could tell that I'm upset and my mind is filled w thoughts. Makes me wonder if my sadness is so obvious or he knows me that well. But still I'm touched and thankful.
It's people lik him makes me more n more grateful to God.

Baby.

Hi baby.

How was your day? Happy Halloweens. Hope your day was fine and well.

I went Ria Penyent again today.
I ordered happy soda! It made me happy, but the feeling was short lived. Knowing that things are never going to be the same anymore , even if I refuse to give up is so sad.

I no longer can request just a simple hug from you anymore, can I?

I no longer can tell or share my day with you anymore, can I?

I no longer can have you to rely on anymore, can I?

I know I'm living in denial. I know I'm leading an unhealthy (mentally) lifestyle. But I'm like a kid who lost something that meant a great deal to him. The reason for losing it is because he loves it too much. That is the exact reason why I can't let go.